For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.

 

 

 

The Discourse on Dark Psychedelic Music~~

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” – Gustave Flaubert

The very first thing I want to bring to your attention is the fact that the panorama  of DIGITAL MUSIC that have produced vast amounts of work, the language of which communicates with our UNCONSCIOUS MIND, like SYMBOLS do. It is all about the RELATIONSHIP OF SOUND to BODY, SOUL and MIND! It is a tool of SPIRITUAL TRANSCENDENCE! A way to suspend your EGO!

The unconscious mind (or the unconscious) consists of the processes in the mind which occur automatically and are not available to introspection, and include thought processes, memories, interests, and motivations. ~~WIKI

When we hear a piece of instrumental music or an EDM track, we are kinda piecing together the narrative that is taking shape in our minds. We as humans crave stories. The stories may come to us in any form, a sunrise, a morning cuppa tea, a poem, a painting, a photograph, a track….look around us.

Stories are in abundance and the better you can tell a story, the more viewers you will gather. See how Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media platforms are taking this “storytelling” concept to a new paradigm. Today, individual creators are creating a plethora of never-before-seen unique content. That is pushing the minds of the COLLECTIVE and bringing about an upward spiralling of consciousness.

This is the reason I am here to speak to you. It is my attempt to INTEGRATE certain passions of mine and fuse them together into a magickal brew. Simply put, I want to share with you my passion for DIGITAL MUSIC which takes me to NEW, ALIEN WORLDS.

However, I am not merely theorising, but I want to share how I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT, in the very depths of my soul!

Something remains unactualized, inseparable from but unassimilable to and particular, functionally anchored perspective. That is why it is classically described as being outside of oneself, at the very point at which one is most intimately and unshareably in contact with oneself and one’s vitality. (Massumi 2002, 35)

This is how it touches the soul. It is a mystery. It is UNKNOWABLE. It is UNTRANSLATABLE in any human language and that is the beauty and the FREEDOM of this medium.

What are the sounds in a DARK psychedelic night track?

The sounds we hear are the manipulation/interactions of sinewaves, which are a by-product of the sound editing process, ambient sounds associated with computer technology such as drones and electrical hums and random and error sounds which are by-products of digital technologies more generally such as glitches, pops, hisses and CD skipping. These sounds are moulded into the rhythmic structures and timbrel palette of a given track. These are replications using various VST software. That is how a track comes into being.

Here I want to discuss ROLAND BARTHES and his READER RESPONSE THEORY, the mechanism of which applies perfectly to the realm of dark psy music.

Reader-response criticism is a school of literary theory that focuses on the reader (or “audience”) and their experience of a literary work, in contrast to other schools and theories that focus attention primarily on the author or the content and form of the work. ~~WIKI

Do you see what I am hinting at? The LISTENER or the MEDITATOR is the crucial component when decoding the meaning behind a track. It is not the MUSICIAN who hold the key to discovering the track, it is the MEDITATOR!

There are no preconceived ways in which we can decode a particular trance track, for the meaning you see, always lies with the listener. You see how important the AUDIENCE becomes. Yes I am writing this piece, but what do I know of what it could mean to you. You could find what I never knew existed and that is the beauty of DIGITAL MUSIC. It lets you explore. It gives you FREEDOM. Trance become a life line for FREEDOM LOVERS. It is also a love of the POST STRUCTURALIST!

Goa and DARK PSY happened to me when I needed it the most, but was least prepared and my brush with dark, psychedelic night music left me metamorphosed forever, it expanded my consciousness like nothing else had done. It spoke to my UNCONSCIOUS and as an EMPATH, PSYCHIC and INTUIT, I felt like the 3D world collapse in front of me while all that remained where the subatomic particles in flux.

Dark psychedelic trance is the heavier end of the psychedelic trance spectrum with BPMs from about 148 and up. Related styles include psycore (fast and crazy), hi-tech (bouncy and glitchy), and forest (organic and earthy). Characterised of having obscure, deep and more eschatological background that leads into profound meditation of death, night and transcendence. Often with dismal sounds and heavy basslines. ~~WIKI

Quantum Reality is a bit like dark psychedelic trance, always in a state of flux! The Buddhists had it in one go- IMPERMANENCE and nothing quite elucidates that factor like a dark night set. The minute I put on one of my favourite tracks, you will easily distinguish it from the “other subgenres because of the unique sounds it typically features.”

It uses a very distinctive resonated bass beat that pounds constantly throughout the song and overlays the bass with varying rhythms drawn from funk, techno, dance, acid house, eurodance and trance using drums and other instruments. The different leads, rhythms and beats generally change every 8 bars. ~~WIKI

8 again…how sublime! The symbol of INFINITY flipped over. Eight is also extremely important in materiel manifestation. Which is why it works so well with any form of manifestation ritual! If you love this music, then work with it. Manifest!

Layering is used to great effect in psychedelic trance, with new musical ideas being added at regular intervals, often every 4 to 8 bars. New layers will continue to be added until a climax is reached, and then the song will break down and start a new rhythmic pattern over the constant bass line. Psychedelic trance tracks tend to be 6–10 minutes long. ~~WIKI

This new ideas that are introduced in every 4 or 8 bars is what decides whether we will go on an ADRENALINE BASED trip or an OXOTOCIN BASED one! With familiar samples, you will release oxytocin which in turn will bond you with the track and the musician. Sometimes even unfamiliar tropes introduced in the sounds may illicit oxytocin response. It all depends on how the neurotransmitters are firing up. Put easily, you decide how you want to feel. Nervous and edgy? Or relaxed and in control? Of course nothing is under control, but that is again the Philosopher in me talking. Nope, control is an illusion. But everything is an illusion. This whole Universe is a SIMULATION!

You know, I have used this music to HEAL, to meditate, to make love, to manifest and to go beyond the physical, but I have to confess, it is specially potent if you know how to LUCID DREAM on certain tracks. Much more on that later. I have been keeping a LUCID DREAM JOURNAL for the last decade and will be glad to share my meditations with you. Email me if you want to keep your own and need guidance.

After realising how important this genre of music is for all sorts of OCCULT MAGICKAL ACTIVITIES, I began to really improvise and work with this form of DIGITAL INFORMATION. I always felt that it was a collaboration between the MUSICIAN, the AI and the LISTENER, we shall call her the MEDITATOR- the holy TRINITY of SELF EXPRESSION or dance! And dance being the ULTIMATE FORM OF BLISS MEDITATION. One prime element of BHAKTI YOGA! To feel the magic of HARE KRISHNA, you must surrender to the dance! Have you ever been to Mayapur? It is fantastic watching how they use dance as a form of meditation, so do we, with DIGITAL MUSIC.

Using dance as a form of meditation is nothing new. ABORIGINAL people have used dance for multiple purposes. In some societies, such as those of Western Africa, trance states are institutionalised and form a part of the religious life of the people so concerned. There, it appears that trance induced naturally or chemically with certain drugs is related to possession by spirits and deities, and thus is an instrument of ritualistic and religious importance because it provides the basis of EXPERIENCING THE SACRED and THE SUPERNATURAL!

“Dance like no one is watching…” We can express so much through dance PURGE so much, FEEL so much…like some internal micro universe bursting with infinite possibilities.

If you read the ancient text NATYASHASTRA by BHARAT MUNI you will see how he discourses on dance and its importance. This text is notable for its “aesthetic “Rasa” theory, which asserts that entertainment is a desired effect of performance arts but not the primary goal, and that the primary goal is to transport the individual in the audience into another parallel reality, full of wonder, where he experiences the essence of his own consciousness, and reflects on spiritual and moral questions.” This is what dancing to dark psy did for me, which is why I am here to tell you about it. Dark psy took me to parallel realities! Yes it did.

I realised how much my psychic field developed after my dark psy journeys. I began to see so much more with the music…of other worlds, of shadow people, of other spiritual beings. In Rishikesh while listening to a live set, I experienced the most wondrous psychic visions, unparalleled to this day. My whole body was vibrating and it felt like one gigantic cosmic orgasm! The witch in me was flying on her broomstick! 😉

I have tried to share my love of this genre with many people. When I make them hear it, they clamp up. Yikes! You call that music!???! That is just plain NOISE! Do you feel that way? Well then listen up. Play the music and sit in silence. Let the DISCORDANT beats crash into the seas of our consciousness. All you do is BREATHE! JUST BREATHE! I wish I could hold you close, to bring your AURA and fuse it with mine! To merge our energies so I could share with you some of the wondrous stuff this music does to me.

Like TAROT, each TRACK or LIVE SET is like a CARD, complete with its own story, bringing to light archetypal imagery from the dawn of time! The discordant, dark night sounds can speak volumes to your UNCONSCIOUS as I discussed before and wait for it….you can actually retain that wisdom, even after the TRIP. I am not referring to a psychedelic trip, but to the TRACK itself which becomes the TRIP or the QUEST.

You know about the QUEST ARCHETYPE?

  • According to theorists, the hero’s quest occurs in cultures around the world and throughout time. It comes from the collective unconscious.
  • Each storyteller bends the mythic pattern to fit the needs of the specific culture or tale, which is why, according to Joseph Campbell, “the hero has a thousand faces.”
  • The following 12 stages of the hero’s quest archetype do not necessarily always go in the order presented; they may be re arranged.

http://www.pbs.org/mythsandheroes/myths_arch_quest.html#content

A dark psy track of Kindzadza would transport me into a SURREAL UNIVERSE where I had to work through these twelve stages to discover the meaning of my quest. This meaning became blurred each time as newer truths surfaced in my consciousness and then I reached a stage of JUST BEING with the CHAOS.

Try to interpret the TWELVE STEPS of the QUEST ARCHETYPE to the story that plays in your head with each track you listen to. Remember they will never be the exact. In fact you have to INTUIT how each ARCHETYPE applies to your scenario. If you do this, with each attempt you will be uncovering much valuable information from the deepest parts of your UNCONSCIOUS.

A CHAOS MAGICK PRACTITIONER for over a decade, dark psy spoke to me of the myriad possibilities of using it as a CHAOS MAGICK portal. I did so with tremendous success. Many New Moons have I manifested much of my heart’s desire with meditation, dark psy, orgasms and candle magick! I have kept mixing and matching the modalities, but sex(masturbation), magick and dark psy always work!

As a PSYCHIC certain tracks open up dimensional portals for me! Sometimes they are hard to traverse, as often I become too integrated to the artist’s emotions and as an EMPATH, it becomes hard. Artists using different forms of psychedelics leave their indelible marks on the tracks. You see the substance consumed, the consumer, become ONE when put in the blender of DIGITAL LANGUAGE. This is the classic Hegelian- Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis, like watching THE MAN WITH THE MOVIE CAMERA , by DZIGA VERTOV.

Man and Machine must coexist. If Elon Musk would have it, all of humanity will soon be bionic! How does that make you feel?

To create this music, the musician is aided by the AI, yes, the GHOST IN THE MACHINE! I sincerely believe that the DIGITAL LANGUAGE is not only to be credited to the humans, the computer is as much a part of it as the biological entity. Only certain Artists speak to my consciousness and spiritually energise me, for they are vibrating on the same frequency.

I am here to talk to you about dark night music as tool of great importance in not just our spiritual growth, but it can help us transcend this dense 3D fog and show us a glimpse of the 5D. It has happened to me and it can happen to you.

I have been looking for a community to speak with about my love and obsession for this genre as I have been bereft without one. There is hardly anyone I know who listens to this music and certainly no one who wants to discuss the theory and the philosophy behind it!

With the North Node in Leo, collectively we are bringing out our unique talents to show to the world. And as I speak of a smorgasbord of occult themes, I do not want to leave my SOUL MUSIC behind. I want to integrate it into my spiritual work and share my journey with you.

Do drop me a line if you think dark night music is like the very fundamental question of PHILOSOPHY….WHO AM I? If you listen closely enough, you will hear it…the PRIMORDIAL SOUND OF AUM MERGING WITH THE DIS-HARMONIC BEATS TO CREATE A PERFECT HARMONY! The perfect resonance!

I want to discuss different tracks and Artists, styles and treatments with you, just like I would discuss a French New Wave Film, Tantra or Theosophy, Tarkovsky or Munch, or a sonnet of Shakespeare. This is my quest to bring this to light.

If you like this music and like what I say, then support me. I will be going live soon on PATREON, please fund me. I plan to interact with all my PATRONS one on one(only if you take the exclusive deal) to display the various potentialities of this music in therapy, meditation, lucid dreaming and in sex magick.

Thank you! ❤

Twinflames and Synchronicity~~

A real love letter is made of insight, understanding, and compassion. Otherwise it’s not a love letter. A true love letter can produce a transformation in the other person, and therefore in the world. But before it produces a transformation in the other person, it has to produce a transformation within us. Some letters may take the whole of our lifetime to write. ~~Thích Nhất Hạnh

That is the kind of LOVE LETTER we all need to write…to ourselves and to our MIRROR SELVES~~our Twinflames! And it is only from such a PURE and SACRED SPACE can we begin to address our emotions and feelings for our Twinflames!

Synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through intuitive knowledge. ~ Deepak Chopra

What is synchronicity?

Carl Gustav Jung coined the word to describe what he called “temporally coincident occurrences of acausal events.”

You know that time you drive out into the highway and it starts drizzling and some track begins to play on your devise. Maybe you heard that track at a party where your eyes caught another’! And you were thinking of him/her and bam, that track plays bringing with it all kinds of desires and longings…inexplicable, deep pangs!

Sometimes you think of a name and your cell rings. Presto! It is that very person.

Sometimes you realise that the name of your Twinflame is a word you have heard many times. It has always been there and one day you put the pieces of the puzzle together.

I worked with an inter-racial couple once. They are Twinflames. I could see that the moment I met them, their synergy was awesome. They told me such crazy stories of synchronicity that I was left intrigued.

They had met in the US very many years ago. They hooked up one night and never thought anything of it. Years went by and they both had kids. And then one day they met again. In Bombay of all places.

They instantly recognised each other and in fact he told me that he had thought of her many times in the past. Especially at times when he was single. That means every time he felt vulnerable, he thought of her.

This is a commonality. Twinflames often think of one another in times of crisis. But of course he never managed to find her. In fact, they reconnected on Facebook and realised the intensity of their feelings for each other.

Speaking to her I realised how she had never forgotten him. She actually waited for him to get back, but he didn’t. He tells me that somehow he never managed to connect with her. He tried. There it is….they had to split up and finish off their karmic stuff.

Now listen to this, he fell in love and had a baby girl. And as he tells me that her memory kinda got buried under his busy schedule. And without thinking of it, he named his baby girl. And guess why I am saying this? The name of his baby is her MIDDLE NAME which he never heard before. Imagine his surprise at this! He was never aware of this! Can you believe this synchronicity! I was confounded!

And they met on the 11/11/2013 and I might have discussed how important his number sequence is in understanding the Twinflame phenomena. Most Twinflames are in some way guided by the 11.11!

11 is a master number which represents intuition, creativity, genius, refinement and fulfillment. Eleven is also the numerology code for self-awareness.

As Jung would have us believe- nothing is coincidence my dear! There is a GOVERNING DYNAMIC, an INTELLIGENT DESIGN, a LIVING BREATHING UNIVERSE that is working through us, expressing through us, orgasming through us!

One quote that moved Jung(and me) is from Lewis Carroll’s THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, where the WHITE QUEEN tells ALICE: “It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards…”

A new theory claims that time does not move forward, but rather, everything in time is ever-present. According to the theory, if we were to ‘look down’ upon the universe, we would see time spread out in all directions, just as we see space at the moment. EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALREADY EXISTS! Time does not flow, TIME JUST IS! Like the BENESS!

“The Hegelian doctrine, which identifies Absolute Being or “Be-ness” with non-Being, and represents the Universe as an eternal becoming, is identical with the Vedanta philosophy.” — H.P. Blavatsky, The Secret Doctrine, Vol. 2, p. 449-450

You won’t believe it, I began to seriously look at Twinflames after 11/11/2008. I remember how often this sequence began to pop up. It drove me nuts and I remember so vividly that the terrorists attacked Bombay on 26/11, just a few days after I began to SERIOUSLY get into this whole thing.

I had a lot of tragedy happen to me as well with this 11.11.

My furbaby(he was my whole world) had a terrible, uncalled accident on the 11/3/2011! That broke my heart and if I did not have my spiritual work, I might not have made it. Yes that is how strongly I feel. I am an empath! Shockingly, it is at this time that my heart cried out the most for my Twinflame!

I know that when our Twinflame energy is close by, we can expect to see this number. The Universe is conspiring to reunite us with ourselves, in the shape of our Twinflame! Yes and how beautiful will that be!

Another beautiful couple that consults with me have such an interesting anecdote. He is from the UK and she from SA. They met on FB through my Theosophy group. Yes! A huge success story. They wish to remain anonymous, but that will not stop me from saying how lucky they are to have found each other.

She tells me that since he added her on FB, everywhere she went, she began to hear his name. Say his name is Tom. She kept hearing TOM, TOM freaking everywhere. And every time she heard that name, she thought of him, her new FB friend. Then finally, she threw caution to the winds and texted him to go out. And as they say, the rest is history/herstory!! 😉

There is another story that comes to mind. This guy saw this girl at a party. His best friends were constantly talking about her. She was the new girl in town and she is hot! So he kept hearing her name and within a couple of days, he kept bumping into her or her car or her sister. He tells me how everywhere he went in South Bombay, she was there. At the club, at the gym, at the lounge. It was like the Universe was screaming and pointing her to him. So without wasting any time he approached her. But she did not say yes for two years, but once she did, they have never been apart from that day! What a story!

These anecdotes I presented are not MERE COINCIDENCES! No people! They are TWINFLAME SYNCHRONICITY! It does not happen much, but when it does, it is MAGICK!

Like this…the love story of Bergman and his leading lady Liv. A lot of highly CREATIVE couples are Twinflames. I have discussed this before. Read my other Twinflame stuff.

Synchronistic events offer us perceptions that may be useful in our psychological and spiritual growth and may reveal to us, through intuitive knowledge, that our lives have meaning. ~ Jean Shinoda Bolen, MD, The Tao of Psychology, p.7

Are you seeing 11.11? Are you frantically searching for your Twinflame? Calm down! Being desperate will not work here. It is all about PATIENCE! Yes patience is a real VIRTUE!

You know why some of us are looking for our Twinflames? It is to experience a SPIRITUALLY AWARE relationship. Not to say that the present one I am in, is not so. It is. But our life partners bring about a different type of resonance from our Twinflame energy. I will repeat again. It does not mean you will be 100% compatible with your Twinflame. Quite the contrary! You might be miserable if you do not recognise the SOUL CONNECT! You have to want to BE with that person no matter what and usually this intensity is easily found between Twinflames. But some people are so blinded by rampant mindless materialism that they miss out on such an important connection

I have seen that happen too and it is very painful. But chances are high that you are on the lookout for this energy if you are reading my blog! I am after all a Twinflame Mentor!

There are numerous SOULMATES. I spoke of the 144. Check my other articles out on this topic. So you will find 11 SOULMATES, but only ONE Twinflame! Again the number 11!

Another noteworthy aspect to mention is that most Twinflames have SPIRIT GUIDES or ANCESTORS, friends, loved ones who send energy to make this union happen. Therefore it is possible to experience crazy dejavu’s, almost of a spiritual fervour with your Twinflame.

If you are aware of your Twinflame, your body will vibrate every time you think about them. You might not even be consciously aware of it. So next time you feel compelled by somone’s eyes, look deeply if they stir these Twinflame emotions in you. But again, use your powers of discretion!

The Dalai Lama quoted: “I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.”

I will tell you the same. Let the Universe be your guide and do not expect your Twinflame to adhere to any preconceived ideas you might have had. Delete and clear all those redundant files and let the beauty of SYNCHRONICITY guide you and you will find your Twinflame. Let me know when that happens…

I leave you with these thoughts today….look for synchronicity and as always I am waiting to hear from you. Let me know your love story. Uncover the Twinflame mystery with me…for TOGETHER we can! And TOGETHER WE WILL! ❤

http://www.tinaheals.com

tina@tinaheals.com

Twinflames and Soulmates: How to identify them~~

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“A soulmate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various times and places over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves.”  — Edgar Cayce

I have already discussed this WHOLE that we must return to~~the return to INNOCENCE! This WHOLE has to be internalised as well, for without integrating the yin/yang polarities, there is little or no hope that you will meet your twinflame or soulmate! As much as Hollywood or Bollywood have you believe otherwise!

Venus direct in Aries is firing up some deep, deep yearnings inside of me and I am compelled to concentrate on this topic(besides you guys keep asking me to write more on this subject).

Recently I witnessed a really powerful love story take shape and I feel honoured to have worked with the lovely couple. Their joining together seemed so magical, even the ways their auras met. I realised they were twinflames! They are in the very small percentage of people who will meet their twinflames this incarnation, in the 5th race(We are in the 5th race according to HPB).The sixth and seventh race will herald in a moment when more of Twinflames will be incarnating together.

Look around you. Look at the magazines, the programmes on telly, the commercial films…what do you see? All I see is commercialising of sex and violence and throwing in a pinch of impossible romantic love that Hollywood has created. The devastating heterosexual treacherous psycho-somatic mindfuck!!! The disastrous DATING GAME!

The dating scene is just that! A mindfuck and everyday it gets a little worse. Where is the connection? Where is the depth of feeling? I mean wtf are we humans if we cannot feel feelings deeply.

You know in my channelling I have got a clear message- Humans are extremely complex emotional creatures. The depth and profundity of our emotions have many alien civilisations green with envy. They are intrigued by the whole gamut of human emotions. So humans, be proud of your feelings. Be receptive to your feelings. Feel deeply. Love deeply and fuck deeply.

A love story that touched my heart was of Jean Paul Sartre and Simone De Beauvoir. To Sartre, FREEDOM was everything so he wanted to be FREE from the bourgeoisie decorum of monogamy.  He said his relationship with Beauvoir was the best and most complete and equal relationship he could ever have with anyone.  It wasn’t about sex or intimacy, but rather about intellectual discussions and conversations on the vital decisions in their lives. Yes they had issues like all of us, but they decided to be CREATIVE and FREE in their love. They challenged each other intellectually and in all other ways. That is very Twinflame type of energy. Yes sex is important, but with the Twinflame energy, it is a part of the WHOLE.

The phrase soul mate, is as old as time(the meaning), but was first recorded in 1822, when the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote in a letter, “To be happy in Married Life . . . you must have a Soul-mate.” Inexplicably, the term has skyrocketed in use since the 1980s and billions of dollars have been made and billion hearts broken over failed expectations of romantic love. We are romance junkies and we need that adrenal pumping right through our bodes, don’t we?

Most people I work with are interested in their love lives. Most of them want to know if X or Y is the one. Will they meet their soulmates? Will they fuck like rabbits under a full moon by the beach? 😉 Seriously people! That is what we are being sold- an impossible love story. Every love song, every love story, a small impossible universe of pain and bliss unto itself! We humans live for love(and pain too). As corny as that sounds!

Most of us yearn for this twinflame/soulmate connection, when we watch a perfect Sunset or listen to that track that somehow pumps our hearts and makes us transcend time and space to be with that mysterious person. It is an impossible yearning that has never ceased and may never cease as it is direct SOUL ENERGY. And why should it not be so? Love is the greatest cosmic force. The real love story between twinflames, not the stuff you see onscreen or in clubs. Modern relationships have become mere shells of what is possible and what once existed between the masculine and the feminine. We were EQUALS, in every way.

Love in all its manifestations is pure energy and sexual love is the very creator of our Universe- the male/female polarities have created this reality. I was just reading up about how Scientists have discovered this COLD SPOT in the Universe which may suggest that energy and information is lost when Universes collide with each other. Shocked?!?

Our Universe is only one in an infinite set which comprises the multiverse and in all of them exists a different version of you. Maybe in some Universe you are writing this while I am reading this. Yes it all sounds like fantasy, but this my dear friends is the reality.

In all of the infinite Universes you experience love and passion in different ways and there are 144 souls who incarnate together. This 144 is a part of a single unitary consciousness~ the BE-NESS.

Upon inaugurating an active period, says the Secret Doctrine, an expansion of this Divine essence from without inwardly and from within outwardly, occurs in obedience to eternal and immutable law, and the phenomenal or visible universe is the ultimate result of the long chain of cosmical forces thus progressively set in motion. In like manner, when the passive condition is resumed, a contraction of the Divine essence takes place, and the previous work of creation is gradually and progressively undone. The visible universe becomes disintegrated, its material dispersed; and ‘darkness’ solitary and alone, broods once more over the face of the ‘deep.’ To use a Metaphor from the Secret Books, which will convey the idea still more clearly, an out-breathing of the ‘unknown essence’ produces the world; and an inhalation causes it to disappear. This process has been going on from all eternity, and our present universe is but one of an infinite series, which had no beginning and will have no end.” ~~HPB

This Be-ness is the I AM ALL or the BRAHMAN of the Vedantins. From that manifests the I AM or the EGO which is symbolised by Narayan on the oceans of time and space. That is the Cosmic Purusha whose polarity is PRAKRITI or the MOTHER ESSENCE or MULAPRAKRITI. This divine MOTHER/FATHER is one of the oldest ARCHETYPES in our psyches. This Mother/Father then created 12,000 groups of souls into 144 souls each.

Each of these groupings contained 12 monads, with 12 soul extensions within each
monad. Thus creating the 144,000 Souls and their twin ray was over lighted for each
of the 12 monads that represented the 12 Rays of SPIRIT. Originally all
of these rays were ONE but then separated into the 12 for specificity. That is how we broke up lovelies….from our twinflames.

But no matter how dense this 3D reality may be, no matter how thick the veil is, some of us cannot help but wonder about this Twinflame connection. It is strong, it is potent and is you are developed psychically, then you can surely tune into these energies. I know I do. I feel him.

“…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…”
― Plato, The Symposium

In his dialogue The Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present a story about soulmates. Aristophanes states that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. He continues that there were three genders: man, woman and the “Androgynous”. Each with two sets of genitalia with the Androgynous having both male and female genitalia. The men were children of the sun, the women were children of the earth and the Androgynous were children of the moon, which was born of the sun and earth. It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods. The gods were then faced with the prospect of destroying the humans with lightning as they had done with the Titans but then they would lose the tributes given to the gods by humans. Zeus developed a creative solution by splitting humans in half as punishment for humanity’s pride and doubling the number of humans who would give tribute to the gods. These split humans were in utter misery to the point where they would not eat and would perish so Apollo had sewn them up and reconstituted their bodies with the navel being the only remnant hearkening back to their original form. Each human would then only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for his/her other half; the other half of his/her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that. ~~Wikipedia

See how pathetic the scenario is? This whole soulmate thing has us all fired up. Companies are selling products worth billions fuelling this dream of the impossibly perfect romance. We all want that newness, that thrill and adventure of a new love, we are truly love-junkies in these days of social media. We want our fix and we want it now.

Jean Paul Sartre argues that to possess something is to want to be united with it.  So the goal of love is to possess your lover, or put more nicely, to be united with your lover. It’s not about physical possession or power; it’s rather about possessing their consciousness.  You want to know that they would do anything for you, like betray their friends for you, steal for you or kill for you.  You don’t want to be just another object in the world, but the key to revealing the world for your lover. Sartre says this explains the joy of love: when you find justification of your life in your lover. But how can you find justification in your lover? This vicious cycle is why Sartre says LOVE IS DECEPTION. The way society has perceived of it. I could not agree more.

Twinflame love is anything but POSSESSION or DECEPTION!

But don’t be sad…reality is MAGICKAL and your soulmate exists, yes, your twinflame too and you can find them if you develop your psychic gifts with meditation and intention, ritual and magick.

Tell me have you ever locked eyes with someone and felt the life-force knocked out of you? Or have you seen someone online and felt that you have known them forever. You feel immensely attracted to them and you don’t know why. Have you felt that?

Okay I am not saying that every time you get attracted to someone, that you are meeting your soulmate. Sadly that is not the case. If you are in tune with your spiritual side and in touch with your INNER VOICE, then you may pay special attention if you feel extremely attracted to that someone. It has happened to people I know and for some it worked and for some it didn’t. So use your powers of discretion. I would not suggest you approach the person right away. Wait and watch.

There are certain signs that this person is indeed your Twinflame or Soulmate. What are those?

A profound sense of dejavu. Look for signs and symbols. Think of the colours and numbers. What do they mean? This sense of knowing this person is so overwhelming that you are left stunned. Don’t feel bad if it has not happened to you in such a profound manner, because not everyone will come across these strong karmic energies. A lot of these answers can be found with the placement of Ketu, Venus, Eris, Juno, Mars and you also need to see what planets occupy your fifth, seventh and eighth house.

Edgar Cayce said God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or “separation from God.” Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate. ~~Wiki

This is why Twinflames incarnate. They have unfinished business which needs to be taken care of. They have to separate. Yes this separation is painful even if we are blissfully unaware. But it is real, to our souls. We feel it DEEP WITHIN.

“the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh”. ~~GOSPEL OF MATTHEW

Everything is energy, so when two people feel attraction, there is a spike in energy. These “highs” will be like no highs you have felt, if you actually fuck your soulmate/Twinflame. The chemistry will set fire to the bed, I assure you that. But that is not the only sign.

There is a video I found online of performance Artist Marina

See the look on their eyes…pretty close to Twinflame vibes. What do you think? This left such an impact on me. The story of separation…the flux of life…nothing stays the same, everything changes.

Look I might try to type a thousand words to explain this psychic love connection, but believe me human words cannot explain the intricacies of such feelings. Words can never grasp all its complex and simple nuances. It is impossible.

Take this poem of Tagore for instance ~~

“Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it’s age old pain,
It’s ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.”
― Rabindranath Tagore, Selected Poems

Like this poem. Like meditation. It can only be felt. The Twinflame can only be felt and not from a superficial place, but from the very depth of your heart chakra.

Don’t expect this type of relationship to feed your ego, for it will do just the opposite. It will shatter your ego into smithereens and recreate you. Think of THE TOWER card of the MAJOR ARCANA. But some get caught in the lower vibrations and land up being stalkers and psycho exes. It is best to just surrender if you feel such a powerful force and that is the sweet surrender.

Speak to him/her if you can. But do not fret over someone if your feelings are not reciprocated. Remember thoughts are energy! You may be attaching yourself to that person uselessly and creating pointless karmic ties and debts that you do not need to. News Flash~~You may be calling a wrong number! That person is not your Twinflame!

If you are mature and still feel this deep vibe for someone, then do go ahead and make contact. As long as he is not married! lol! In most cases, the soulmate will be married. As ridiculous as it sounds, because most of us, if we ever do, will meet this person at a much later stage in life. We have to live, to love, to experience and then only can we identify this Twinflame connection.

Does that mean young people cannot meet their soulmates? They most surely can. But they have to be karmically ready for this you see.

According to spiritual teachers like Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet, it is not a soulmate that is one’s true love, perfect match, or literal other half as is often times imagined, but instead it is the twin flame that is one’s true love, perfect match or literal other half.  In The Ascended Masters on Soulmates and Twin Flames, the Prophet’s state that “if you really meditate at inner levels, you know that that relationship doesn’t go as high or is not as profound as the one with the person who is your direct counterpart—the twin flame you have known as your other self from the first moment of your creation.” ~~Wikipedia

Can you imagine the intensity of such a relationship? You have known your twinflame from that first MOMENT OF CREATION! How sublime is that!

The Greek philosopher Aristotle is quoted as saying “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies”and the Zohar states that “Each soul and spirit prior to its entering into this world, consists of a male and female united into one being. When it descends on this earth the two parts separate and animate two different bodies. Like the ARDHANARISHWARA, the union of the binaries. That is how we exist with our Twinflames, as the joined Ardhanirishwara!

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So the concept is everywhere! With people from over the world. We humans think of the same things, yet we go to war! We all bleed when we are cut, but swords abound, not pens.

There is an aspect of Soulmates and Twinflames that bothers my Uranian rebellious spirit. Do we have FREE WILL when we choose to fall in love or is it just destiny? The soulmate is sometimes a forced concept to keep society believing in the impossible dreams Hollywood peddles. I wonder…

Is this soulmate/ twinflame thingy hurting society more than benefiting us?

Do not get caught up in petty emotions and feelings! This is just ONE UNIVERSE, one option, one story. There are INFINITE such Universes, there are INFINITE SUCH STORIES. And in each Universe you are thinking that this is the ONLY ONE TRUE REALITY! But it is not. Reality is INFINITE in its complexity.

Do not think that familiarity will breed contempt, for INTIMACY and ROMANCE can co-exist and this Twinflame love will typify that.

Look it is okay if your paths don’t cross this incarnation because it will, when you are ready. But not till then.

We all want deep relationships, tenderness and something profound, but we just don’t get it. Relationships have to be cultivated, it does not happen overnight.

I leave you with this last track….

Don’t know why, it elicits a primal emotion in me….so raw and so sexy…

Much more on Twinflames coming up at a later date. For now I am off to meditate…on what? What do you think? 😉

http://www.tinaheals.com

tina@tinaheals.com

For Mothers and Grandmothers and all our Ancestors~~How Astrology connected me back to you~~

Nothing in life ever made sense, everything was too arbitrary, too random, too chaotic. There was a larger pattern somewhere there, I knew it, I sensed it. But how could I find that design? I knew somethings were connected and sometimes events and scenarios repeated themselves. Why? I’d ask myself. What on Earth was the connection?

But the connection was not just on Earth you see! The connection is quantum, the connection is everything. Looking up at the sky, I knew that there were stories there. There was a pattern up there I realised, but did that pattern somehow relate to the one below.

Then I discovered astrology. I think I was sixteen and it changed the way I looked at life. The planets above spiralled through the highways in space and entered different signs. Sometimes they appeared to go retrograde. No they are not moving backwards, they just appear thus to us.

The situations and scenarios that led me here have to do with the veil lifting slowly. Yes the pattern exists. I was ecstatic. Kinda EUREKA moment there! AS ABOVE SO BELOW. The natal chart became a fascination for me- mine, my mom and dad’s, my baby brother’s. I became obsessed reading all kinds of astrology books.

II used to go to the National Library, which is the largest library in Asia to study up on the occult. Astrology was a favourite. Things started to fall into place and in fact this perusal of this ancient subject got me more and more interested in spirituality.

By then Blavatsky had happened to me. Bailey opened my mind to ESOTERIC ASTROLOGY and till today I have not stopped learning from them. HPB has made herself known to me through many meditations, channellings and writings which I will share with you as and when she asks me to.

Her first instructions came when I was asked to open this group on FB around nine years ago I think.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hpblavatsky/

Again I divert. Back to how astrology not only made me connect to the COSMOS in an abstract way, it also directly connected me to my ANCESTORS. Developing my psychic gifts have opened up so many portals, so many narratives and meta-narratives, so many visions and illusions, so many worlds and Universes. Every human being is gifted with this psychic capability and BECOMING AWARE and BE-NESS(state of just being) are steps to come closer to these powers. They will manifest in everyone in due time.

My mom left today. She was with me for the past month and a half and today she is gone.  sit on my WC and howl my lungs out. The cry is primal, it is raw and it is NORMAL(especially under a Pisces Moon, ah, it is also the last Moon to conjunct Chiron, in Pisces as well). Crying and letting go of emotions is very healthy. Do not stop anyone from crying, let them CRY for fuck’s sake, there is too much Pisces going on here. ha! Their tears are cosmic healers. The tears will not only cool your breasts as they fall on your chest, they are the balm the Universe is sending you. Let them come, let the floodgates break. This primal feeling took me back to the Scorpio full moon we just went through. Boy! Was that heavy!!!

The Gemini season is lighter, less intense, but it is intense when the Moon in Pisces squares Saturn in Saggy.

But still I cry…I cry for all the time lost, the useless harsh words uttered by me in moments of rebellion(very strong Uranian energy), the intense events that I afflicted on her(Moon in the 7th can do that for you, especially if it happens to be your SEVENTH HOUSE).

I cried for my lost childhood and I cried for my daughter. Her granny is her whole world you see. I cried for all the lost hugs and kisses, all the sweet stories and tea-parties, all the lullabies and playing dressing up.

I cry for the LOSS OF INNOCENCE, I cry for IMPERMANENCE! Because as a mortal, nothing scares me more that these shifts. I know not that everything is a vibration, pure mathematics. I only know of emotions and raw feelings- of pain, loss, suffering(Pluto aspects in the natal chart do this) and of course of love and bliss. But every feeling, every sensation is TEMPORARY.

No matter how strongly I try to hold on to it, they just disappear, like evanescent bubbles, each bubble a Universe unto itself. So many Universes coming into being and then dissipating while new ones appear.

Dear Ma,

As you are well aware, I have been doing these special RELEASE and FORGIVE meditations since February. It is done to FORGIVE ones parents. We have to forgive our parents for every thing we may blame them for consciously or unconsciously. You know that as we have spoken in-depth about this.

You know how everyday I have created this sacred spot for you where you and baba have visited. I have surrendered all my anger and resentment maa, you know that. With each meditation, I have released you from any known or unknown karmic ties of suffering that I might have unleashed on you. In turn all I ask is your forgiveness. I know you have always, already forgiven me. The Dasein has anticipated your forgiveness ahead of time.

This meditation that I created to forgive you made me overcome so many psychological repressed issues that I finally let go. I wrote about it, I meditated on it and cut the toxic chords forever. I have grown maa, ready to take flight on my wings and be the butterfly you wanted me to be.

This overwhelming crushing sense of loss at you leaving has left me so vulnerable, that today I understand that the meditation has opened up this block and today I experience FORGIVENESS as I have never done before. The intensity was rapturous. A rush of endorphin, Release of serotonin. Oxytocin.

Maa today I cry as I know that our story must end one day and that breaks my heart. I know we have had a complicated herstory. I know ma. Lilith in Cancer can do that you know. See this placement of Lilith means that the mother will sooner or later, through her action, words or deeds hurt the person!

Yes maa I was hurt and I hurt you. I took your protective love to be oppressive when I should have looked at the scenarios with less selfishness and more compassion. Today I know what it means to be a mom as I cuddle my daughter in my arms, as I smell her hair, as I listen to her sing to me or when she kisses me. I know how mothers feel. I know how you felt.

Maa you have a sensitive artist’s soul and no one can hold a candle to your illumination. Your heart always so full of live and wonder! You are a gift! To me from the Universe. Maa you have been my first Guru, my first spiritual guide.

From teaching me Shiv Puja to Adyastotram, from taking me to yoga classes since I was ten, to making sure I meditate daily during my school and college life. Maa today I see how important you have been in my spiritual journey. You are irreplaceable in every way.

You know maa, as a child I had this inexplicable fear of losing you. It was my worst fear and you know what as I explore this spiritual vibe, I can tell you that although I know how interconnected life and death are, it still makes my heart skip a beat when I think that one day you might not be there.

As the North Node has entered Leo, everyday I am becoming more of me and today I forgive you for every bloody thing. And maa, today I am sending spirals of love vibration to all the women I have shared my mitochondrial DNA with. I love you all.

Thank you ~~tintin

Dear Gita,

I want you to know that you are a part of my soul tribe and you are truly a remarkable woman. You lost two children and still continued to spread your love and light to the world. Your contribution will never be forgotten while me and my daughter are alive.

Your stories will live on through the mouths of my descendants I promise you that for you may have ended just this life, not the IN-finite fractals of narratives and meta narratives we have created through incarnations.

I met you in one of my most intense regression sessions last week. You are a part of my 144! Gita, I release you from all stigma, shame and guilt that society may have thrust upon you. I also release you from every karmic pain and attachment I might have inflicted on you knowingly or unknowingly.

I ask for your forgiveness and readily forgive anything and everything for LOVE is all I feel. You see nothing matters except the huge samsaric seas of consciousness where we have forayed together since infinity.

Gita I love you and always will.

Thanking you deeply~~ tina

Dear Namita,

You left leaving me hollow from inside. Your stories, your songs, your spiritual side, left a profound impact on me. There is so much to say today and I wish you could see the work I am doing. I know you knew where I was headed.

Your fascination for books and literature amazes me today. What depth of knowledge you had about Bengali literature and culture. What insights and you never shied away from providing me with guidance.

The paternal grandfather is the 10th from the 10th = 7th house and the Moon sits in my seventh house. The Moon(SUBJECTIVE MIND) has to do with INTUITION and you have helped me immensely to develop that gift.

You have meditated with me as a child. You have shown me the details of havan and puja. Namita I know you have suffered, but each time you have opened your heart and let the light shine through the crack and you have taught me the same.

I have learnt to open my heart from you. I pay homage to you and your mother Namita and all the great women who created you and me in turn. I send you spirals of love energy.

Thank You~~tintin

I bow down to all the mothers and grandmothers of my lineage going back to 14 generations and beyond. I salute you and your femininity.

I bow down to all the mothers and grandmothers out there, through all of space and time.

I bow down to the original FEMALE who is all our ancestor.

I bow down to the MOTHER MATRIX or DEVI energy.

I bow down to you in reverence as I am a vibration of you, as you are of me. We are FRACTALS of that ONE CONSCIOUSNESS swimming through SPACE. We are the Universe watching itself.

Blessed by the Sun in Gemini, this is my offering….I don’t know why but I compelled to urge you to CONNECT with your MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS~~Please call them…please…astro

The Plan~~A Novel by Tinaheals

 

Help me Publish!!! Email ~ tina@tinaheals.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

Rajani and the twins moved from their gigantic ancestral home to a modest apartment,

He continued working, but had lost interest. Only two clients remained with him, the rest hired his son who now also usurped his office. So with a very modest salary he began to educate and care for his granddaughters. He became father and mother, friend and teacher; he became their anchor in the stormy sea of life.

It would be time for weekly nail cutting, ear cleaning, hair oiling sessions; amidst squeals and protests, he would pacify them singing, shohe na, shohe na, kande poranooo with dramatic eye movements and wild gestures, especially when they tried to tell him to stop, that had them rolling on the floor laughing.

Slowly but surely, the trio began to put the past behind them and move on. The girls taught him to laugh again, to live again; life had given him a second chance to bring up his two girls again, he just wished Sita could experience this life with him.
He took them to Benaras, BodhGaya, Hrishikesh and Haridwar; they went to so many places in their country, even remote ones where tourists don’t usually set foot.
They’d be lost in the world of Hanuman as he destroyed Lanka, they’d be crying as Ravana abducted Sita, they’d be deeply moved when Karna would be going to battle against Arjuna knowing he’d lose, they’d be fuming with anger when Duryodhana insulted Panchali and time would fly as dadu would read to them the Ramayana, the Mahabharata, the Bhagvadgita and other sacred texts. The way he could tell the story, the simplicity, yet, the profundity in them, deeply touched the girls. Even while imparting knowledge from the Upanishads, he tried to make it as palatable as possible for the children, tell me how do you explain Tat Tvam Asi to seven year olds, yet not only did he try, it’d be fair to say, he succeeded too.

He could see his daughter Mita in the girls, different attributes of her visible in each girl.

He loved Nina’s poetry, she had rawness to her emotions, something primordial to the way she described reality even in that young age; surely poetry was to be her meditation and so it was.

The chotto ektakar shingara and the radhaballi,

Breathing furiously.

Inhabiting my Sundays, my frenemies.

She’d written this haiku, barely aged seven and it made him laugh. She’d captured something of Kolkata in those lines; she’d grabbed a slice of their times together as they strolled down Sarat Bose Road on sultry lazy Sundays.

It’s absolutely true that nowhere except Kolkata do you get that tiny shingara or samosa for one rupee, it has peas in it and the Bongs cannot have enough of it. And what of the Radhabollobi? Try it, you’ll see. You may get acidity, but it’ll be worth it, vouches every Bengali.

Rajani loved these girls like he had loved their mother, but being a very enlightened soul he treated them all alike, even Arunava, but at times he was left wondering as to where he went wrong with that one. But Mita was his pet; he had a special soft corner in his heart for his eldest.

None had his spiritual depth except Mita and this bonded them immensely, every time he saw her, his heart wanted to embrace her. Khuku, he called her, his little girl and she was so much like him.

“Aye khuku aye…” he would play this song in the gramophone and Hemanta’s voice would flood the house.

She had his striking peaches and cream skin and almond shaped eyes like the goddess Durga, with abundant tresses swimming down to her knees and an hour-glass body which was as ageless as Time itself and looked like some Kumartuli’s sculptor was sculpting Maa Durga from clay. Shakkhat Maa Durga, people would comment.

Yes, she was breathtaking! Her intellect was sharp; she was thoughtful, critically questioning and deeply analytical. Many an afternoon was spent in discussing literature, philosophy, poetry and the scriptures of all religions. Her father enjoyed immensely the display of perspicacity while she explained some particular issue, idea or philosophy, her face shining red with passion and emotion. What radiance! Then she fell in love with Shubho at Scottish Church English honours class.
It was an exam. John Osborne’s play, “Look Back in Anger”, was the monster in question and 100 marks were at stake. Mita had not studied this play and her paper sat blank. She spotted Shubho in front scribbling away with immense concentration. She poked him a few times. He looked back and couldn’t take his eyes off her. In a state of suspended bliss, he handed her the paper. She took it with a squeal of laughter which thrilled him to the bone, and began to rewrite it in her words.
Now let’s fast forward, SHUBHO and MITA are married in Kartik purnima, the full moon beckoned a life of abundance and plenitude for them.

As Mita adorns Shubho’s neck with the baramala and the shubhodristi happens where they gaze into each other’s eyes, it’s like a dejavu. The breeze outside caresses his hair while he stands there looking at her, she’s carried on a piri by her brothers, uncles and cousins and her eyes are between two paan leaves and in that moment they both knew that no matter what life would bring it would be worth nothing without the other.

Mita gets pregnant which turns out to be pretty complicated with twins sharing the same amniotic sac and placenta, throughout the seven and a half months, she’s under strict supervision and spends much of her time reading, writing and talking to her daughters. During the course of her seven month pregnancy she almost dies twice and the lives of the twins are threatened, but she manages to trick fate into submission.

These girls, they had to see the sky wearing the bright blue cloak of a spring day, they had to experience the rain on their faces, caressing sometimes or slapping away, soft some days and as pokey as thorns on others. They had to see the cheetah run, they had to eat tangra macher jhol, oh, life in its complexity and multitudes had to be experienced by them, she thought.
Karma my dear friends had other plans. Mita and Shubho die tragically young, leaving behind only Rajani to take care of the twins. Their disappearance happened in Kedarnath temple during an annual pilgrimage they always undertook.
Rajani had to don the parent costume once again, this time for Nina and Zeenia and he was determined to play the role to perfection this time. As perfect as it could be! So now to get back to the story. Dadu is what Nina calls Rajani, the Bengali appellation for grandfather.
As she sits in front of this dead body, she thinks of her dadu. He would know what to do; he always knew what to do. Such were Nina’s thoughts. Delusion arises from anger, Dadu told her one day as she was furious with Joida, the Oriya driver who had not given her a minute to stand and chat with her friends after her Rabindra-sangeet class at Dakshini, to top it off he had the gall to speak rudely in front of them.

The dominoes fell,

The words like torrents

It was inevitable.

She’d written this haiku she remembered for the occasion.

Joida loved her as his own daughter and that was the excuse for the harsh treatment. She had almost wanted to slap Joida. But Dadu intervened. “Little one your mind is bewildered by delusion. You think that Joi is being pushy, but actually he is just trying to protect you. See, you lost your reasoning as your mind was bewildered…and one falls down, when reasoning is destroyed.” Dadu fell on the floor dramatically.
That made Nina smile even in her malaise as she sat in limbo, with dried blood on her hands. She deliberated with the thought of saying, “Out, damned spot,” but then decided against it. The dead body just lay there. Her hallucinations where he wakes up as some terrible ZOMBIE in a B-Grade film and chews her down bone by bone is funny, she observes. I can have funny thoughts, even in this scenario.
Then she notices that there were many parts of her, or no, there are many Nina’s inside of her, ambiguous and confused, each thinking that random thought while observing the others and then she notices that there is a Nina who’s also observing, but she has no thought as the others did, no opinion. She just watches. Not for the first time Nina could distinctly hear the separate voices- how diverge, how contradictory, how ironic were they, but this time there was a force to them that was lacking in the past. She tries to swallow, but her tongue sticks to her insides, parched and dry, it desperately needs some water.
The young housekeeping attendant is right outside Nina’s room and would have turned away, but a trickle of blood manages to seep outside. The attendant examines it carefully, and then thinks of what to do. Should he go and inform his supervisor? No he decides against it and taking a master key from his supply trolley, he puts it in the key hole and turns it.

The scene which greets his eyes chills him to the bone and a blood curdling scream escapes his lips shattering the quiet of the early morn. He looks ridiculous, scared out of his wits, barely coherent in his thoughts, he looked like a two year old who had seen a ghost in a Paranormal series on telly.
It’s Nina who surprises me. She didn’t even bat an eyelid at the shrill shriek. She just sits there, stares at her abyss. What did she see?? The abyss staring back??

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Image is not mine. Not my copyright.

Prologue~The Plan, a novel by Tinaheals


Publishing parts of my novel…help me publish!!! Fund me!!!

Prologue

The hunger in her soul, the song in her eyes, and the vibration of her heart called out to me from the hologram.

What hologram? The one you exist in my friend!

It’s the cosmic television, like the one you stare at for hours every day. What else do you do when you return home from work after a long tedious day? TELEVISION na?

That same kind of television; imagine it in a slightly grander scale, nope, maybe not just slightly, imagine it to be grander on an unprecedented scale!

A cosmic television! Aha!

You experience me and your three dimensional space as you do images on the T.V.

Listen listen, at this level, everything there is, was or could be exists as a super-holographic sequence. Everything exists simultaneously. The albatross of doom over your head?

Forget that bird, listen carefully. These lines exist now and have always existed, in a sense I have always been talking to you, you in the hologram, me in it, sometimes out of it, nope I’m in it too; she is a hologram.

I don’t know quite how to explain it,

Something in her craving for truth, something in the way she depicted existence called out to me. A very abstract, unquantifiable sentiment entangled the abstract in me. Things don’t usually impact me as they do you.

I am myself an abstraction concretized!

This Book of Life and Death may give you some answers. Are you looking for answers? If not then bandh karo and chalo.

A story it will be, yes definitely! Let it oscillate in your mind. Let it do the disco dancing.

The ouroboros of a story, without a beginning or an end!  Now you’re confused. Don’t be it’s just a story or is it? But while observing this story, remember, I take the artistic liberty to leave anything out, the very subtle nuances, the finer intricacies are often not done justice with words; soak the emotions up, let them begin to ferment in your mind and sprout ideas, thoughts, actions like a bean when soaked in water overnight; such strangeness does exist and such a strange narrator may or may not.

Time, time, time, cut its throat,

Ambiguity personified.

Derelict dreams, dysfunctional dilemma.

In the beginning was the word and then I appeared as the silent witness of all this mess, , the frequencies or sound in the light and the vibrations or light in the sound.

Mighty civilizations have appeared and disappeared without a trace, Zeno’s paradox has been thought of, if everything has a place, then place must also have a place, yes or no, to ad infinitum; the megaliths of Puma Punku have been built but now lie scattered as shattered memories of a bygone past that no one knows anything of, the dinosaurs have roamed the Earth and have been destroyed on the Western Ghats, the Kumari Kandam was lost to the sea taking with it a chunk of land from what you call India, and of course emperors, maharajas, kings, Prime Ministers have been assassinated, dethroned under my watchful gaze.

Listen to this, it’s her poetry. These few lines she wrote that had this stark honest, raw and original feel to it, yes, it made sense in all the nonsense and it made me want to collect this in the Book of Life and Death.

The human body is the war ground of Kurukshetra,

Reality lies is the five senses,

I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I smell you and I taste you!

In the world of dreams there are no differences,

I still see you, I still hear you….you get the gist!

The dream world is full of thoughts,

They are like drops from an ink pen, falling blot after blot,

They are like smoke from an incense, here one minute, gone the next.

They are like lightning, you see it for a nano second,

They are like thunder; you hear it, loud and clear, but then just the sound of the rain.

I am vexed!

These thoughts, they are my defence, my escape, my dream.

It was her grandfather, a kriya yogi, one of Babaji’s very own crusaders, who told her this truism as she crunched autumn leaves under her feet; the sound thrilled her to the very bottom of her soul- crunch, crunch, crunch!

Yes the human body is the esoteric Kurukshetra, more on that later. Who is Babaji? Even I don’t know.

 

Think about it, think long and hard,

Of the fragments, the notes all jarred,

The way things are designed, the way things feel,

In reality, there are no eyes, no ears, no mouth, no tongue, and no touch!

Is this a little too much??

Only electrical stimuli interpreted by our brain,

Do not ridicule this concept, do not think it insane!

You’re definitely wondering how you got stuck in here? Reading these lines and for what…do not despair my friend, it’ll be well worth your time, just read on, enjoy a writer’s psychosis.

There is no material reality,

I am asleep, I am dreaming, I do not realize,

That all is just perception!

These words they create just the sensation, an awareness of stimulation!

Now I wake up from this dream,

I seriously think I have entered another one,

The so-called real life, I hear it scream!

What is this life, but a dream? Do not for one minute think that your dream world is any more real than this solid physical world you inhabit, in fact the Sun, the Moon and the real you are all hidden away; it is every bit as real, yet, unreal. Makes no sense, it probably never will, but just read on…sapna, sapna, sapna…

Now this, it seems as true as my dream world,

How am I to know the difference?

My reality is blurred, it swirls and twirls.

This world is nothing but a habit,

Our belief, our dogmas, our prejudice!

A futile edifice, a worthless emphasis, an abject sedative

Of Nothingness!!!

Form = emptiness, emptiness = form
Emptiness is not separate from form, form is not separate from emptiness…all is nothing and nothing is all.
Whatever is form is emptiness, whatever is emptiness is form, you know that the atom that you’re made of is empty, yes, my friend, mostly empty. Hulk-like we stay in the understanding that the body is solid, but it’s not.

 

The brain is not the Perceiver or the Perceived!

Who am I?

What is this world?

Who are you?

Who thinks these thoughts?

Who is this ME?

Who is writing these words?

To what avail?

 

I’m just a ghost in the machine,

An echo of an echo of an echo,

Reverberating through time and space!

Who is this seer?

Who contemplates this Universe to be unreal?

Who has all these thoughts in the head?

Only questions and never an answer!!!

A man and his thoughts are indefinable, and why so, because in the beginning he is nothing. His identity is shaped by what he can conceive of for himself; imagine all the poets and novelists creeping through the alleys in the urban atrocities looking for inspiration, staring at hollow faces coveting their neighbours meals or wives, the morbid fascination to see accidents, CSI shtyle. The flâneurie you take, to clear your mind, but there are questions and more questions…how is the human reality carved out from this nothingness?

Yoni shariram- the form appears from the vagina of Gaia,

Of Dharitri, of Zemia, of Erde, of Terre…

She is the mother, the sanctum sanctorum of creation.

This human body is the cause of such conflict,

There is segregation, separation and destruction,

In her very womb, we have been tricked by addicts of violence.

 

For a split second during meditation,

Comes the realization-

It is the Atman,

Matter has no self governing existence,

All things perceived, interpreted and seen,

Is a dream within a dream, a dream within a dream…?

 

The Indian subcontinent is the setting. It’s an oxymoron really- the youngest country, the oldest civilization!

The Sapta Sindhu is the beginning point in this case, then mutated to the India you see today the children of Lord Macauley, yes, you; at one point it was taken over by the East India Company, it’s holy books misinterpreted, unbridled fabrication of its history by so-called scholars who sought to assuage the Imperial agenda. The modern Indians, good little examples of Macauley’s vision; Pygmalion of the British Raj, just perfect, innit?

Bapuji Gandhi, assassinated, yup shot through the heart by Godse, GOD SAY?? Subhas Chandra Bose taken out of the equation, “Give me blood and I’ll give you freedom,” his naares did not do him much good, Delhi chalo, a flop show. The resilient cries of Vande Mataram drowned to the gunfire of the English army; what else could be expected? The British crown required the Kohinoor, which was just a drop in the pond, but you see why they had to control Bharata. Silks, spices, treasures, ancient texts, secrets, UFO anti-gravity technology and what not!

And then the finale- the unrestrained Anglicization of a country steeped in timeless tradition and time-honoured culture where every Indian was made to feel ashamed of their skin colour, clothing, customs, mores, literature, traditions, values and hoary heritage. Brownies were good as kerani, slaves, considering themselves as babus, who were created to suck up to their English civilized lords, the great white civilization.

Sycophants gathered in large numbers to appease the egos, fill up the stomachs and pockets and offer their heads and arses (maybe not literally, bloody buggers) in return to the Angrezi Babus. For what? Goods, ideas, concepts from vilayet! Aha! What amazing things they had and yes it was deemed to sell off the country piece by piece for these lovely things and for progress.(???)

 

The body of ancient Bharatvarsha hacked to create Pakistan and Bangladesh, its bleeding remains termed as secular India.

A new era began with the corporate takeover and rampant Americanization, you’re all living in America, HAARP and underwater nuclear detonations creating Tsunamis, the death industry of Macdonald’s and KFCs, fast food bhaiyaji, engineered famines with the Monsantos of the world, Islamic jehadis and Durga Vahinis, unrest and suspicion, religious intolerance and forced conversions, death and destruction, Nehru’s dynasty and Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’s legacy of khadi and molestations, Congress under an Italian and BJP under the butcher of Gujarat as the country jostled and elbowed its way into the twenty-first century to sit at that table with the big white boys; witness, I was to it all and will continue to be….

The H-Bomb at work almost destroyed what you humans built, but do you seriously think this was first time in history that such a disaster occurred- nuclear weaponries have been used before in this very subcontinent. Yes my friend…Now I am become Death, the destroyer of world, yes Opperheimer, you can be the key to destruction of your world in your times. I have seen it happen and we’ve all been destroyed by it until another dawn awakens to the call of the creator. A new hologram is fractalized!
The watcher must now be a narrator and I must say it as I see it, Time for you right now is anthropomorphized.

Impatient kya boss? What about the story?? It’s coming, wait for it or you want it instantly. In this age of instant coffees and instant karmas, do you want an instant story as well?

Let’s do some akkar bakkar for a little bit more; arre don’t be so grumpy, chumpy. Humour me. Tick, tock, tick tock, it goes on and on in your psyche. Think hard, who am I?

Got it? Or no? Well…

You are in fact my slave, from the aam admi to the Prime Minister with his acche din slogans, from Mr. Mukesh Ambani cocooned in his billions of dollars Antilia, to the hungry beggar on the street. I rule your life, your little everyday existences.

I keep everything from happening at once. You can’t even imagine what chaos that is. Measuring me through the clock or your wrist watch all day, do you now know who I am, can you at least guess. I think you’ve got it, so do you know me?

But of you, I know all, every little detail.

Your little human condition, your little miseries, your tiny triumphs, your pathetic tears, your belly rumbling laughter, does have a way of making the world go round the Mulberry bush, you get the drift?

Well I have all the time, so let’s begin.

Funny concept, can time have time? Can an infinity be greater than another infinity? You smirk, but trust me the world is far magical than you have been made to believe, haan ji haan, sure it’s about cheque books and Kaun Banega Crorepati, but it’s also about altered states of consciousness, states you cannot ever envisage. Life is not about black and white or green and red, it is shades of colour you cannot ever hope to see with your eyes, life has colours you can never hope to smell, taste or touch. Yes colours can be felt in those ways, just not in your world! And in some worlds I am not as relevant as yours, and in some I have no relevance! I do not exist!

Do not go all freaked out on me, can you not imagine TIMELESSNESS; but it exists, I warn you, especially those OCD freaks out there, desperate to control everything.

Enough of meandering….
So who am I? Let me formally introduce myself. I am TIME and as promised I do have a story, a juggernaut of a story, an unstoppable monster and you’ll be forced to submit like wide-eyed little chunnu-munnus listening to your nanis at bedtime.
 

Twins. Rape. Murder.

Bollywood, breast augmentation, brainfart.

Poetess, plastic surgeon and the Sleeping Beauty.
Titillated?

Come on now, I know I have you! A violence-loving society like the one you’ve built starts salivating at all these contextual concepts when thrown at you. Murder is sweet, but mutilation is sweeter.

Blood and gore thrills you, outrageous humiliation of the body sends tingles through your spine, so stop this bourgeoisie sensitivity where you appear dismayed by such plots, but deep inside you can’t wait to curl up with your Sidney Sheldon! or Shobha De!! or Chetan Bhagat!!! by your bed side, reading about sex, rape, murder, call centres where Arun is called Aaron leading to a suppressed pathological schizophrenia, cheating on your spouse, wife swapping with keys and other new born urban atrocities.
It’s not every day that TIME tells you a story, a story about infinite probabilities.

A bit about me, saale, haramzade, time waste mat kar! A note in the Book of Life and Death!
I have existed for eternity. To you the word eternity probably will have some signifier, what can a finite mind grasp of the infinite?? Still I ask you to think about it. Think of something that never ends. Is that even possible, you ask?? The cogitation must never cease.

You think, therefore you exist, right??? Or you eat and defecate, therefore you exist, or is it copulation which cements your existence?

But what is the point of a process if it never ends; you will think to eternity about one question or be involved in sexual intercourse for all times(it’s not even a possibility) or eat yourself to death.

Does that mean you exist or not? Is it just the process of cogitation or copulation that makes you “exist” or is it the cogitative/copulative subject that’s important?

The journey or the result? A particle or a wave? Or a bubble?

Haramkhor time, procrastinating must have been my invention.
Mankind has managed to fall from an incredible level of sophistication to a dark age of barbarianism, like the age you’re an inhabitant of. It is a cycle- civilization and destruction!
Anyway, even though you did not exist, TIME was always already there! There is no escaping that idea.
I was born too you know, not as a babe from a mother’s womb, but as a concept from your mind.

To let you into a secret, I did not always exist. All I know is that this visible world is finite and periodical and so am I. I exist because of you.

I am born and then just like you gone with the wind; believe it or not, you and I are same in this way- WE ARE MORTAL!

This cycle of birth and death of TIME is the alpha and omega of recreating worlds. So in truth, you and I are finite, but IT, infinite.
A linear sequence of events is how you’d describe Time, but what happened when you were not there to count, the Big Bang baba? How did I exist?? So in a way, my dear friend, I exist in your memory and expectations, so essentially I live with you and die with you. Do not think this idea to be so far-fetched, even I can be put to death in your mind! Baap re baap, yes sir! I am fearful of my obliteration, of my extinction. I am born from you and I die with you.

I am your slave!
Well now I have your undivided attention to be sure. You humans love to know you are important in the equation. Am I right? But then you are, right?? God’s greatest creation. Hah!!
A plastic surgeon. A Poigant poetess, Phd student. A wannabe Bollywood starlet. No it’s not one of those haikus she writes.

Cadence of morning breeze-

Lofty silences-

A cup of tea.

Haikus she writes…
Yes I know Bollywood, the Bacchans, the Khans, the Kapoors, I hear the little whispers here and there, I see the deals done under the table, I know of the clandestine fornications in the back seats of SUVS, I know of which homes were wrecked by whom, and all the jazz! That’s some serious junk info. I’m the official knowitall bhai, for now I’m Mumbhai.

The Book of Life and Death is not a conventional book as you understand the definition, it is ever changing, an entity in itself, capable of conscious thoughts and feelings.
This story has come to my interest inumerous other worlds I inhabit.

Yes, you are there too and if I look, I will find you. The difference between you and them is that they know about these worlds, their consciousness shifts from one to one and they have observed me observing! Maybe it’s my imagination. In the many-worlds that exist, all the possible outcomes of a quantum interaction are realized.

You know all that you see around you, the world, the stars, your family, your lover, the Universe, it’s actually not just a Universe, and it’s actually a multiverse. Imagine the hairs on your skin, your world is one such hair on the body of abstract space, the evolvement happens in a deterministic style, embedding all thinkable possibilities within it.

So these twins- NINA and ZEENIA are moving through the arrow of time. They are moving to a fixed point, in one reality and to another point in a different world. Momentum and position are never constant, they’re all probabilities. But you get an omelette from an egg, not the other way round, the same way radio waves disperse from the antenna, never converge into it.
So now finally let’s cut to the chase and begin at the beginning. Not the conventional beginning point, but the very beginning of our story.
to be continued….

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http://www.tinaheals.com

tina@tinaheals.com

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This is not my cover image. Image is not my copyright.