An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

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Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

The Eighth Dasamahavidya~~ Bagalamukhi~~Some musings!

There is an interesting story about the origin of Bagalamukhi, the eighth manifestation of the Divine Feminine.

Now time is broken up into different kalas to denote specific periods. During PURAKAL, there were extremely strong winds which denote chaos and confusion in the mind. Now to combat these winds which could potentially destroy all of creation, VISHNU, the GOD OF PRESERVATION began a strict penance to get answers. This was near some ancient river.

The reference behind the origin of Goddess Bagalamukhi is found in Svatantra Tantra. Once upon a time, a huge storm erupted over the Earth. As it threatened to destroy whole of the creation, all the gods assembled in the Saurashtra region. Goddess Bagalamukhi emerged from the ‘Haridra Sarovara’, and appeased by the prayers of the gods, calmed down the storm. You can see replica of ‘Haridra Sarovara’, as described in scriptures, at Peetambara Peetham, Datia, Madhya Pradesh, India.~~Wiki

But of course all this is ALLEGORY and PARABLE. Let us get to the metaphysics of it.

This means that the HIGHER SELF who is VISHNU aka KRISHNA in the BHAGAVADGITA began to awaken the kundalini with meditation. And after his sadhana was complete, he was blessed with the DEVI’S arrival from the ancient river. This symbolises the AWAKENING OF THE KUNDALINI and there she stood…the Goddess, as BAGALAMUKHI, the resplendent one!

When the kundalini awakens, she is truly resplendent!

As soon as the Goddess surfaces, the destructive winds quieten down. Again this symbolises the fact that as soon as the kundalini rises, there is no turbulence in the mind. The disturbing winds have been silenced! That is the power of the kundalini. She can break through this 3D awareness and take you to other dimensions.

However, there is another to the Goddess Dhumavati and Bagala in the PURANAS.

One day in Kailasha, Parvati approached Shiva to fetch her some food as he was ravenous. Now Shiva, like any other dude, took his own sweet time to get the food to her which is why she ate him. What is a girl to do right? Lol

There is great depth in this cannibalism. Parvati is the kundalini who wants to be fed meditation and spiritual awareness. Now Shiva who symbolises consciousness here, refused to feed all that to the Goddess or the Kundalini and in the process became the consumed.

If you do not feed your spiritual awakening, it will literally eat you up. As a human, as a soul. It will consume you with materialism and addictions of all kinds. And eventually you will be consumed.

Shiva is also the SUPRA CONSCIOUSNESS which is why Parvati’s body starts to decompose. This goes to show that the kundalini, which is the symbol of life needs the human body as much as the human needs the shakti of the kundalini. This links to the OBSERVERS PARADOX. This means that this reality is a hologram being projected from one unitary source. That is Shiva/Parvati or the two polarities. Call them what you want.

Now once she has turned black, Shiva tells her to remove her sindoor which means that she or the kundalini has now reached the crone stage. She is self sufficient, for she has consumed her Shiva. She does not require any balance of polarities, she has become one.

This is when the body turns to spirit, in higher dimensions. You do not need sexual union or a cock and a vagina. You do not need electrons and protons to repel one another for reality to be observed. You just need to realise your crone stage and take in your yang/yin. This is profound.

Dhumavati is the SEVENTH form of the Goddess or the Kundalini! The number seven is the spiritual path, the most unconventional path. Which is why DHUMAVATI sadhana is not done by just anyone. It can never be done at home. In fact, her beeja mantra can never even be uttered at home, or else catastrophe can happen. DHUMAVATI severs you from the samsara. Dhumavati means her form is of smoke which translate to she has NO FORM aja she is formless/timeless/space-less.

Her rituals and invocation can only be done in the charnel grounds.

Now the form of the eighth Goddess is BAGALAMUKHI who is in MANIMANDAPA which is located in AMRITASAGARA and is seated on a throne full of jewels. Jewels here signify spiritual wealth of the Kundalini which when awakened is seated on the metaphorical throne and we become Bagalamukhi.

BAGALAMUKHI is yellow.

In almost every culture yellow represents sunshine, happiness, and warmth. Yellow is the color most often associated with the deity in many religions (Hinduism and Ancient Egypt). Yellow is the color of traffic lights and signs indicating caution all over the world. ~~colormatters.com

It also represents clarity, purity,  freshness, happiness, positivity, clarity, energy, optimism, enlightenment, remembrance, intellect, honour, loyalty, and joy, but on the other, it represents cowardice and deceit and Bagala is the Goddess of reversals.

Bagalamukhi is also called Pitambaradevi or Brahmastra Roopini and she turns each thing into its opposite. She turns speech into silence, knowledge into ignorance, power into impotence, defeat into victory. She represents the knowledge whereby each thing must in time become its opposite. As the still point between dualities she allows us to master them. To see the failure hidden in success, the death hidden in life, or the joy hidden in sorrow are ways of contacting her reality. Bagalamukhi is the secret presence of the opposite wherein each thing is dissolved back into the Unborn and the Uncreated. ~~Wiki

Bagala is the shakti of Mars. The feminine or the yin or the kundalini shakti of Mars. Yes every planet in the tantra system has their devi or kundalini shakti.

In fact her invocation is the most comprehensive way to deal with any Mars afflictions or hard aspects. Believe me, without a strong Mars, it is impossible to move ahead and perform in this world.

Kamakhya Temple in Guwahati is considered to be the centre of Tantricism, where there is the presence of temples dedicated to the ten Mahavidyas. A few miles away from the Kamakhya Temple is the temple dedicated to the Goddess Bagalamukhi. I will explore Kamakhya in detail very soon in another article, but this is the very heart and Bengal and parts of the North where she is worshipped the most.

Baglamukhi is the eighth mahavidya, invoked for destruction of enmity, often mistaken for enemy. This is the Supreme divine force, believed to have been invoked by Lord Ram to destroy the demon Ravan with his descendants. ~~Wiki

And the saga of Rama and Ravana could only be dealt with after invoking the kundalini….

Much more coming up on all the dasamahavidyas…

http://www.tinaheals.com

 

 

 

 

The Art of Touch~

Do you know the inner resonance of your frequency? Do you feel the vibe of your core truth? Have you decided to explore it ever?

Working with spices as I bleed is so profound that no words can describe it. It is like the spices come alive to share the wisdom of my womb which is connected to the cosmic womb. Your womb is also connected to this very womb of the Great Mother.

The last two days there has been a geomagnetic storm and the solar winds, mingled with the eclipse energy, retrograde energy and the Pisces FM energy is making me retreat somewhere deep within to connect to my womb. It is from this sacred space that I come to you with love.

I am not here to heal you. No one can do that. I am here to love you and love you I shall. That love will create a scared space in which you will heal yourself My Beloved.

The geomagnetic storms affect my whole being and it is radical. I cannot explain the whole process because I do not understand it myself. It is also changing you and your physical body. Be mindful to the subtle energy shifts and you will begin to feel them happen.

Today I feel compelled to talk to you about touch. An essential component of human healing is touch and believe me being a Venus in Virgo, I have always been a huge touch-me-not. Even before the sexual abuse that took place in my life.

And after that, touch became a scary thing. Sex became hollow because I was faced with so much guilt and shame that somewhere intimacy was lost. I avoided kissing or looking into the eyes of my lovers.

Richard was the first guy I did not feel averse to kissing on the first day while we made love, which is why I am still with him. He made me feel comfortable and I opened up to his touch and kisses like with no one else. Of course it took me a lot of time and work to be able to touch myself and truly make love to him. And the fear not only isolated me from myself, but it scared me shitless to touch other people, but all that is the past and now I feel no fear at touching because it is coupled with love and healing intention.

Although I confess I find it easier to touch women than men, but that fear of being touched and touching is gone. You know why? Because now the love component is back in the equation. Without love for oneself and the partner in question sex can become cold and scary; just a chore.

Intimacy and sex are two sides of the same coin. You cannot truly immerse yourself in sexual proclivities if you fear intimacy. Even if you are with a stranger. Sex requires surrender. It requires you to be engaged in the moment. It requires you to give your egoself up, at least temporarily.

Healing can happen with touch therapy. But most people equate touch with “happy endings”. Tantric massages are raking in the big bucks, but is that touch truly healing? There is nothing tantric in those massage parlours.

When a healer touches you, they absorb all the negative, positive energies in your auric field and that is extremely challenging especially for empaths or emotional sponges like me. When I embrace you, I absorb your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts and that can leave me feeling out-of-sorts. Yes I am a psychic energy worker, but trust me, nothing in this realm is fool-proof and even the most experienced healers have been known to be overwhelmed at times.

As I come in contact with your physical body, our magnetic bodies mingle and we can literally download information from each other. That is why the body behaves in a certain way when we are open and receptive to another person.

Notice the next time you feel attracted to someone or just feel really close. Watch how your body reacts. This is how holographic information gets exchanged in the simulation. And all human beings behave the exact same way, which is why we all have the same micro-expressions to emotions and situations.

Touching and hugging not only makes your brain release seratonin, it also releases oxytocin, which is the antithesis of adrenaline. Oxytocin makes you stress free.

I work with touch therapy because I believe that touch is a way to say things that words cannot. And when I touch you, your response to my touch often times guides me to work with your energy.

Inner child work cannot be truly accomplished without loving touch. Scientists have discovered that at whichever age, the child stops receiving love and affection, that is the age in which the individual remains stuck in. If till seven you were loved and suddenly that love went missing or was replaced with discipline and work, then it is likely you will remain a seven year old in your mind.

Touch therapy is very effective for individuals looking to heal from mother centric issues. Sometimes touching these people like a mother can open their closed hearts. It is beautiful and I have seen it happen so many times.

Our physical bodies are feeling great pressure as we adjust to the shifting frequencies of the 5D Earth grid. This can become excruciatingly chaotic to handle and if this energy is not dealt with, then it can manifest as disease.

Touch therapy is the best methodology to help the physical body go through this change. Touch amplifies feelings of peace, bliss and tranquillity. It is the answer to loneliness.

You can help raise someone’s resonance by touching them with INTENTION to heal. Try this. Hug someone who really needs it and while hugging, think of them being healed by the Goddess or Cosmic Intelligence. Whatever works for you.

Touch can numb painful external stimuli as well. Try it, especially in crisis situations.

That is why, you must never leave your baby to cry and soothe herself. You must always hug and hold your baby. I suggest baby-wearing. That is what I did the whole time with my baby. And I wore her in a saree, using it like a cloth.

In fact “touch” therapy even works if it is at a distance. But there has to be openness between the two involved. You can consciously “touch” someone who may not even be in the same country. How does this happen? Through the quantum morphological field.

The floods across Gaia have been due to the intense eclipse energy and it also has to do with Saturn retro in 21 degrees Sag until September 13 when it moves onto 22 degrees. Then the sign of The Woman Giving Birth appears in the heavens on September 23. The Houston hurricane is symbolic of the water breaking before the woman gives birth.

We are giving birth to a new era collectively and let us not underestimate the importance of touch.

 

 

 

 

Kali, Kali, Kali

“DARKNESS ALONE FILLED THE BOUNDLESS ALL, FOR FATHER, MOTHER AND SON WERE ONCE MORE ONE, AND THE SON HAD NOT AWAKENED YET FOR THE NEW WHEEL, AND HIS PILGRIMAGE THEREON.” ~~HPB

KALI MANTRA FOR INVOCATION~~

Sarvamaṅgalamāṅgalyē śivē sarvārthasādhikē . śaraṇyē tryambakē gauri nārāyaṇi namō’stu tē. Oṃ jayantī mangala kālī bhadrakālī kapālinī . durgā ksamā śivā dhātrī svāhā svadhā namō’stu‍tē

The DARK GODDESS has been the anchor of my soul in the turbulent seas of samsara. My support system, my provocateur, my muse, my melancholia…I could go on forever, for she or that energy exists in everything, everyone and every experience.

Sometimes, tears stream down my face and I think that WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH! Is there any end to my avaricious wants, desires and needs? After going through so much, so much pain, am I still not done wanting more? Everything dies. Everything vanishes. Everything fades away. Confronted with my own mortality, thoughts cease to function with the same effectiveness.

Kali, listen to me, and stop this torture. Put an end to this 3D illusion, you DARKNESS. And please, by DARK, I DO NOT MEAN EVIL!

HPB discusses DARKNESS “…in the sense of the Unmanifested and the Unknown as the opposite pole to manifestation, and that which falls under the possibility of speculation. … it is not Darkness as absence of Light, but as one incomprehensible primordial Principle, which, being Absoluteness itself, has for our intellectual perceptions neither form, colour, substantiality, nor anything that could be expressed by words.”

Even the BIBLE states, “darkness surrounds the pavilion” of God!

Absolute Light and Absolute Darkness are interchangeable terms, as are Absolute Consciousness and Absolute Unconsciousness. Duality is the very harmonics of this resonance!

Kali’s bosom is my place of retreat and I can feel her embrace as I look at the dark night around me. The night envelops me in her arms and it is none other than my DARK ONE. How can I love the FORCE OF TIME? That random abstract principle? I cannot. I can only think of her as Kali.

Being Bengali, you grow up with a healthy dose of everything Kali. And there I discovered some of the most precious gems in the form of verses written by a Mystical Poet in Bengal. His name was Rajanikanto. Those verses echoed every single thought of my six year old brain. I used to know them by heart at that age.

How could a child grasp, to some extent this LARGENESS OF EMOTION. This gorgeousity of devotional fervour! I mean how? I don’t know. Even today I am perplexed. All I remember is locking myself in the room, listening to the cassette tapes again and again, sobbing my eyes out. It was like every word pricked my consciousness to remind me of WHO I AM.

Who am I? Who is Kali? What is this world? Why are we here?

See I bifurcate again. I was talking about those mystical verses. In one of them, the poet has written…

No one on Earth loves.

In fact, this Earth does not know how to love.

Take me away, to where there is only LOVE.

My heart craves for such a place…

Got me evaluating at a very young age. What does LOVE mean in the 3D realm of duality?

Seriously guys…what the fuck does love mean?

What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your family?

Who do you extend that love to?

The answers to these questions fester like putrid stuff in the quagmire of my mind. There is no resolution for there is no love. LOVE IS LOST.

Kali has taught me how to LOVE. By making sure that I break my conscious paradigm again and again, she has made sure that I AM LEFT WITH NO OPTION TO LOVE.

To be a child of Kāli, Rāmprasād asserts, is to be denied of earthly delights and pleasures. Kāli is said to refrain from giving that which is expected, I quote from Wiki, but trust me I know exactly what this means.

After making sure that nothing goes the way I want, Kali made me see that DESIRE IS INDEED THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. Does that mean that I have no desires? I still do, the stupid 3D being that I am. Everyday is a lesson learnt. Life is not what I want it to be, because life is just the way it is meant to be.

Didn’t Lao Tsu try to drill this ACCEPTANCE part of existence into our collective consciousness? He failed. Human know nothing about acceptance. And I speak of myself…can I truly JUST BE? Think about it. A state of JUST BEING does not equate to a state of NON BEING.

Of course I will initiate karma in this world as my desires push me to, but then I have to accept that there will be DISAPPOINTMENTS and Kali showed me how to grow from that disappointment. All this pain, resentment and anger inside me, she, the COSMIC MOTHER soothed away. Like only mothers can. Who will stand up for this?

The father can never calm the baby the way a mother can. After all, it is her physiology that creates the child. The father is the seed. The MILKY WAY is a mother BTW. Yes she is feminine.

The Milky Way (feminine) and Andromeda (masculine) are simply a galactic expression of this principal. ~~http://moonbirdblog.com

They are the SHIVA/SHAKTI as galaxies. Whoa! Something to ponder about.

Yet, why is there rampant patriarchy ruling the Earth when indeed, she is feminine, just like her mother, the Milky Way. That is the imbalance.

Kali is the unrestrained, most secretive feminine principle that carries withing it eternal mysteries of fertility, magic, death, birth and regeneration! And that POWER is external as well as internal. Do not believe me? Everyone has an internal Kali. It is true.

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

In those mystical verses, the Poet sings…

Everything happens because you will it so,

You are the Will of the Universe, Oh Tara,

You execute whatever needs to be executed through me.

And the foolish think, it is my feat!

It is your INTERNAL KALI, that PRIMEVAL, CATACLYSMIC, SUPREME POWER that does what you need to do. Your karma or actions all arise from a deep spiritual unconscious that is manifested in 3D from the etheric fields as they SOLIDIFY.

Yes SPIRITUAL UNIVERSES solidify and become dense. That is when Universal forces of SHIVA/KALI come to play. And it is these forces that play through everything. The ETERNAL TWINFLAMES creating Universes to experience, grow, love, hurt, cry and die. Shiva/Shakti as mere mortals. As you and me.

This age is in dire need of Kali’s benevolence…OF HER DARK FORM.

“THE SEVEN SONS WERE NOT YET BORN FROM THE WEB OF LIGHT. DARKNESS ALONE WAS FATHER-MOTHER, SVABHAVAT; AND SVABHAVAT WAS IN DARKNESS.” ~~HPB

Do not be fearful of her wrathful emanation! Nobody understands Kali.

There is so much DISTORTION in her myths, so much SENSATIONAL YELLOW JOURNALISM done on her person(sounds familiar? Like any other woman),, that her story is lost to the world of patriarchy.

People are fearful of her. Even today, in India, I have had people see her image on the wall and comment how it is DANGEROUS to keep an image of her at home. I mean is every single Bengali household doing it wrong? Kali, whether she is worshipped or whether she hangs as a feminist symbol, can be seen pretty much in every house in Calcutta.

She is a part of our History. She is our guide. She is our mother. She is our consciousness.

Kali is ALL-CONQUERING! So whatever it is that you want to win over, there is no better YIDAM or meditation deity than her. So invoke her if you need to work with this SEVERANCE energy.

Kali is not a Vedic Goddess. She is a tantric Goddess and she is MAHAMAYA, the manifested reality. She stands on KALA, or ETERNAL TIME and become SPACE.

Space is dark, Kali is dark.

Kālī is the feminine form of kālam (“black, dark coloured”). Kālī also shares the meaning of “time” or “the fullness of time” with the masculine noun “kāla”—and by extension, time as “changing aspect of nature that bring things to life or death.” Other names include Kālarātri(“the black night”), and Kālikā (“the black one”).

The homonymous kāla, “appointed time”, which depending on context can mean “death”, is distinct from kāla “black”, but became associated through popular etymology. ~~WIKI

Tantra texts call KALI, KALASHAKTI, the REASON OF CAUSATION!

There is no stop to this play, this eternal play that is going on between the masculine and the feminine. They stop not for a moment. For if they stopped their exchange of energy, everything ceases to be. Nothing remains.

This HOLOGRAM, stacked UNIVERSES, Daughter Universes…everything manifests because of SHIVA/SHAKTI. Call them what you like! They are the binary!

The Kalikula (family of Kali) form of Shaktism is most dominant in Nepal, northern and eastern India, and is most widely prevalent in West Bengal, Assam, Bihar and Odisha, as well as parts of Maharashtra, Bangladesh and some parts of Kerala. Kalikula lineages focus upon the Devi as the source of wisdom (vidya) and liberation (moksha). They generally stand “in opposition to the brahmanic tradition,” which they view as “overly conservative and denying the experiential part of religion.” ~~WIKI

Kali is the principle deity. So you see, how she has been up in arms against the patriarchal Vedic religion which even denied women the right to become priests.

My Ancestors have a special connection to Kali other than just being from Bengal. My grandmother comes from a family which were the main Brahmin Priests and caregivers of Kali and her temple in Calcutta. They were Haldars and there is a street named after my ancestor. Everyone knows the HALDARS even today and our connection to the place is also no secret.

My grandmother’s grandmother used to take a dip in the Ganges first thing in the morning(crack of dawn) and open the temple with the aarthi. I have so many stories from my grandmother that I wish to share. Stuff she heard from her grandmother. And then of course what bonded us was the love we shared for Kali. It stretched across generations and mitochondrial DNA. So standing before you, a Priestess of the hoary past…:)

I will continue my saga of love for my DARK ONE and I suggest to you that if you have not researched her, then please do. See for yourself, if the DARK ONE speaks to you and let me know.

I will speak of Bamakhyapa, Ramnath Aghori, Paramhamsa Vishuddhananda and of course Sarada ma, Vivekananda and much more…but for now I leave you with a profound thought from the Sage Ramakrishna…

Kali is none other than Brahman. That which is called Brahman is really Kali. She is the Primal Energy. When that Energy remains inactive, I call It Brahman, and when It creates, preserves, or destroys, I call It Shakti or Kali. What you call Brahman I call Kali. Brahman and Kali are not different. They are like fire and its power to burn: if one thinks of fire one must think of its power to burn. If one recognises Kali one must also recognise Brahman; again, if one recognises Brahman one must recognise Kali. Brahman and Its Power are identical. It is Brahman whom I address as Shakti or Kali.

 

 

 

Lucid Dream: Twinflames and Mary Magdalene~~

gianluca

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity. ~~ W. B. YEATS

Fragmented pieces swim in the seas of my consciousness. A cacophony of sounds. A kaleidoscope of lights. The moment is crackling with suspense as I know I am about to enter into one of the most prophetic visions I have ever had.

Chiron is retrograde in 29 degrees of Pisces which is my SEVENTH HOUSE. My Moon is here too and “Chiron can be thought of as a boat allowing us to cross the deep ocean providing navigation, direction and a safe passage to being who we are meant to be.” says Erin Frances, an eminent astrologer. Chiron is taking me for these astral journeys. Chiron is making me the wounded healer I am meant to be. Welcome to my LUCID ASTRAL VISION.

A tangled tapestry of sights and sounds.

EXT. WIDE MEADOW. TWILIGHT

A dripping sound, like a leaking tap.  A female voice hums a lullaby. The sound of flapping wings is heard.

Then: A raw and primal, jagged and out of breath panting is heard.

FADE IN:

Tina, a girl of around nine years old is sprawled in the ground.

A HUMMINGBIRD flutters right in front of her.

She stares at it, steadies her breath and then reaches out to touch it.

The HUMMINGBIRD floats close. It approaches the girl and positions itself right in front of her eyes.

She stares at the bird’s pupils.

C.U of her pupils. They dilate.

She lets out a primal scram and touches her nose. A red line of blood runs down.

Slow Motion: The blood trickles to her knees and she looks down.

The HUMMINGBIRD flutters its wings and takes off.

Tina stares at it. Something coils in her stomach.

She begins to run towards the HUMMINGBIRD that is now seen as a dot in the distance.

THUD. Tina falls through the proverbial rabbit hole.

Silhouettes of humans, beasts and hybrids dance in the shadows. Fear gripping her insides, she tries to look down.

She feels sick. The blood has now dried up.

The cacophony of voices swim into her consciousness from time to time.

VOICE 1: There she goes. Look there. Look at her.

VOICE 2: It’s all over. What now? Kaput!

Horrid laughter fills her ears, she falls to the floor, dishevelled and enervated.

 

Suddenly she can hear it. The flapping of the hummingbird. CLOSE ON HER EYES- she looks up with hope.

FADE TO BLACK:

That is how the vision began. I wrote it as a screenplay to give it that visual feel. To start you off with pictures. Can you visualise the little girl Tina around 9?

Let’s move on with the vision. This happened to me in broad daylight. Not while I was meditating. Not while I was dreaming, but while I was writing in front of my computer. The screen just began to fade to black and I could hear static noise. My psychic energy must have been at an all time high, because I had just started bleeding and it was the Capricorn FM next to dear Pluto. And of course I am going through some interesting alignments and aspects in my own life, astrologically speaking.

This has happened to me before. My visions come to me in wave patterns, totally non linear. I blank out and then return. I write about many such visions in my novel, THE PLAN which should be published soon. I have given them the garb of fiction, but they are in fact reality. Sometimes I can hear a piercing sound after these visions. I used to get headaches before, but now with my spiritual practices, I have managed to heal myself from all that left over psychic debris.

The Hummingbird has been visiting me since very long. In my dreams and in my visions. I never realised their connection to Mezoamerican civilisation when I was about twelve.

Now as you can see at the beginning of the lucid astral experience, I felt absolutely paranoid. I felt scared, fearful and abandoned. I felt like a helpless child of nine. But somewhere deep down that hummingbird gave me hope.

It was like a flicker of abject inspiration. My muse of last hours. It’s complicated to describe the way I felt. The Hummingbird flies off into the distance.

My phone rings. I go to answer it, but suddenly a video call comes through. Only this is no ordinary video call. It’s like a hologram popping out from my phone and standing right in front of me. This figure is straight from some computer game and she has a lower body, but three faces. Three distinct faces. They someone reminded me of the Morrigan, the triple Celtic Goddess. Though at that time I thought they were the three hags from Macbeth. I was frantic and out of breath.

There was a track playing in the background. I did not know for the life of me what language it was in. It sounded like it was played through a gramophone. My grandfather had one of those things and I was obsessed with it during my childhood.

The hologram of the Morrigan began to disintegrate. Like fragmented digital bits of information. Do you know I have seen the fragmentation of reality, MATRIX style, even before the film was made. I was very young when I first started to see reality breaking away into digital bits. Made sense to me with the computer revolution. My vision made sense. I had glimpsed into the matrix.

After this the SCREEN goes DARK. FADE TO BLACK:

Suddenly I am in Goa, by the beach, in a place called Small Vagator. I sit on the sands drawing a MANDALA in the sand awkwardly. The wind keeps slapping away my design, but I persist. No matter how hard I try, I am not being able to even draw a circle that will stay in the wind. Nothing stays. IMPERMANENCE. What a way to learn it?

The Monks actually do draw the MANDALAS with sand and then they destroy them after the ritual and meditation. Yes, even in complex initiation ceremonies like the KALACHAKRA TANTRA.

My conscious mind may be learning patience and perseverance by this apparently futile task of painting a mandala in the sand. If the wind doesn’t blow it away, the water will wash it off. Kind of like our lives. No matter how hard we try to hold onto things, they just slip away. The harder we try, the more frustrated we get. NOTHING REMAINS!

Reminds me of this poem of Tagore~~ Nothing lasts forever. Click the link to enjoy~

I look at the Goa seas. They look sunny and happy. But deep down I know there is a dark undertone there. In a second, the skies change. The sea roars and the waves dance ominously. But I sit there. I don’t know why? There is a sense of surrender with this task. Surrender to the force of the Earth who is my mother, my mentor and my guide.

Take me, I whisper. Take me. But no. It is not my time. The Hummingbird is back. Flapping its wings. A rebirth?

Looking up the hummingbird and Mayan connection I found  Huitzilopochtli, the  deity of war, sun, human sacrifice and the patron of the city of Tenochtitlan!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huitzilopochtli

According to this legend, he was the smallest son of four—his parents being the creator couple Tonacatecutli and Tonacacihuatl while his brothers were Quetzalcoatl and the 2 Tezcatlipocas. His mother and father instructed both him and Quetzalcoatl to bring order to the world. And so, together they made fire, the first male and female humans, created the Earth, and made a sun. ~~WIKI

This archetypal myth resonates with me on such a deep level. It is the story of DOUBLE TWINFLAMES. Do you see it? The first pair of male, female. The creation myth!

He is a fire God, associated with the Sun(SOLAR DEITY) and I am also burning with this fire energy, so it made sense. My ruler is also the Sun! War? I am still exploring my connection to Mesoamerica by using a method called EVOLUTIONARY ASTROLOGY where you study the NODES OF THE MOON, the 12TH HOUSE, the 8TH HOUSE, SATURN, RETROGRADE PLANETS and INTERCEPTED PLANETS, SIGNS and HOUSES.

My NN is in Virgo and SN in Pisces. My 12th house is jampacked- Mercury, the Sun at 0 degrees, Saturn at 26 degrees in Leo! And I have a bunch of retrograde planets in my natal chart. Our bodies hold much of the old programming and it is the job of this 12th house to DESTROY those patterns once and for all. Losses and deaths! 12th house, the house which makes one a philosopher!

Another origin story tells of a fierce goddess, Coatlicue, being impregnated as she was sweeping by a ball of feathers on Mount Coatepec. Her other children, who were already fully grown, were the four hundred male Centzonuitznaua and the female deity Coyolxauhqui. These children, angered by the manner by which their mother became impregnated, conspired to kill her. Huitzilopochtli burst forth from his mother’s womb in full armor and fully grown. He attacked his older brothers and sister, defending his mother by beheading his sister and casting her body from the mountain top. He also chased after his brothers, who fled from him and became scattered all over the sky. ~~WIKI

The above story is so rich with symbolism and so pertinent to our times. Why can’t we all be like Huitzilopochtli? Why can’t we all protect the Earth? Isn’t she all our mother? Is that what the Hummingbird was telling me? To join in with my Twinflame and help the ascension process of our beloved Gaia.

The vision gets really complex now as I stand up to receive the HUMMINGBIRD in my hand. She lands perfectly and stares right at me. This time my heart fills with love and there is no fear. Yes the storm looms large. I am scared, but nope, I am not giving into fear or panic. nu-uh!

The Hummingbird kisses my fingers and takes off. The feeling is ethereal! The rain comes crashing down in a silvery sheet. The sound is deafening. I am soaking wet as I run to take shelter in the shack, but there is no one there. It is dark and nothing can be seen. There was a voice telling me, “You weren’t you, you were Tina…”

WTF? I am that person. I am Tina. Or am I? Who am I? Confusion was building inside.

The voice kept asking me, “So you believe? You believe?”

I wanted to scream. YES I BELIEVE. But believe what? I wanted to believe every single thing- life, death, sorrow, pleasure and pain. There is only believe in every fibre of my being!

Suddenly the rain quietened. I walk out to the beach, a wet mess. Not a person in sight. I have never seen that particular beach to look that empty. Not a soul in sight. I sat down as the Sun began to set.

Far away in the distance, I see this cloaked figure. Who is that out in the sea?

For a moment, I felt fear as the candle I light is blown away by the wind, and then a sudden warmth envelops me. The figure floats towards me. It is Mary Magdalene herself. She is the very feminine energy I dote on, my Beloved, my SPIRIT GUIDE. Today I sensed she wanted to be called Magdalene. Not anything else.

I must mention here that patriarchy has labelled Magdalene as a WHORE, because she was not like your common woman who wanted to just be a wife, mother and homemaker. Not that there is anything wrong with wanting any of that. It’s just that some women do not necessarily seek out that role. Like me. I never thought I would be someone’s wife, because marriage is a failed institution to me and the role of a stay at home wife never appealed to me. Motherhood is fantastic, but domesticity is not he be all and end all of my existence. And it never will be. I am forever a WANDERER, an Artist, a dreamer. Some women need to run wild and free. They cannot be chained and society should not try to.

Mary Magdalene is the WILD FEMININE ENERGY that is not meant to be a normal woman. Although she was a TANTRIC HIGH PRIESTESS they called her a prostitute. She was the wealth of the world, but they vilified her and degraded her sacredness to the point where she is forgotten in the world today. She is not one of the original disciples. No. She is a MASTER in her own right and taught Yeshua tantra. She is his yin, his balance. The mystic they called Jesus is her twinflame. On his name they started one of the most bloodiest religions in the world. That is what patriarchy has done for us. Taken sacred teachings from the feminine womb of wisdom and have corrupted and bastardised it to suit their own needs and agendas.

It was Mary Magdalene who initiated me in accepting myself as a sexual being. I fought long and hard against it. At a point I was having sex just to feel nothing. The act of being with someone became an addiction. A reason to stay away from feeling too deeply. Sex was never this magical and open, like so many women out there who hide their sexual feelings. 30% women regularly orgasm and an appalling number fake it. What else can they do? Expressing ourselves sexually would mean that we would be labelled and judged. Slut, bitch, whore etc. I do not care, but most women do, as they continue faking orgasms thinking sex is just a chore. Most women have sex to please their guys, without realising how much good sex would please them. The woman’s body is a pleasure trove. She has endless desires and a much stronger libido than men. Although she has been made to forget it. NEWSFLASH~~ LADIES, PLEASE STOP FAKING ORGASMS. You are spoiling the men. Show then what you like and how its done. Guide them.

Mary Magdalene showed me that not only is it okay to accept my sexual feelings, but to celebrate them, explore them. In fact, opening up to the sexual alchemy without guilt or shame has brought me closer to spirituality. I feel awakened in all ways, more than I have ever been. I feel creatively charged and connected to my twinflame. Ready to accept him inside of me. Makes me hot! I am in the process of making many life changing shifts and hopefully soon I will be in Goa able to connect to his energy. I know that is where I will meet him.

Doing away with old values, patterns can be hard, but it is worth the try. To live more authentically. When we face our inner demons, although sexuality is not a demon, but has been made into one by the fucking bourgeoisie. Societal hypocrisy is what gets me.

Mary Magdalene gave me a few messages for you and she has promised to help all of you heal your sexual wounds. She will also help you come to terms with your sexual desires.

CHANNELLED MESSAGES~~ Jotting them down randomly.

  1. You can never experience twinflame love unless you love yourself.
  2. Twinflame love is NOT ABOUT ROMANCE.
  3. There is a strong sense of purpose.
  4. There is a desire to heal people and the Earth and support the 5D ASCENSION PROCESS taking place.
  5. Strengthen this new LIGHTWORKER ENERGY GRID.
  6. Healing ancestral and familial wounds. Twinflames often incarnate with an imbalance in their early childhood so they can work through these issues and solve the. Although I come from a stable home, my life has been rocked by some hardcore events in my early childhood. I am working everyday to heal these scars. They are deep, but they will heal.
  7. Twinflames, when they are done, will teach all of HUMANITY new things, ideas and concepts about RELATIONSHIPS. They are not jealous in the conventional sense.
  8. Usually a twinflame relationship is female led. Like Shakti is on Shiva’s chest because she is the PRINCIPLE CREATIVE FORCE, similarly the partner with developed yin energy must lead the relationship with compassion and intuition.
  9. All twinflames must go through a stage of SEPARATION. Yes as hard as that sounds, it happens a lot.
  10. Let your INNER CHILD out to play. Heal yourself.
  11. Express all your emotions. Never keep them bottled up. Cry, laugh, chuckle, sing, dance…
  12. Most importantly Mary Magdalene tells me that even if we have not found our TWINFLAME, we must embark on the journey ourselves. In due course he will join.
  13. Although you may be super attracted to your twinflame, this attraction is unlike the usual CONSUME and devour types. Your sexual desires come from a sacred space of love and not of fear and possession.
  14. Twinflames are independent and in their power when they finally join in union.
  15. Lastly, meeting your twinflame will be like the SECOND COMING OF CHRIST. Through sexual energy fusion, you can experience the COMING OF CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS. The most beautiful sexual alchemy.

I am waiting to hear your twinflame story~~

 

tina@tinaheals.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

Image copyright Gianluca

Twinflame Love~~ <3

HDF

Not a moment longer can I wait,

It’s already so late.

Will you not say what is burning your lips?

Will you not reveal your heart?

It’s tearing me apart.

How long will you let silence envelope your being?

This 3D world is all about ageing and dying.

How long will your torture continue?

Is there no other avenue?

For expressing your love?

Yes, it is you my Beloved,

If you do not know it so.

It is you for whom my body burns,

My mind imagines and my soul reincarnates.

Dissolve this dualism.

Return to me, my Beloved.

Not a moment longer can I wait.

You are the ONENESS of existence,

You are the separation of sky and water,

You are the rhythm of the pulsating stars,

Vortexes do you create with your breath.

Universes reside in your pores my Beloved.

In every way you are what I created.

In the canvas of my mind.

Like a tornado did you come into my life.

Ripping away every shard of sanity.

Insane have I become.

For you, for your love and for union.

Every stab of pain that I have ever felt.

It was you my beloved.

For how would I know you,

If I did not know pain.

You are my first rays of the Sun,

You are the pale kiss of the Moon,

You are the dream of a perfect imperfection!

Where is the peace that I long for?

Where is the Silence I seek?

The quest of looking for you,

Through aeons of time and space.

Is there no grace?

Tired am I.

 

Enter into me and reside there now my Beloved.

I know I have found God.

No more residing in the eye of insanity.

That time when we kissed.

Those tears kept flowing through our eyes.

They flooded our souls.

Uncontrollable were the emotions.

In the mind’s oceans.

This birth I have looked for you,

and in the life before,

And I will keep looking even after.

Thirsty and hungry am I now my Beloved.

Our love story will remain hidden,

In the secret scrolls of humanity.

Let us circle around the sacred tree.

In silent ceremony of our union.

Humanity is not ready to love like this.

Not yet.

My Beloved, all this is just a dream.

Wake up now and come to me.

The rain flows from the sky and tears from my eyes.

For this cycle of birth I have waited.

Waited for your embrace.

Every single day I sit in worship.

I look into the eyes of Shiva and all I see,

Are your eyes dancing back.

I sit atop the mountain

The wind shoves me to the floor,

Like it is you.

My body tingles and my heart sings.

It scares me to think that we might be simulations.

A forgotten project in some far away World.

My Beloved, you and me might not exist in reality.

It’s as if I feel a panic attack.

But no, says an inner voice.

Everything is as real or as unreal,

As experiences.

Reality is experience.

It exists cause we view it.

We have subscribed to this show.

Whether we like it or not.

But it’s not too late to unsubscribe.

We can create our own story.

I don’t care if you are real or unreal.

For what is real?

You might be as unreal as the Universe itself.

But does that make my  love any less real?

This is our time to play together.

For soon our worlds will collide.

Our energy fields fused in one.

Do you feel it like I do?