Twinflame Yearning in the RX season~

I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. I’d like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.’ ~~Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

There is a sense of deep, deep, penetrative soul searching love as Mars has gone retro in Aquarius which is my house of relationships from my Leo Sun! And the ruler of my 7th from my Ascendant has gone retro.

There is a deep ache in my pussy that is reverberating from down there all the way to my heart chakra. The Priestess uses her pussy as a radar. The pussy detects twinflame yearning, only if you listen. No amount of making love or no amount of self pleasure can satisfy this craving!

This hunger is Neptune dreaming up impossible dreams of everlasting love and pangs of separation. I guess Neptune retro in my 7th house on my Moon, is a time when my heart craves the most for my twin soul. And so does my pussy and my body!

And this body is entangled with another…far, far away, in another multiverse…

I am searching for that body who carries a part of my soul in his. I told you how twinflames are the same soul. Yes, they are an expression of the sacred union of Shiva/Shakti. The great tantric maithuna!

The CAP FM coming up is in my 5th house of romance from my ascendant as as FMS bring things to light, I want to see what pops up for me as I will be away from my family.

Staring at the full moon from a place of wonder and magick! A place closest to my heart. Tearful longings fill my heart. And I cry…I cry aloud, I cry in silence, I cry alone and I cry with friends…the tears don’t go away. It’s been the blackest day…

And I am forced to think of a love I never had. No matter how much I try to shut him out, the hologram keeps laughing at me. I am helpless. I am powerless and impotent as my body responds to him, so does my mind and what of the soul. He is my soul!

There is someone I want to meet. There is someone I want to hold. There is someone I want to love and it is you! This should be an easy piece to write. The words should flow smoothly, because of my depth of love for you. But maybe, words here cannot do justice!

Every single moment I avoid thinking of you, all I can do is think of you. I don’t know what your name is, but I know when I hear it, it will bring me peace. Blissful, unadulterated peace. A name that will bring a smile to my lips. A name so familiar that it will ring in the very core of my being. A name which resonated within through infinities and eternities!

Memories, memories, memories…they appear in the torturous stormy seas of my mind, but they disappear. All that remains is your smile, like the lighthouse across ravenous destructive waves. Your gleaming light saves me from drowning in the fogs of the abyss.

I know you are as aware of me as I am and maybe while you sit staring at your screen, in your Universe, maybe due to quantum information bleeding into parallel worlds, you see my words appear before you.

You do not know where these words come from, for you have no idea what they mean, but you read on. Why? Because there is something so familiar in these words that makes every pain and every sadness go away.

You are eternally bonded to me, why do you deny it? Are you even aware of this connection? Do you thirst for me?

I think you feel all of this, as much as I do…I feel you crave for my body and soul as much as I do yours and what of my mind? It is as beautiful as yours…

You have looked for me as I have for you, but we have not met, because there is no inter dimensional travel for me yet. Do you want to come to my Universe instead?

Maybe  you’re already trying to figure out how to get to my Universe. Maybe you are devising a time warp machine that will make you cross the dimensional distance and you will come into this multiverse. What unrealistic expectations, I tell you!

Or maybe you don’t exist…more likely the latter…my pussy knows you exist.

So back one more time, due to public demand to speak about Twinflmes. Tada! Now listen to me, I am travelling all the way to a magickal twinflame place called Goa in the next two days.

As La Luna becomes pregnant in Capricorn, the polarity of Cancer, I have been called to be close to the seas. One more time, I will be about to stare at the Goa skies and think of this crazy twinflame connection that I felt once, many, many years ago…

No I am not going for fun and will be going alone. No baby. No husband. Just my work and my solitude and the energy of my twinflame which is all pervasive in Goa. Nothing can stop me from feeling crazy dejavus in that place. It is like he is right there, but I know he is not. Lol!

It’s not possible for my twinflame story to be so easy. What if I see him walking towards me in Vagator? Will he smile? Will he remember me? Will he run to embrace me?

Sometimes I think of what it would be like to meet him. What would I say? Would I feel centered or absolutely ruffled? Would I be articulate? No man has ever made me lose my tongue. No man ever. Maybe he is the only man who can get me tongue tied. And it is not easy to get me tongue tied.

The Hummingbird in Vagator! Part 2, all alone.

Read about Part-1

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/22/the-hummingbird-in-small-vagator/

Walking down the shore, drawing patterns on the beach, smelling the salty seas, thinking of what it would be…if he was here…yes, I wish you were here…you from another frickin’ multiverse.

Couldn’t you just be from this dimension! Talk about complicating stuff!

Maybe, maybe…you are already trying to communicate with me. Maybe through art. The way I like it.

Sometimes I think of you as a painter. Drawing in the canvas of my soul.

Sometimes I see you as a sculptor, capturing my infinite essence in your artwork.

Sometimes, I think of you speaking to me in a tune, crafting the sounds to describe the pain and love in your soul.

I promise to look for them. I know you communicate with me, through psychic energy and sacred sound.

I know you are not in my mind, or are you?

Sometimes, I feel scared that we will never meet in our physical form on earth, but then maybe in death, we shall be united in some way.

Although I hope to meet you in this life. Even if I am seventy and I see you coming, I will know you have come. And I will rest in peace to know I saw your face, even if for a brief moment!

I cannot even write that I knew you were the one since I laid my eyes on you, because till now, I have waited to see your face. Till now I have waited to look into your eyes. I have waited to see if you love me with the same intensity that I do.

I wish we could grow old together, but we won’t. I wish we could read each other’s minds, which we do, but we will never talk about it. We will never see our children, because time and space have conspired to keep us apart.

The best part about this craving I have for you, is that I have no clue what about you I am craving. Is it my soul, now fragmented just wants to seek unification of some sort? And is my body reacting to this connection? My pussy is…there is  stargate in there, waiting to be activated…by you!

Every time the rain drops come crashing down like silver sheets, inundating my consciousness, there is a tune I hear. Or is it a chant? Whatever it is, it reminds me of you. Rain and sunshine, both! How perverse is that!

No man has ever touched my body the way you would, because having the same soul, this body too, is yours. No one can kiss these lips like you do, for they are your own lips and when you look into my eyes, you will feel like you are looking into your own being!

I am your mirror…look at us!

That is the connection I feel to this unnamed energy that I call my twinflame. There is no tangible physical form, but there is energy. Energy which flows from his heart to mine and I think the energy being churned out by the skies above is heightening this connection, this yearning, this impossible fulfillment.

My body aches to be with you, the void in my pussy, impossible to satiate with anything, but you. Every atom of my body is eager to express my love for you in an impossible dance of sacred union. Our bodies enmeshed in an eternal embrace, you pulsating within me, setting every fiber of my being on fire.

No hands can ever worship this body like yours and no one can pleasure me like you.

There is no you. There is no me. There is only the sacred fire of our communion. There is only our love burning bright through the abysmal darkness of creation and destruction.

My all consuming passion drives my creativity, it drives my lust for life, it drives my sense of purpose. It is the anchor of my life, my North Star, the ever present fixture in the mirth of my consciousness.

I know you communicate with me through symbols and archetypes, through birth and death, but now it is time to show yourself…appear and manifest in this Universe…

To someone in some multiverse…

DONATE~

http://www.tinaheals.com

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The Test of Twinflames~~

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~~Stephen Chbosky

So are you stuck because this is what you think you deserve? Or dare you dream on? Is there a micro narrative in your mind, about a secret passion. A mysterious obsession. Do you find yourself thinking about that someone you cannot forget?

Many people tend to have that special ex or that special crush the cannot forget and this might have to do with their Venus and Moon signs. for a man. Often times, the moon sign shows what type of woman he will marry, but his Venus sign will show you what kind of a woman will attract him and no, most f the times, they are diverse. What a man is attracted to and whom he marries differs, and this is why it does. Astro baby!

As promised I am back to discuss Twinflames with you guys. But today we will take a different approach. There are two stories I wish to share here.

One is a continuation and an update from the previous text where I spoke of this woman who had secretly loved a foreigner she had met seventeen odd years ago.

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

She loved him all these years and finally found him on Facebook recently. Few years ago. But about two months ago, she decides to delete him. Why? Maybe to see if he would react? Let us read her update.

Dear Tina,

I know you have been waiting for an update for a while now. I know you want to share it with your readers. I know you want to know how this saga culminated.

Tina, I wish I could tell you that yes, yes, yes, this is a twinflame story and indeed he initiated contact with me. But I’m afraid, this is not the case. It has been over two months that I deleted him, in hopes that he will contact me. Maybe he will add me back. But nothing. I am sorry that I led you to believe that this was  twinflame connection. I know how this material is so important to you and how your research can potentially help many. But I cannot. There has been only silence from his end. In fact I am not sure he even knows I am not on his list. Or maybe he is thankful. Who knows? So I think this whole thing has just been a delusion of some displaced fantasy that I have been harboring. I don’t think he even felt a fraction of what I felt, because if he did, then he could not and would not stay away. He would make it a point to come to me. Only if he felt a minute bit of what’s in my heart. But he has not even acknowledged my absence from his virtual space, so I can only presume that he is not aware of any connection between us. I am sorry for calling you up all these years and wasting your time to convince you how he was my Twinflame. Thank you for being patient, but let there be no talk of him anymore. Two months is not a timeframe to keep silent about something like this. Obviously noting goes to waste in the Universe, you keep telling me that. Energy transforms. So I don’t want to end by just harping on how shitty this whole illusion has been, instead I will end by saying that, everything seems unmoved. It’s like no one even noticed that our invisible virtual connection has been severed except me and no one cares. Not even the only other person who should. In a nutshell this is the update. I wish it was fancier. I wish you could use it, but I guess this whole thing has been worthless for you. Just the imaginings of a delusional woman!

This is a part of the message, edited to hide personal details, but this is what she wanted to express. There has been no news from this man she thought was he twinflame and she is by now totally heartbroken.

You know what I think of it? I don’t think she felt all those feelings for him all those years without any reason. I am not saying he is her twinflame, but there is a possibility. How is she so sure that he is not aware? Even I intuitively feel he is aware. By just looking at him eyes. And honestly, I think he is as miserable as her. Look, I could be wrong, but this is what I got from my meditation. It is not easy to tune out of a case and people I work with easily. I think she has deleted or will delete her Facebook account soon, so he will never be able to see her again. Oh wait, I don’t think he can, he is already blocked. But of course there are other platforms. So for now, we will keep hoping that he does get over his issues, whatever they may be and manages to send her a message on some other social media site. And what if he knows everything and feels everything, but is just not ready to accept this love. Or maybe he does not know what to do with all these feelings? Twinflame remembrance is never easy.

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..” ~~ Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Now let us get to this next story. This is a woman I met in Goa, from Bangalore and she had such a poignant story to share. Listen to this…

Dear Tina,

I know you ask people for their stories to research up on twinflames, so after much hesitation, I decide to write to you. No one knows of this story except my sister and she has passed. As of now, there is no one who knows, except me and him.

I was in Goa with my then boyfriend and his best friend. My sister joined us and the whole trip turned out to be parties, drinking, beach visits and generally hanging around. Now my BF and his bestfriend did not like to hang around during sunset at this open air rave place, so I used to go alone. My sister grumbling, because of the long walk, would mostly follow behind. During the beach visits, I noticed a young  group of Israeli guys. I was eighteen at that time and they looked about my age. They were very polite and smiled at me. After that first encounter, I would see them all over the place. There were five guys, but there was only one I was into. He had a strange blond brown longish hair and steely grey/green eyes. I never looked at his eyes long enough to notice their colors, but they were intense and I caught him staring at me many times. Every time I met them, my heart would skip a beat. All of them usually spoke to me, except him. He did smile and nod his head, but he never spoke to me. I used to see him everywhere and mostly I was with my bf. Anyway, this went on for about a month and then one day suddenly when I met the guys, I noticed he was gone. I did not want to ask so openly and waited for them to divulge his whereabouts. But when they did not bring up anything, I had to probe. “So where is Y? “Oh, he has gone to Humpii and to Om beach in the South. He may return to Israel from there itself.” his friend replied. Upon hearing this, all color must have left my face, which I did well to hide by murmuring incoherently and looking away. TearS were beginning to sting, but I looked away and put on my shades, hoping that they had not seen my emotions. Shortly, I made an excuse and ran back to my hotel room and cried in the arms of my sister the whole night. Thankfully my bf was out with his bestie and was not aware of what had happened. Anyway, life continued on and one fine day, my bf gets a call from his college mates that he has to return to Pune to sign a form for their exams and this is his last chance or else he would have to sit out his exams. I convinced him to leave with his bestie, telling him that my sis and I would be safe. We would chill at home mostly for the couple of days he would not be here. His departure was actually quite a welcome change to me. I was happy to be alone in Goa. My sister and I listened to music till evening and then I stepped into the shower. My sister was sitting outside and suddenly I heard a male voice talking with her. My heart was frozen in fear and began to thump loudly at the same time, when I realized that the Israeli guys, the one I liked for all these months is sitting there. Talking to my sister, with a cup of tea in his hand. Joking and laughing with her as if he’d known her all his life. Seeing me standing there, my jaws touching the floor, he stands up and smiling in such a way that made me feel  both dead and alive, he walks to me and hugs me. He whispers in my ears…”I came back for you…I thought I could avoid this pull…but I cannot. I leave for Israel tomorrow, but I had to return to Goa to see you. If at least for one last time. This crushed me, but I was so thankful for that night. We spend the whole evening together. Eating felafels in Vagator, swimming in the evening seas, kissing and making out under the stars. He never made love to me, because I did not want. But we kissed and held each other. That evening was truly magic! We stayed together till 5 in the morning and he left. He promised me that he will write to me, but he has never done that. In fact, I have tried so many times to search for him and have never found him online. About four years ago, I met one of his friends online. I had to ask what happened to him and the answer I received, I do not accept. He told me that my love had died in a bombing attack. He had to go back to the army, he told me that and he also told me how much he hated war. If I accept that he is dead, it might make the pain easier. It might help justify his abandonment of me. Yes, he did promise to write to me and come and meet me next year for the Goa season. But obviously that never happened and all these years I had thought of him with a wife and children. But his friend told me he is dead. I keep searching for his name and I have also told many friends in Israel to look for him, but their search has been unproductive. The Israeli guy who told me about his dead also seems to have gone offline. I do not know what happened. It as been a long time since this happened and I can tell you one thing…that day when he walked out of that hotel door at five in the morning, waving goodbye to me, that was the most soul wrenching, heart crushing moment for me in my life. I did marry eventually, but nothing will take away my love for that Israeli soldier that I met in Goa. Nothing. And till today I do not know the color of his eyes.

These are the two cases I present before you…Twinflames or not…you decide.

As for as me, I strongly believe in this kinda connection. You know what, according to retrocausality, time may indeed be travelling backwards. The future decides the present and the past.

I have felt a strong longing for a man I have never known, for a love I never had, for a home I never lived in. I know I have felt him so, so many times and I still do. It’s his face, his eyes, his smile I try to see, but all I sense is his love and I cry so much for him…

I know that there is someone, in some multiverse who is thinking of me, just the way I think of him. Maybe this appeals to me because I am an Artist and the poignancy of a love story that can never be must release some serious seratonin and dopamine in my brain. Oxytocin? It is the bonding chemical. There’s definitely oxytocin involved in love. But how can I be bonded to someone I have never met? Someone who possibly exists only in my imagination. 7th house Pisces Moon may have something to do with this obsession. Lol! But his thoughts will not go away…HALP!

His memories stream from some  parallel world, where we are together. Where we wake up together and go to sleep together. I know those memories exist, for I have felt them. I have felt him call out my name. I have heard myself call his name. Although I have no idea of what that might be. Psychic energy is not always linear and easily interpretative. He is connected to me through quantum entanglement, there is much “spooky action at a distance” for me to ignore.

What is this SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE?

It involves a pair of particles linked by the strange quantum property of entanglement.

Entanglement? Huh????

Entanglement occurs when two particles are so deeply linked that they share the same existence.

Twinflames are the same soul, so they share the same existence!

In the language of quantum mechanics, they are described by the same mathematical relation known as a wavefunction.

Wavefunctions are possibilities. Twinflames are all about possibilities. Will they meet and if they do, will they be able to create their lives’ mission? Can they manifest?

Entanglement arises naturally when two particles are created at the same point and instant in space…TWINFLAMES ARE THE SAME SOUL!!!

Entangled particles can become widely separated in space. But even so, the mathematics implies that a measurement on one immediately influences the other, regardless of the distance between them.

In the words of Science, this entanglement remains constant, irrespective of distance and even death!! For what is death? The soul is quantum information, returning to the sseas of quantum time and space. Even beyond that.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Donate to me~support the Twinflame cause~~

http://www.tinaheals.com

Special Offering of SPIRIT SESSIONS~

I am light, My mind, body and spirit are LIGHT.

I inhale love/GRATITUDE, I exhale fear/GUILT.

I share love, I receive love, I am love.

LOVE IS ALL THERE IS….

Many of you are familiar with my work in the Spirit World and during Pisces Season, I can see the necessity of offering my services for more people who want to contact this realm.

Are you looking to communicate with your loved one?

I have been doing some very interesting MEDIUMSHIP work and I can see an increased activity in the ether when it comes to information that is coming to us from parallel worlds.

Pisces is after all about this PARALLEL WORLD and now we have so much going on in this 12th sign of dissolution that spirits and entities are leaking out of the woodwork and bleeding into our lives.

Sometimes they are quantum information that has entered our field through another Universe. Stuff like this does happen.

Time also does not move in a linear manner. Scientists are now saying that the FUTURE MOVES BACKWARDS TO CREATE THIS LINEAR EXPERIENCE OF TIME FOR US. Yes the future decides the past!

Book your session. I do use the TAROT, RUNES and MEDITATION to contact the dead. Sometimes I do AUTOWRITING and in some cases I do MEDIUMSHIP and invite your loved one in.

1) CONTACT YOUR LOVED ONE: $130.00 for the first session. 30-60 minutes.

2) CONTACT SPIRIT GUIDES: $120.00 for 45 minutes.

3) CONTACT YOUR ANGEL GUIDES $125.00 for 45 minutes.

4) WORK WITH THE FAERIE REALM. $220.00 for 45 minutes.

5) DEITY/YIDAM MEDITATION for $170.00 for 30 minutes.

 

BOOK your TAROT SESSION for $100 for a limited period.

BASICS OF YOUR CHART/TAROT session is now for $150

 

Thank you and do spread the love…

 

tinamukerji2002@gmail.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

You Silenced My Demons

The moment I thought I looked into your eyes,

EVERYTHING was SILENCED.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The pain was forgotten. The smiles were lost and Time stood still.

You Silenced my Demons without ever having met me.

Now that is divine love.

I remember those days and nights I prayed.

I prayed that you find me in this world of seven billion people.

But there was no sign of you.

Not for so many years that I gave up.

I gave up looking for you.

But something persisted.

I knew I needed you because the demons inside were tormenting me daily.

The demons knew of nothing but inflicting pain.

They wanted silence as much as I did.

As much as I do.

But no one and nothing could SILENCE them.

My demons were waiting for you as eagerly as me.

For it is the love in your eyes.

That silenced them.

Even though I know not you or that love.

You are a mystery to me.

Lost in the translation of centuries of separation.

For a brief moment I search you in the skies above.

The sky full of stars tell me that you are waiting as anxiously as me.

The Moon shapeshifts.

I see you smiling.

That smile absolutely melts me.

Your stare evokes such deep feelings of sexual desire and longing,

So deep within my being,

That it leaves me breathless.

Everything is silenced in sweet surrender.

We never met, but I saw it in your eyes.

No I see it in your eyes, even now.

The love you feel, your deep desire for me.

Your desire which is as deep as the waters of the seas.

I wait for the day we will meet.

For that look in your eyes which silenced my demons.

I gave you my truth in so many words.

But you spoke nothing.

You remained silent because the look in your eyes said everything.

I know how much you pray to hold me.

Even though you do not know me.

Even though you have never met me.

But you have felt me deeper and stronger than anybody.

Your desire burns loud and stark.

I do not want to lead you on,

But there is not much left for us here.

There are pangs of sadness and grief.

At our separation.

The demons though have never spoken again.

Since I stared at you in the eyes.

Through the simulation of space and time.

The demons wait too.

They wait eagerly for your arrival.

For one day you will really be in front of me.

And I will wait to hear your speak.

What will you sound like?

What will you speak of?

Our path is difficult, it is raw, it is painful.

I know you will not run away with this pain.

Even if we have never met, you know it is your job to silence my demons.

 

Pisces season is almost here and we are all about to soak into some dreamy love vibes. Pisces is my 7th house of relationships and my Moon is here on the 11th degree, so here is an offering for you. I have been looking for you forever my Beloved…come to me now…

 

Book your session~~

Donate~~

tina@tinaheals.com

The Vibe now: On Misogyny, Name-calling and my Future Quest across seven seas~~

“From the idea that the self is not given to us, I think there is only one practical consequence: we have to create ourselves as a work of art.” ~~MICHEL FOUCAULT

Mercury conjunct Jupiter, in Scorpio- look what it has made us do? Share pain and grief collectively. PURGE!!! Look at the death and rape culture around you. It is a cult of war and violence, a civilisation brought up on deception, dishonesty, violence, misogyny and apathy. Look at the almost Pavlovian mind control the ruling elites have rooted in our society. Look how conditioned we have become. So desensitised. Our behaviours so self-destructive. Where is all this leading?

The NM in Libra was…mmm…well, not like your conventional Libra energy. It felt dark, deep and a lingering anxiety remains. After the Mercury conjunct the Moon in Scorpio, the next day, I began to finally get a grip over the energy.

The #metoo campaign with its sordid narratives rocked my world. Scenes and shots came back from my past. Fragmented, disjointed memories of pain, hurt and suffocation.

Those hands on me, those disgusting crawling hands all over my body…the memories drove me nuts. Sounds and smells came rushing in while I read stories of rape and abuse from women all over the world. It reminded me of all the times that men have violated my boundaries and it is a large number. Be it in asking me to smile or calling me bossy or calling me a slut because I will not sleep with them, men have used and abused their positions numerous times. But we women are always expected to take everything with a pinch of salt.

I come from a country where there is a particular brand of cinema called Bollywood that has a specialised synchronised dance track which is called ITEM NUMBER, as a beautiful woman in scanty clothes, her dance troop of a bevy of girls(half naked too) behind her perform a sensual dance moving seductively to a male audience that is hooting and cat calling. She is the item. So we sorta know how to take misogyny to levels most people cannot even envisage.

 

You know, I have been called so many  names including Manhater, Feminazi, Female Supremacist, witch, bitch, whore, slut…blah, blah…but nothing matters. I work from my heart and I do not hate. Yes I speak up against injustice, yes, I seek a revolution or an evolution…but not with hatred. Men I do not hate you. Men…I love you!

But maybe it is time to DECONSTRUCT YOUR METACOGNITION/COGNITION and POST COGNITIVE PROCESSES. Maybe it is time to think about how you think. This might actually make you a more effective thinker. But at the same time, it is also time to FEEL. Think about how you feel and why you feel so. Do you even allow yourself the luxury of feeling? Because I know how society ridicules you every-time you show emotions. Be a man and what not. But feeling my love are not a luxury, let me tell you, they are a necessity for healthy functionality in life.

I know some of you hate me. Think long and hard. Why do you hate me? Why? Because I speak the truth? Because I can see the toxic patterns of patriarchy? Because I think and feel and actually speak up, unlike so many of my sisters? It hurts the most when women misunderstand. Because it is high time we women stop enabling patriarchy.

And men…what when tomorrow you have a girl? What then? Sleep peacefully, you have WILD CRUSADERS out there and the tide will turn. Let us be that change.

You cannot label me. Every single time you start to think that you have me all figured out, I promise to surprise you. You know why you cannot label me? Because humans cannot be labelled. No matter how appropriate the label might be, the labelling by itself is redundant. I will dress the way I want to, because I do not dress for your gaze. Yes, I want you to look at me and appreciate me, but my reality does not revolve around how much you fancy me. I want you to want me, but with respect and dignity. I want you to see me for what I am…a multidimensional being of light who is having a human experience. She is a woman who is free, wild and adventurous and I like looking at life through her lens.

But I am not her…this is not some WOKE BS. This is in fact the very truth of the fabric of this reality. I am not ME, not this body, not this pussy and not this orgasm. Hahahaha! I am in constant flux, forever shifting and I already exist in the many versions in the many multiverses. But I am also here, typing this so you can read.

Absolutely overwhelming? Do not let fear engulf you. You are an astronaut of the mind, aren’t you? Or else why are you reading this?

Just because a woman wears make up and skimpy clothes does not make her a slut. Her mini skirt is not an invite for your lust. My red lipstick does not mean I am saying yes to you. Understand that. And that is what I am here to show you. Women cannot be put away in tiny little labels. So stop calling me a whore, slut, manhater or whatever the fuck your toxic mind can think of. Jupiter has deployed his archetypal lens and activated my third house of communication which happens to be Scorpio. So the intensity and the truths will come out. Look how the brave women are speaking up and toppling the status quo.

Today, the Scorpionic Moon trines Neptune and the dreamscape opens up for me and oh, I am bleeding since the NM in Libra. You know how my psychic energy swells every time I menstruate and it is usually during this time I have my most profound visions and epiphanies or aha moments. Menstrual blood is very potent for magick and can be used in multiple ways. In fact sex during this time can most certainly be magickal, for both involved. It takes on a primal oeuvre.

Back to the splintered visions. There are fragmented, chaotic dreams…dreams of the snowy Himalayas, dreams of cymbals clashing, dreams of the pale red dot of a Sun…I can smell the incense, I can hear the chanting, I can feel the vibe, it is electric with spiritual energy.

Scorpio season is all about digging up the metaphorical/metaphysical dirt and really getting down and dirty to investigate, so I will share with you an experience I had a few months ago. Let me know what you think of them.

So this monk from Tibet, Lhasa writes to me. He tells me that he has known me for many lives and in the last incarnation we worked and studies together in Tibet, in Gyanganj.

In fact, I had told him in that reality to come and find me in the 3D world through some Youtube videos I have made in 2011 or so. He told me that I have asked him to remind me of the mark in my chest. Look I have no mark on my chest, but I wanted to get a wolf tattoo done there. But for now, there is nothing.

He told me to meditate on this and get back to him. I regret not taking this whole thing seriously and in fact I did try to sit in meditation, but my baby was all over me and the cats had to be fed, so I could not really tap into any vision.

I did not respect the monk or even pay attention. I called him brother and he told me that monks are no one’s brothers. They are just monks and that I am a Nun from the snowy slopes of Tibet.

I am aware of my connection to Tibet and the signs and synchronicity that I am experiencing have increased significantly over the last few years. I know Tibet has been my home during numerous incarnations and I have meditated and studied there. The Himalayas are my home and I know this.

And then there are memories of the kalachakra initiation. Let me tell you one thing, my greatest desire in life right now is receiving the Kalachakra transmissions from the Dalai Lama. This particular Dalai Lama has been my teacher in many incarnations and it is time we meet.

There is so much spiritual telepathy between us that I am actually shocked that we have not met yet. I dream of the Dalai Lama with a strange persistence. I have never dreamt of one person so much. He is always there, in my dreams. Everything becomes silent when he smiles at me and calls me to his arms. Everything becomes silent and just the way it is meant to be.

I hope to travel across seven seas soon and go to one place which has been calling me for very many years. I can feel myself there too and I think a wild adventure awaits me. Actually this Libra NM journaling was much about that. It felt good to finally decide that I want to go there. Now let’s see if the Universe responds.

 

Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.