The story of Hensman Anthony Firingi and Soudamini~~

Anthony Firingi
At a kavigaan

There are love stories and then there are LOVE STORIES. You have heard of Romeo and Juliet right? Two young lovers, star-crossed, die because of unwarranted hate between their families.

But today, I will tell you about a love story that is way more spiritual and revolutionary than Romeo and Juliet. In fact, it is one that has touched such a raw nerve in my heart that I strongly believe I have experienced this first-hand in some way.

The love story that I describe is not of two adolescents, but of two extremely spiritually developed people. They were twinflames here to raise the frequency of the people. But again, their love was destroyed by pure xenophobia, bigotry, racism and hate. This is a love story seldom told and it is now time for people from all over to see the beauty of this union where even the devastating tragedy that followed could not dim or lesson the love involved in any way.

He was born in Portugal in 1786 and came to Bengal with his father who was a merchant. Now before I delve into the story of this young Portuguese musician(he must have been into music because you do not start composing such tunes and sonnets if you were not into it  in some way), let me expose the story of my beloved country circa 1800.

India was the most coveted country that the European powers craved to dominate. The Spanish, the English, the French, the Dutch, the Danes and the Portuguese were all vying for power in respective states. We know how the English managed to drive every one away and pillage, plunder and rape India for over 200 years. That is another story…

Let me set the scene for you. Hensman Anthony, a young lad, came with his father, a Portuguese merchant to trade in the port city of Chandannagar which was called Farashdanga. The Portuguese were on their last legs as they were getting hardcore competition from the Dutch and the French. Eventually the Dutch lost the plot to the French by 1825. The French managed to hold onto India till about the very end, but the British were definitely the undisputed rulers of the subcontinent.

So this young Portuguese lad is anyway on hostile territory where his people and country are on their last legs. He is no powerful English Officer, he is just the son of some Portuguese trader. There is competition and aggression from the other Europeans and from such a turbulent historical period came one of the greatest Shakta tantrics who wrote and sang some of the most moving hymns to the Goddess Kali/Durga.

How is this possible? How did a Portuguese lad learn Bengali? Not in the rudimentary level, but good enough to compose complex and intense poems which he performed in kavigans. Kavigans were literally poetry face off. Two poets would go head-to-head and spout their philosophy and tunes. The crowd would decide who was the more woke guy and they felicitated him.

This tradition of bard-face-offs have been discovered in most societies. It is not a product of Comedy Central. lol. Firstly, Anthony’s father was just a merchant, well to do, maybe…but then again, just a merchant and he must have wanted the young man to follow in his footsteps, not become some freaky bard who sang in Bengali. Like seriously???

But Anthony was more interested to escape into the heart of pastoral Bengal where he would play his lute and listen to the local poets sing passionately to invoke the Goddess.

Something snaps in his brain as he pulls a chillum. He hears the lingering words of the poet Ramprasad’s Shyamasangeet and it tugged at his heart in ways he could not understand. He would spend much of his time with the poets and other yogis he discovered on his travels. He begins to meditate and do sadhana.

Anthony also begins to learn Bengali, a language he falls in love with. Now let me mention here, that Anthony’s Bengali had to be really as good as any literate Bengali poet’s, otherwise he would never be allowed or able to compete, let alone win a kavigan.

Here was a man who learnt a foreign language to the expertise of the local intellectuals. Not only that, he began to compete with them, finally wining his bout most of the times, even with the most famous poet Bholamoira.

Bengali’s are extremely picky about their language and they are never happy with a foreigner being better at it than most of them. Kinda like the French. No one can speak French better than a Frenchman. But when the kundalini awakens, all knowledge becomes available.

Anthony had lived countless lifetimes in the heart of pastoral Bengal and he knew everything about it. The Bengali Brahmins ridiculed him for dressing like them, made fun of his devotion to Kali, teased him about Jesus Christ and the Church, to which he responded by saying, There is no difference in Christ and Kali my brothers…

Hello! Wtf do you say to a man like that? How does a European get here? This is not easy let me remind you. I for one know a woman from London who has lived in Bombay for over thirty years and she can barely say five words of Hindi.

And this is not like learning the language in a University and taking exams, then returning to your country and publishing books from there. Ah what a great Orientalist! Nope. This is no internet certification that now you are a certified Bengali poet.

This was raw, this was life, this was reality. He not only stayed and worked in Bengal, but he excelled at what he did in a foreign country he chose to call home. He lived in Bengal, amidst the Bengali’s and composed some of the most touching Shakta poetry they had ever heard!

And Bengali Brahmins were a closed, snobbish, gated society who considered Europeans mlecchas or untouchables. They would not even let Anthony drink water in their houses. My peeps, this is the situation in which this young man not only awakened his kundalini, but also gave us one of the greatest spiritual love stories to treasure.

I learnt of Firingi Kalibari when I was a child. My grandmother told me and I remember how enchanted I was to listen about a Portuguese man compose these sonnets and poems in Bnegali to the Goddess Kali. It always moved me to tears.

It was much later that I discovered the true greatness of this man. Now back to a history lesson and it is pretty macabre.

In Bengal, we practised some deadly misogynistic rituals….let Wikipedia dose you up.

Sati or suttee is an obsolete funeral custom where a widow immolates herself on her husband’s pyre or commits suicide in another fashion shortly after her husband’s death..~WIKI

My peeps, in less than 1 percent cases, did the woman actually want to commit suicide, but she was forced. By societal constructs, by tradition, by women like her mothers and sisters, enablers of patriarchy themselves. It was coercion. Nothing else.

Sati was ultimately abolished because of Brahmin reformers like RAJA RAMMOHAN ROY, bless his soul as it is his birthday today. Do you see how society has been burning women in different cultures, under different pretences since time immemorial!

Why did Sati even exist you ask? Because these Brahmin women could not find husbands. They were only allowed to marry a Kulin Brahmin of Bengali origin. So me love, because of my surname Mukerji, 300 years ago, I might have been burnt on my dead husband’s pyre. Yes, I am born in a Brahmin family and this is what they have been doing to my mothers, sisters, aunts and grandmothers.

Most of these women were forced to marry a single Brahmin patriarch, because there were no Brahmin men available. Bengali Brahmin aristocratic women were not allowed to even gaze upon a Brahmin, say from UP or Bihar. Forget a European.

My grandmother tells me how some English officers would come to meet her father. The women were never allowed to even glance at a European man. They lived in a different segment of the house anyway called ANDARMAHAL. She told me that there was an Englishman called Robert who really liked her. I think he sent her a letter through her maidservant and of course, all hell broke loose.

Not that my grandmother would have even reciprocated. You see, for them European men were strange creatures whom they did not consider as mates. It was literally that simple.

I am harping on the time-frame so you get a good understanding of how dangerous it was for Anthony to fall in love with a Bengali widow during such turbulent times. This is way more dangerous than the Romeo Juliet saga.

Anthony saves Soudamini from self immolation and takes her to his place. Now after laying the groundwork, I do not need to stress how dangerous an action this is.

Most of the intellectuals are pissed as he is doing so well in his kavigan face-offs. How dare an upstart European sing hymns to the Goddess? How can he have any knowledge of the Goddess? He is a Christians. And then he goes and rescues a Brahmin Bengali woman.

There have been cases of rape and molestation when European men and Indian women have been concerned. But I think this was the first time, in recorded history, a Brahmin woman consensually began to live with a European man openly, not giving a fuck as to what the villagers have to say.

They were twinflames who dedicated their life to awakening the kundalini, practiced tanta and even worked on developing the kali temple together. Their sadhana deeped and gathered a small following. This was no interracial love story of today where any person can get married to anyone as long as it is legal and sanctified by a court.

But here, there was no court, no law to allow a Brahmin widow to remain at the side of her European lover/partner. Their lives were plagued by attacks from the conservatives.

In the kabiyan competitions, Anthony’s rival poets often brought up Soudamini’s name to taunt and ridicule him. It upset him tremendously, but he learnt to take in in his stride.

This was 1830’s or so, it is now 2017 and not much has changed. Even today, in India, you can get attacked if you are in love with a man from a different faith or caste or whatever. I shared a video recently of a Hindu girl attacked by a woman politician for falling in love with a Muslim. So as you see my love, nothing has really changed.

At least they don’t burn us any more openly and call it sati. They would if they could. After all we need to be chaste and if we are truly chaste and not little whores then the fire would not burn us, would it? What Sita had to go through centuries ago, is very much an active wound in our unconscious.

Anthony and Soudamini were blooming in their creative, spiritual love nest they had created. Anthony had composed the AGAMANI SONGS, for which he became noted and this is like synchronicity on steroids because these hymns were written to Goddess Durga as she comes to visit Earth from her heavenly abode.

Guess what my love. That time is now. Goddess Durga or the KUNDALINI has just stirred and she is making her ascent at this time as I type. The Bengali’s celebrate Durga Puja now and it is the most important festival for them.

The Agamani Songs are to be hymned now and I think the spirit of Hensman Anthony is urging me to tell you his story. He wants you too know how much he loved the woman they took from him.

The world is truly cruel.

His wife Saudamini was burnt to death, for being a widow and re-marrying Anthony, who was a foreigner. ~~Wiki

There, that’s what the Brahmin puritanical conservatives did. They burnt her and their ashram while he was away. He may have returned home from one of his biggest wins to see his whole reality and the love of his life burnt to crisp.

Ominous, isn’t it? Soudamini was pregnant.

This is what bigotry does. This is the scope of fanaticism. As we head into the new Era, let us consider this as a cautionary tale. Maybe they took this karma upon themselves to show us what hatred can do. But in this there is a message…

Even after three hundred years, a random blogger/lifecoach finds this story to tell you at this very precise point in time?!? It means that hate did not win. Ultimately it is their love that won. It is their spiritual mission that is still standing as the Firingi Kalibari where millions of Shakta’s go to invoke the kundalini.

Love wins all my Beloved…

Find a man who will love you like Anthony loved Soudamini. Love a man who will go against all establishment to join with you in sacred union. Or else stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Art of Touch~

Do you know the inner resonance of your frequency? Do you feel the vibe of your core truth? Have you decided to explore it ever?

Working with spices as I bleed is so profound that no words can describe it. It is like the spices come alive to share the wisdom of my womb which is connected to the cosmic womb. Your womb is also connected to this very womb of the Great Mother.

The last two days there has been a geomagnetic storm and the solar winds, mingled with the eclipse energy, retrograde energy and the Pisces FM energy is making me retreat somewhere deep within to connect to my womb. It is from this sacred space that I come to you with love.

I am not here to heal you. No one can do that. I am here to love you and love you I shall. That love will create a scared space in which you will heal yourself My Beloved.

The geomagnetic storms affect my whole being and it is radical. I cannot explain the whole process because I do not understand it myself. It is also changing you and your physical body. Be mindful to the subtle energy shifts and you will begin to feel them happen.

Today I feel compelled to talk to you about touch. An essential component of human healing is touch and believe me being a Venus in Virgo, I have always been a huge touch-me-not. Even before the sexual abuse that took place in my life.

And after that, touch became a scary thing. Sex became hollow because I was faced with so much guilt and shame that somewhere intimacy was lost. I avoided kissing or looking into the eyes of my lovers.

Richard was the first guy I did not feel averse to kissing on the first day while we made love, which is why I am still with him. He made me feel comfortable and I opened up to his touch and kisses like with no one else. Of course it took me a lot of time and work to be able to touch myself and truly make love to him. And the fear not only isolated me from myself, but it scared me shitless to touch other people, but all that is the past and now I feel no fear at touching because it is coupled with love and healing intention.

Although I confess I find it easier to touch women than men, but that fear of being touched and touching is gone. You know why? Because now the love component is back in the equation. Without love for oneself and the partner in question sex can become cold and scary; just a chore.

Intimacy and sex are two sides of the same coin. You cannot truly immerse yourself in sexual proclivities if you fear intimacy. Even if you are with a stranger. Sex requires surrender. It requires you to be engaged in the moment. It requires you to give your egoself up, at least temporarily.

Healing can happen with touch therapy. But most people equate touch with “happy endings”. Tantric massages are raking in the big bucks, but is that touch truly healing? There is nothing tantric in those massage parlours.

When a healer touches you, they absorb all the negative, positive energies in your auric field and that is extremely challenging especially for empaths or emotional sponges like me. When I embrace you, I absorb your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts and that can leave me feeling out-of-sorts. Yes I am a psychic energy worker, but trust me, nothing in this realm is fool-proof and even the most experienced healers have been known to be overwhelmed at times.

As I come in contact with your physical body, our magnetic bodies mingle and we can literally download information from each other. That is why the body behaves in a certain way when we are open and receptive to another person.

Notice the next time you feel attracted to someone or just feel really close. Watch how your body reacts. This is how holographic information gets exchanged in the simulation. And all human beings behave the exact same way, which is why we all have the same micro-expressions to emotions and situations.

Touching and hugging not only makes your brain release seratonin, it also releases oxytocin, which is the antithesis of adrenaline. Oxytocin makes you stress free.

I work with touch therapy because I believe that touch is a way to say things that words cannot. And when I touch you, your response to my touch often times guides me to work with your energy.

Inner child work cannot be truly accomplished without loving touch. Scientists have discovered that at whichever age, the child stops receiving love and affection, that is the age in which the individual remains stuck in. If till seven you were loved and suddenly that love went missing or was replaced with discipline and work, then it is likely you will remain a seven year old in your mind.

Touch therapy is very effective for individuals looking to heal from mother centric issues. Sometimes touching these people like a mother can open their closed hearts. It is beautiful and I have seen it happen so many times.

Our physical bodies are feeling great pressure as we adjust to the shifting frequencies of the 5D Earth grid. This can become excruciatingly chaotic to handle and if this energy is not dealt with, then it can manifest as disease.

Touch therapy is the best methodology to help the physical body go through this change. Touch amplifies feelings of peace, bliss and tranquillity. It is the answer to loneliness.

You can help raise someone’s resonance by touching them with INTENTION to heal. Try this. Hug someone who really needs it and while hugging, think of them being healed by the Goddess or Cosmic Intelligence. Whatever works for you.

Touch can numb painful external stimuli as well. Try it, especially in crisis situations.

That is why, you must never leave your baby to cry and soothe herself. You must always hug and hold your baby. I suggest baby-wearing. That is what I did the whole time with my baby. And I wore her in a saree, using it like a cloth.

In fact “touch” therapy even works if it is at a distance. But there has to be openness between the two involved. You can consciously “touch” someone who may not even be in the same country. How does this happen? Through the quantum morphological field.

The floods across Gaia have been due to the intense eclipse energy and it also has to do with Saturn retro in 21 degrees Sag until September 13 when it moves onto 22 degrees. Then the sign of The Woman Giving Birth appears in the heavens on September 23. The Houston hurricane is symbolic of the water breaking before the woman gives birth.

We are giving birth to a new era collectively and let us not underestimate the importance of touch.

 

 

 

 

Who is Ganesha?

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The whole idea of writing this piece came to me yesterday after someone from the US consulted with me. She had never heard of Ganesha, but when she heard ELEPHANT GOD, she kinda knew who I was referring to. I was explaining to her the INITIATION/START-UP ENERGY of this deity.

It caught me off guard because it is rare to find someone who has no clue of who Ganesha is, especially with the New Age movement. But apparently not…

So there I was explaining an impossible story to someone who had just seen him in a souvenir shop and knew nothing of the fact that GANESHA is a name given to the COSMIC RULE that governs all of existence from the tiniest quark to the largest galaxy cluster!

And my majestic Ganesha is no modern God, he is ancient…and does look weird maybe to people not used to him. But remember if you find him grotesque, then be aware that his stark grotesqueness is to remind you symbolically that NOTHING IS REAL. Appearances are ILLUSORY and TRUTH is never what you think it is.

He has a mouse as a companion which means that he has mastery of fear, indecision, anxiety and uncertainty and also control over beings of the subterranean worlds. His protruding belly does not signify his laziness…lol, no. No amount of plank will do it because IT SHOWS CONTENTMENT.

Historians believe that a prototype of Ganesha was worshipped in prehistoric times outside the Indian subcontinent in such faraway places as Afghanistan, Tibet, Mongolia, China, Java, Iran, Cambodia, Borneo, Japan and Mexico. Images of Ganesha were found in Afghanistan and also in Iran. The image of Ganesha found at Luristan in Iran dates back to 1200 BC to 1000 BC. Many Ganesha type idols were also found in Mexico from excavations and ancient temple ruins.

The story of the birth of Ganesha goes like this..

Shiva and Parvati were totally engrossed in making love for aeons. Then Shiva goes off to meditate. Parvati realise that she is all yucky and filthy. She scrapes the dirt from the skin of her body and creates a little baby boy!!! She leaves the boy guarding the door while she bathes. Now Shiva returns and this baby boy refuses to let him in! Shiva is so pissed off that he slices his head off!! OMG right?

Now Parvati comes out to see what just transpired and tells her man that this is their son. Shiva now has to save him as he sees Parvati breakdown for the boy. So he asks his chelas(helpers) to find him a head. But the head must be from someone who is sleeping with their head to the north. This is why in India it is inauspicious to sleep with your head to the North! You bet! Now these dudes scampered off and returned with the head of an ELEPHANT! WTF, right?

So Shiva then stuck this elephant head on the headless torso and voila Ganesha is born. As I was relating this story, I realised how freaking RIDICULOUS it sounded. I could see the woman’s face! She literally fell off her chair!

Myths my Beloved is never to be taken literally, they are for ELUCIDATION and EXPOSITION…BTW the PURANAS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE PRINTED, they are ALLEGORICAL TALES, MEMORY CODE SYSTEMS which are revealed to the initiate only if she is ready…so here I am to explain what this means…

The symbol of DEAD SKIN of the Goddess~~what do you think that signifies?

A RESIDUE, a REMNANT, a REMAINDER of some sort of ATTACHMENT. The Goddess/shakti or the FEMININE PRINCIPLE can sometimes cling onto subtle energies she mothers. In Ganesha, the Goddess found someone to mother. SHIVA is the GREATEST YOGI and he might have sensed this excessive NEED TO MOTHER or an unhealthy attachment to the boy she created. Shakti is volatile and Shiva is SILENCE which is signified by him being under her. She is the ACTIVE PRINCIPLE and he, the PASSIVE.

SHIVA was called here to destroy this whole unhealthy attachment, but a true yogi will not destroy the VIKARA or the residue. That still is energy and SHIVA or the male potency decided to transform this residual energy. Look he could have incinerated Ganesha, right? But he decides to SEVER THE HEAD. The head is the symbol of the EGO, my peeps. As KRISHNA says…The HEAD is the ROOT…And, and, and…he uses a TRIDENT OR TRISHULA! The TRINITY! Sattva, Rajas, Tamas- the three gunas or the THREE NADIS- ida, pingala, sushumna.

Guṇa depending on the context means ‘string, thread or strand’, or ‘virtue, merit, excellence’, or ‘quality, peculiarity, attribute, property’. These three gunas are called: sattva (goodness, constructive, harmonious), rajas (passion, active, confused), and tamas (darkness, destructive, chaotic)..~wiki

If you take this ALLEGORY as a purely INTERNAL STORY, as in what is going on inside, then you will see how the DESIRES that convoluted our minds and form unhealthy attachments can only be severed by the TRIDENT or the admixture of the THREE GUNAS. We have to understand each QUALITY to transcend it.

The internal feminine/masculine polarities CANNOT be whirlpool of chaos, they have to be in harmony, which is why the internal SHIVA will HAVE TO RESURRECT GANESHA. Ganesha without the ANIMALISTIC ID or ego.

The internal SHIVA is logical and the internal PARVATI is emotional, just like a mommie. But to be an individual who vibrates in a high frequency, we have to be in touch with Shiva as much as Parvati. They must be in SACRED UNION, in yabyum!

This dirt with which she created him is MAYA, in its most superficial level and here the EGO or ID is all powerful. I have said that Ganesha is the muladhara chakra and he refuses Shiva the yogi a meeting with Parvati who is PURE KUNDALINI SHAKTI. If you do not master the MULADHARA you will never reach SAHASRARA. The TRIDENT here also signifies the IDA, PINGALA and SUSHUMNA, the three nadis of LAYA YOGA and in Vedantic parlance, the three gunas.

Shiva destroys the ego(SEVERS THE HEAD) and replaces it wisdom, allowing the union of Shakti/Shiva to take place. And presto, you have yourself enlightenment!

And now you ask me? WTF is up with the whole ELEPHANT thing?

My peeps, in ancient scriptures of Sanatan Dharma we associate the elephant with AWARENESS, MINDFULNESS, MEMORY, PATIENCE which Science has corroborated. elephants actually are super intelligent.

This easily explains why Ganesha must be invoked before praying to any deity. This SUPREME INTELLIGENCE that Ganesha has will be the GUIDING FORCE for any spiritual activity.

I read about this Scientist from Lebanon who used sonic mapping that caught the vibrational frequencies of the brain and what he found blew the world away! After these images were assimilated and studies, he discovered that the MEDULLA which is the doorway to the brain looks like GANESHA!! Are you freaking out?

He presented the enlarged image to the world which showed two big ears, a trunk and tusks. Now you see the symbolism and how correct the ancients were. Ganesha is the doorkeeper and if you invoke this youthful, playful masculine energy, then he will let SPIRITUAL WISDOM seep into your consciousness.

Ganesha my Beloved is the GRID KEEPER of your consciousness and is called VIGNA VINAYAK, remover of obstacles. But remember, these obstacles are in your mind.

Reminds me of the EIGHT OF SWORDS in Tarot.

Shivaites believe that Ganesha sits in the MULADHARA CHAKRA located at the base of the spinal cord and is responsible for spiralling our consciousness into higher dimensions. Seated in the muladhara chakra he acts as the gateway to the higher chakras and higher planes of consciousness.

According to Sakti Tantra, there are as many Ganeshas in the creation as there the letters of the alphabet. This suggests that this Ganesha energy exists in various planes, worlds and dimensions as the headboy of the ganas or groups of entities(gridworkers, energyworkers, lightworkers, all celestial beings) to guide them and lead them towards Siva/Shakti, the primordial ARDHANARISHWARA.

Ganesha is usually worshipped alone in the Vedic way, but we tantrics pray to him with his Shakti and call him Vallabha. The female aspect of Ganesha is also called Vinayaki, Surpakarni and Lambamekhala.

Today is a great day to INITIATE yourself with GANPATI INVOCATION into SPIRITUAL PRACTICES.

HRIM GUNG GANAPATAYA NAMOH NAMAHA

 

 

Aghoribaba, Tarapith and Nilasaraswati~~

 

“OM hriim taarayai vidmahe mahomaayai dhiimahi tanno devi prachodayaath…”

“You know you have to recite the Tara Gayatri in the morning …” said my Dadu and I am not a morning person. Grrrrr!

TARA agrees. There she stands smiling.

This mantra takes me back to my childhood. I have been saying this mantra since I could speak every morning. I had no idea how important it was to do SHAKTI/TARA puja. I had no idea.

Talking to an Avadhuta in one of my first Mahakumbhamela gatherings, I learnt that according to the Tarasara in the Rudradhyaya, one should meditate on the yoni/pussy covered with svayambhu flowers and the lingam and recite this. Around hundred crore repetitions have to be done to activate this. And no sadhika can get siddhi in this GUPTA VIDYA or hidden knowledge if this is not recited first thing in the morning.

DADU made me do it even before I stepped off the bed. You have to read my novel to know who DADU really is or was. He is not with me in 3D anymore, but he never left.

And Tara smiles. You know that IMMENSE feeling if you are a true SHAKTA or GODDESS WORSHIPPER. The Goddess appears in everything- in every woman, in every sunshine, in every teardrop.

Shaktas conceive the Goddess as the supreme, ultimate, eternal reality of all existence, or same as the Brahman concept of Hinduism. She is considered to be simultaneously the source of all creation, its embodiment and the energy that animates and governs it, and that into which everything will ultimately dissolve. ~~wiki

Sometimes she appears as NILA SARASWATI in my visions. Let me tell you about that time I visited Tarapith with a Nath Aghora Yogi I met in the Mahakumbha mela. He had practised much of his vidya in the cremation grounds of Tarapith and he agreed to take me.

If you don’t know what that is, let me give you a brief story.

It is the seat of TARA VIDYA where the MAHARISHI from the Vedic pantheon VEDAVYASA achieved TARA siddhi. The story goes something like this…

Vedavyasa tried repetitively to gain siddhi in Tara worship, but no matter how hard he tried, he kept failing. At a point he was guided by Tara herself to seek out Shakyamuni Buddha who was known to be in Mahachina which in ancient Indian texts is Tibet.

So Vyasa ultimately found Shakyamuni who initiated him in the GUPTA VIDYA of Tara sadhana and yes, he finally understood the WISDOM OF SHAKTI or SOPHIYA as the kabbalists would call her.

Anyway that is the power of this Tara Gayatri, so start by reciting this every morning.

Now back to Tara. Tara is also known as KAMAKHYA, the VULVA which represents SHAKTI in Guwahati, Assam. Kamakhya is a special place of interest for me.

The shrine stands atop the NILGIRI or the BLUE MOUNTAINS and is shrouded in mystery and lore. The recent temple was built in the 16th century but Tara tells me it is much older. Almost as old as the land itself! And the TANTRIC FERTILITY RITUAL is performed during the Ambubachi Mela which is the celebration of the yearly menstruation course of goddess Kamakhya. There is no idol of the presiding deity but she is worshipped in the form of a yoni-like stone instead over which a natural spring flows.

During this time you will see sadhus, saints and siddhas who do not appear anywhere else at any time. They live isolated but come for their rituals during this festival. I have been there many times and it is wild! Too many people come now, but if you manage to speak to the right siddhas and they are willing to talk, then the proverbial goldmine opens up in front of you.

Kamakhya is a emanation of SATI.

Sati and Dakshayagya. If you don’t know much about this, then know this that Sati was the wife of Shiva. Now there is a clash depicted here between her father who ruled the heavens and Shiva who lived in the cremation grounds. Same old Romeo Juliet stuff.

Daddy does not approve, Sati marries Shiva anyways and moves away. But she misses her family. Then she hears of her father performing a special YAGYA which will bring peace to heaven and Earth. Everyone in the whole Universe was invited except Shiva and her. She decides to go although Shiva warns her and the rest is History…

She gets insulted and immolates herself. Shiv arrives and brings the end of creation with his famous TANDAV. The dance that brings PRALAYA or the destruction of the multiverses!

BRAHMA/VISHNU/SHIVA- THE TRINITY RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATION/PRESERVATION AND DESTRUCTION, so to PRESERVE the multiverses VISHNU releases his ultimate weapon- the SUDARSHANA CHAKRA which slices SATI’S dead body into FIFTY TWO parts which fall on Earth and became the SHAKTIPEETHS. These are the most powerful vortixes of energy.

Now getting back to KAMAKHYA, let me tell you that place is of special importance in my sadhana. I have been visiting it since I was seven and every time it feels like I am entering a parallel world, so steeped it is in magick, folklore and mysticism.

Tara or Kamakhya is so potent here, her energy REVERBERATES through the winds that blow, the stars that shine and the rain that falls. Her smile is present in the hibiscus flowers. Sometimes I see her tongue in the fires that burn the dead bodies. The dancing flames dance in my eyes.

Here TARA is KAMARUPA, the form of desire and she is worshipped as the yoni (“vulva,” “womb,” or “source”). KAMAKHYA my peeps is true PUSSY POWER and if you have any connection to tantra or Shakti, then you will concur.

You know what SHIVA did? He became BHAIRAV and established himself right next to the yoni. What is he without her? Nothing? He won’t even be Shiva to create and destroy Universes if he does not have his Shakti.

You know what my plans are…I want to raise enough funds to go and live in Kamkhya for a year or so, to shoot, write and create unique content on the more misunderstood, esoteric aspects of Yoni Puja. Tara is smiling and that dubious smile tells me nothing.

Maam meem muum or maim maum maah- that is the mantra to invoke the divine yoni/pussy. If you are a woman, all you need is YONI NYASA to do the ritual. However if you are a man, then you need a living Goddess. If you are not sure, message me.

Dr. Ramnath Aghori came to me in my dreams. He took me to Nepal. It is fascinating when we talk. I have never heard him talk, but he conveys his ideas to me through telepathy. I discover that RAMNATH BABA had sanctified and locked away a tiny room near a hill. It was a temple and no one was allowed to open it. But the QUEEN OF Nepal did so and the repercussions were severe. Her son shot the whole family. You know about the bloody Nepali shootout killing the royals. This room was not any ordinary room.

I think that room is an energy vortex. You know there are dimensional warps yes? And lots of Shakti peeths are built on them or near them. And SHIVA LINGAMS are on the ley lines.

Ramnath Baba is a reincarnation of Garakhnath. I have always known this. Ramnath baba lived and did tapas in the BHOOTNATH cremation grounds for many years. In fact that is one place he still visits most frequently. I am dying to visit this spot. It has many answers I know.

Oh a thing worth mentioning. If you read about Ramnath baba online there are some American disciples who have written about him. Now they mention BYOMSHANKAR AGHORI and claim he was seven feet, blond and blue eyed. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Baba BYMSHANKAR AGHORI is from Bengal, from a tiny hamlet called BAKRESHWAR. There are some writings on him in Bengali and yes, he was the last lineage holder of Swayambhunatha or Guru Padmasambhava. No one has seen him since a few decades, but the people in the village thik that he still comes

We Bengalis have intertwined much with Tibetan spirituality as tantra travelled from the golden banks of Bengal to Tibet, to China, to Mongolia and to Japan and of course then spread all over the world.

The MUSLIM TURKISH ARMY destroyed one of the greatest libraries of the ancient past- NALANDA. They say it burnt for many many months after it was set on fire. Imagine the priceless tantric and yogic texts that were destroyed.

You know that Aghoribaba was the royal guru right? But let me tell you why?

The King of Nepal saw SHIVA/SHAKTI in baba’s palms. Now what does this mean? This means that Aghoribaba was a COMPLETE BALANCE OF YIN/YANG. Actually such siddhas become gender-less.

Now Aghori baba had also warned that the king’s head will roll and his son will be responsible. This is due to an OLD CURSE on the Nepalese royalty by none other than baba GORAKHNATH.

GORAKHNATH is the PROTECTOR OF GORKHA, a place from where the king’s ancestors came. Prithvi Narayan Shah, the founder of the kingdom of Nepal who began to conquer different kingdoms and brought them under one rule. One day this king offered a saint some curd. The saint was AGHORESHWAR GORAKSHANATH. He sipped it and then puked it out. Then he offered it back to the king! :O

Of course the king did not drink it. He chucked it on the floor and therefore got cursed that his dynasty would be ERASED because of his pride after 10 generations!!!

Now, now, now…Baba Ramnath’s disciple was the NINTH GENERATION and he was slain by his own son who never ruled even though he was crowned king. So you see, the royal family could not avoid Gorakhnath’s curse.

Now Ramnath baba is himself Gorakhnath. See how he executed his lila by returning for the finale! That is how Tara works.

You do remember the crematorium story don’t you? Yes I was there, all alone in the night. In the smashan in Tarapith. My spiritual brother by my side. We began the rituals and the yagya.

I cannot go much into detail here as some of it is too personal..but I can tell you the cremation grounds frightened the FUCK OUT OF ME. I heard laughter, shouting, screams, whispers, wolves or maybe dogs howling and then the scarist sound. When the body burns, the log crackles and the fire hisses. I do not think I can describe that sound. It is the sound of death and the sound of life.

And in trance the night was over. Of course Gorakhnath was there, in the form of Ramnath baba and then finally I saw her. Her as NILASARASWATI. She was short and scary. Her belly was extended. In fact it was the BLUE on her skin that made me realise who she is. She stared right at me and I passed out as I looked at the THREE EYES.

The Avadhuta who took me there told me that I sat in padmasana the whole night till the first rays of the Sun illuminated the cremation ground. He dropped me back and we never spoke a single word. He did not ask me a thing and I had no words. Only the BAUL SONG played in the background… 

“Khachar bhitor ochin pakhi kemne ashe jay”  which loosely translates to …
the unknown bird in the cage, how does it fly in and out? 
The link below is a BAUL/FOLK SHAKTA SONG from the heart of Bengal depicted in critically acclaimed internation film Moner Manush..

 

Do you know that ONLY A WOMAN CAN INITIATE YOU IN TARA TANTRA?

In Tibetian tradition, Neela Saraswati is known as Yang Cheng Mo. Yangchengmo is the Goddess for performing arts, especially music. In her musical moment and demeanour, Neela Sarasvati is called Piwa Karpo. Her Chinese Buddhist name is Miao-yin-mu. Sarasvati’s mythology is about PURIFYING THE CONSCIOUSNESS. In this she shares her characteristics with White Tara and also with her Japanese equivalent, Benten or Benzeiten.

The AGHORI SECT is very Plutonic and it is believed that ALEISTER CROWLEY devoted much time in discovering their gupta sdhanas. He is even known to have spend time with Ramnath Baba.

I wish Ramnath baba would tell me about Crowley, but he does not. In fact, he comes and goes as he wishes and I can never stop him. And Tara…she disappears…and reappears…like a hologram! Wait this 3D world is just another simulation right??

I am Manifest Divinity, Unmanifest Divinity, and Transcendent Divinity. I am Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, as well as Saraswati, Lakshmi and Parvati. I am the Sun and I am the Stars, and I am also the Moon. I am all animals and birds, and I am the outcast as well, and the thief. I am the low person of dreadful deeds, and the great person of excellent deeds. I am Female, I am Male in the form of Shiva. ~~ Devi-Bhagavata Purana

 

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.

 

 

 

Kali, Kali, Kali

“DARKNESS ALONE FILLED THE BOUNDLESS ALL, FOR FATHER, MOTHER AND SON WERE ONCE MORE ONE, AND THE SON HAD NOT AWAKENED YET FOR THE NEW WHEEL, AND HIS PILGRIMAGE THEREON.” ~~HPB

KALI MANTRA FOR INVOCATION~~

Sarvamaṅgalamāṅgalyē śivē sarvārthasādhikē . śaraṇyē tryambakē gauri nārāyaṇi namō’stu tē. Oṃ jayantī mangala kālī bhadrakālī kapālinī . durgā ksamā śivā dhātrī svāhā svadhā namō’stu‍tē

The DARK GODDESS has been the anchor of my soul in the turbulent seas of samsara. My support system, my provocateur, my muse, my melancholia…I could go on forever, for she or that energy exists in everything, everyone and every experience.

Sometimes, tears stream down my face and I think that WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH! Is there any end to my avaricious wants, desires and needs? After going through so much, so much pain, am I still not done wanting more? Everything dies. Everything vanishes. Everything fades away. Confronted with my own mortality, thoughts cease to function with the same effectiveness.

Kali, listen to me, and stop this torture. Put an end to this 3D illusion, you DARKNESS. And please, by DARK, I DO NOT MEAN EVIL!

HPB discusses DARKNESS “…in the sense of the Unmanifested and the Unknown as the opposite pole to manifestation, and that which falls under the possibility of speculation. … it is not Darkness as absence of Light, but as one incomprehensible primordial Principle, which, being Absoluteness itself, has for our intellectual perceptions neither form, colour, substantiality, nor anything that could be expressed by words.”

Even the BIBLE states, “darkness surrounds the pavilion” of God!

Absolute Light and Absolute Darkness are interchangeable terms, as are Absolute Consciousness and Absolute Unconsciousness. Duality is the very harmonics of this resonance!

Kali’s bosom is my place of retreat and I can feel her embrace as I look at the dark night around me. The night envelops me in her arms and it is none other than my DARK ONE. How can I love the FORCE OF TIME? That random abstract principle? I cannot. I can only think of her as Kali.

Being Bengali, you grow up with a healthy dose of everything Kali. And there I discovered some of the most precious gems in the form of verses written by a Mystical Poet in Bengal. His name was Rajanikanto. Those verses echoed every single thought of my six year old brain. I used to know them by heart at that age.

How could a child grasp, to some extent this LARGENESS OF EMOTION. This gorgeousity of devotional fervour! I mean how? I don’t know. Even today I am perplexed. All I remember is locking myself in the room, listening to the cassette tapes again and again, sobbing my eyes out. It was like every word pricked my consciousness to remind me of WHO I AM.

Who am I? Who is Kali? What is this world? Why are we here?

See I bifurcate again. I was talking about those mystical verses. In one of them, the poet has written…

No one on Earth loves.

In fact, this Earth does not know how to love.

Take me away, to where there is only LOVE.

My heart craves for such a place…

Got me evaluating at a very young age. What does LOVE mean in the 3D realm of duality?

Seriously guys…what the fuck does love mean?

What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your family?

Who do you extend that love to?

The answers to these questions fester like putrid stuff in the quagmire of my mind. There is no resolution for there is no love. LOVE IS LOST.

Kali has taught me how to LOVE. By making sure that I break my conscious paradigm again and again, she has made sure that I AM LEFT WITH NO OPTION TO LOVE.

To be a child of Kāli, Rāmprasād asserts, is to be denied of earthly delights and pleasures. Kāli is said to refrain from giving that which is expected, I quote from Wiki, but trust me I know exactly what this means.

After making sure that nothing goes the way I want, Kali made me see that DESIRE IS INDEED THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. Does that mean that I have no desires? I still do, the stupid 3D being that I am. Everyday is a lesson learnt. Life is not what I want it to be, because life is just the way it is meant to be.

Didn’t Lao Tsu try to drill this ACCEPTANCE part of existence into our collective consciousness? He failed. Human know nothing about acceptance. And I speak of myself…can I truly JUST BE? Think about it. A state of JUST BEING does not equate to a state of NON BEING.

Of course I will initiate karma in this world as my desires push me to, but then I have to accept that there will be DISAPPOINTMENTS and Kali showed me how to grow from that disappointment. All this pain, resentment and anger inside me, she, the COSMIC MOTHER soothed away. Like only mothers can. Who will stand up for this?

The father can never calm the baby the way a mother can. After all, it is her physiology that creates the child. The father is the seed. The MILKY WAY is a mother BTW. Yes she is feminine.

The Milky Way (feminine) and Andromeda (masculine) are simply a galactic expression of this principal. ~~http://moonbirdblog.com

They are the SHIVA/SHAKTI as galaxies. Whoa! Something to ponder about.

Yet, why is there rampant patriarchy ruling the Earth when indeed, she is feminine, just like her mother, the Milky Way. That is the imbalance.

Kali is the unrestrained, most secretive feminine principle that carries withing it eternal mysteries of fertility, magic, death, birth and regeneration! And that POWER is external as well as internal. Do not believe me? Everyone has an internal Kali. It is true.

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

In those mystical verses, the Poet sings…

Everything happens because you will it so,

You are the Will of the Universe, Oh Tara,

You execute whatever needs to be executed through me.

And the foolish think, it is my feat!

It is your INTERNAL KALI, that PRIMEVAL, CATACLYSMIC, SUPREME POWER that does what you need to do. Your karma or actions all arise from a deep spiritual unconscious that is manifested in 3D from the etheric fields as they SOLIDIFY.

Yes SPIRITUAL UNIVERSES solidify and become dense. That is when Universal forces of SHIVA/KALI come to play. And it is these forces that play through everything. The ETERNAL TWINFLAMES creating Universes to experience, grow, love, hurt, cry and die. Shiva/Shakti as mere mortals. As you and me.

This age is in dire need of Kali’s benevolence…OF HER DARK FORM.

“THE SEVEN SONS WERE NOT YET BORN FROM THE WEB OF LIGHT. DARKNESS ALONE WAS FATHER-MOTHER, SVABHAVAT; AND SVABHAVAT WAS IN DARKNESS.” ~~HPB

Do not be fearful of her wrathful emanation! Nobody understands Kali.

There is so much DISTORTION in her myths, so much SENSATIONAL YELLOW JOURNALISM done on her person(sounds familiar? Like any other woman),, that her story is lost to the world of patriarchy.

People are fearful of her. Even today, in India, I have had people see her image on the wall and comment how it is DANGEROUS to keep an image of her at home. I mean is every single Bengali household doing it wrong? Kali, whether she is worshipped or whether she hangs as a feminist symbol, can be seen pretty much in every house in Calcutta.

She is a part of our History. She is our guide. She is our mother. She is our consciousness.

Kali is ALL-CONQUERING! So whatever it is that you want to win over, there is no better YIDAM or meditation deity than her. So invoke her if you need to work with this SEVERANCE energy.

Kali is not a Vedic Goddess. She is a tantric Goddess and she is MAHAMAYA, the manifested reality. She stands on KALA, or ETERNAL TIME and become SPACE.

Space is dark, Kali is dark.

Kālī is the feminine form of kālam (“black, dark coloured”). Kālī also shares the meaning of “time” or “the fullness of time” with the masculine noun “kāla”—and by extension, time as “changing aspect of nature that bring things to life or death.” Other names include Kālarātri(“the black night”), and Kālikā (“the black one”).

The homonymous kāla, “appointed time”, which depending on context can mean “death”, is distinct from kāla “black”, but became associated through popular etymology. ~~WIKI

Tantra texts call KALI, KALASHAKTI, the REASON OF CAUSATION!

There is no stop to this play, this eternal play that is going on between the masculine and the feminine. They stop not for a moment. For if they stopped their exchange of energy, everything ceases to be. Nothing remains.

This HOLOGRAM, stacked UNIVERSES, Daughter Universes…everything manifests because of SHIVA/SHAKTI. Call them what you like! They are the binary!

The Kalikula (family of Kali) form of Shaktism is most dominant in Nepal, northern and eastern India, and is most widely prevalent in West Bengal, Assam, Bihar and Odisha, as well as parts of Maharashtra, Bangladesh and some parts of Kerala. Kalikula lineages focus upon the Devi as the source of wisdom (vidya) and liberation (moksha). They generally stand “in opposition to the brahmanic tradition,” which they view as “overly conservative and denying the experiential part of religion.” ~~WIKI

Kali is the principle deity. So you see, how she has been up in arms against the patriarchal Vedic religion which even denied women the right to become priests.

My Ancestors have a special connection to Kali other than just being from Bengal. My grandmother comes from a family which were the main Brahmin Priests and caregivers of Kali and her temple in Calcutta. They were Haldars and there is a street named after my ancestor. Everyone knows the HALDARS even today and our connection to the place is also no secret.

My grandmother’s grandmother used to take a dip in the Ganges first thing in the morning(crack of dawn) and open the temple with the aarthi. I have so many stories from my grandmother that I wish to share. Stuff she heard from her grandmother. And then of course what bonded us was the love we shared for Kali. It stretched across generations and mitochondrial DNA. So standing before you, a Priestess of the hoary past…:)

I will continue my saga of love for my DARK ONE and I suggest to you that if you have not researched her, then please do. See for yourself, if the DARK ONE speaks to you and let me know.

I will speak of Bamakhyapa, Ramnath Aghori, Paramhamsa Vishuddhananda and of course Sarada ma, Vivekananda and much more…but for now I leave you with a profound thought from the Sage Ramakrishna…

Kali is none other than Brahman. That which is called Brahman is really Kali. She is the Primal Energy. When that Energy remains inactive, I call It Brahman, and when It creates, preserves, or destroys, I call It Shakti or Kali. What you call Brahman I call Kali. Brahman and Kali are not different. They are like fire and its power to burn: if one thinks of fire one must think of its power to burn. If one recognises Kali one must also recognise Brahman; again, if one recognises Brahman one must recognise Kali. Brahman and Its Power are identical. It is Brahman whom I address as Shakti or Kali.

 

 

 

Twinflames and Serendipity~~

There are only patterns, patterns on top of patterns, patterns that affect other patterns. Patterns hidden by patterns. Patterns within patterns. If you watch close, history does nothing but repeat itself. What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher. What we can’t understand we call nonsense.” – Chuck Palahniuk

I know, I know that it has been a while since I have written from my little black book of Twinflame secrets. Hehe 😉 And although I have not been able to respond to all the messages, I am reading them as and when I find time.

My life is changing every second, I can feel it. The MAGDALENE WOUNDS I have been living with are disappearing and once and for all I will let them go this New Moon in Cancer. As I immerse myself more and more in meditation, I am sensing how everything that ever happened makes absolute sense now.

Everything. Everything. Everything.

Even the first time, when my then boyfriend forced himself on me while I was inebriated. Even the first time my uncle touched me inappropriately. Even the numerous times I have been slut shamed because I rejected the advances of those rumour mongers in question. Believe me I have suffered for a long time and suffered quietly. Detaching myself from people. Hating people. Becoming numb, becoming cold.

Everything changed with Goa and I began to come into my power. For the first time I began to see through new lenses and I discovered the technology to destroy the ego based destructive feedback loop. The subatomic particles in flux made sense. Atoms repel one another to hold form, made sense. In freaking whatever way I can grasp it. Very subjective this journey. But I am compelled to share this with you.

The Observer’s Paradox made sense. Waves become particles in space and time as they get observed. They are in positions of infinite probabilities before observation occurs. As if the Universe is letting the Observer or US decide what we want to EXPERIENCE. All that you see in the world is OUR COLLECTIVE VIBRATION! Welcome to hell! Just kidding, it is not all bad! After all we have LOVE!

The Multiverse Theory! What then of your Twinflame? Do you have the same Twinflame in all the bloody Multiverses? Well my friends, I think that in all the Universes, multiple versions exist of yourself and maybe in this Universe, X is your Twinflame, but in a daughter Universe, X may be your brother. But you may still feel CONNECTED to him- passionately.

It is too wild to speculate on multiple Universes, so let us just look at this one for now. And here, right now, there is THE ONE you need to UNITE with. And that is not going to be easy!

Being extremely psychic, I always knew there was more to reality that what we perceived. I sensed the infiniteness of the Universe each time I looked up at the sky full of stars. But my psychic experiences were not all sugar and spice and everything nice! The sights and sounds were frightening before I began to make sense out of them and that was after a very traumatic experience in my life at five when I was confronted by a death in my family. It was a case of suicide.

I became the freak, the outsider, the stranger because I was the girl who saw ghosts(energies), heard things, felt stuff no one else did. It was stressful, for them and for me!

I stopped speaking about my experiences, visions and awareness of the supernatural/ paranormal. I began to abhor all that I was seeing, all that I was feeling. I was sick of being known as the girl who cries at everything. Being an empath, watching a film can be a messy bag of tissues affair. The problem is that I FEEL TOO DEEPLY. I hurt too deeply and I love too deeply too.

Talking about loving deeply…

Love is a passion, an intense meditation/worship and that is what got me into this whole Twinflame thing and the fact that I have felt my Twinflame since I can remember. Even before my sexual awakening. It’s not so strange if you think of the PRINCIPLE OF NON LOCALITY as posited in QUANTUM MECHANICS.

It states that an object can be influenced at a great distance via stimuli given to a non-locally-connected object. Imagine how much you can influence your Twinflame? How much energy you can exchange? Only if you are aware that this can be done! It can be done. I do it everyday. And this principle is what also connects you to your core 144.

This quest of gathering information about lovers and love became an OBSESSION and is what made me become a Twinflame Coach and each day it convinced me that Twinflames are NOT ABOUT ROMANCE as we understand it now. The brand of romance that Hollywood and Mills and Boons sold my generation is not what you will discover in the Twinflame journey.

Because all of those love stories have been written by patriarchy. Women are objects you see. They are to be adored and protected. They are not people, they are possessions. They are not even known by their own names, but have to take on the husband’s! This drove me nuts and I have rejected all this toxic status quo.

This was a bastard if anything, not love! This is all EGO BASED! Where is the love? Not only the insatiable sexual longing! But love…Everything is possible in the vibration of love.

So many times I wanted to give up. Because life served me only disappointments in my romantic and sexual journey. I surely know how to pick em. Ha! So many times I wanted to give up. I convinced myself. No! Tina, you are a dumb bitch and love does not exist. Your Twinflame does not exist. I now see where I went wrong of course. Every break up is a two way thing and I really could not have had anything sustainable with any of my exes.

The journey seemed arduous! But I tirelessly kept at it. It only made sense to work with and explore this energy as no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, my visions and meditations pointed it out to me and I kept channelling, making notes, speaking to people, looking for my Twinflame.

I knew THE ONE exists. Sounds like the matrix, I know. Today I feel that this ONE is not a person in a physical body. This ONE is an ENERGY. That energy may have dissipated and incarnated into two people! Is that possible? The thing is, we do not know.

However, Lhamas in Tibet have been known to incarnate in more than one person. Sometimes a monk may even incarnate in three people! That throws the whole Twinflame hypothesis into a toss, doesn’t it? No I say. As I have already stated, in 5D awareness this ONE is an energy. In 3D we hold  onto physical forms real tight. For that is tangible. That is something we can see, hold, touch, taste, fuck…

In 5D, you are a LIGHT BEING who has no need for any of these messy human 3D shit. What fun then in life, you ask? Maybe you need to take a moment to consider that your insatiable craving for life is what keeps you tied to this reality and you are born over and over again, in this world of pain and pleasure, to experience all that life has to offer.

So back to what makes me so interested in Twinflames and Sacred Sexuality. My peeps I am a Tantrika of many lifetimes and Pluto in the second house with Uranus in the eighth house aesthetics play out in me donning this Muse of Love role, you see. It makes me a Healer of DEEP Psycho-sexual issues. Loads of Virgo energy and Moon in Pisces. I am a High Priestess from many lifetimes.

I am going to answer three questions here from my readers who wish to remain anonymous. I will answer them and that should shed a lot of light on the Twinflame Phenomenon.

  1. Hi there, I am writing to you in frustration. My Twin just got married to some woman he just met. I know he is my twin, but he seems to be lost. Am I deluding myself? Is he a false twin?

Hello…I’m so happy to hear from you and can completely understand your frustration at your Twinflame being with someone else. In fact this Solstice has given me such an energy boost that I found the time to contemplate much on Twinflames. I connected with mine as well. In fact, never before have I managed to connect to his morphological field as I just did these last couple of days. I know now that he is close, very close. But for instance, I finally discover who he is and get to know he is already married. What then? Maybe he has a child. What then? Presuming that he does not know who I am, but I do. Then will it be wise for me to tell him? I don’t think it is always wise to open up too quickly. It often takes months to know this energy. But for some it is instantaneous, I have seen that too.

If you have been keeping up with your spiritual practices, then you will be resonating at such a frequency that “false twins” cannot remain in your energy field for too long. They are forced to drop off. Only your true Twinflame can remain in that vibration as your yin/yang polarity. If you have not evolved your spiritual instincts, then I suggest, get right to it. The truth shall appear. Use this watery Cancer New Moon to journal on your Twinflame and pay special attention to your dreams.

2) Are Twinflames incarnating more now than ever?

Well that is a very valid question. As a matter of fact, they are. In my channelling I have been told that since the hippy movement(the rise of the PSYCHEDELICS), give or take 10 years, many Twinflames have undertaken this difficult task of incarnating on 3D Earth. Their mission is ASCENSION and reconnecting humanity with SACRED PSYCHO-SOMATIC TECHNOLOGIES like LSD, Ayahuasca.

They are here to teach about INFINITE LOVE, art, music and dance. That is their quest. They incarnate to show us the power of love and INTERCONNECTEDNESS. They make us believe in fairy tales, because, believe you me, in every anecdote, in every drop of tear fall, in every ray of sunshine, all we humans crave for is this total CONNECTION aka the Twinflame love.

When we hear of an Indian man cycling all the way to Sweden to meet the love of his life, we feel a sense of wonder. We all feel loved. We all are a little bit more ready to trust in the process of love. It does not happen much, but when it does, it is magic.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/04/pk-mahanandia-cycle-india-sweden-love-untouchable/

Soon I will be releasing Twinflame meditation AUDIO MODULES you can listen to and tune into the frequency of your Twinflame.

3) How will love be in 5D?

OMFG! Love that! 5D or Christ/Krishna Consciousness is all about INFINITE TIMELINES merging together. Your Twinflame and you become a UNIFIED FIELD OF CONSCIOUSNESS. There is no separation as you understand it. In fact your SOUL TRIBE is now with you. Your core 144.

Let me share an occult axiom. The Sun you see is just an emanation of the TRUE SUN, the SPIRITUAL SUN that is the real powerhouse behind all this phenomenon. This dance of the subatomic particles is orchestrated here. The SPIRITUAL SUN sends forth a figure of 12 facets into every atom of the SOLAR SYSTEM. The SUN downloads his light(information) from this SOURCE CODE. Let us consider this to be the HEART CHAKRA of our solar system, the beloved MILKY WAY which is feminine in her vibration!

This 12 multiplied by 12 or the 144 are the original LIPIKAS or BUILDERS as HPB calls them. From these beings, the whole cosmos emerges. 12 is divided multiple times and further subdivided and the plethora of creation can be seen.

The Sun has a heartbeat, so does the Moon and so does the Earth and every single heavenly body. The Sun’s heartbeats create the SUNSPOTS or SOLAR EJECTIONS which give us life as we know it.

All life on Earth receives this LIGHT from the flares and it affects our central nervous system and brain functions. Scientists have been studying this phenomenon. Go through these articles below to grasp this.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/31/solar-flare-sun-touches-our-psyche/

http://www.theeventchronicle.com/metaphysics/metascience/solar-flares-directly-affect-human-consciousness/#

Love in 5D will be full of infinite possibilities. You can alter what you like. But maybe, you might not want to. After all it is your journey that made you who you are. Every single scar- wear it like a badge of honour that you give yourself. Every wound, every insult, every hurtful manipulation, use them as fire to fuel your creativity. For in 5D you will NOT FEEL ANY PAIN as you understand pain. You will not grow old or die.

Madame Blavatsky notes that just as every external human action is preceded by internal thought, emotion, and will, “the universe is worked and guided from within outwards.” (SD I: 274). 144 created through MALE/FEMALE polarities. A Shiva/Shakti. Therefore in all the forms there is a SHIVA/SHAKTI aspect. Externally if you are a male, there is your female polarity. Might be same sex, but imbibes the feminine archetype. Therefore in this reality we all have our Twinflames who are our opposite energy.

However back to this 3D world.

Remember that when you unite with your Twinflame, you might need to take on SPIRITUAL or some sort of CREATIVE LEADERSHIP ROLE. It happens so many times. You might even collaborate on a work of art that inspires generations to come. Kind of like Lennon and Yoko Yono. Finally she is being credited for the lyrics of IMAGINE and isn’t Lennon happy today! She is his Twinflame after all. Together they have inspired millions…to love, to be different, to be fearless.

That is the lesson of the Twinflame. Tell me, are you ready to learn this? It might break your heart into smithereens. Will you risk it? Will you risk losing everything? To gain EVERYTHING? Think about it. And start to MEDITATE on your Twinflame and send THE ONE energy.

This, then, is the ultimate paradox of thought: to want to discover something that thought itself cannot think.” – Søren Kierkegaard

I hold Workshops and Meditation Sessions to connect to your Twinflame. Email me for details- tina@tinaheals.com

Enjoy the track but ignore the misogynistic lyrics,one line mainly…but it pertains to the society it seeks to depict, so we may ignore it.