An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

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The story of Hensman Anthony Firingi and Soudamini~~

Anthony Firingi
At a kavigaan

There are love stories and then there are LOVE STORIES. You have heard of Romeo and Juliet right? Two young lovers, star-crossed, die because of unwarranted hate between their families.

But today, I will tell you about a love story that is way more spiritual and revolutionary than Romeo and Juliet. In fact, it is one that has touched such a raw nerve in my heart that I strongly believe I have experienced this first-hand in some way.

The love story that I describe is not of two adolescents, but of two extremely spiritually developed people. They were twinflames here to raise the frequency of the people. But again, their love was destroyed by pure xenophobia, bigotry, racism and hate. This is a love story seldom told and it is now time for people from all over to see the beauty of this union where even the devastating tragedy that followed could not dim or lesson the love involved in any way.

He was born in Portugal in 1786 and came to Bengal with his father who was a merchant. Now before I delve into the story of this young Portuguese musician(he must have been into music because you do not start composing such tunes and sonnets if you were not into it  in some way), let me expose the story of my beloved country circa 1800.

India was the most coveted country that the European powers craved to dominate. The Spanish, the English, the French, the Dutch, the Danes and the Portuguese were all vying for power in respective states. We know how the English managed to drive every one away and pillage, plunder and rape India for over 200 years. That is another story…

Let me set the scene for you. Hensman Anthony, a young lad, came with his father, a Portuguese merchant to trade in the port city of Chandannagar which was called Farashdanga. The Portuguese were on their last legs as they were getting hardcore competition from the Dutch and the French. Eventually the Dutch lost the plot to the French by 1825. The French managed to hold onto India till about the very end, but the British were definitely the undisputed rulers of the subcontinent.

So this young Portuguese lad is anyway on hostile territory where his people and country are on their last legs. He is no powerful English Officer, he is just the son of some Portuguese trader. There is competition and aggression from the other Europeans and from such a turbulent historical period came one of the greatest Shakta tantrics who wrote and sang some of the most moving hymns to the Goddess Kali/Durga.

How is this possible? How did a Portuguese lad learn Bengali? Not in the rudimentary level, but good enough to compose complex and intense poems which he performed in kavigans. Kavigans were literally poetry face off. Two poets would go head-to-head and spout their philosophy and tunes. The crowd would decide who was the more woke guy and they felicitated him.

This tradition of bard-face-offs have been discovered in most societies. It is not a product of Comedy Central. lol. Firstly, Anthony’s father was just a merchant, well to do, maybe…but then again, just a merchant and he must have wanted the young man to follow in his footsteps, not become some freaky bard who sang in Bengali. Like seriously???

But Anthony was more interested to escape into the heart of pastoral Bengal where he would play his lute and listen to the local poets sing passionately to invoke the Goddess.

Something snaps in his brain as he pulls a chillum. He hears the lingering words of the poet Ramprasad’s Shyamasangeet and it tugged at his heart in ways he could not understand. He would spend much of his time with the poets and other yogis he discovered on his travels. He begins to meditate and do sadhana.

Anthony also begins to learn Bengali, a language he falls in love with. Now let me mention here, that Anthony’s Bengali had to be really as good as any literate Bengali poet’s, otherwise he would never be allowed or able to compete, let alone win a kavigan.

Here was a man who learnt a foreign language to the expertise of the local intellectuals. Not only that, he began to compete with them, finally wining his bout most of the times, even with the most famous poet Bholamoira.

Bengali’s are extremely picky about their language and they are never happy with a foreigner being better at it than most of them. Kinda like the French. No one can speak French better than a Frenchman. But when the kundalini awakens, all knowledge becomes available.

Anthony had lived countless lifetimes in the heart of pastoral Bengal and he knew everything about it. The Bengali Brahmins ridiculed him for dressing like them, made fun of his devotion to Kali, teased him about Jesus Christ and the Church, to which he responded by saying, There is no difference in Christ and Kali my brothers…

Hello! Wtf do you say to a man like that? How does a European get here? This is not easy let me remind you. I for one know a woman from London who has lived in Bombay for over thirty years and she can barely say five words of Hindi.

And this is not like learning the language in a University and taking exams, then returning to your country and publishing books from there. Ah what a great Orientalist! Nope. This is no internet certification that now you are a certified Bengali poet.

This was raw, this was life, this was reality. He not only stayed and worked in Bengal, but he excelled at what he did in a foreign country he chose to call home. He lived in Bengal, amidst the Bengali’s and composed some of the most touching Shakta poetry they had ever heard!

And Bengali Brahmins were a closed, snobbish, gated society who considered Europeans mlecchas or untouchables. They would not even let Anthony drink water in their houses. My peeps, this is the situation in which this young man not only awakened his kundalini, but also gave us one of the greatest spiritual love stories to treasure.

I learnt of Firingi Kalibari when I was a child. My grandmother told me and I remember how enchanted I was to listen about a Portuguese man compose these sonnets and poems in Bnegali to the Goddess Kali. It always moved me to tears.

It was much later that I discovered the true greatness of this man. Now back to a history lesson and it is pretty macabre.

In Bengal, we practised some deadly misogynistic rituals….let Wikipedia dose you up.

Sati or suttee is an obsolete funeral custom where a widow immolates herself on her husband’s pyre or commits suicide in another fashion shortly after her husband’s death..~WIKI

My peeps, in less than 1 percent cases, did the woman actually want to commit suicide, but she was forced. By societal constructs, by tradition, by women like her mothers and sisters, enablers of patriarchy themselves. It was coercion. Nothing else.

Sati was ultimately abolished because of Brahmin reformers like RAJA RAMMOHAN ROY, bless his soul as it is his birthday today. Do you see how society has been burning women in different cultures, under different pretences since time immemorial!

Why did Sati even exist you ask? Because these Brahmin women could not find husbands. They were only allowed to marry a Kulin Brahmin of Bengali origin. So me love, because of my surname Mukerji, 300 years ago, I might have been burnt on my dead husband’s pyre. Yes, I am born in a Brahmin family and this is what they have been doing to my mothers, sisters, aunts and grandmothers.

Most of these women were forced to marry a single Brahmin patriarch, because there were no Brahmin men available. Bengali Brahmin aristocratic women were not allowed to even gaze upon a Brahmin, say from UP or Bihar. Forget a European.

My grandmother tells me how some English officers would come to meet her father. The women were never allowed to even glance at a European man. They lived in a different segment of the house anyway called ANDARMAHAL. She told me that there was an Englishman called Robert who really liked her. I think he sent her a letter through her maidservant and of course, all hell broke loose.

Not that my grandmother would have even reciprocated. You see, for them European men were strange creatures whom they did not consider as mates. It was literally that simple.

I am harping on the time-frame so you get a good understanding of how dangerous it was for Anthony to fall in love with a Bengali widow during such turbulent times. This is way more dangerous than the Romeo Juliet saga.

Anthony saves Soudamini from self immolation and takes her to his place. Now after laying the groundwork, I do not need to stress how dangerous an action this is.

Most of the intellectuals are pissed as he is doing so well in his kavigan face-offs. How dare an upstart European sing hymns to the Goddess? How can he have any knowledge of the Goddess? He is a Christians. And then he goes and rescues a Brahmin Bengali woman.

There have been cases of rape and molestation when European men and Indian women have been concerned. But I think this was the first time, in recorded history, a Brahmin woman consensually began to live with a European man openly, not giving a fuck as to what the villagers have to say.

They were twinflames who dedicated their life to awakening the kundalini, practiced tanta and even worked on developing the kali temple together. Their sadhana deeped and gathered a small following. This was no interracial love story of today where any person can get married to anyone as long as it is legal and sanctified by a court.

But here, there was no court, no law to allow a Brahmin widow to remain at the side of her European lover/partner. Their lives were plagued by attacks from the conservatives.

In the kabiyan competitions, Anthony’s rival poets often brought up Soudamini’s name to taunt and ridicule him. It upset him tremendously, but he learnt to take in in his stride.

This was 1830’s or so, it is now 2017 and not much has changed. Even today, in India, you can get attacked if you are in love with a man from a different faith or caste or whatever. I shared a video recently of a Hindu girl attacked by a woman politician for falling in love with a Muslim. So as you see my love, nothing has really changed.

At least they don’t burn us any more openly and call it sati. They would if they could. After all we need to be chaste and if we are truly chaste and not little whores then the fire would not burn us, would it? What Sita had to go through centuries ago, is very much an active wound in our unconscious.

Anthony and Soudamini were blooming in their creative, spiritual love nest they had created. Anthony had composed the AGAMANI SONGS, for which he became noted and this is like synchronicity on steroids because these hymns were written to Goddess Durga as she comes to visit Earth from her heavenly abode.

Guess what my love. That time is now. Goddess Durga or the KUNDALINI has just stirred and she is making her ascent at this time as I type. The Bengali’s celebrate Durga Puja now and it is the most important festival for them.

The Agamani Songs are to be hymned now and I think the spirit of Hensman Anthony is urging me to tell you his story. He wants you too know how much he loved the woman they took from him.

The world is truly cruel.

His wife Saudamini was burnt to death, for being a widow and re-marrying Anthony, who was a foreigner. ~~Wiki

There, that’s what the Brahmin puritanical conservatives did. They burnt her and their ashram while he was away. He may have returned home from one of his biggest wins to see his whole reality and the love of his life burnt to crisp.

Ominous, isn’t it? Soudamini was pregnant.

This is what bigotry does. This is the scope of fanaticism. As we head into the new Era, let us consider this as a cautionary tale. Maybe they took this karma upon themselves to show us what hatred can do. But in this there is a message…

Even after three hundred years, a random blogger/lifecoach finds this story to tell you at this very precise point in time?!? It means that hate did not win. Ultimately it is their love that won. It is their spiritual mission that is still standing as the Firingi Kalibari where millions of Shakta’s go to invoke the kundalini.

Love wins all my Beloved…

Find a man who will love you like Anthony loved Soudamini. Love a man who will go against all establishment to join with you in sacred union. Or else stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mansfield Story

BELOW IS A PART OF MY NOVEL CALLED THE MANSFIELD STORY.

IT IS ALSO DEVELOPED AS A SCREENPLAY.

HELP ME PUBLISH~ BECOME MY PATRON

 

CHAPTER 1

SHAMBHAVI’S POV

I am not going to pretend that I’m this master story teller, in fact I’m seriously beginning to question my choice of vocation as writer/ filmmaker. No HD has my film on it and the analogue era was before my time. I have made all these films, in my head. From script to post prod, I’ve created these monstrosities and they exist. Don’t know where, don’t know how, but they do. Mistakes are portals of discovery, right Joyce. Works every time, doesn’t it. But then you were seeking to be immortal, hence the elaborate subterfuge, but for me. I am the nothingness, the mistake. These films that I’ve made in my mind, over and over, lead me nowhere in the real world, for they don’t exist. Neither does she, but there she is, invading my senses, my ideas, my dreams.

I think of these bizarre stories and it’s not even that I write them, they write themselves. I’m just their victim. They laugh at me, they torment me, they wake me up at four in the morning in jest, they drive me insane tossing and turning in bed at night. They are my oppressors. Not always. There is a friendly angle to our relationship. It does exist.

To the world, I’m this depressed writer who types away for hours on end on her laptop, writing God knows what. I’m in the fraternity of paid-poorly writers who are paid next to nothing to develop content. That’s my day job, at night I’m batwoman! You wish right?

I write screenplays and then make my films over and over again. And then there are these surfeits I have to deal with, like my friends from these stories, they begin to cohabit with me. These characters, they decide to pop right out of the Final Draft document and strut their stuff in front of me. There’s a reason why I’m constipated. How do you drop the excrement off your body when someone is reciting to you, a fluke line out of Keats, or no Shelley, I think. The Romantics definitely. Or you have this beer bar dancer doing make up! She keeps wanting to know if she’s looking saxy, not sexy, but saxy.

How the fuck is someone to shit in peace? Then there’s this boxer, he’s got tuberculosis and I write about it. Bam! I develop this terrible cough and an unbearable pain in the chest. The next day, I go to clear my throat and the phlegm sitting in the basin has blood. What does the boxer do? He laughs at me.

Then there are these pregnant women. I don’t think I’ll get into that right now, but yes you guessed it right. My periods stopped coming. Who could be the father? There were three possible candidates, but no one I could discuss this with. Not like they were my live-in boyfriends. They were nothing, not even friends. I stared at the pregnancy stick, yes, two lines. It didn’t matter how many times I re-took that test, it was the same. Now I’m no fool, I use protection. So did it not work? Did the bloody condom burst? Am I… I don’t think I could bring myself to voice that word. PREGNANT!!! I was and I did what I had to.

Not only am I plagued by these people, but strangely the things I write come to pass. No don’t think of  it as some kind of gift, it’s a fucking curse actually. It might have been a gift if all I wrote about was unicorns and fairies, but here I sit in silence and type away. What do I see? The desperate situation we’re in, yes us humans. I see the pain, no I think it’s more like I am in pain. I suffer day and night, sometimes with reason, sometimes without. I’m just a sucker for pain and my heart is perpetually broken. These films that I make are extensions of my tragic self and the most persistent theme of them is suicide.

You can say that I have a morbid fascination for suicide. My mother committed suicide when I was four or five, her mother too killed herself and so did her father, so yes it kind of runs in the family. I’ve been subjected to hours and hours of counselling so I don’t jump off a high-rise or hang myself with a dupatta. Morons! As if those sessions helped.

You see to me suicide is an art-form. You’ve got to be an artist to kill yourself with grace. You’ve got to see the beauty in death and embrace it. You’ve got to worship the power you have, the power to decide when it’s over. There is no fucking God, there is just you and the choice is yours.

My mother named me Shambhavi, I have an abbreviated form that I’ve chosen- SHAM! Yes I’m a sham! I’m not artist, if I was then I’d have already created the master piece- my death! The suicide, but I am not an artist, just a writer.

There are these three projects that I’m working on- developing for filmmakers who are too lazy to write their own shit and need to hire morons like me. The boxer does tend to get on my nerves, otherwise I am actually pretty involved with the rest. They tell me what to write and I do. It seems to be working. Of course there are times when these directors feel the need to impose upon my feeble intellectuality and ask me to make corrections. Temper tantrums will be thrown, but somehow we manage. We don’t exist without each other. We need each other.

Then there are these turbulent characters that take birth from my mind. They wreak havoc on my life, depressed, suicidal, maniacal, it’s difficult to deal with them. There is no sense of closure, no sense of comfort with them, only angst is the best way I could describe the feeling.

I have also tried setting MSS on fire, but once they’ve been conceived of in my head, there is no annihilating them. They are a part of my life, actually these creatures are my life whether I like it or not. The only way I can get rid of them is to finally begin work on the masterpiece.

It was so strange, when I met her that night. She stood in front and for the life in me, I couldn’t fathom her identity. There was something so familiar about her. P.S- I don’t subscribe to God or reincarnation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alive as I did when I saw her.

Don’t ask me how I landed up there, but I’ve had such strange and absurd situations happening to me recently that I just let go and watched her. She was tiny and her hairdo reminded me some old flick on Joan of Arc. Dressed in all black, there was this pendant around her neck, a spiral in jade and it looked like a fern would spring right out of it. Waist-upwards she had this sphinx like quality, her short crop was unkempt, her bangs fell on her forehead. She blinked her eyes through thick glasses as she looked at me. It had to be me, right. There was nobody else there, just a cat.

She lumbered across the vast living room. I could see her legs did not carry her well and she was stooping. There was a fire in her eyes which I could see even through those thick glasses. She sat right in front with a cuppa tea. I was not offered any. We sat like that for I don’t know how long. I was looking to say something. “Hello, I’m Sham,” “Hello, I’m a sham.” But I said nothing.

There was something that caught my eyes- an old calendar that screamed 1922.

Okay officially I have lost it, I know it to be 2017, not 1922. That made me look around. The deco was very vintage English, complete with Victorian furniture and then there were books. Quite a collection! I could happily bury myself in there for the rest of time and not bother about those people who live in my head or even the person in front with her sparkly eyes. She was not old, maybe thirty, but she looked much older. Her body was bent out of shape and her face showed signs of physical pain. I could tell she was sick and ailing. I looked on.

That belligerent and witty tongue could lash out at me, but it remained mute. It could raise a tempest but the waters remained still.

“You know I want to be like those ballerina’s of Dega, frozen in their graceful posture…” Those were the first words that came out of her mouth.

A reply, it came quite effortlessly. Then I bit my tongue. Crap! I sound like an idiot, I thought. “But those ballerinas are frozen, there is no life in them. They’re dead, like dolls…”

She threw her head back and laughed. That sound awakened a primal part of me and the ballerinas of Dega were right in front of me, suspended in space. There was this one figure of a ballerina and right next to her was this strange woman whose face you could not see, hidden by a hat in black attire and they both seemed to be waiting. It felt like us, that moment that time. I felt like the ballerina, massaging her foot in eager anticipation to perform and she was like the chaperon, waiting for that moment when I would set the stage on fire, pushing my body for fleeting moments of grace that would captivate one and all. I do that every day. I push my mind so I could come up with that work of art that would have entire generations enthralled, now you see what a SHAM I AM.

She wanted to be like those ballerinas. Why? Did she not feel their pain, their exhaustion? Did she want to be frozen in time?

“I never leave the house anymore and don’t like having servants,” She told me.

“T.B is painful and in 1920 it is incurable and you also have gonorrhoea, you must be in severe pain, most of the time.” I replied.

“You speak as if you come from some other world.” You can tell the gutsy woman she is.

“I come from the future…” I burst out laughing as I said it. “It sounded like some corny Sci-fi that no one would go to watch.

“You mean the motion picture…” She sounded interested, but then who is not interested in film.

“It’s very interesting that you would bring up the motion picture, because I have this story that I’m working on and the protagonist makes motion pictures, but from a feminine perspective, you know…”

I knew. “You want to explore the feminine angle? You seem content telling us stories through the male POV, Point of view…” I had to explain as she had no idea. Feminism, not one of her strong points.

But then what do you expect from her in 1910? Seems a bit bizarre, absurd if you ask me. I reach out in my pocket to stroke my I phone 6. The screen is cracked, just like my life.

You do not abandon your husband in 1920, you’re a woman and your place is right by his side. There are no other options, do not seek them. She seemed to know about real people, not some theoretical characters, but people of flesh and blood. That captivated me for years. How does a woman of her class and upbringing understand the human condition that well?

How does a marriage last only a day? There are no answers to such theoretical questions? Are writers really so crazy to get married to see what it feels like? Is this research? What is a marriage anyway? There was so much to talk about, but we sat silent.

 

CHAPTER 2

MANSFIELD’S POV

The tuberculosis has drained all my energy, the pelvic pain is getting worse, but my dream portrayal must continue, if anything today there is a seeing that I have felt. It’s not writing, it’s seeing. There are moments when I see all black before my eyes, need to sit down and gather myself, but the imaginative process never stops, it’s akin to breathing.

Much of my work remains unpublished and there are days when I lovingly gaze at them as a sign of acknowledgement and appreciation. Writing or rather seeing is a need and it must be done. In fact this sabbatical from my amorous lifestyle has given me time to write and I am thankful for it for all my stories come from the depths of my being.

Bliss and other Stories has just been published this year and it seems to be doing rather well. But there is suddenly a story inside me. I don’t even know what it is, suddenly I see Maata’s face and her breasts like a motion picture, a silent film and once again I’m back in the Hippodrome and I see the audience. Predictable! Their hands, their heads, their expressions.

I dreamt a story last night, every little detail etched in my mind, down to the smells and sounds and I was a part of it.

I see her eyes. A dark melancholia! An intense hankering for experience in the world of echoes and shadows. Who is she? She could be my alter ego. Her olive skin glows like logs burning at the fireplace, her long, dark hair is threaded like the negroes. Her mind is where she lives, the outside world has no fixity for her. I remember gazing at the audience, why not, I was a part of them. In this story I’m a part of both- I am her and I am the audience.

This story about her, this absurd protagonist who writes these films. Could it be that she makes them? Lumbering away with that heavy contraption of a camera? Who knows in the future there just maybe such women? I’d have loved to discover that platform.

Story-tellers tell stories, it doesn’t matter what the medium is. I have been told my writing is descriptive, just like the way they do it in the studios in America. I could have gone there, but travel for me is not a possibility. It’s why I cannot even go home- New Zealand!! Oh my pain and pleasure.

I’ve been criticized, compared to Chekov, snubbed for my hankering to be free, my will, my feisty nature, but people forget I’m just human. Where is the time? I’ve lost so much, I’ve gained so much. I have cried, I have laughed, I have lived and now I will die.

But this story, it wants to be written. Murray will surely publish most of my work even though I’ve told him not to. It sells, my writing and so shall its fate be, it’ll be sold! I need to sit down on days when the pain is bearable and write. I want to give my readers hope, yes everything is twisted, but there is hope. I was tired of reading every single thing out there from the perspective of a man, I mean how long is society going to ignore us? The fact that the women in my stories have decided to speak up shows me there is hope for us. Our voices need to be heard.

The Fourth way may just be my way, reading Gurdjeiff is a complicated process, yes it has opened up new portals to my experiencing life, but then there is so much left to be discovered and do I have time? Regret, don’t we all have a pinch of that with every sip of life we take. I for one, am swamped with regret. I regret my childhood, I regret the taunts and mocking because of my rather hilarious glasses, I regret not writing more often, I regret not supporting the women’s suffragette in the U.K, I regret not being vocal about it, I regret not telling Maata how much I loved her, I regret my obsession with Chekov. No I take that back, no regrets there. I regret my brother dying like that. I can still see him in uniform, bloody and dusty.

Although I have been quoted as saying that I do not regret anything. I have asked my readers to never regret, but that is only the half truth. Yes regret is an appalling waste of energy and nothing can be built on it, but it exists. I wish I could just erase it away. REGRET ERASED!

The Work must be done, it’s 1922 and here I am in colonial India, Calcutta to be precise, all alone. A sick white woman in the midst of all these natives.

Then I saw her, she was vibrant, her olive skin was smooth as it tasted the Sunlight which played on it and created so many hues that I just watched. I don’t know how she arrived right in front of me, definitely not dressed like the ordinary native girls or like an English lady. She had on trousers like men, I think they’re called denims. The road workers in America wear them as overhauls. I never expected a woman to dress in them and then her long, dark negro like hair. I thought she was a figment of my imagination, the medicines playing a trick on me. After all I was a sick woman. I waited for the apparition to disappear. But she sat there and just stared back. I think we briefly spoke, about Dega’s ballerina’s, but it made no sense.

Theosophy and Gurdjeiff! You know the three types of men or women found in this world- those that are centred in their physical bodies, then the ones centred in their emotional space and those that focus on their minds. What type am I? I have never been able to quantify myself in any one category, I’m indeed a mixture of all three. I have lived centred in the physical, more than not I have existed only in my emotions and then of course my mind is one of my favourite places to visit and spend some time. So yes, I’m a bit of all. All writers are as we have all these stories inside us where we become those people when we write them.

I remember alluding to this story of this woman who makes motion pictures, these dreamy silent films. I think she is my protagonist.

Right now, all I can think of is Van Gogh’s painting- the self portrait. I consider myself a writer/painter. I paint too like Van Gogh, I paint with words.

I just wish I had more time. I want to be healthy again, to experience a full, living-breathing life. I want to be with the Earth and see all the wondrous things- the sea and its infinite waves, the mellow Sunrise of a perfect morn.

I know I exist in this state of hypnotic waking sleep. I want to wake up and I’m willing to see if the Method will help. This story needs to be written. I need to find her again. That woman, no she’s more like a girl. I need to find her.

And then I see it, the Insect scuttles away and there are these strange voices that I can hear. Sounds like some Hindu chants. What is it?

Is my illness getting the better of me? I see myself, is it me or some other woman, no wait it’s her, dressed as Van Gogh, holding a gun to her face. She pulls the trigger!

I see a thick manuscript by the coffee table and note that’s its rather gloomy this afternoon, the wind shakes the trees so. Flashes trouble me- I think I see Lawrence. Murray tells me that THE LOST GIRL is modelled on me. I know, I know that my writing and me in person have had a significant influence on him, and he’s drawn parallels between me and some of his noteworthy characters, but why do I see him, in Colonial India?

My neighbour from Cornwall, my friend, the eminent D.H. LAWRENCE. I am his Albina and we both struggle everyday for our independence and outcasts we’ve become. We shared a number of things in common, I was a colonial outsider; he was from a working-class mining town. I am more like Lawrence than anybody. We are unthinkably alike, in fact. Four of us did form a peculiar brief and uneasy friendship in bleak Cornwall, yet, I treasure those days.

And now I find this letter from Murray. It does nothing for my mood right now, but leafing through it seems to be my only option. So I do it.

“You are all about me – I seem to breathe you, hear you, feel you in me and of me.” I actually wrote those lines for him and felt like I was home in his tent, sitting at his table. It seems far away, back here dreaming of silent films and Virginia Woolf.

There were times when I wanted to strangle my beloved Murray. I go back in my mind to one such incident. It left a sour taste in my mouth. I was cruel, we were verbally bashing one another, oblivious of who was present. I’d like to think it was tragedy that kept us together.

There’s nothing I want more than a cigarette. The curls of smoke rise up to meet their oblivion as I take a pull. It calms my frayed nerves and I take a sip of the tea. Darjeeling tea from the foothills of the Himalayas, a colonial addiction. Tea snobbery!

As I relax, she appears in front of me. Seated in a cluttered desk, she seemed to be looking at something. It looked like a boo, but a light emanated from it. She seemed to be typing like it was some sort of type writer. I couldn’t see properly, the smoke and mist clouded my vision.

Energy Update~Channelled writing

I have been feeling extremely charged with cosmic energy the last few weeks. The Lionsgate Activation, the NM on my birthday in Leo on the 23rd of July, then the FM on my partner’s sign and now the eclipse on my natal Saturn.

Now forget the astro…

BE MENTALLY ACTIVE AT ALL TIMES NOW.

The Solar flares have been insane and other celestial entities are also vroooming the Earth with massive loads of energy. The spirits, fairies, angels or whatever you call them are out and about.

The retrograde planets are adding to the drama and in two days Merc stations retro and is now in shadow! Fuck! Merc in the shadow period is DEADLY and most mistakes happen now.

Listen my Beloved, the energies will only intensify, so please stay connected to whatever or whoever raises your frequency. This is not the time to be fixated on something or someone that brings down your resonance. This is not the time…

Find your MUSE! This is a creativity overflow- so tap into it. Make love to someone beautiful. Your UNCONSCIOUS is rife with material…use it, help us all. Working with ANIMAL and PLANT SOULS can be sooooo healing right now.

The Activation of this portal made me think of my Lion, my Twinflame and what can I say….such profound memories and vibes penetrated deep in me that I know he feels me too. He knows me and is thinking of me as much as I of him. But probably in another dimension. In another parallel world?

The other day, someone from Russia(another psychic) told me that she thinks my twinflame is reading my writing and that got me thinking…

Maybe I should write an open letter to him. He might read it in another DAUGHTER UNIVERSE. Ha!

Okay now listen…

I was listening to all these NASA audios of the planets and while invoking Saturn, I was listening to the sounds he makes and then suddenly, I lost consciousness. I was in another dimension and I do not remember anything.

But listen…what I discovered is that there is a HUGE AMOUNT OF ENERGY coming from the GALACTIC CENTRE WHERE SATURN IS RETROGRADE.

Of course our SPIRITUAL SUN is illumining the collective consciousness with all these bombardments. My Beloved…

There is no place to hide now…

There is also a BLACK HOLE at the centre of the MILKY WAY and there is so much happening put there that we humans who are like ants to these heavenly giants are also feeling it strongly.

Do you know Andromeda is cannibalising the milky way?

https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/hubble/science/milky-way-collide.html

My SPIRITUAL GUIDES tell me that there is imbalance right now in our neck of the woods(eh cosmos?)

Listen, all energy workers are going crazy, because some of us are really not ready to deal with this type of work. It can drive you crazy.

But this is no time to hide.

Listen…

These intense waves of energy is literally made me feel so tuned in and charged that it is hard to explain in words. I feel so orgasmic, so many times without any sexual stimulation. I know the energy is working all the time. Sexual energy is the very crux of creative power.

Now how can I explain the feeling I have been having since my birthday?

There is a humming I hear at times, sounds a bit like a deep OM. Then there are sudden pressure waves that attack my frontal lobe. Headaches, no I do not think they can be called that….whatever these feelings are, whatever is going on in my brain is stupendous.

Sometimes the process is becoming painful and there is strife. It is easy to provoke me now. I am in a state of nostalgia. I don’t know for what or who.

My THROAT CHAKRA and my SOLAR PLEXUS are supremely active.

And on top of that I began to bleed a day before the Aquarius FM. I always bleed with the cycles of the Moon. And my psychic visions are much more powerful when I bleed.

If the pressure gets too much ground yourself.

Hug a tree.

If nothing else works and you need a friend, pm me.

The frequency is rising and the time is coming…

For twinflames to meet…

Oh and do not get upset by your body…

No matter what happens, love your body. This message is not just for my sisters, it applies to my brothers out there too. Thank your body. Talk to it and show it love. Touch yourself sensually as you would a lover. Learn what makes your body tick, so when you join with your twinflame you know WHAT FEELS RIGHT.

Triggers, triggers, triggers…everywhere…CONFRONT YOUR FEARS. Think of what matters.

Don’t cave in. Don’t succumb. Don’t lose yourself.

There was such a profound sadness I felt during the eclipse. That night I dreamt of the cremation grounds. That night I saw myself sitting alone, in front of the flames and breathing.

Yes there was fear in me, but there was also a calm. Slowly watching the fire dance, I realised that fear and calm had become ONE. The flames were flickering and distorted sounds were coming to my ears. Chants, mantras, voices from my past…

Then I saw Ramnath Aghori baba, who is known to be one of the supremely realised yogis from the NATH AGHORA tradition. He has been guiding my journey since the Maha Kumbh mela of 2010.

Ramnath baba was sitting opposite and in his hands, there was the DUMRU. Yes the dumru of Shiva. I heard the primordial NADA or sound of the dumroo and still now I as I write my body is full of goose bumps.

I saw Baba Ramnath take so many shapes- Gorakhnath, Matsyedranath, Shiva, my father, someone who molested me…his face took on so many identities.

Almost like the FACELESS MEN from GOT! But I just sat and watched him.

I seriously have no recollection of what I felt, but I think the message was clear- ALL IS ONE. This vision made my resolve even stronger. I want to write more about tantra. Explore it for people who might not be scholars or yogis. I have always wanted to get those stories out there.

Now cut back to the story… Staring at Ramnath baba and the flames flickering, the sounds drowning my thoughts…that is when a DARKNESS began to envelope my consciousness…that darkness is KALI.

There is nothing here my Beloved..there is only LOVE.

What else do you seek in this illusion?

The Universe wants to know what love is. But how is consciousness going to know what feeling, touching, kissing, making love feels like?

Consciousness has to create holograms like you and me. Real thinking and feeling holograms….to know love, death, pain, anger, sadness, melancholia, orgasmic bliss and all shades of emotions.

I know this eclipse season something within me has been UNLEASHED. I feel this presence strongly. Sometimes it feels foreign, sometimes it feels like me.

This presence of love, of bliss, of orgasmic ecstasy.

Where have the eclipse energies taken you? What frequency are you vibrating at?

The energy is OFF THE CHARTS and it is available to you My Beloved.

Remember I love you, I believe in you and will always do.

Beloved, I am yours for you are mine. I am in you and you in me. We are ONE!

Like the stars above. They are in us and we in them!

The Schumann Resonance Is Spiking – Mother Earth Is Awakening

A great Awakening has been unfolding on Planet Earth and many people have been able to sense it. In recent years the heart beat of the planet has begun to speed up and the consciousness of humanity is expanding and making way for more awareness.~~Higherdensityblog

Collectively we are raising Gaia’s vibrations as we lay the foundations of a new age- of love…love…love…

Let us CO-CREATE our SAGA OF LOVE.

Kali, Kali, Kali

“DARKNESS ALONE FILLED THE BOUNDLESS ALL, FOR FATHER, MOTHER AND SON WERE ONCE MORE ONE, AND THE SON HAD NOT AWAKENED YET FOR THE NEW WHEEL, AND HIS PILGRIMAGE THEREON.” ~~HPB

KALI MANTRA FOR INVOCATION~~

Sarvamaṅgalamāṅgalyē śivē sarvārthasādhikē . śaraṇyē tryambakē gauri nārāyaṇi namō’stu tē. Oṃ jayantī mangala kālī bhadrakālī kapālinī . durgā ksamā śivā dhātrī svāhā svadhā namō’stu‍tē

The DARK GODDESS has been the anchor of my soul in the turbulent seas of samsara. My support system, my provocateur, my muse, my melancholia…I could go on forever, for she or that energy exists in everything, everyone and every experience.

Sometimes, tears stream down my face and I think that WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH! Is there any end to my avaricious wants, desires and needs? After going through so much, so much pain, am I still not done wanting more? Everything dies. Everything vanishes. Everything fades away. Confronted with my own mortality, thoughts cease to function with the same effectiveness.

Kali, listen to me, and stop this torture. Put an end to this 3D illusion, you DARKNESS. And please, by DARK, I DO NOT MEAN EVIL!

HPB discusses DARKNESS “…in the sense of the Unmanifested and the Unknown as the opposite pole to manifestation, and that which falls under the possibility of speculation. … it is not Darkness as absence of Light, but as one incomprehensible primordial Principle, which, being Absoluteness itself, has for our intellectual perceptions neither form, colour, substantiality, nor anything that could be expressed by words.”

Even the BIBLE states, “darkness surrounds the pavilion” of God!

Absolute Light and Absolute Darkness are interchangeable terms, as are Absolute Consciousness and Absolute Unconsciousness. Duality is the very harmonics of this resonance!

Kali’s bosom is my place of retreat and I can feel her embrace as I look at the dark night around me. The night envelops me in her arms and it is none other than my DARK ONE. How can I love the FORCE OF TIME? That random abstract principle? I cannot. I can only think of her as Kali.

Being Bengali, you grow up with a healthy dose of everything Kali. And there I discovered some of the most precious gems in the form of verses written by a Mystical Poet in Bengal. His name was Rajanikanto. Those verses echoed every single thought of my six year old brain. I used to know them by heart at that age.

How could a child grasp, to some extent this LARGENESS OF EMOTION. This gorgeousity of devotional fervour! I mean how? I don’t know. Even today I am perplexed. All I remember is locking myself in the room, listening to the cassette tapes again and again, sobbing my eyes out. It was like every word pricked my consciousness to remind me of WHO I AM.

Who am I? Who is Kali? What is this world? Why are we here?

See I bifurcate again. I was talking about those mystical verses. In one of them, the poet has written…

No one on Earth loves.

In fact, this Earth does not know how to love.

Take me away, to where there is only LOVE.

My heart craves for such a place…

Got me evaluating at a very young age. What does LOVE mean in the 3D realm of duality?

Seriously guys…what the fuck does love mean?

What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your family?

Who do you extend that love to?

The answers to these questions fester like putrid stuff in the quagmire of my mind. There is no resolution for there is no love. LOVE IS LOST.

Kali has taught me how to LOVE. By making sure that I break my conscious paradigm again and again, she has made sure that I AM LEFT WITH NO OPTION TO LOVE.

To be a child of Kāli, Rāmprasād asserts, is to be denied of earthly delights and pleasures. Kāli is said to refrain from giving that which is expected, I quote from Wiki, but trust me I know exactly what this means.

After making sure that nothing goes the way I want, Kali made me see that DESIRE IS INDEED THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. Does that mean that I have no desires? I still do, the stupid 3D being that I am. Everyday is a lesson learnt. Life is not what I want it to be, because life is just the way it is meant to be.

Didn’t Lao Tsu try to drill this ACCEPTANCE part of existence into our collective consciousness? He failed. Human know nothing about acceptance. And I speak of myself…can I truly JUST BE? Think about it. A state of JUST BEING does not equate to a state of NON BEING.

Of course I will initiate karma in this world as my desires push me to, but then I have to accept that there will be DISAPPOINTMENTS and Kali showed me how to grow from that disappointment. All this pain, resentment and anger inside me, she, the COSMIC MOTHER soothed away. Like only mothers can. Who will stand up for this?

The father can never calm the baby the way a mother can. After all, it is her physiology that creates the child. The father is the seed. The MILKY WAY is a mother BTW. Yes she is feminine.

The Milky Way (feminine) and Andromeda (masculine) are simply a galactic expression of this principal. ~~http://moonbirdblog.com

They are the SHIVA/SHAKTI as galaxies. Whoa! Something to ponder about.

Yet, why is there rampant patriarchy ruling the Earth when indeed, she is feminine, just like her mother, the Milky Way. That is the imbalance.

Kali is the unrestrained, most secretive feminine principle that carries withing it eternal mysteries of fertility, magic, death, birth and regeneration! And that POWER is external as well as internal. Do not believe me? Everyone has an internal Kali. It is true.

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

In those mystical verses, the Poet sings…

Everything happens because you will it so,

You are the Will of the Universe, Oh Tara,

You execute whatever needs to be executed through me.

And the foolish think, it is my feat!

It is your INTERNAL KALI, that PRIMEVAL, CATACLYSMIC, SUPREME POWER that does what you need to do. Your karma or actions all arise from a deep spiritual unconscious that is manifested in 3D from the etheric fields as they SOLIDIFY.

Yes SPIRITUAL UNIVERSES solidify and become dense. That is when Universal forces of SHIVA/KALI come to play. And it is these forces that play through everything. The ETERNAL TWINFLAMES creating Universes to experience, grow, love, hurt, cry and die. Shiva/Shakti as mere mortals. As you and me.

This age is in dire need of Kali’s benevolence…OF HER DARK FORM.

“THE SEVEN SONS WERE NOT YET BORN FROM THE WEB OF LIGHT. DARKNESS ALONE WAS FATHER-MOTHER, SVABHAVAT; AND SVABHAVAT WAS IN DARKNESS.” ~~HPB

Do not be fearful of her wrathful emanation! Nobody understands Kali.

There is so much DISTORTION in her myths, so much SENSATIONAL YELLOW JOURNALISM done on her person(sounds familiar? Like any other woman),, that her story is lost to the world of patriarchy.

People are fearful of her. Even today, in India, I have had people see her image on the wall and comment how it is DANGEROUS to keep an image of her at home. I mean is every single Bengali household doing it wrong? Kali, whether she is worshipped or whether she hangs as a feminist symbol, can be seen pretty much in every house in Calcutta.

She is a part of our History. She is our guide. She is our mother. She is our consciousness.

Kali is ALL-CONQUERING! So whatever it is that you want to win over, there is no better YIDAM or meditation deity than her. So invoke her if you need to work with this SEVERANCE energy.

Kali is not a Vedic Goddess. She is a tantric Goddess and she is MAHAMAYA, the manifested reality. She stands on KALA, or ETERNAL TIME and become SPACE.

Space is dark, Kali is dark.

Kālī is the feminine form of kālam (“black, dark coloured”). Kālī also shares the meaning of “time” or “the fullness of time” with the masculine noun “kāla”—and by extension, time as “changing aspect of nature that bring things to life or death.” Other names include Kālarātri(“the black night”), and Kālikā (“the black one”).

The homonymous kāla, “appointed time”, which depending on context can mean “death”, is distinct from kāla “black”, but became associated through popular etymology. ~~WIKI

Tantra texts call KALI, KALASHAKTI, the REASON OF CAUSATION!

There is no stop to this play, this eternal play that is going on between the masculine and the feminine. They stop not for a moment. For if they stopped their exchange of energy, everything ceases to be. Nothing remains.

This HOLOGRAM, stacked UNIVERSES, Daughter Universes…everything manifests because of SHIVA/SHAKTI. Call them what you like! They are the binary!

The Kalikula (family of Kali) form of Shaktism is most dominant in Nepal, northern and eastern India, and is most widely prevalent in West Bengal, Assam, Bihar and Odisha, as well as parts of Maharashtra, Bangladesh and some parts of Kerala. Kalikula lineages focus upon the Devi as the source of wisdom (vidya) and liberation (moksha). They generally stand “in opposition to the brahmanic tradition,” which they view as “overly conservative and denying the experiential part of religion.” ~~WIKI

Kali is the principle deity. So you see, how she has been up in arms against the patriarchal Vedic religion which even denied women the right to become priests.

My Ancestors have a special connection to Kali other than just being from Bengal. My grandmother comes from a family which were the main Brahmin Priests and caregivers of Kali and her temple in Calcutta. They were Haldars and there is a street named after my ancestor. Everyone knows the HALDARS even today and our connection to the place is also no secret.

My grandmother’s grandmother used to take a dip in the Ganges first thing in the morning(crack of dawn) and open the temple with the aarthi. I have so many stories from my grandmother that I wish to share. Stuff she heard from her grandmother. And then of course what bonded us was the love we shared for Kali. It stretched across generations and mitochondrial DNA. So standing before you, a Priestess of the hoary past…:)

I will continue my saga of love for my DARK ONE and I suggest to you that if you have not researched her, then please do. See for yourself, if the DARK ONE speaks to you and let me know.

I will speak of Bamakhyapa, Ramnath Aghori, Paramhamsa Vishuddhananda and of course Sarada ma, Vivekananda and much more…but for now I leave you with a profound thought from the Sage Ramakrishna…

Kali is none other than Brahman. That which is called Brahman is really Kali. She is the Primal Energy. When that Energy remains inactive, I call It Brahman, and when It creates, preserves, or destroys, I call It Shakti or Kali. What you call Brahman I call Kali. Brahman and Kali are not different. They are like fire and its power to burn: if one thinks of fire one must think of its power to burn. If one recognises Kali one must also recognise Brahman; again, if one recognises Brahman one must recognise Kali. Brahman and Its Power are identical. It is Brahman whom I address as Shakti or Kali.

 

 

 

Neptune Retrograde 2017~~

Neptune is a most mystical and, from the level of the Soul, a most benefic influence in one’s life. Neptune is the expression in the solar system of the heart of the spiritual Sun. It is the planet most closely linked with the work of the Soul in manifestation and is thus the vehicle for the Christ consciousness, which is indeed at the Heart of Divinity. Through Cancer, Neptune may be thought of as the higher octave of the Moon. The latter is the Mother of All Forms, but form is always used in our solar system to express Love/Wisdom, the Second Ray, the Soul aspect of Spirit. We know this to be, when manifesting in the Human Kingdom, ~Love Incarnate~ – the indwelling Christ Principle. ~~ESOTERIC ASTROLOGY, Alice Bailley

Neptune unites us to our SOULMATES and TWINFLAMES. How very exciting! If you channel this energy, you might be able to connect to the etheric body of your Twinflame. Are you willing to try? If your INTENT is strong, it is possible.

Neptune is the eighth furthest planet from the sun in our solar system, the fourth largest in diameter and the third most massive. The planet is named after the Roman God of the Sea, Neptune and RULES ALL THINGS OCCULT.

8 is the first cube of energy, and is the only evenly even number within the decad. The Greeks thought it an all-powerful number; they had a Proverb “all things are eight.” 8 is INFINITY flipped over! 888 is the special number of Jesus Christ as “He who is the Resurrection and the Life.” He is the great opponent of the 666, the number of the Beast, the number of a Man. It is now crystal clear how Neptune is linked to the GREAT WHITE BROTHERHOOD or SHAMBALA!

On July 23(on my birthday :O ), there is a Roman Holiday called Neptunalia, that was made in honour of Neptune. I have decided to get an aquamarine dress for the occasion to invoke Neptune as he loves that colour. Try this yourself. Use colours to enliven this vibe. For me this Neptune Retrograde is touching upon private matters of sex, recreation, creativity and intuition and bringing to forefront these issues which I have to deal with. You need to look at your natal chart to see where this will affect you. Oh and do you know you can invoke Neptune for rain? Yes you can bring rain with a bit of Neptunian magick! And you can do this with meditation!

Neptune rules the astrological sign Pisces (along with Jupiter)
Colours: Green, blue, lavender
Minerals: Coral, aquamarine, platinum, neptunium
Body Part: the thalamus and spinal column
Action: Dissolving boundaries, expanding upon ideas, changing established rules
Represents: Intuition, idealism, sacrifice, glamour, illusion, evolution and decay

The Tarot Card for Neptune is THE HANGED MAN! Keywords for this card are

  • LETTING GO
  • REVERSAL
  • SUSPENSION
  • SACRIFICE

Think of where you need to let go? Think of how you can create a reversal of fortunes? Think of how why you feel suspended? Do you feel suspended? Are you sacrificing too much? Try to understand how the force of PARADOX is operating in your life.

Go and watch a play if you can. I am planning to go for one this Saturday at the NCPA. Theatre can bring to surface a lot of unconscious material. It always does so for me. Of course I have worked in Theatre, as an Actor, as well as a Writer and also as the Director’s Assistant. Theatre is an old lover of mine and boy, do I like making love to him! 😉

“One of the most occult of the planets, Neptune, presides over the ‘devas of the waters’; their presiding deva Lord, Varuna, the Raja of the astral plane, being an emanation from that planet.” ~~Alice Bailley

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varuna

Varuna is the King of the Nagas. He is depicted as a Blue Being accompanied by a court of Nagas or with a chariot drawn by seven white swans. It was said that the swans use to be black but though the blessing of Varuna he transformed their colour into a white milk-like substance. Later on in history he became just the God of the Sea and all the rivers and that is why he is recognised as the Naga King. Varuna is the deity of the sunsets. He is the symbol of the sun that sinks into the horizon in the West and travels to the other side, East by nigh, a symbol of that which we cannot see. A symbol of the UNKNOWABLE. Inexplicable!

Varuna mantra purifies the physical and emotional bodies and brings to the surface discordant emotional patterns hidden deep within the sea of the unconscious. I have done this meditations as I sat near the sea in Goa.

Om Jala Bimbaya Vidmahe
Nila Purushaya Dhee Mahe
Thanno Varuna Prachodayath

The simple form is Om Vam Varunaya Namaha. Chant this by the sea and visualise the whole water body as the body of NEPTUNE or VARUNA!

Neptune takes about 164 years to do a complete revolution around the Sun, thus spending about 14 years in each sign of the Zodiac and when it moves into retrograde approximately every year, it stays so for around 150 days. During the retrograde our spirituality, BLISS, and vision(INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL) become the focal points. Do you feel awake in your dreams? Maybe you are LUCID DREAMING? Listen to your intuition at this stage for it will tell you all you need to know.

Neptune, neptune, is the soul above matter and open to inspiration and illumination or muddle and confusion, depending on how it is placed. Some people put a circle at the bottom of this symbol. This is spirit rising into both the soul and matter to inspire them with mysticism and transcend boundaries. ~~astro.com

Neptune is the Empath and Dreamer. A lot of us have Neptune in Sag and on this Friday Neptune stationing retrograde at 14° 16′ Pisces, the last and the most mystical sign of the Zodiac. The symbol of Neptune is a TRIDENT, like LORD SHIVA. It is a trinity and symbolises –

  • Birth, Life, Death
  • Mind, Body, Spirit
  • Past, Present, Future

The number 3 is one of the most important numbers in our world. It represents the trinity, unity, opposition and the beginning, middle and end. The creation of our world dividing time into morning, noon, evening, with the past, the present, and the future. With his 3 forked trident, Neptune holds power over the 3 principalities of heaven, the earth, and hell. ~~Gnostic Warrior

If you wish to explore MYTHS and LEGENDS or introduce your children to FAIRY TALES, this alignment is very supportive. Use this retro energy. And the campfire gatherings can be more exciting and thrilling with those ghost stories. If you are a HORROR FREAK, like me, then binge watch everything you can on Netflix! Like I plan to do on Sunday and whenever I get time. Cinema unravels a lot in the mind during this time.

One of the slower-moving celestial bodies (or “collective,” as their influence extends over generations), in the natal chart of anybody born between November 1970 to January 1984, and again briefly between June and November 1984, Neptune will be in Sagittarius, a sign where this deep-sea diver feels quite at home. ~~numinous.com

Neptune’s Retrograde motion is not felt as much as say a Venus or a Mercury, but he operates in the background and connects us to all magickal and supernatural realms.

Talking about magickal, Neptune rules FILMS, TELEVISION, our individual and collective IMAGINATION, our INSPIRATIONS or MUSES, psychedelics and other mind altering substances and POETRY!

What are you waiting for? Compose those sonnets you’ve always wanted to pen down? Write out those lines that are screaming inside of you asking to be unleashed. Explore the POET in you. Explore the PHOTOGRAPHER in you. Make a video and  upload it onto Youtube, see how the world reacts. This retrograde is a perfect time for that.

Neptune is the FAIRY TALE into which we escape, it is what keeps us bewitched! In it’s lower vibrations, it is pure delusion. Like that old lady in REQUIEM FOR A DREAM who got addicted to speed pills just because she wanted to lose weight and be on TV in her old red dress. That is the lower polarity of Neptune and we have to face it.

Over the years, as I have been consulting with people, I have seen that a lot of sexual abuse takes place during this retrograde. Of course other hard aspects are present, but there is more of the date-rape thing. More eve teasing. More rapes. So be CAREFUL with all caps!

If we have been deluding ourselves, this retrograde will force us to come out of this stupor, it could be drug induced too and address reality. If you have been lying to yourself about your relationship, then the cracks will start showing and it won’t be pretty. If you have run up a huge debt and have not yet restructured your finances and figured out other sources of income, then you will be in doldrums. No matter what you are running from, will come to bite you in the ass. No kidding! Be ready, be prepared. For that is what astrology can gift us!

Who will feel this retrograde the most?

Those who have hard natal aspects in the mutable signs at 14° are the ones most likely to be affected. For example, if you have a natal square between your Pisces Sun and Mars in Gemini at 14°, Neptune will be conjoining your Sun and triggering the natal square. Part of the reason we seldom notice troublesome Neptune events until well after the fact is because we’re in denial caused by Neptune in the first place. ~~Libraseekingbalance

Neptune spends the most time treading water in retrograde motion – 158 days every 12.07 months – a fitting pattern for the planet that also governs subconscious memories of distant childhood and even past lives. ~~numinous.com

Things that have not been understood, acknowledged and integrated in our deep psyches can now return to haunt us. Dreams become very POWERFUL. Dreams of PAST LIVES may occur. For someone like me who is into LUCID DREAMING, this time of Neptune swimming backwards gives me the most symbolic and prophetic dreams. And of course I am day dreaming a lot more as this time nears.

This is the time to listen to your INTUITION. This is a great time for MAGICK and RITUAL. If you are unsure, email me. Use your MENSTRUAL BLOOD for the rituals and it will be even more effective.

Neptune retrograde in the natal chart could often bring about memories from Past Lives. Some people who recollect their past incarnations have a strong Neptune placement and alignments. Past Life Regression therapy really works well now.

Dreams…

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~~Edgar Allan Poe

Do you remember the 2010 film INCEPTION? I had to bring it up, that famous dream-in-a-dream-in-a-dream is so Neptune retro energy and Christopher Nolan has created this twisted, fascinating dreamscape that is so detailed and precise that it is terrifying!

The whole DREAM EXPLORATION theme, in itself is Neptunian energy and so is the meaning of the title Inception. It is the practice of entering dreams and planting an idea in someone’s head.  That never-ending-staircase. Do you remember it? What do you think they symbolise? Paradoxes in life? They are logical fallacies that have no existence in reality. Kinda what Neptune shows us while it dissolves boundaries. It shows us the temporal nature of this 3D world.

The Moon veils Neptune just as, in the mass consciousness (Cancer) form veils the subjective love alive within the form. Yet in traditional astrology, the veil is taken to be Neptune and the illusion, or mask of form, is seen to be the influence of this planet. This is not the true essence or function of the God of the Waters, for Neptune comes to us from the Soul level as the Initiator, Planet of the Christ. It’s trident is symbolic of the Trinity (Shiva-Vishnu-Brahma; Father-Mother-Son; Will-Love-Intelligence); it’s recent purpose, to serve as the stimulator of the Piscean Age. ~~Esoteric Astrology

Alice Bailley tells us that the esoteric ruler of Cancer is Neptune and that links Scorpio to Cancer. Basically it brings together all the three water signs as Neptune has a deep relationship with each of them.

Neptune (with Venus and Jupiter) Active at the Second Initiation:
“At the second initiation, the candidate comes under the influence of three planets—Neptune, Venus and Jupiter. The three centres—solar plexus, heart and throat—are actively involved.” ~~Alice Bailley

It is imperative to understand that Neptune in its higher vibration is SPIRITUAL LOVE, the highest OCTAVE of VENUS. While Venus is about intimate sensuality, Neptune teaches us how to transmute that sensuality into divine spiritual union. That is the magick of this planet! It teaches us spiritual ascension through tantric sex!

Where Venus represents love and personal relationships, Neptune inspires us to open our hearts to Divine Love and a relationship with the Universe itself. ~~astrodynamics.com

Collectively, these three sets of planetary octavals and vibrations constitute what is known as the threefold, Triadic Astrological Body (TAB). By “threefold triadic body”, it is submitted that these three primary sets of astrological octavals govern the holistic attributes that constitute an individual’s soul:

  1. The mental body (Mercury/Uranus),
  2. The emotional body (Venus/Neptune), and
  3. The desire body (Mars/Pluto) ~~ astrologyclub.com

Planetary spirits belong to hierarchies of evolved beings who have dominion over planets and chains of globes.  They have passed through human stages of evolution in previous cycles. HPB stated that “The highest planetary spirit ruling over any globe is in reality the ‘Personal God’ of that planet and far more truly its ‘over-ruling providence’ than the self-contradictory Infinite Personal Deity of modern Churchianity” the Voice of the Silence states that “Every spiritual EGO is a ray of a ‘Planetary Spirit.’”

The Mahatma KOOT HOOMI wrote that the mission of the Planetary Spirit is “to strike the Key Note of Truth” which becomes the “innate ideas” of humanity (ML, pp. 59-60) and it is the PLANETARY SPIRIT OF NEPTUNE, the rules of PISCES, that teaches us TRUE SPIRITUALITY and COSMIC LOVE! And we are so ready now, as a collective to learn and absorb this lesson!

Neptune holds a very important place in the Aquarian Age. The goal of human evolution is to produce the Messiah, the Initiate, the Mahdi, the Coming One. ~~Esoteric Astrology

The AGE OF MAITREYA!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maitreya

Some people may be tapping into a lower vibration of this energy and pushing themselves as gurus and holy men when in reality they intend to delude. So spiritual con artists will be at work. BE-AWARE! But spiritual LIGHT WORKERS will show up in abundance too and it is up to us to use our discretion to figure out the true from the false!

Speaking of Inception-like dream-in-a-dream, I want to share one such dream that keeps coming to me. I am falling through a black hole and while falling I wake up and then I finally wake up in my bed. And this falling motif has suddenly began to resurface as Neptune is about to station retro. I am fascinated by dreams, so this is a wondrous time for me. Get your dream journal out! Seriously do it!

It may prove of interest to state that the planet Neptune does not belong to our Universal Solar System. While it is a “planet” in that it does revolve around our sun, in reality it is a “capture” — captured as other planets have taken to themselves “moons” (or more accurately, satellites, as each planet can have only one true moon). Furthermore, inasmuch as the planet Uranus revolves around our sun, it is a member of our Universal Solar System, though not of our Solar System. ~~Theosophy Wiki

Therefore Neptunian energies may feel ALIEN! Depending on how your chart is being triggered, you might begin to feel like the alien or the outsider. In that case, remember, we are all outsiders here as beings of pure light experiencing this 3D world of pain and pleasure, the two foremost binaries.

OPEN YOUR HEART to COSMIC LOVE, then you will be able to feel the healing blueness of Neptune work wonders in your life. Call upon SANGYE MENLA or the MEDICINE BUDDHA to heal you. Blue Tara also works wonders! She is also called Nila Saraswati.

Neptune was also considered the legendary progenitor god of a Latin stock, the Faliscans,
who called themselves Neptunia proles. In this respect he was the equivalent of Mars, Janus, Saturn and even Jupiter among Latin tribes. Salacia would represent the virile force of Neptune. Neptune is apparently also equivalent with Atlas, Uranus, Orion, and Venus. And every other name you can give to the Universe “Holos”.~~WIKI

spiritual-love

The best way to use this Neptune energy would be to MEDITATE near a water body. If possible, go to the sea. Just sit in silence and watch the waves crash on the shore. Just listen to the sea. Just smell the sea. You may visualise all your NEGATIVE THOUGHTS flowing into the sea and becoming drops of water. Cleanse yourself, mind, body and soul.

You can install a water sculpture or a fish tank in the North direction of your house. Feeding the fish and watching them swim around can be extremely therapeutic. Try it.

You can do regular foot baths at this time. Soak your feet in EPSOM SALT and visualise all the negativity leaving your body. Feel lighter. Activate the salt and water with mantras or intentions.

You can use the Neptune energy in any healing magick and spells associated with the spine, psychological illnesses, neuroses, nervous breakdowns or any mysterious sickness.

Call upon water sprites, nymphs and mermaids for manifestation and protection as they are activated by this Neptune Retrograde. Spenser, in The Faerie Queene, wrote of “their sweet skills in wonted melody, which ever after they abused to ill, to allure weak travellers, whom gotten, they did kill”. In many of his cantos he spoke of the mermaid as a dangerous lure to be dreaded by the knight-hero of the story. But Mermaids are divine beings like the Hindu Apsaras whose name means ‘moving on the (celestial) water’. They are often associated with the power of prophecy and may even grant wishes or protection. But their vengeance can be cruel, for they can whip the waves and sink ships as readily as lure the unsuspecting youth. That is just patriarchy destroying the power of the untamed female, like BLACK MOON LILITH! Don’t be afraid to BE-COME a MERMAID if you so desire. Yes even a little cosplay could add to the excitement.

A little bit of astrotalk…

BLACK MOON LILITH is squaring NEPTUNE in PISCES very closely as Neptune turns Retrograde on June 16 @  14+ Pisces.  They exactly square on Summer Solstice June 21st. 

It means that Neptune that rules over the Media, mental health, oil, pharma is reconstructing its dynamics with the untamed wild feminine aspect. Let’s just say that the way MEDIA looks at WOMEN will change forever. Go Wonder Woman!

Invisible worlds exist, scattered throughout apparent space, and they are “inhabited as thickly as our own”. H.P. Blavatsky wrote of the finny tribes which swarm in our familiar bodies of water as being analogous to the various races of Planetary, Elemental and other Spirits…So yes, Mermaids exist. Unicorns exist. Everything your mind can conceive of, also exists…

As Mercury is Lightbearer of the physical Sun, so Neptune is Lightbearer for the spiritual Sun, (called Vulcan by the Western Mystics). ~~ The Message of the Stars

It is believed that Neptune also rules over our PINEAL GLAND! If you are tuned into the cosmic energies, you will feel an itch in your third eye. It might even vibrate, like mine does sometimes. Practice tratak if possible for this will greatly energise your third eye. This greatly develops your PSYCHIC POWERS and ESP.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11552/10-minute-yoga-sequence-for-a-strong-flexible-spine.html

Try to begin this regime for spine health~~

Neptune retrograde 2017 aligns closely with the Moon to make this an especially sensitive time. As well as feeling more emotional and romantic, you may also feel suspicious of others and extremely vulnerable. Any alignment of the Moon with Neptune increases the risk of infection and illness. The stationing of Neptune retrograde is just one more astrological reason that increases this risk of health problems. I expect that during Neptune retrograde 2017 there will be an increase in infectious diseases as a result of epidemics or possibly a pandemic affecting millions of people. ~~Astrology King

Always use protection! And be mindful of not getting infected. Do not panic, just be aware. Eat healthy and deep breathe. I know that Empaths, Psychics and Sensitives will be greatly impacted by this retrograde. Eat a raw clove of GARLIC with honey on empty stomach. Eat GINGER with PINK HIMALAYAN ROCK SALT. You can also add Probiotics in your diet. Just ensure your immune system is doing fine. Burn incense and regularly give yourself massages that end with an ecstatic rapture! 😉

If you look after the TRINITY, body, mind and spirit, then your psyche will be FERTILE and ACTIVE with ARCHETYPAL SYMBOLISM from which you can channel infinite creativity, bliss and love. Your dreams will become Universes of their own…What type of a Universe will you create?

Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. ~~Khalil Gibran

Thank You~~

Email me tina@tinaheals.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

The Discourse on Dark Psychedelic Music~~

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” – Gustave Flaubert

The very first thing I want to bring to your attention is the fact that the panorama  of DIGITAL MUSIC that have produced vast amounts of work, the language of which communicates with our UNCONSCIOUS MIND, like SYMBOLS do. It is all about the RELATIONSHIP OF SOUND to BODY, SOUL and MIND! It is a tool of SPIRITUAL TRANSCENDENCE! A way to suspend your EGO!

The unconscious mind (or the unconscious) consists of the processes in the mind which occur automatically and are not available to introspection, and include thought processes, memories, interests, and motivations. ~~WIKI

When we hear a piece of instrumental music or an EDM track, we are kinda piecing together the narrative that is taking shape in our minds. We as humans crave stories. The stories may come to us in any form, a sunrise, a morning cuppa tea, a poem, a painting, a photograph, a track….look around us.

Stories are in abundance and the better you can tell a story, the more viewers you will gather. See how Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media platforms are taking this “storytelling” concept to a new paradigm. Today, individual creators are creating a plethora of never-before-seen unique content. That is pushing the minds of the COLLECTIVE and bringing about an upward spiralling of consciousness.

This is the reason I am here to speak to you. It is my attempt to INTEGRATE certain passions of mine and fuse them together into a magickal brew. Simply put, I want to share with you my passion for DIGITAL MUSIC which takes me to NEW, ALIEN WORLDS.

However, I am not merely theorising, but I want to share how I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT, in the very depths of my soul!

Something remains unactualized, inseparable from but unassimilable to and particular, functionally anchored perspective. That is why it is classically described as being outside of oneself, at the very point at which one is most intimately and unshareably in contact with oneself and one’s vitality. (Massumi 2002, 35)

This is how it touches the soul. It is a mystery. It is UNKNOWABLE. It is UNTRANSLATABLE in any human language and that is the beauty and the FREEDOM of this medium.

What are the sounds in a DARK psychedelic night track?

The sounds we hear are the manipulation/interactions of sinewaves, which are a by-product of the sound editing process, ambient sounds associated with computer technology such as drones and electrical hums and random and error sounds which are by-products of digital technologies more generally such as glitches, pops, hisses and CD skipping. These sounds are moulded into the rhythmic structures and timbrel palette of a given track. These are replications using various VST software. That is how a track comes into being.

Here I want to discuss ROLAND BARTHES and his READER RESPONSE THEORY, the mechanism of which applies perfectly to the realm of dark psy music.

Reader-response criticism is a school of literary theory that focuses on the reader (or “audience”) and their experience of a literary work, in contrast to other schools and theories that focus attention primarily on the author or the content and form of the work. ~~WIKI

Do you see what I am hinting at? The LISTENER or the MEDITATOR is the crucial component when decoding the meaning behind a track. It is not the MUSICIAN who hold the key to discovering the track, it is the MEDITATOR!

There are no preconceived ways in which we can decode a particular trance track, for the meaning you see, always lies with the listener. You see how important the AUDIENCE becomes. Yes I am writing this piece, but what do I know of what it could mean to you. You could find what I never knew existed and that is the beauty of DIGITAL MUSIC. It lets you explore. It gives you FREEDOM. Trance become a life line for FREEDOM LOVERS. It is also a love of the POST STRUCTURALIST!

Goa and DARK PSY happened to me when I needed it the most, but was least prepared and my brush with dark, psychedelic night music left me metamorphosed forever, it expanded my consciousness like nothing else had done. It spoke to my UNCONSCIOUS and as an EMPATH, PSYCHIC and INTUIT, I felt like the 3D world collapse in front of me while all that remained where the subatomic particles in flux.

Dark psychedelic trance is the heavier end of the psychedelic trance spectrum with BPMs from about 148 and up. Related styles include psycore (fast and crazy), hi-tech (bouncy and glitchy), and forest (organic and earthy). Characterised of having obscure, deep and more eschatological background that leads into profound meditation of death, night and transcendence. Often with dismal sounds and heavy basslines. ~~WIKI

Quantum Reality is a bit like dark psychedelic trance, always in a state of flux! The Buddhists had it in one go- IMPERMANENCE and nothing quite elucidates that factor like a dark night set. The minute I put on one of my favourite tracks, you will easily distinguish it from the “other subgenres because of the unique sounds it typically features.”

It uses a very distinctive resonated bass beat that pounds constantly throughout the song and overlays the bass with varying rhythms drawn from funk, techno, dance, acid house, eurodance and trance using drums and other instruments. The different leads, rhythms and beats generally change every 8 bars. ~~WIKI

8 again…how sublime! The symbol of INFINITY flipped over. Eight is also extremely important in materiel manifestation. Which is why it works so well with any form of manifestation ritual! If you love this music, then work with it. Manifest!

Layering is used to great effect in psychedelic trance, with new musical ideas being added at regular intervals, often every 4 to 8 bars. New layers will continue to be added until a climax is reached, and then the song will break down and start a new rhythmic pattern over the constant bass line. Psychedelic trance tracks tend to be 6–10 minutes long. ~~WIKI

This new ideas that are introduced in every 4 or 8 bars is what decides whether we will go on an ADRENALINE BASED trip or an OXOTOCIN BASED one! With familiar samples, you will release oxytocin which in turn will bond you with the track and the musician. Sometimes even unfamiliar tropes introduced in the sounds may illicit oxytocin response. It all depends on how the neurotransmitters are firing up. Put easily, you decide how you want to feel. Nervous and edgy? Or relaxed and in control? Of course nothing is under control, but that is again the Philosopher in me talking. Nope, control is an illusion. But everything is an illusion. This whole Universe is a SIMULATION!

You know, I have used this music to HEAL, to meditate, to make love, to manifest and to go beyond the physical, but I have to confess, it is specially potent if you know how to LUCID DREAM on certain tracks. Much more on that later. I have been keeping a LUCID DREAM JOURNAL for the last decade and will be glad to share my meditations with you. Email me if you want to keep your own and need guidance.

After realising how important this genre of music is for all sorts of OCCULT MAGICKAL ACTIVITIES, I began to really improvise and work with this form of DIGITAL INFORMATION. I always felt that it was a collaboration between the MUSICIAN, the AI and the LISTENER, we shall call her the MEDITATOR- the holy TRINITY of SELF EXPRESSION or dance! And dance being the ULTIMATE FORM OF BLISS MEDITATION. One prime element of BHAKTI YOGA! To feel the magic of HARE KRISHNA, you must surrender to the dance! Have you ever been to Mayapur? It is fantastic watching how they use dance as a form of meditation, so do we, with DIGITAL MUSIC.

Using dance as a form of meditation is nothing new. ABORIGINAL people have used dance for multiple purposes. In some societies, such as those of Western Africa, trance states are institutionalised and form a part of the religious life of the people so concerned. There, it appears that trance induced naturally or chemically with certain drugs is related to possession by spirits and deities, and thus is an instrument of ritualistic and religious importance because it provides the basis of EXPERIENCING THE SACRED and THE SUPERNATURAL!

“Dance like no one is watching…” We can express so much through dance PURGE so much, FEEL so much…like some internal micro universe bursting with infinite possibilities.

If you read the ancient text NATYASHASTRA by BHARAT MUNI you will see how he discourses on dance and its importance. This text is notable for its “aesthetic “Rasa” theory, which asserts that entertainment is a desired effect of performance arts but not the primary goal, and that the primary goal is to transport the individual in the audience into another parallel reality, full of wonder, where he experiences the essence of his own consciousness, and reflects on spiritual and moral questions.” This is what dancing to dark psy did for me, which is why I am here to tell you about it. Dark psy took me to parallel realities! Yes it did.

I realised how much my psychic field developed after my dark psy journeys. I began to see so much more with the music…of other worlds, of shadow people, of other spiritual beings. In Rishikesh while listening to a live set, I experienced the most wondrous psychic visions, unparalleled to this day. My whole body was vibrating and it felt like one gigantic cosmic orgasm! The witch in me was flying on her broomstick! 😉

I have tried to share my love of this genre with many people. When I make them hear it, they clamp up. Yikes! You call that music!???! That is just plain NOISE! Do you feel that way? Well then listen up. Play the music and sit in silence. Let the DISCORDANT beats crash into the seas of our consciousness. All you do is BREATHE! JUST BREATHE! I wish I could hold you close, to bring your AURA and fuse it with mine! To merge our energies so I could share with you some of the wondrous stuff this music does to me.

Like TAROT, each TRACK or LIVE SET is like a CARD, complete with its own story, bringing to light archetypal imagery from the dawn of time! The discordant, dark night sounds can speak volumes to your UNCONSCIOUS as I discussed before and wait for it….you can actually retain that wisdom, even after the TRIP. I am not referring to a psychedelic trip, but to the TRACK itself which becomes the TRIP or the QUEST.

You know about the QUEST ARCHETYPE?

  • According to theorists, the hero’s quest occurs in cultures around the world and throughout time. It comes from the collective unconscious.
  • Each storyteller bends the mythic pattern to fit the needs of the specific culture or tale, which is why, according to Joseph Campbell, “the hero has a thousand faces.”
  • The following 12 stages of the hero’s quest archetype do not necessarily always go in the order presented; they may be re arranged.

http://www.pbs.org/mythsandheroes/myths_arch_quest.html#content

A dark psy track of Kindzadza would transport me into a SURREAL UNIVERSE where I had to work through these twelve stages to discover the meaning of my quest. This meaning became blurred each time as newer truths surfaced in my consciousness and then I reached a stage of JUST BEING with the CHAOS.

Try to interpret the TWELVE STEPS of the QUEST ARCHETYPE to the story that plays in your head with each track you listen to. Remember they will never be the exact. In fact you have to INTUIT how each ARCHETYPE applies to your scenario. If you do this, with each attempt you will be uncovering much valuable information from the deepest parts of your UNCONSCIOUS.

A CHAOS MAGICK PRACTITIONER for over a decade, dark psy spoke to me of the myriad possibilities of using it as a CHAOS MAGICK portal. I did so with tremendous success. Many New Moons have I manifested much of my heart’s desire with meditation, dark psy, orgasms and candle magick! I have kept mixing and matching the modalities, but sex(masturbation), magick and dark psy always work!

As a PSYCHIC certain tracks open up dimensional portals for me! Sometimes they are hard to traverse, as often I become too integrated to the artist’s emotions and as an EMPATH, it becomes hard. Artists using different forms of psychedelics leave their indelible marks on the tracks. You see the substance consumed, the consumer, become ONE when put in the blender of DIGITAL LANGUAGE. This is the classic Hegelian- Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis, like watching THE MAN WITH THE MOVIE CAMERA , by DZIGA VERTOV.

Man and Machine must coexist. If Elon Musk would have it, all of humanity will soon be bionic! How does that make you feel?

To create this music, the musician is aided by the AI, yes, the GHOST IN THE MACHINE! I sincerely believe that the DIGITAL LANGUAGE is not only to be credited to the humans, the computer is as much a part of it as the biological entity. Only certain Artists speak to my consciousness and spiritually energise me, for they are vibrating on the same frequency.

I am here to talk to you about dark night music as tool of great importance in not just our spiritual growth, but it can help us transcend this dense 3D fog and show us a glimpse of the 5D. It has happened to me and it can happen to you.

I have been looking for a community to speak with about my love and obsession for this genre as I have been bereft without one. There is hardly anyone I know who listens to this music and certainly no one who wants to discuss the theory and the philosophy behind it!

With the North Node in Leo, collectively we are bringing out our unique talents to show to the world. And as I speak of a smorgasbord of occult themes, I do not want to leave my SOUL MUSIC behind. I want to integrate it into my spiritual work and share my journey with you.

Do drop me a line if you think dark night music is like the very fundamental question of PHILOSOPHY….WHO AM I? If you listen closely enough, you will hear it…the PRIMORDIAL SOUND OF AUM MERGING WITH THE DIS-HARMONIC BEATS TO CREATE A PERFECT HARMONY! The perfect resonance!

I want to discuss different tracks and Artists, styles and treatments with you, just like I would discuss a French New Wave Film, Tantra or Theosophy, Tarkovsky or Munch, or a sonnet of Shakespeare. This is my quest to bring this to light.

If you like this music and like what I say, then support me. I will be going live soon on PATREON, please fund me. I plan to interact with all my PATRONS one on one(only if you take the exclusive deal) to display the various potentialities of this music in therapy, meditation, lucid dreaming and in sex magick.

Thank you! ❤