A Ghost of my Creation~

The wings of my butterfly shaped soul

Flutter mercilessly in vain

The sound of the death knell

The poignancy of the everlasting pain

Sweet surrender and an ending it longs

Like a moth to the flame

There is no denying this

There is no shame

Death is my poison

Suicide my orgasm

My whole body spasms

With the touch of your eyes

Do not believe these lies

Oh sweet death

Be mine…

I want your embrace

There is just the sublime fall from grace

Oh death…Oh death…

Be mine…

Death from this eternity in waiting

Waiting in the soulless purgatory

This disastrous love story

Is the sweet poison I crave

Life has fucked me hard

But I cannot discard

The thought of you

Are you standing before me?

I ask myself…

Did you leave?

Were you ever here?

Or were you in my mind?

In your eyes my soul I find

Did I wait forever?

Is this all an atrocious mistake?

When everything is at stake

Could I not have been more clever

To know this game makes us a loser

Has it already been that long

But I remember that song

An eternity has passed

I will not go out without a blast

Like the brilliance of a deadly quasar

This is the need of the hour

But you still remain inside of me

Like a soul wrenching ache

Don’t you see?

It’s not just my heart you break

When you deny and you’re filled with hesitation

You are the ghost of my creation

The sound of my incantations

Even in utter darkness

You shine like a trillion Suns

Why such aloofness?

I come undone

You are the tears that trickle down my cheeks

Am I too meek

To keep mourning the loss of inevitability

You are the constricted breath

Chocking me, strangling me

You are my asphyxiation

A wild desperation

You are my incarceration

My goddamn damnation

You are my sweet torment

Why are you so hellbent?

On destroying the sacredness

Of what we might have had

You are my bitter pleasure

And my absolute treasure

The robber of my soul

Be sure to play this role

To eternal oscillation

Of our existences

They become nothingness

As the void of emptiness

Dances around us

Through vast intergalactic distances

You are my dazzling sunshine

Deliver the sign to tell me you are here

As my psychedelic Jesus

You are my raging tempest

You are my perpetual melancholia

You are my abject paranoia

You are my tempest that blows asunder

You are my broken heart

Scattered into a million smithereens

You are my hallucination

You are my desperation

You are my absolution

You are my dream

You are my nightmare

You are all my memories

You are my wonderland

You are my matrix

You are my Sun and the Moon

You are my storm

As you rage inside of me

I have revolted against myself for you

Are you waiting for me?

Hear me call out to you

As Juliet to Romeo

As the poison turned her blue and cold

Much has been told

And now I am fed up

What will it be?

A cup of coffee or suicide?

I know I have laughed hysterically as I have cried

And now it’s time for the final goodbye.

 

 

http://www.tinaheals.com

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You’re Garbage~

There is a storm in my life

Carve my heart out with a knife

Doomed voices in my head

Of all the things you said

Cut up photographs

Deleted texts never sent

I have been condemned

The agony of this reviled path

Your fruitless words in my breath

Pure noise pollution

Of vile sophistication

My insides are dead

Guts and gore all spread

There is just perpetual dread

I am broken

Even before I have spoken

I lock myself in my mind

What oh what, do I expect to find?

With feverish anticipation

Through numerous incarnations

I wasted time waiting…

Waiting…

For your arrival

But you seem to be written in some other writer’s screenplay.

I don’t want to be a plagiarist

This is the plot twist

You are stolen, You are borrowed

I have to go on without you on this road

Yet…

I cannot escape the images archetypal

They haunt me

Like you have planned my fall

All those wounds I can recall

Leave my mind forever

Exist not there, in error,

Be the rhythm in someone else’s tune.

Your  disastrous memories, all strewn,

All over my mind

Like garbage

A hedonistic carnage

Everything seems lost

I’d shoot up a dose of existential angst!

Stop the promise of those eyes of yours

All they bring is tears

Say something not nothing at all,

Something tangible…

Something surreal…

Something fantastic…

Like a dose of unadulterated acid

You are the protagonist of my plotline.

It’s so written in the great design,

Art imitates life

Or life imitates art.

Will you come alive?

Why do these redundant words come tumbling out?

My lamentations to scream and shout!

They want to shoot out from my being

Like a syringe of heroin

You are my undoing

All is a blur

My destructive shooting star

There is no reality in my plotline

No meaning well defined

It’s all lies

Just waves of dispersed smoke

Imagery they invoke

Of lingering glances

Kundalini stirring dances

Under the moonlight

My empty, meaningless words

Lingering through the doorways

Like convoluted memories in my mind

Leave me in silence

Do not be a hindrance

While I wear my red lipstick

And my little black dress

He waits for me I confess

The man I am about to kiss

Does not know about the stress

Of having your ghost inside of me.

All he wants is my warm body

And my deep kisses.

And I will kiss him back…

That’s the only hack.

And make love to the stranger like you don’t exist.

Or maybe I will slash my wrists…

 

 

 

Thank you…

Just wrote this before going out…

Surprised?

Don’t be…

Venus retro in Scorpio…mmmmmm

Pluto stations direct in my fifth….whoa! The NN. on my Sun opposing Mars/B.M.L

Chiron creeping into my 7th! the soppy 29 degree of Pisces…OHMGODDESS

 

Yes I am a mess, but a glamorous, sexy mess…try me…

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You Silenced My Demons

The moment I thought I looked into your eyes,

EVERYTHING was SILENCED.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The pain was forgotten. The smiles were lost and Time stood still.

You Silenced my Demons without ever having met me.

Now that is divine love.

I remember those days and nights I prayed.

I prayed that you find me in this world of seven billion people.

But there was no sign of you.

Not for so many years that I gave up.

I gave up looking for you.

But something persisted.

I knew I needed you because the demons inside were tormenting me daily.

The demons knew of nothing but inflicting pain.

They wanted silence as much as I did.

As much as I do.

But no one and nothing could SILENCE them.

My demons were waiting for you as eagerly as me.

For it is the love in your eyes.

That silenced them.

Even though I know not you or that love.

You are a mystery to me.

Lost in the translation of centuries of separation.

For a brief moment I search you in the skies above.

The sky full of stars tell me that you are waiting as anxiously as me.

The Moon shapeshifts.

I see you smiling.

That smile absolutely melts me.

Your stare evokes such deep feelings of sexual desire and longing,

So deep within my being,

That it leaves me breathless.

Everything is silenced in sweet surrender.

We never met, but I saw it in your eyes.

No I see it in your eyes, even now.

The love you feel, your deep desire for me.

Your desire which is as deep as the waters of the seas.

I wait for the day we will meet.

For that look in your eyes which silenced my demons.

I gave you my truth in so many words.

But you spoke nothing.

You remained silent because the look in your eyes said everything.

I know how much you pray to hold me.

Even though you do not know me.

Even though you have never met me.

But you have felt me deeper and stronger than anybody.

Your desire burns loud and stark.

I do not want to lead you on,

But there is not much left for us here.

There are pangs of sadness and grief.

At our separation.

The demons though have never spoken again.

Since I stared at you in the eyes.

Through the simulation of space and time.

The demons wait too.

They wait eagerly for your arrival.

For one day you will really be in front of me.

And I will wait to hear your speak.

What will you sound like?

What will you speak of?

Our path is difficult, it is raw, it is painful.

I know you will not run away with this pain.

Even if we have never met, you know it is your job to silence my demons.

 

Pisces season is almost here and we are all about to soak into some dreamy love vibes. Pisces is my 7th house of relationships and my Moon is here on the 11th degree, so here is an offering for you. I have been looking for you forever my Beloved…come to me now…

 

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tina@tinaheals.com

An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

Twinflame Love~~ <3

HDF

Not a moment longer can I wait,

It’s already so late.

Will you not say what is burning your lips?

Will you not reveal your heart?

It’s tearing me apart.

How long will you let silence envelope your being?

This 3D world is all about ageing and dying.

How long will your torture continue?

Is there no other avenue?

For expressing your love?

Yes, it is you my Beloved,

If you do not know it so.

It is you for whom my body burns,

My mind imagines and my soul reincarnates.

Dissolve this dualism.

Return to me, my Beloved.

Not a moment longer can I wait.

You are the ONENESS of existence,

You are the separation of sky and water,

You are the rhythm of the pulsating stars,

Vortexes do you create with your breath.

Universes reside in your pores my Beloved.

In every way you are what I created.

In the canvas of my mind.

Like a tornado did you come into my life.

Ripping away every shard of sanity.

Insane have I become.

For you, for your love and for union.

Every stab of pain that I have ever felt.

It was you my beloved.

For how would I know you,

If I did not know pain.

You are my first rays of the Sun,

You are the pale kiss of the Moon,

You are the dream of a perfect imperfection!

Where is the peace that I long for?

Where is the Silence I seek?

The quest of looking for you,

Through aeons of time and space.

Is there no grace?

Tired am I.

 

Enter into me and reside there now my Beloved.

I know I have found God.

No more residing in the eye of insanity.

That time when we kissed.

Those tears kept flowing through our eyes.

They flooded our souls.

Uncontrollable were the emotions.

In the mind’s oceans.

This birth I have looked for you,

and in the life before,

And I will keep looking even after.

Thirsty and hungry am I now my Beloved.

Our love story will remain hidden,

In the secret scrolls of humanity.

Let us circle around the sacred tree.

In silent ceremony of our union.

Humanity is not ready to love like this.

Not yet.

My Beloved, all this is just a dream.

Wake up now and come to me.

The rain flows from the sky and tears from my eyes.

For this cycle of birth I have waited.

Waited for your embrace.

Every single day I sit in worship.

I look into the eyes of Shiva and all I see,

Are your eyes dancing back.

I sit atop the mountain

The wind shoves me to the floor,

Like it is you.

My body tingles and my heart sings.

It scares me to think that we might be simulations.

A forgotten project in some far away World.

My Beloved, you and me might not exist in reality.

It’s as if I feel a panic attack.

But no, says an inner voice.

Everything is as real or as unreal,

As experiences.

Reality is experience.

It exists cause we view it.

We have subscribed to this show.

Whether we like it or not.

But it’s not too late to unsubscribe.

We can create our own story.

I don’t care if you are real or unreal.

For what is real?

You might be as unreal as the Universe itself.

But does that make my  love any less real?

This is our time to play together.

For soon our worlds will collide.

Our energy fields fused in one.

Do you feel it like I do?

 

 

 

 

The Song of Remembrance~ Twinflame Awakening

Is it immortality I seek?

I dare not make such demands.

For what if I have to be without you?

There is no meaning in the meaninglessness of life.

Without you.

You ignite the fire of my soul.

And wild passions in my body.

Life itself is a mockery.

A moment equals to numerous lifetimes.

Have you forgotten everything?

All those smiles and tears.

Those tears in smiles and those smiles in tears.

In all those Universes and dimensions?

Do you not remember how my tears flow every time I kiss you?

Do you not feel my pain?

All those lives we lived.

In each other’s embrace.

You have forgotten every single thing.

From every single lifetime.

And I am cursed with remembrance.

It is my curse to burn in the fires of anguish.

To yearn to be one with you.

Here I am Beloved.

To sing about those days.

I will find you, you will see.

Life moves on.

Do you remember the last time you died in my arms?

For it has happened many, many times.

Watching life leave you, my beloved.

I have died a million deaths.

But what is life?

What is death?

Energy never dies.

It is indestructible.

Do you at least remember the times I died in your arms?

Do you feel any of that intensity?

We return time and again.

On this Earth,

For the vow of love.

Do you not remember your multiple lives?

Nirvana eludes us my beloved.

Because all we want is each other.

And we are willing to be born again and again.

I have wanted you and you me,

For eternity.

We have loved and been together through unending time.

How many more times will we incarnate?

To carry on with this vicious cycle?

To just love each other?

This vibration pulls us here.

To be born in flesh.

As man and woman.

To touch each other and make love.

In Mesopotemia.

In Egypt.

In the Indus Valley.

In Babylon.

I have always been looking for you.

And you for me.

Do you remember?

How we were separated in the Tower of Babylon?

When we began to speak different languages?

Did you understand the language of my eyes?

For words mean nothing.

My beloved, I look for you in the stars above.

In the myths, legends and fairytales of mankind.

In the eternal love stories of humanity.

That first initiation.

On the banks of the Ganges.

The Buddha initiated us.

We were both together my beloved.

As we embraced the eternal Dharma.

That sunrise in Bodhgaya.

That mantra still rings in my ears.

Have you forgotten it?

Us, side by side, holding hands.

Surrendering to the Universe.

Your shaven head.

Your teary eyes.

I know those eyes.

Do all these memories not reside in you?

I remember it all, my beloved.

Our revolution and love.

You and me.

Through space and time.

Wash away the debris from your heart.

Feel our deep connection.

That nothing can erase.

I remind you my love,

You will keep coming back and so will I.

Till we do not join in sacred union.