A Ghost of my Creation~

The wings of my butterfly shaped soul

Flutter mercilessly in vain

The sound of the death knell

The poignancy of the everlasting pain

Sweet surrender and an ending it longs

Like a moth to the flame

There is no denying this

There is no shame

Death is my poison

Suicide my orgasm

My whole body spasms

With the touch of your eyes

Do not believe these lies

Oh sweet death

Be mine…

I want your embrace

There is just the sublime fall from grace

Oh death…Oh death…

Be mine…

Death from this eternity in waiting

Waiting in the soulless purgatory

This disastrous love story

Is the sweet poison I crave

Life has fucked me hard

But I cannot discard

The thought of you

Are you standing before me?

I ask myself…

Did you leave?

Were you ever here?

Or were you in my mind?

In your eyes my soul I find

Did I wait forever?

Is this all an atrocious mistake?

When everything is at stake

Could I not have been more clever

To know this game makes us a loser

Has it already been that long

But I remember that song

An eternity has passed

I will not go out without a blast

Like the brilliance of a deadly quasar

This is the need of the hour

But you still remain inside of me

Like a soul wrenching ache

Don’t you see?

It’s not just my heart you break

When you deny and you’re filled with hesitation

You are the ghost of my creation

The sound of my incantations

Even in utter darkness

You shine like a trillion Suns

Why such aloofness?

I come undone

You are the tears that trickle down my cheeks

Am I too meek

To keep mourning the loss of inevitability

You are the constricted breath

Chocking me, strangling me

You are my asphyxiation

A wild desperation

You are my incarceration

My goddamn damnation

You are my sweet torment

Why are you so hellbent?

On destroying the sacredness

Of what we might have had

You are my bitter pleasure

And my absolute treasure

The robber of my soul

Be sure to play this role

To eternal oscillation

Of our existences

They become nothingness

As the void of emptiness

Dances around us

Through vast intergalactic distances

You are my dazzling sunshine

Deliver the sign to tell me you are here

As my psychedelic Jesus

You are my raging tempest

You are my perpetual melancholia

You are my abject paranoia

You are my tempest that blows asunder

You are my broken heart

Scattered into a million smithereens

You are my hallucination

You are my desperation

You are my absolution

You are my dream

You are my nightmare

You are all my memories

You are my wonderland

You are my matrix

You are my Sun and the Moon

You are my storm

As you rage inside of me

I have revolted against myself for you

Are you waiting for me?

Hear me call out to you

As Juliet to Romeo

As the poison turned her blue and cold

Much has been told

And now I am fed up

What will it be?

A cup of coffee or suicide?

I know I have laughed hysterically as I have cried

And now it’s time for the final goodbye.

 

 

http://www.tinaheals.com

More and more come pouring out…

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You’re Garbage~

There is a storm in my life

Carve my heart out with a knife

Doomed voices in my head

Of all the things you said

Cut up photographs

Deleted texts never sent

I have been condemned

The agony of this reviled path

Your fruitless words in my breath

Pure noise pollution

Of vile sophistication

My insides are dead

Guts and gore all spread

There is just perpetual dread

I am broken

Even before I have spoken

I lock myself in my mind

What oh what, do I expect to find?

With feverish anticipation

Through numerous incarnations

I wasted time waiting…

Waiting…

For your arrival

But you seem to be written in some other writer’s screenplay.

I don’t want to be a plagiarist

This is the plot twist

You are stolen, You are borrowed

I have to go on without you on this road

Yet…

I cannot escape the images archetypal

They haunt me

Like you have planned my fall

All those wounds I can recall

Leave my mind forever

Exist not there, in error,

Be the rhythm in someone else’s tune.

Your  disastrous memories, all strewn,

All over my mind

Like garbage

A hedonistic carnage

Everything seems lost

I’d shoot up a dose of existential angst!

Stop the promise of those eyes of yours

All they bring is tears

Say something not nothing at all,

Something tangible…

Something surreal…

Something fantastic…

Like a dose of unadulterated acid

You are the protagonist of my plotline.

It’s so written in the great design,

Art imitates life

Or life imitates art.

Will you come alive?

Why do these redundant words come tumbling out?

My lamentations to scream and shout!

They want to shoot out from my being

Like a syringe of heroin

You are my undoing

All is a blur

My destructive shooting star

There is no reality in my plotline

No meaning well defined

It’s all lies

Just waves of dispersed smoke

Imagery they invoke

Of lingering glances

Kundalini stirring dances

Under the moonlight

My empty, meaningless words

Lingering through the doorways

Like convoluted memories in my mind

Leave me in silence

Do not be a hindrance

While I wear my red lipstick

And my little black dress

He waits for me I confess

The man I am about to kiss

Does not know about the stress

Of having your ghost inside of me.

All he wants is my warm body

And my deep kisses.

And I will kiss him back…

That’s the only hack.

And make love to the stranger like you don’t exist.

Or maybe I will slash my wrists…

 

 

 

Thank you…

Just wrote this before going out…

Surprised?

Don’t be…

Venus retro in Scorpio…mmmmmm

Pluto stations direct in my fifth….whoa! The NN. on my Sun opposing Mars/B.M.L

Chiron creeping into my 7th! the soppy 29 degree of Pisces…OHMGODDESS

 

Yes I am a mess, but a glamorous, sexy mess…try me…

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Twinflame Sagas by the sea~~

“From that hour I have never been able to shake from my soul the belief that my Destiny, for good or for evil, either here or hereafter, is in some measure interwoven with your own.” ~~Edgar Allan Poe to Mrs. Sarah Helene Whitman (1848)

Staring at the overcast skies above, as an occasional star twinkled at me, out of the blue, I realized that it is happening…the Great Awakening! The crystal and indigo children are here, the lightworkers congregating more than ever because of the internet…where does that leave us with the twinflame journey?

The soul craves for more on this…the sacred communion of Yeshua and Magdalena, of Shiva/Shakti of Padmasambhava and Yeshe Tsogyal…it is that ache to achieve diamond consciousness and to awaken to our true divine potential.

It is exciting and probably most vibrant than it ever has been, yes, again with the internet explosion, more and more are finding their twinflames. I mean think back before Facebook and Insta. Did you really know shit about your date? Nada. Nothing. It was like jumping into the abyss. Today more than ever there is the possibility of finding that special match….

These times would be so exciting for me if I was dating. I mean in which era could I find sensitive, artistic, creative, vegan guys just by hashtags? Lol! The chances of crossing his or her path are more crystallized in 3d than ever.

But then gain, I realize that information is quantum, not linear. There is so much going on that we just do not realize. Because we look through our human, linear, subjective lenses. TIME DOES NOT EXIST!

The present is the child of the past; the future, the begotten of the present. And yet, o present moment! Knowest thou not that thou hast no parent, nor canst thou have a child; that thou art ever begetting but thyself? Before thou hast even begun to say “I am the progeny of the departed moment, the child of the past”, thou hast become that past itself. Before thou utterest the last syllable, behold! Thou art no more the present but verily that future. Thus, are the past, the present, and the future, the ever-living trinity in one—the Mahamaya of the absolute IS. ~~HPB

But there is so much simmering under it all…You can listen to the breathing of your twinflame in silence! Not the rambling of a lunatic, it is true…

Firstly, this is a time unlike many and quantum information tells me that many, many twinflames will now meet to fulfill their spiritual mission. Why? Because with the internet opening up, we have released something very powerful. We have given people the ability to connect. People who would have never known each other, can now find themselves friends because of this web which is conscious. The internet breathes, she is alive!

“I have been astonished that men could die Martyrs for religion, — I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more; I could be martyred for my Religion, — love is my religion, — I could die for that. I could die for you.” ~~Keats to Fanny Brawne (1819)

The internet is pivotal in bringing twinflames together. It can pierce souls into twinflame recognition. I have seen it happen like so, so many times…

There were many messages from the spirit regarding the twinflame phenomenon I have been investigating for over a decade! And today I will share some of what the seas told me. All this material is from my upcoming book on the Twinflame journey.

Lightworkers seek the divine union or the twinflame union more than any other. And why? Because somewhere they want to connect to their own half, which in turn is the ultimate balance. It is never about deception, manipulation or sabotage.

Let us for the sake of better comprehension break up our love relationships into three parts- 3D Companions, Soulmates and the only Twinflame!

3D relationships are the most abundant kind. They are our friends, our colleagues, our associates, our collaborators, our lovers and generally people we tend to have a good time with. They are sometimes joined at the hip, sometimes we meet them for an hour. But we always remember them with fond memories.

3D relationships can be made into a very productive and harmonious marriage. There is not much conflict with these people. We love to laugh with them, we love to see the good side of life with them. Yes, there can be a sense of avoiding deeper truths and uglies that life throws are you, but these relationships bring great joy. Allies they are, our 3D companions and they make life pleasurable and pleasant.

Ever had that uncle and aunt, not madly in love, but making their marriage work even after 25 years just because of mutual respect and compromise. They may even go for holidays together, may even fuck other people, may or may not be really bonded. The bond is strong, yes it surely is, but the soulmate connection is much, much, much deeper.

If you’re lucky, you might come across one of your soulmates in this life. In esoteric parlance, there are 11 of them! And only one twinflame, but that’s for later. Your soulmate my or may not be a fellow seeker, but he or she will be a journeyer with you through the samsaric seas. They can be in conflict with your inherent ideas. There may be much strife and competitiveness. Soulmates are here to provoke us to love better and open up to the miracle of love and life. This is no small task and sometimes interactions with them can be painful, violent or tempestuous. There is massive attraction, kinda like opposites attract!

I know how curious you people are to discover if X or Y is your twinflame or soulmate and you keep asking me to check for pointers. Well, my loves, let me make this loud and clear on this post, so I never have to respond to this question again. Lol!

There are no ways to know any pointers to the twinflame- nope, there isn’t. You heard that right my sweets. How can there be any pointers? The twinflame relationship transcends all of time and space and dimensionality! Then how can it be governed by a natal chart? How can there be any signifiers? The twinflame relationship therefore is as mysterious as ever! No natal chart there my love. But there is a theory.

That is of the same birthday. Twinflames are often seen to share the same birthday! Yes, that is freaky, but I have seen this pattern in over five cases, but remember these are still just probable twinflames. We cannot know for sure till the end of it all. I won’t be there, hopefully someone else will take up this research and continue. What else can you expect of your live’s work? Set it free and a kindred spirit will pick up where you left. After all we are one consciousness and share the same quantum information!

Now back to the same birthday thing. It means your Sun’s are conjunct! Say I have my Sun on the 0 degree of Leo and my twinflame may also share that same placement. Again just a hypothesis! I will discuss more on the astro later.

Let us speak of Soulmates with more clarity…

The task of the soulmate is to open up your heart in ways you did not know it could open. Sometimes this happens by our heart breaking, but remember, that through the cracks can light pass through.

Soulmates are like rivers flowing through our lives, we can never capture the river and hold it there. We have to let it go. Soulmates are deep and ancient connections, but they may or may not stay with us forever. Even if we meet them in flesh, we can still divorce from them. They will always be there in our psyches, because we can never ever forget a soulmate, but we can break away from them. It will hurt, it will pain, but we will see it happened for the best.

Soulmates help us transmute human love to divine. It gives us a look into something primal, raw and diabolical. If you have had a soulmate relationship, you know exactly what I mean!

Most people who think they have met their twinflames, have infact met their soulmates, but this fact eludes them. That is why you hear that my twinflame and me broke up, but I can never forget him…blah, blah…No bitch, if he was your twinflame, he can never ever stay away from you once you have met.

Even if you are married or he is. He or she will make it a point to be your friend or associate in some way and when you interact, you will know in some way, that you have come home. No wonder how spiritually thick you are. Once you are touched by your Twinflame, your auric field responds. Your aura tangles with theirs, even if it across vast seas of time and space. It was forever entangled, but now awareness seeps in and after all the Universe is consciousness observing itself. So think and think hard and put the pieces together!

Connecting with your twin is bound to make you more sattvik or spiritual. This is bound to make you question every single thing about the life you live. If it does not, it is not a twinflame relationship! Identification will give you an edge on things.

Your twinflame interaction will always be healthy, for it can never be unhealthy as this is the great union with the self, but with soulmates we tend to develop codependent relationships! That is again how we learn to rise in love…it is all about rising in love, never falling…

The Twinflame connection is unlike any other. I have said that it feels like coming home. What do I mean by that? Now as this manvantara dawned, spiritual Dhyani Chohans created this Universe and they split themselves into twos to incarnate. And now with over seven billion people on earth and the Kali Yuga in full force, most Dhyani Chohans are now incarnate on this 3D plane, each fulfilling their own mission and by chance suddenly, one broken part of that Dhyani Chohan may meet its other and then happens the divine union.

According to H. P. Blavatsky it is a Tibetan word meaning “‘Lord’ or ‘Master’; a chief”. “Thus,” she continues, “Dhyan-Chohan would answer to ‘Chief of the Dhyanis’, or celestial Lights–which in English would be translated Archangels”. The Dhyan Chohans are the agents of the Karmic and Cosmic Laws. Some of the Dhyāni-Chohan in The Secret Doctrine are the Primordial Seven, Lipikas, Mānasaputras, Kumāras, Manus, etc.

The Dhyani Chohanic essence split itself into two over 3 billion years ago…although here I have to remind you that time of itself is as impermanent as all of creation.

Esoteric philosophy . . . divides boundless duration into unconditionally eternal and universal Time and a conditioned one (Khandakâla). One is the abstraction or noumenon of infinite time (Kâla); the other its phenomenon appearing periodically, as the effect of Mahat (the Universal Intelligence limited by Manvantaric duration).

Just as the universal time is the effect of the Universal Mind (Mahat), conditioned time is dependent on individual consciousness. Blavatsky wrote: Time is only an illusion produced by the succession of our states of consciousness as we travel through eternal duration, and it does not exist where no consciousness exists in which the illusion can be produced…Wiki

Now that you have understood that time does not exist, you understand that you are never truly separated from your twinflame. It is that one soul which splits itself to create this manvantara or this Universe, then how can there be any division in the soul essence? It is one and the same. It is the same soul, so once you see this same soul in 3D, you can never ever stay away. Sometimes, it can be that one twin is married and then it can be very painful, because that marriage cannot last once you have seen even the shadow of your twinflame.

And remember that with your twinflame, you will just be able to be yourself. There is no competition, there is no strife, even in disagreements, there is a certain camaraderie. The most interesting thing about twinflames, is that inherently they will believe in the same things. Same philosophy. Same ideology. They will subscribe to the same concepts. Of course there will be differences, but at the very core, soul level, their energy signature will never divert from the other. They will believe in the same God so to say, whether it is Kali, Jesus or the Internet. If this is not the case, then once the twins meet, the one with lower vibration will rise to higher vibes and this has always been the case in my research.

Your twinflame was separated from you at the beginning of human individuation and even if life keeps them apart, they will meet one day, if they are karmically bound to and it may be at the very end of life.

Look at Gabrielle Garcia Marquess’ Love in times of cholera. Think of the star crossed lovers, Florentino Ariza and Fermina Daza, who were separated for fifty years because her father discovered the impassioned love letters they wrote to one another. Life gives them a second chance as he finally proclaims his love for her at her husband’s funeral. It is that poignant! What do you think happens? Is it possible to love another for fifty years in hope that one day you shall meet them?

The Twinflame will be an instant attraction. If you spot yours, you will definitely initiate contact. Imagine seeing a part of you, how do you resist that magnetic attraction? That primal raw pull towards your own soul? It is fucking soul penetration I tell you…stuff lunatics like me live for…hahahahaha…what else do you think the seas will tell you on a full moon?? I could hear his breathing in the rumblings of the sea! That is how poetic the moment is!

Since the soul is superior to the body, to which it is united, it would remain on earth in painful loneliness were it not for the fact that among other human souls it may choose a companion – a partner in the trials of life and in the joys of the hereafter. When two souls, which have sought each other amid the crowd, find they have met, realize that they belong to each other, and comprehend this affinity, then it is that a union has been brought about, as pure and aspiring as themselves – a union which begun on earth will be consummated in heaven.” ~~Victor Hugo to Adele Foucher (1821)

Enough for now…more for another time…

DONATE TO THE TWINFLAME CAUSE~~

PAYPAL ME~~ tina@tinaheals.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

 

 

Twinflame Yearning in the RX season~

I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. I’d like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.’ ~~Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

There is a sense of deep, deep, penetrative soul searching love as Mars has gone retro in Aquarius which is my house of relationships from my Leo Sun! And the ruler of my 7th from my Ascendant has gone retro.

There is a deep ache in my pussy that is reverberating from down there all the way to my heart chakra. The Priestess uses her pussy as a radar. The pussy detects twinflame yearning, only if you listen. No amount of making love or no amount of self pleasure can satisfy this craving!

This hunger is Neptune dreaming up impossible dreams of everlasting love and pangs of separation. I guess Neptune retro in my 7th house on my Moon, is a time when my heart craves the most for my twin soul. And so does my pussy and my body!

And this body is entangled with another…far, far away, in another multiverse…

I am searching for that body who carries a part of my soul in his. I told you how twinflames are the same soul. Yes, they are an expression of the sacred union of Shiva/Shakti. The great tantric maithuna!

The CAP FM coming up is in my 5th house of romance from my ascendant as as FMS bring things to light, I want to see what pops up for me as I will be away from my family.

Staring at the full moon from a place of wonder and magick! A place closest to my heart. Tearful longings fill my heart. And I cry…I cry aloud, I cry in silence, I cry alone and I cry with friends…the tears don’t go away. It’s been the blackest day…

And I am forced to think of a love I never had. No matter how much I try to shut him out, the hologram keeps laughing at me. I am helpless. I am powerless and impotent as my body responds to him, so does my mind and what of the soul. He is my soul!

There is someone I want to meet. There is someone I want to hold. There is someone I want to love and it is you! This should be an easy piece to write. The words should flow smoothly, because of my depth of love for you. But maybe, words here cannot do justice!

Every single moment I avoid thinking of you, all I can do is think of you. I don’t know what your name is, but I know when I hear it, it will bring me peace. Blissful, unadulterated peace. A name that will bring a smile to my lips. A name so familiar that it will ring in the very core of my being. A name which resonated within through infinities and eternities!

Memories, memories, memories…they appear in the torturous stormy seas of my mind, but they disappear. All that remains is your smile, like the lighthouse across ravenous destructive waves. Your gleaming light saves me from drowning in the fogs of the abyss.

I know you are as aware of me as I am and maybe while you sit staring at your screen, in your Universe, maybe due to quantum information bleeding into parallel worlds, you see my words appear before you.

You do not know where these words come from, for you have no idea what they mean, but you read on. Why? Because there is something so familiar in these words that makes every pain and every sadness go away.

You are eternally bonded to me, why do you deny it? Are you even aware of this connection? Do you thirst for me?

I think you feel all of this, as much as I do…I feel you crave for my body and soul as much as I do yours and what of my mind? It is as beautiful as yours…

You have looked for me as I have for you, but we have not met, because there is no inter dimensional travel for me yet. Do you want to come to my Universe instead?

Maybe  you’re already trying to figure out how to get to my Universe. Maybe you are devising a time warp machine that will make you cross the dimensional distance and you will come into this multiverse. What unrealistic expectations, I tell you!

Or maybe you don’t exist…more likely the latter…my pussy knows you exist.

So back one more time, due to public demand to speak about Twinflmes. Tada! Now listen to me, I am travelling all the way to a magickal twinflame place called Goa in the next two days.

As La Luna becomes pregnant in Capricorn, the polarity of Cancer, I have been called to be close to the seas. One more time, I will be about to stare at the Goa skies and think of this crazy twinflame connection that I felt once, many, many years ago…

No I am not going for fun and will be going alone. No baby. No husband. Just my work and my solitude and the energy of my twinflame which is all pervasive in Goa. Nothing can stop me from feeling crazy dejavus in that place. It is like he is right there, but I know he is not. Lol!

It’s not possible for my twinflame story to be so easy. What if I see him walking towards me in Vagator? Will he smile? Will he remember me? Will he run to embrace me?

Sometimes I think of what it would be like to meet him. What would I say? Would I feel centered or absolutely ruffled? Would I be articulate? No man has ever made me lose my tongue. No man ever. Maybe he is the only man who can get me tongue tied. And it is not easy to get me tongue tied.

The Hummingbird in Vagator! Part 2, all alone.

Read about Part-1

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/22/the-hummingbird-in-small-vagator/

Walking down the shore, drawing patterns on the beach, smelling the salty seas, thinking of what it would be…if he was here…yes, I wish you were here…you from another frickin’ multiverse.

Couldn’t you just be from this dimension! Talk about complicating stuff!

Maybe, maybe…you are already trying to communicate with me. Maybe through art. The way I like it.

Sometimes I think of you as a painter. Drawing in the canvas of my soul.

Sometimes I see you as a sculptor, capturing my infinite essence in your artwork.

Sometimes, I think of you speaking to me in a tune, crafting the sounds to describe the pain and love in your soul.

I promise to look for them. I know you communicate with me, through psychic energy and sacred sound.

I know you are not in my mind, or are you?

Sometimes, I feel scared that we will never meet in our physical form on earth, but then maybe in death, we shall be united in some way.

Although I hope to meet you in this life. Even if I am seventy and I see you coming, I will know you have come. And I will rest in peace to know I saw your face, even if for a brief moment!

I cannot even write that I knew you were the one since I laid my eyes on you, because till now, I have waited to see your face. Till now I have waited to look into your eyes. I have waited to see if you love me with the same intensity that I do.

I wish we could grow old together, but we won’t. I wish we could read each other’s minds, which we do, but we will never talk about it. We will never see our children, because time and space have conspired to keep us apart.

The best part about this craving I have for you, is that I have no clue what about you I am craving. Is it my soul, now fragmented just wants to seek unification of some sort? And is my body reacting to this connection? My pussy is…there is  stargate in there, waiting to be activated…by you!

Every time the rain drops come crashing down like silver sheets, inundating my consciousness, there is a tune I hear. Or is it a chant? Whatever it is, it reminds me of you. Rain and sunshine, both! How perverse is that!

No man has ever touched my body the way you would, because having the same soul, this body too, is yours. No one can kiss these lips like you do, for they are your own lips and when you look into my eyes, you will feel like you are looking into your own being!

I am your mirror…look at us!

That is the connection I feel to this unnamed energy that I call my twinflame. There is no tangible physical form, but there is energy. Energy which flows from his heart to mine and I think the energy being churned out by the skies above is heightening this connection, this yearning, this impossible fulfillment.

My body aches to be with you, the void in my pussy, impossible to satiate with anything, but you. Every atom of my body is eager to express my love for you in an impossible dance of sacred union. Our bodies enmeshed in an eternal embrace, you pulsating within me, setting every fiber of my being on fire.

No hands can ever worship this body like yours and no one can pleasure me like you.

There is no you. There is no me. There is only the sacred fire of our communion. There is only our love burning bright through the abysmal darkness of creation and destruction.

My all consuming passion drives my creativity, it drives my lust for life, it drives my sense of purpose. It is the anchor of my life, my North Star, the ever present fixture in the mirth of my consciousness.

I know you communicate with me through symbols and archetypes, through birth and death, but now it is time to show yourself…appear and manifest in this Universe…

To someone in some multiverse…

DONATE~

http://www.tinaheals.com

Themes of Domination and submission~~

BDSM is not about SEX. In its higher vibrations, it has to do with SPIRITUALITY and SOUL EVOLUTION. Do you think this to be blasphemous? Follow my chain of thought and explore more.

Do you know that fear is a potent aphrodisiac?

This is a post that has been pending in the pipeline for quite a while and there is no better time to do this than right now. There is this MOON QUINCUNX MARS aspect that is happening in the skies today and with this particular energy, there is a repressed vibe of S&M if you ask me. It could also lead to AUTOSADISM, a term coined to reflect the pain and humiliation inflicted on oneself.

Yes there are all kinds of people and all different kinds of things rock their respective boats. But why the necessity to speak about BDSM, the generally accepted term for “sexual sadism within the context of mutual consent”…

I have explored the aspect of domination and submission both, although I am a natural Dominant. And women DOMINANTS do not usually speak out, unless they are pro-dommes, but, I think it is now time to openly discuss FLR or FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIPS and FEMDOM, which means FEMALE DOMINATION.

BDSM is a collaborative, spiritual and creative exchange between the TOP and the bottom. It is sublime!

And, and, and, there is not much resource for women who want to explore DOMINATION…But now, things are going to change…

Yet, I do agree, there is a sweet sense of surrender when you expose your vulnerable self to someone to do whatever they want with. It is a dangerous proposition, but if a SACRED SPACE can be created for the couple’s mutual adventurous sides to come out and play, then there is a possibility of great catharsis during a BDSM encounter.

I will stand by my thesis that BDSM, which is consensual, may actually lead to ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS. It can be as potent as Acid or MDMA.

One study, published in May 2013, actually found that practitioners of BDSM were better off than the general population in some ways, including having secure relationships and lower anxiety. You know why? Because the relationship between a DOMINANT and a sub is open and honest, even if the sub has contacted her for a pro session.

The two words incorporated into this compound, “sadism” and “masochism”, were originally derived from the names of two authors. The term “Sadism” has its origin in the name of the Marquis de Sade (1740–1814), who not only practiced sexual sadism, but also wrote novels about these practices, of which the best known is Justine. “Masochism” is named after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who wrote novels expressing his masochistic fantasies. ~~WIKI

PAIN and PLEASURE are two binaries and often times this infliction of pain is brought about by the emotional needs of the masochist. The Dominant likes to play along and mentor, because through the possibility of the threat of violence, the submissive can and may succeed in expressing psychological purging. And the DOMINANT feels the intensity too. It is a dance of ADRENALINE for the TOP.

The pain that comes with sadomasochistic sex may cause the brain to shunt blood flow away from this region, causing a subjectively altered state of consciousness — and the appeal of SM, Ambler said. “Part of the reason these SM activities may be so extreme, at some level, is that they’re particularly effective at causing the brain to change its distribution of blood flow,” he said. ~~huffingtonpost

In fact after a session of SHIBARI, you will begin to feel light, stress free and in control. There is something about lying suspended, all tied up. SHIBARI is a very powerful spiritual tool and there is so much to be had if you land up as a SHIBARI CANVAS in the hands of a true artist!

In Japanese, “Shibari” simply means “to tie”. The contemporary meaning of Shibari describes an ancient Japanese artistic form of rope bondage. In the late 1800′s and early 1900′s a new form of erotic Hojo-justu evolved, called Kinbaku, the art of erotic bondage. Today, particularly in the west, the art of erotic bondage is typically called Shibari, which is an art of erotic spirituality, not a martial art. ~~artofcontemporaryshibari

VANILLA SEX does not appeal to a huge segment of society and I can stand testimony to that. There are numerous men and women who have explored or will explore BDSM in some form or the other if the chance comes along.

VIOLENCE and the thought of it also creates a sort of attachment, not the Stockholm Syndrome types, but a more psychological dependence on the DOMINANT for knowing when to take the whip out and when to make the sub lick her shoes. All these acts are at the core psychological cues asking the submissive to surrender.

The sub wants nothing more than being able to surrender, because at the sound of the crack of the whip, all his troubles vanish away. The DOMINANT is as heavily attached to the play as the sub if not more so. Because a DOMINANT knows no surrender and is always in control which can be quite demanding. Because sometimes we all like to go with the flow.

There are subtle emotional cues the DOMINANT must always look for, because it is the DOMINANT here who is the MEDICINE or the WITCH DOCTOR. I have worked with many women who have wanted to explore their dominant side. I have worked with many men who have felt so ashamed at their submissive side that they have come to me broken, sexually and psychologically. It takes time to build such people from ground zero, so it is my suggestion that we understand and explore it. If we have a partner who is into BDSM play, then we should be open enough to explore any extremity that might be needed.

I am not saying that if you are a submissive, then you have to become a dominant just to please your man. All I am saying is, that men love it when women TAKE CONTROL in bed. You can guide him, ride him, delay him or gratify him. It is in your hands.

And no, if a person is a dominant, then it does not mean they are a sexual deviant or a sexual predator or even sexually aggressive. Remember a rape is not S&M, because RAPE is never about sexual gratification. RAPE IS ABOUT POWER. P-O-W-E-R!!!

A Dominant is in fact like your MENTOR, if you are a sub and the responsibility of a mentor is quite heavy if you ask me. Much heavier than just letting things happen to you. Some Dominant use a safe word, some don’t. But at the end of the day, BDSM is never about physical harm. Keeping sub/slave tendencies repressed will only create havoc with your life and finances. So why not explore this path with your partner or find a mentor.

There is nothing wrong if a man wants to be submissive in bed. In fact, some of the most POWERFUL MEN in history have been subs in bed. They are so sick and tired of making all the decisions, that now they want to surrender their whole being to the Dominant.

Many people have asked me to discuss BDSM’S ASTROLOGY. What makes a DOMINANT? What makes a submissive? And it is time to understand that practitioners of BDSM are not sociopaths or psychopaths and are not clinically unwell.

Even though FREUD seemed to suggest otherwise.

In 1905, Sigmund Freud described sadism and masochism in his Drei Abhandlungen zur Sexualtheorie (“Three papers on Sexual Theory”) as stemming from aberrant psychological development from early childhood.~~WIKI

BDSM activists have been toiling tirelessly to remove this misconception.

Have you seen the film Quills? Starring Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet, and Michael Caine? That depicts the life of the man whose name coined the word SADISM.

How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In those delectable moments, the whole world is ours; not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world, we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold. —Marquis de Sade, Les prospérités du vice

In a patriarchal world, we are used to men taking the leadership role and we see women generally as subservient to the men around. The idea of women being sadists were not accepted by FREUD and his colleagues. Men were the DOMINANT, they thought. And how wrong are they? Femdom is a slap in the face of FRUED.

Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality. Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men. Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination. ~~WIKI

Since SADO-MASOCHISM is such a difficult topic to tackle, let me explain some astrological aspects that might illuminate it further.

Look for challenging aspects between PLUTO and MARS. The NN does also play into it. In fact the FIXED SIGNS, the CROSS of LEO, TAURUS, AQUARIUS and SCORPIO are into hegemony and powerplay in some sorts during sex.

SATURN in the fifth may cause one to be a cold sadist and PLUTO in there might mean that dirty politics is operative in the dynamics. If there is a CONJUNCTION of these planets, then there could be a very strong DOMINANT there.

AQUARIUS ASCENDANT and MOONS are heavily into BDSM, they are mostly switches as they like to experience the full spectrum. A URANUS strong chart would also indicate sexual experimentation.

SATURN placements would mean a father figure fixation. It might make you attracted to older men. I have my SATURN in LEO in the 12th and older men with wisdom definitely interest me. It is the SATURNIAN WISDOM that turns me on. SATURN could also be a CRONE and you might find yourself pulled to older, wiser women who will dominate you.

MOON OPPOSITE PLUTO could also point to sexual power dynamics, like CHARLES MANSON, the cult leader. This can make you FANATICAL and INTOLERANT, energies a DOMINANT can use well in bed.

MARS in ARIES, 8th house brings the DOMINA into full functionality and then the cherry on top is an OPPOSITION to the NN and PLUTO which are conjunct. Yay baby!

What makes the DOMINANT tick? What excites me about a man who can surrender to me? Yes, sometimes I like being cruel to my lover, but why?

I feel powerful? I am in charge? My way or the high way? All of this actually. Because even though a woman is the receptive energy, she is also the CREATRIX, the SHAKTI that creates everything.

Look for Lilith placements in your chart. I have some hardcore Lilith and Mars conversations happening in my natal chart.

Think of ERIS…Eris is the goddess of discord and rivalry.

Greek myth tells that, upon exclusion from a wedding, Eris threw into the midst of its revellers an apple marked ‘for the fairest’. An argument ensued between the goddesses Athena, Hera and Aphrodite as to its intended recipient, the settling of which eventually led to the Trojan War

Pitting the goddesses Athena, Hera and Aphrodite against each other in competition for the title of ‘fairest’, she exposed the diminished feminine, divorced from its sovereignty and subordinated to the power of the masculine gaze. Now she returns power to us all, inviting us to embrace the light and dark feminine and all shades in-between: the Venusian delights of sensuality, the cyclical intuition of our lunar nature and the viscerality of Eridian challenge of all that perpetuates patriarchal mores of gendered worth. ~~foreverunlimited

Women are not objects created for the male gaze.

Femdom kinda reverses that fulcrum. BE LIKE ERIS. Who cares who is fairer? Who cares about what men think and how we need to alter ourselves to fit into the norm of what is attractive. Life is not just a heteronormative exposition.

TANTRICS are all subs and slaves to the women. Because in tantra, it is only a woman who is superior to men as she is a direct symbol of the Goddess.

The sub suffers and a Dominant enjoys that SUFFERING.

Understand one thing, that both the DOMME and the sub are exploring their UNCONSCIOUS MIND as they embark on the play. The SADIST may draw inspiration from their UNCONSCIOUS to punish the sub. It could be jealousy, possessiveness or sexual marking. It could even piss the DOMINANT off if the sub sexually turns her on. After all, he does what she says.

The sub is an object. SUBHUMAN and a Dominant need not handle any bullshit from him. It is her choice to do as she pleases. Sex loses its meaning in the traditional way, but here a new sexual narrative takes shape. A new foray into sexual mores and desires. The world is ready for it.

The DOMINANT wants trophies, not lovers. In most cases, DOMINANTS feel scared to posit deep meaning in their sexual acts. But meaning already always exists, doesn’t it. The play time develops a new relationship dynamics. This scapegoating more times than not, alleviates the trauma of women who have undergone sexual abuse. In fact, it is a deep healing process to take back that control in your sexual life. But again, it must be BALANCED, not just rampant physical harm.

The submissives usually have hard NEPTUNE aspects with their MOONS and ASCENDANTS. MARS and NEPTUNE can create a nebulous haze around needs and desires. I have seen subs lost in rape fantasies because of Neptune and MARS, sometimes Pluto. Pisces as 8th house too.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
― Anaïs Nin

I will discuss Anaïs Nin’s astrology in more detail when I do the submissive women part. This is what a lot of women want, but some women want the male to be submissive and it is quite common. Women are exceptionally good Dominants, like Geisha’s so many of them helping their clients explore in the sanctity of the sacred space they create.

ALGOL is another FIXED STAR to look at as it focuses on PLUTONIC ALL-CONSUMING OBSESSION. Anger and rage can devour you, although the DOMINANT is never really angry. It is like an actor playing a role.

In astrology, ERIS and LILITH are both Dominas. In tantric myths, it is KALI, the one true feminist who never thought twice of standing on the chest of her man to make a point.

I am not some feminazi spouting hatred and causing more divisions and fractures in the collective psyche. I am just asking you to be like KALI. Take charge of your life, take charge of your pleasure and show your man what to do and what you like. Make him submit and he will love you for it. I know my lovers have loved it when I have taken charge. Try it and it is different every time.

There is much more coming up in themes of Domination and submission, many more nuances to discuss to bring to light the holistic aspect of this BDSM playtime. I have seen the efficacy and now I am here to unveil the potential of truly dominating a man or truly submitting and surrendering to him. What do you like? What does he like? Understand your sexual needs and desires.

JUPITER in SCORPIO is blessing ya…

Email me if you want to learn to awaken your DOMINANT side~~

I do workshops with women from all over the world.

I do lecture about the subject,, so email me if you want me to speak on it.

tina@tinaheals.com

IMAGE COPYRIGHT ~~Australian mixed media artist Garth Knight reveals overtly what we already know: bondage is beautiful. His project, The Enchanted Forest, elevates rope bondage to a new level —CHECK HIS WORK OUT~~

Kamakhya Tantra discussion~

The story goes like this…steeped in mysticism and folklore…and you know why it is so important???

Because India, the country from which the myth originates is repulsed by women bleeding or MENSTRUATION! Therefore it is time to bring the narrative of the pussy and the power of the SACRED blood back into collective consciousness.

I am a woman who is truly appreciative of the womb energy.

Understanding the operations of my SACRAL CHAKRA opened up my creativity in ways I cannot express. I found balance as I embraced my Pussy. The literal and also the metaphoric. My pussy links me to the Goddess sitting atop the blue hills in Assam. Her yoni and mine are connected. It flows with feminine intuitive juices that can nurture and create.

Kamakhya resonates and glistens with the halo of untold spiritual energies. A YONI or VAGINA is worshiped here, see I was not kidding. There is no image of the GODDESS, none at all. The YONI is all.

This story dates back to antiquity and lies shrouded in the mists of the PRE-VEDIC ERA.

Back to vagina worship…has a nice ring to it…

Shocked that people can do such a thing? In fact, vagina worship is known to be found in cross-cultural societies. Take Japan for instance. Find a small cave in Yeddo and inside is a HUGE YONI propitiated by many. And even BRAHMA was told to begin creation of the MANVANTARA after meditating on the YONI!

Heavy PUSSY POWER there! KAMAKHYA was the ULTIMATE SYMBOL of FERTILITY. The maiden is now ready to become a mother with the seed given to her by the penis or the male energy. The sperm is considered sacred in tantra, but more so…the blood of a menstruating woman.

Shiva told Parvati that any human being who has this text book in their home will never want for anything. What does this mean? Shiva is the male/active principle who impregnates the feminine, Parvati. She who is the female embodiment symbol and they join in MAITHUNA to manifest the world. So with the CORRECT KNOWLEDGE of this tantra, one can gain enlightenment. With enlightenment comes peace, bliss and tranquility. There is no lack or want in samadhi. No desire when the male/female polarities are balanced.

Therefore with the use of KAMAKHYA TANTRA, it is possible to gain liberation and break out of the samsaric wheel. In the KALIKA PURANA, it is clearly stated that the GREAT COSMIC YONI is placed on the NILGIRI HILLS in Assam, India. That place vibrates with the sacred feminine energy of the YONI. The Yoni or Pussy is the greatest creative force, the womb is the ultimate MOTHER of all.

Kamakhya (Assamese: কামাখ্যা দেৱী), also known as Siddha Kubjika,is an important Hindu Tantric goddess of desire who evolved in the Himalayan hills. She is worshiped as Siddha Kubjika, and is also identified as Kali and Maha Tripura Sundari. Her name means “renowned goddess of desire,” and she resides at the presently rebuilt Kamakhya Temple in 1645 C. The temple is primary among the 51 Shakti Peethas related to the sect that follows Sati, and remains one of the most important Shakta temples and Hindu pilgrimage sites in the world.~~WIKI

The tantric texts refer to her as MAHAMAYA or the GREAT GODDESS OF ILLUSION and in KALIKA PURANA, she is said to be the most important Devi to be worshiped to gain moksha. SHODOSHI, one of the emanations of the GREAT MOTHER is said to be her and she is very close to DURGA.

KAMAKHYA is visualized as a young girl of about 16 years old, with twelve arms and six heads of varying colors. The number of limbs and hands signify that she is OMNIPOTENT, OMNISCIENT and OMNIPOTENT. She is dressed as a young bride, wearing a red saree with ornate jewelry. The hibiscus is her favourite flower, like Kali.

She holds a lotus, trident, sword, bell, discus, bow, arrows, club or scepter, goad, and shield in each of ten hands. The two remaining hands hold a bowl. It can be of gold, but more often it is a KAPAAL or a skull. She emanates from a LOTUS which has emerged from SHIVA’S navel, who in turn lies atop a lion.

Brahma and Vishnu, each seated upon a lotus are found flanked on her two sides.

The mention of KAMAKHYA temple can be found in a number of texts. BRIHADARANYA PURANA, KALIKA PURANA, TANTRACHURAMANI, YOGINI TANTRA, DEVIBHAGAVATAM and DEVI PURANA to name a few.

To understand the mythology of KAMAKHYA you have to understand the SATI EPISODE.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sati_(Hindu_goddess)

Explore the myth of SATI on Wiki to get a context of what happens next.

Cut back to my story…

SHIVA was dancing the tandav with SATI on his shoulders and the world was coming to an end. It was the very apocalypse we fear. Then VISHNU had to use the SUDARSHAN CHAKRA to sever the body of SATI. Her body parts scattered all over the world and in KAMAKHYA, her YONI or VAGINA landed.

As her vagina touched the earth, it metamorphosed to a stone. The same stone we know lies in the temple today. The public is not allowed to see the real stone.

Although the temple of KAMAKHYA has its origins before the Vedic civilization. There were people of KIRATA origin, PRE-VEDIC who offered worship to a GODDESS on this spot by sacrificing pigs! Yikes!

These people were MATRILINEAL and worshiped the FEMININE.

BTW, according to legend, no one can ever touch the Yoni of the Goddess. If you do so, you can get infected and become a STONE MAN, GOT style. The myths speak of metals like iron smelting in contact to the Yoni!

SHIVA, the masculine principle settled his essence in the stone that was once SATI’S Yoni and that is how creation found balance again. This story speaks of so much. It tells us how the feminine must be as grounded as a rock to bear creation. The male can only then settle in her and thrust his sperm. If the WOMB is not ready to receive, then there is no creation. That is why SILENCE and STILLNESS are huge parts of the feminine expression.

It is also said that there is water or some type of liquid all the way down to PATALA or the Netherworld. The vagina is connected to all the worlds, because it is out of her that reality arose.

KAMAKHYA is the GODDESS principle and she manifests as PRAKRITI or nature and natural laws. The stone that is the representation of the yoni has a natural spring that flows through it. This water is sacred and during AMBUBACHI, which is the time of MENSTRUATION of the Goddess, this water turns red. No one knows why. This sacred blood is collected in tiny red cotton cloths and given to people as PRASAD.

During her menstruation, the temple remains closed for maybe three days and the AMBUBACHI MELA takes place in full swing. No one sees the Yoni of course, it is like 20 feet below ground level and sits inside a cave. In the temple, there is a stone that is a symbol of the Yoni below.

I have been to the temple during the AMBUBACHI. But that was ages ago. In fact I have a plan to live for the whole duration of this festival to shoot and interview people for my upcoming videos on Tantra. That is something I am dying to do.

Very many powerful sadhakas, tantrics, bhairavis, yogis, yoginis and many other interesting people appear here during the Ambubachi mela and that time is awesome for content creation. And during breaks, practice tantra. How sublime would that be? Maybe you’d want to join in for this adventure? Let me know.

If you want to study about KAMAKHYA and learn her arts, then drop me an email.

 

DONATE TO MY WORK~~

BOOK YOUR SESSION WITH ME~~

BOOK YOUR KAMAKHYA WORSHIP KIT~~

BE INITIATED INTO HER MANTRAS~~

tina@tinaheals.com

The Vibe now: On Misogyny, Name-calling and my Future Quest across seven seas~~

“From the idea that the self is not given to us, I think there is only one practical consequence: we have to create ourselves as a work of art.” ~~MICHEL FOUCAULT

Mercury conjunct Jupiter, in Scorpio- look what it has made us do? Share pain and grief collectively. PURGE!!! Look at the death and rape culture around you. It is a cult of war and violence, a civilisation brought up on deception, dishonesty, violence, misogyny and apathy. Look at the almost Pavlovian mind control the ruling elites have rooted in our society. Look how conditioned we have become. So desensitised. Our behaviours so self-destructive. Where is all this leading?

The NM in Libra was…mmm…well, not like your conventional Libra energy. It felt dark, deep and a lingering anxiety remains. After the Mercury conjunct the Moon in Scorpio, the next day, I began to finally get a grip over the energy.

The #metoo campaign with its sordid narratives rocked my world. Scenes and shots came back from my past. Fragmented, disjointed memories of pain, hurt and suffocation.

Those hands on me, those disgusting crawling hands all over my body…the memories drove me nuts. Sounds and smells came rushing in while I read stories of rape and abuse from women all over the world. It reminded me of all the times that men have violated my boundaries and it is a large number. Be it in asking me to smile or calling me bossy or calling me a slut because I will not sleep with them, men have used and abused their positions numerous times. But we women are always expected to take everything with a pinch of salt.

I come from a country where there is a particular brand of cinema called Bollywood that has a specialised synchronised dance track which is called ITEM NUMBER, as a beautiful woman in scanty clothes, her dance troop of a bevy of girls(half naked too) behind her perform a sensual dance moving seductively to a male audience that is hooting and cat calling. She is the item. So we sorta know how to take misogyny to levels most people cannot even envisage.

 

You know, I have been called so many  names including Manhater, Feminazi, Female Supremacist, witch, bitch, whore, slut…blah, blah…but nothing matters. I work from my heart and I do not hate. Yes I speak up against injustice, yes, I seek a revolution or an evolution…but not with hatred. Men I do not hate you. Men…I love you!

But maybe it is time to DECONSTRUCT YOUR METACOGNITION/COGNITION and POST COGNITIVE PROCESSES. Maybe it is time to think about how you think. This might actually make you a more effective thinker. But at the same time, it is also time to FEEL. Think about how you feel and why you feel so. Do you even allow yourself the luxury of feeling? Because I know how society ridicules you every-time you show emotions. Be a man and what not. But feeling my love are not a luxury, let me tell you, they are a necessity for healthy functionality in life.

I know some of you hate me. Think long and hard. Why do you hate me? Why? Because I speak the truth? Because I can see the toxic patterns of patriarchy? Because I think and feel and actually speak up, unlike so many of my sisters? It hurts the most when women misunderstand. Because it is high time we women stop enabling patriarchy.

And men…what when tomorrow you have a girl? What then? Sleep peacefully, you have WILD CRUSADERS out there and the tide will turn. Let us be that change.

You cannot label me. Every single time you start to think that you have me all figured out, I promise to surprise you. You know why you cannot label me? Because humans cannot be labelled. No matter how appropriate the label might be, the labelling by itself is redundant. I will dress the way I want to, because I do not dress for your gaze. Yes, I want you to look at me and appreciate me, but my reality does not revolve around how much you fancy me. I want you to want me, but with respect and dignity. I want you to see me for what I am…a multidimensional being of light who is having a human experience. She is a woman who is free, wild and adventurous and I like looking at life through her lens.

But I am not her…this is not some WOKE BS. This is in fact the very truth of the fabric of this reality. I am not ME, not this body, not this pussy and not this orgasm. Hahahaha! I am in constant flux, forever shifting and I already exist in the many versions in the many multiverses. But I am also here, typing this so you can read.

Absolutely overwhelming? Do not let fear engulf you. You are an astronaut of the mind, aren’t you? Or else why are you reading this?

Just because a woman wears make up and skimpy clothes does not make her a slut. Her mini skirt is not an invite for your lust. My red lipstick does not mean I am saying yes to you. Understand that. And that is what I am here to show you. Women cannot be put away in tiny little labels. So stop calling me a whore, slut, manhater or whatever the fuck your toxic mind can think of. Jupiter has deployed his archetypal lens and activated my third house of communication which happens to be Scorpio. So the intensity and the truths will come out. Look how the brave women are speaking up and toppling the status quo.

Today, the Scorpionic Moon trines Neptune and the dreamscape opens up for me and oh, I am bleeding since the NM in Libra. You know how my psychic energy swells every time I menstruate and it is usually during this time I have my most profound visions and epiphanies or aha moments. Menstrual blood is very potent for magick and can be used in multiple ways. In fact sex during this time can most certainly be magickal, for both involved. It takes on a primal oeuvre.

Back to the splintered visions. There are fragmented, chaotic dreams…dreams of the snowy Himalayas, dreams of cymbals clashing, dreams of the pale red dot of a Sun…I can smell the incense, I can hear the chanting, I can feel the vibe, it is electric with spiritual energy.

Scorpio season is all about digging up the metaphorical/metaphysical dirt and really getting down and dirty to investigate, so I will share with you an experience I had a few months ago. Let me know what you think of them.

So this monk from Tibet, Lhasa writes to me. He tells me that he has known me for many lives and in the last incarnation we worked and studies together in Tibet, in Gyanganj.

In fact, I had told him in that reality to come and find me in the 3D world through some Youtube videos I have made in 2011 or so. He told me that I have asked him to remind me of the mark in my chest. Look I have no mark on my chest, but I wanted to get a wolf tattoo done there. But for now, there is nothing.

He told me to meditate on this and get back to him. I regret not taking this whole thing seriously and in fact I did try to sit in meditation, but my baby was all over me and the cats had to be fed, so I could not really tap into any vision.

I did not respect the monk or even pay attention. I called him brother and he told me that monks are no one’s brothers. They are just monks and that I am a Nun from the snowy slopes of Tibet.

I am aware of my connection to Tibet and the signs and synchronicity that I am experiencing have increased significantly over the last few years. I know Tibet has been my home during numerous incarnations and I have meditated and studied there. The Himalayas are my home and I know this.

And then there are memories of the kalachakra initiation. Let me tell you one thing, my greatest desire in life right now is receiving the Kalachakra transmissions from the Dalai Lama. This particular Dalai Lama has been my teacher in many incarnations and it is time we meet.

There is so much spiritual telepathy between us that I am actually shocked that we have not met yet. I dream of the Dalai Lama with a strange persistence. I have never dreamt of one person so much. He is always there, in my dreams. Everything becomes silent when he smiles at me and calls me to his arms. Everything becomes silent and just the way it is meant to be.

I hope to travel across seven seas soon and go to one place which has been calling me for very many years. I can feel myself there too and I think a wild adventure awaits me. Actually this Libra NM journaling was much about that. It felt good to finally decide that I want to go there. Now let’s see if the Universe responds.