The Vibe now: On Misogyny, Name-calling and my Future Quest across seven seas~~

“From the idea that the self is not given to us, I think there is only one practical consequence: we have to create ourselves as a work of art.” ~~MICHEL FOUCAULT

Mercury conjunct Jupiter, in Scorpio- look what it has made us do? Share pain and grief collectively. PURGE!!! Look at the death and rape culture around you. It is a cult of war and violence, a civilisation brought up on deception, dishonesty, violence, misogyny and apathy. Look at the almost Pavlovian mind control the ruling elites have rooted in our society. Look how conditioned we have become. So desensitised. Our behaviours so self-destructive. Where is all this leading?

The NM in Libra was…mmm…well, not like your conventional Libra energy. It felt dark, deep and a lingering anxiety remains. After the Mercury conjunct the Moon in Scorpio, the next day, I began to finally get a grip over the energy.

The #metoo campaign with its sordid narratives rocked my world. Scenes and shots came back from my past. Fragmented, disjointed memories of pain, hurt and suffocation.

Those hands on me, those disgusting crawling hands all over my body…the memories drove me nuts. Sounds and smells came rushing in while I read stories of rape and abuse from women all over the world. It reminded me of all the times that men have violated my boundaries and it is a large number. Be it in asking me to smile or calling me bossy or calling me a slut because I will not sleep with them, men have used and abused their positions numerous times. But we women are always expected to take everything with a pinch of salt.

I come from a country where there is a particular brand of cinema called Bollywood that has a specialised synchronised dance track which is called ITEM NUMBER, as a beautiful woman in scanty clothes, her dance troop of a bevy of girls(half naked too) behind her perform a sensual dance moving seductively to a male audience that is hooting and cat calling. She is the item. So we sorta know how to take misogyny to levels most people cannot even envisage.

 

You know, I have been called so many  names including Manhater, Feminazi, Female Supremacist, witch, bitch, whore, slut…blah, blah…but nothing matters. I work from my heart and I do not hate. Yes I speak up against injustice, yes, I seek a revolution or an evolution…but not with hatred. Men I do not hate you. Men…I love you!

But maybe it is time to DECONSTRUCT YOUR METACOGNITION/COGNITION and POST COGNITIVE PROCESSES. Maybe it is time to think about how you think. This might actually make you a more effective thinker. But at the same time, it is also time to FEEL. Think about how you feel and why you feel so. Do you even allow yourself the luxury of feeling? Because I know how society ridicules you every-time you show emotions. Be a man and what not. But feeling my love are not a luxury, let me tell you, they are a necessity for healthy functionality in life.

I know some of you hate me. Think long and hard. Why do you hate me? Why? Because I speak the truth? Because I can see the toxic patterns of patriarchy? Because I think and feel and actually speak up, unlike so many of my sisters? It hurts the most when women misunderstand. Because it is high time we women stop enabling patriarchy.

And men…what when tomorrow you have a girl? What then? Sleep peacefully, you have WILD CRUSADERS out there and the tide will turn. Let us be that change.

You cannot label me. Every single time you start to think that you have me all figured out, I promise to surprise you. You know why you cannot label me? Because humans cannot be labelled. No matter how appropriate the label might be, the labelling by itself is redundant. I will dress the way I want to, because I do not dress for your gaze. Yes, I want you to look at me and appreciate me, but my reality does not revolve around how much you fancy me. I want you to want me, but with respect and dignity. I want you to see me for what I am…a multidimensional being of light who is having a human experience. She is a woman who is free, wild and adventurous and I like looking at life through her lens.

But I am not her…this is not some WOKE BS. This is in fact the very truth of the fabric of this reality. I am not ME, not this body, not this pussy and not this orgasm. Hahahaha! I am in constant flux, forever shifting and I already exist in the many versions in the many multiverses. But I am also here, typing this so you can read.

Absolutely overwhelming? Do not let fear engulf you. You are an astronaut of the mind, aren’t you? Or else why are you reading this?

Just because a woman wears make up and skimpy clothes does not make her a slut. Her mini skirt is not an invite for your lust. My red lipstick does not mean I am saying yes to you. Understand that. And that is what I am here to show you. Women cannot be put away in tiny little labels. So stop calling me a whore, slut, manhater or whatever the fuck your toxic mind can think of. Jupiter has deployed his archetypal lens and activated my third house of communication which happens to be Scorpio. So the intensity and the truths will come out. Look how the brave women are speaking up and toppling the status quo.

Today, the Scorpionic Moon trines Neptune and the dreamscape opens up for me and oh, I am bleeding since the NM in Libra. You know how my psychic energy swells every time I menstruate and it is usually during this time I have my most profound visions and epiphanies or aha moments. Menstrual blood is very potent for magick and can be used in multiple ways. In fact sex during this time can most certainly be magickal, for both involved. It takes on a primal oeuvre.

Back to the splintered visions. There are fragmented, chaotic dreams…dreams of the snowy Himalayas, dreams of cymbals clashing, dreams of the pale red dot of a Sun…I can smell the incense, I can hear the chanting, I can feel the vibe, it is electric with spiritual energy.

Scorpio season is all about digging up the metaphorical/metaphysical dirt and really getting down and dirty to investigate, so I will share with you an experience I had a few months ago. Let me know what you think of them.

So this monk from Tibet, Lhasa writes to me. He tells me that he has known me for many lives and in the last incarnation we worked and studies together in Tibet, in Gyanganj.

In fact, I had told him in that reality to come and find me in the 3D world through some Youtube videos I have made in 2011 or so. He told me that I have asked him to remind me of the mark in my chest. Look I have no mark on my chest, but I wanted to get a wolf tattoo done there. But for now, there is nothing.

He told me to meditate on this and get back to him. I regret not taking this whole thing seriously and in fact I did try to sit in meditation, but my baby was all over me and the cats had to be fed, so I could not really tap into any vision.

I did not respect the monk or even pay attention. I called him brother and he told me that monks are no one’s brothers. They are just monks and that I am a Nun from the snowy slopes of Tibet.

I am aware of my connection to Tibet and the signs and synchronicity that I am experiencing have increased significantly over the last few years. I know Tibet has been my home during numerous incarnations and I have meditated and studied there. The Himalayas are my home and I know this.

And then there are memories of the kalachakra initiation. Let me tell you one thing, my greatest desire in life right now is receiving the Kalachakra transmissions from the Dalai Lama. This particular Dalai Lama has been my teacher in many incarnations and it is time we meet.

There is so much spiritual telepathy between us that I am actually shocked that we have not met yet. I dream of the Dalai Lama with a strange persistence. I have never dreamt of one person so much. He is always there, in my dreams. Everything becomes silent when he smiles at me and calls me to his arms. Everything becomes silent and just the way it is meant to be.

I hope to travel across seven seas soon and go to one place which has been calling me for very many years. I can feel myself there too and I think a wild adventure awaits me. Actually this Libra NM journaling was much about that. It felt good to finally decide that I want to go there. Now let’s see if the Universe responds.

 

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Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.

 

 

 

Kali, Kali, Kali

“DARKNESS ALONE FILLED THE BOUNDLESS ALL, FOR FATHER, MOTHER AND SON WERE ONCE MORE ONE, AND THE SON HAD NOT AWAKENED YET FOR THE NEW WHEEL, AND HIS PILGRIMAGE THEREON.” ~~HPB

KALI MANTRA FOR INVOCATION~~

Sarvamaṅgalamāṅgalyē śivē sarvārthasādhikē . śaraṇyē tryambakē gauri nārāyaṇi namō’stu tē. Oṃ jayantī mangala kālī bhadrakālī kapālinī . durgā ksamā śivā dhātrī svāhā svadhā namō’stu‍tē

The DARK GODDESS has been the anchor of my soul in the turbulent seas of samsara. My support system, my provocateur, my muse, my melancholia…I could go on forever, for she or that energy exists in everything, everyone and every experience.

Sometimes, tears stream down my face and I think that WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH! Is there any end to my avaricious wants, desires and needs? After going through so much, so much pain, am I still not done wanting more? Everything dies. Everything vanishes. Everything fades away. Confronted with my own mortality, thoughts cease to function with the same effectiveness.

Kali, listen to me, and stop this torture. Put an end to this 3D illusion, you DARKNESS. And please, by DARK, I DO NOT MEAN EVIL!

HPB discusses DARKNESS “…in the sense of the Unmanifested and the Unknown as the opposite pole to manifestation, and that which falls under the possibility of speculation. … it is not Darkness as absence of Light, but as one incomprehensible primordial Principle, which, being Absoluteness itself, has for our intellectual perceptions neither form, colour, substantiality, nor anything that could be expressed by words.”

Even the BIBLE states, “darkness surrounds the pavilion” of God!

Absolute Light and Absolute Darkness are interchangeable terms, as are Absolute Consciousness and Absolute Unconsciousness. Duality is the very harmonics of this resonance!

Kali’s bosom is my place of retreat and I can feel her embrace as I look at the dark night around me. The night envelops me in her arms and it is none other than my DARK ONE. How can I love the FORCE OF TIME? That random abstract principle? I cannot. I can only think of her as Kali.

Being Bengali, you grow up with a healthy dose of everything Kali. And there I discovered some of the most precious gems in the form of verses written by a Mystical Poet in Bengal. His name was Rajanikanto. Those verses echoed every single thought of my six year old brain. I used to know them by heart at that age.

How could a child grasp, to some extent this LARGENESS OF EMOTION. This gorgeousity of devotional fervour! I mean how? I don’t know. Even today I am perplexed. All I remember is locking myself in the room, listening to the cassette tapes again and again, sobbing my eyes out. It was like every word pricked my consciousness to remind me of WHO I AM.

Who am I? Who is Kali? What is this world? Why are we here?

See I bifurcate again. I was talking about those mystical verses. In one of them, the poet has written…

No one on Earth loves.

In fact, this Earth does not know how to love.

Take me away, to where there is only LOVE.

My heart craves for such a place…

Got me evaluating at a very young age. What does LOVE mean in the 3D realm of duality?

Seriously guys…what the fuck does love mean?

What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your family?

Who do you extend that love to?

The answers to these questions fester like putrid stuff in the quagmire of my mind. There is no resolution for there is no love. LOVE IS LOST.

Kali has taught me how to LOVE. By making sure that I break my conscious paradigm again and again, she has made sure that I AM LEFT WITH NO OPTION TO LOVE.

To be a child of Kāli, Rāmprasād asserts, is to be denied of earthly delights and pleasures. Kāli is said to refrain from giving that which is expected, I quote from Wiki, but trust me I know exactly what this means.

After making sure that nothing goes the way I want, Kali made me see that DESIRE IS INDEED THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. Does that mean that I have no desires? I still do, the stupid 3D being that I am. Everyday is a lesson learnt. Life is not what I want it to be, because life is just the way it is meant to be.

Didn’t Lao Tsu try to drill this ACCEPTANCE part of existence into our collective consciousness? He failed. Human know nothing about acceptance. And I speak of myself…can I truly JUST BE? Think about it. A state of JUST BEING does not equate to a state of NON BEING.

Of course I will initiate karma in this world as my desires push me to, but then I have to accept that there will be DISAPPOINTMENTS and Kali showed me how to grow from that disappointment. All this pain, resentment and anger inside me, she, the COSMIC MOTHER soothed away. Like only mothers can. Who will stand up for this?

The father can never calm the baby the way a mother can. After all, it is her physiology that creates the child. The father is the seed. The MILKY WAY is a mother BTW. Yes she is feminine.

The Milky Way (feminine) and Andromeda (masculine) are simply a galactic expression of this principal. ~~http://moonbirdblog.com

They are the SHIVA/SHAKTI as galaxies. Whoa! Something to ponder about.

Yet, why is there rampant patriarchy ruling the Earth when indeed, she is feminine, just like her mother, the Milky Way. That is the imbalance.

Kali is the unrestrained, most secretive feminine principle that carries withing it eternal mysteries of fertility, magic, death, birth and regeneration! And that POWER is external as well as internal. Do not believe me? Everyone has an internal Kali. It is true.

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

In those mystical verses, the Poet sings…

Everything happens because you will it so,

You are the Will of the Universe, Oh Tara,

You execute whatever needs to be executed through me.

And the foolish think, it is my feat!

It is your INTERNAL KALI, that PRIMEVAL, CATACLYSMIC, SUPREME POWER that does what you need to do. Your karma or actions all arise from a deep spiritual unconscious that is manifested in 3D from the etheric fields as they SOLIDIFY.

Yes SPIRITUAL UNIVERSES solidify and become dense. That is when Universal forces of SHIVA/KALI come to play. And it is these forces that play through everything. The ETERNAL TWINFLAMES creating Universes to experience, grow, love, hurt, cry and die. Shiva/Shakti as mere mortals. As you and me.

This age is in dire need of Kali’s benevolence…OF HER DARK FORM.

“THE SEVEN SONS WERE NOT YET BORN FROM THE WEB OF LIGHT. DARKNESS ALONE WAS FATHER-MOTHER, SVABHAVAT; AND SVABHAVAT WAS IN DARKNESS.” ~~HPB

Do not be fearful of her wrathful emanation! Nobody understands Kali.

There is so much DISTORTION in her myths, so much SENSATIONAL YELLOW JOURNALISM done on her person(sounds familiar? Like any other woman),, that her story is lost to the world of patriarchy.

People are fearful of her. Even today, in India, I have had people see her image on the wall and comment how it is DANGEROUS to keep an image of her at home. I mean is every single Bengali household doing it wrong? Kali, whether she is worshipped or whether she hangs as a feminist symbol, can be seen pretty much in every house in Calcutta.

She is a part of our History. She is our guide. She is our mother. She is our consciousness.

Kali is ALL-CONQUERING! So whatever it is that you want to win over, there is no better YIDAM or meditation deity than her. So invoke her if you need to work with this SEVERANCE energy.

Kali is not a Vedic Goddess. She is a tantric Goddess and she is MAHAMAYA, the manifested reality. She stands on KALA, or ETERNAL TIME and become SPACE.

Space is dark, Kali is dark.

Kālī is the feminine form of kālam (“black, dark coloured”). Kālī also shares the meaning of “time” or “the fullness of time” with the masculine noun “kāla”—and by extension, time as “changing aspect of nature that bring things to life or death.” Other names include Kālarātri(“the black night”), and Kālikā (“the black one”).

The homonymous kāla, “appointed time”, which depending on context can mean “death”, is distinct from kāla “black”, but became associated through popular etymology. ~~WIKI

Tantra texts call KALI, KALASHAKTI, the REASON OF CAUSATION!

There is no stop to this play, this eternal play that is going on between the masculine and the feminine. They stop not for a moment. For if they stopped their exchange of energy, everything ceases to be. Nothing remains.

This HOLOGRAM, stacked UNIVERSES, Daughter Universes…everything manifests because of SHIVA/SHAKTI. Call them what you like! They are the binary!

The Kalikula (family of Kali) form of Shaktism is most dominant in Nepal, northern and eastern India, and is most widely prevalent in West Bengal, Assam, Bihar and Odisha, as well as parts of Maharashtra, Bangladesh and some parts of Kerala. Kalikula lineages focus upon the Devi as the source of wisdom (vidya) and liberation (moksha). They generally stand “in opposition to the brahmanic tradition,” which they view as “overly conservative and denying the experiential part of religion.” ~~WIKI

Kali is the principle deity. So you see, how she has been up in arms against the patriarchal Vedic religion which even denied women the right to become priests.

My Ancestors have a special connection to Kali other than just being from Bengal. My grandmother comes from a family which were the main Brahmin Priests and caregivers of Kali and her temple in Calcutta. They were Haldars and there is a street named after my ancestor. Everyone knows the HALDARS even today and our connection to the place is also no secret.

My grandmother’s grandmother used to take a dip in the Ganges first thing in the morning(crack of dawn) and open the temple with the aarthi. I have so many stories from my grandmother that I wish to share. Stuff she heard from her grandmother. And then of course what bonded us was the love we shared for Kali. It stretched across generations and mitochondrial DNA. So standing before you, a Priestess of the hoary past…:)

I will continue my saga of love for my DARK ONE and I suggest to you that if you have not researched her, then please do. See for yourself, if the DARK ONE speaks to you and let me know.

I will speak of Bamakhyapa, Ramnath Aghori, Paramhamsa Vishuddhananda and of course Sarada ma, Vivekananda and much more…but for now I leave you with a profound thought from the Sage Ramakrishna…

Kali is none other than Brahman. That which is called Brahman is really Kali. She is the Primal Energy. When that Energy remains inactive, I call It Brahman, and when It creates, preserves, or destroys, I call It Shakti or Kali. What you call Brahman I call Kali. Brahman and Kali are not different. They are like fire and its power to burn: if one thinks of fire one must think of its power to burn. If one recognises Kali one must also recognise Brahman; again, if one recognises Brahman one must recognise Kali. Brahman and Its Power are identical. It is Brahman whom I address as Shakti or Kali.

 

 

 

The Song of Remembrance~ Twinflame Awakening

Is it immortality I seek?

I dare not make such demands.

For what if I have to be without you?

There is no meaning in the meaninglessness of life.

Without you.

You ignite the fire of my soul.

And wild passions in my body.

Life itself is a mockery.

A moment equals to numerous lifetimes.

Have you forgotten everything?

All those smiles and tears.

Those tears in smiles and those smiles in tears.

In all those Universes and dimensions?

Do you not remember how my tears flow every time I kiss you?

Do you not feel my pain?

All those lives we lived.

In each other’s embrace.

You have forgotten every single thing.

From every single lifetime.

And I am cursed with remembrance.

It is my curse to burn in the fires of anguish.

To yearn to be one with you.

Here I am Beloved.

To sing about those days.

I will find you, you will see.

Life moves on.

Do you remember the last time you died in my arms?

For it has happened many, many times.

Watching life leave you, my beloved.

I have died a million deaths.

But what is life?

What is death?

Energy never dies.

It is indestructible.

Do you at least remember the times I died in your arms?

Do you feel any of that intensity?

We return time and again.

On this Earth,

For the vow of love.

Do you not remember your multiple lives?

Nirvana eludes us my beloved.

Because all we want is each other.

And we are willing to be born again and again.

I have wanted you and you me,

For eternity.

We have loved and been together through unending time.

How many more times will we incarnate?

To carry on with this vicious cycle?

To just love each other?

This vibration pulls us here.

To be born in flesh.

As man and woman.

To touch each other and make love.

In Mesopotemia.

In Egypt.

In the Indus Valley.

In Babylon.

I have always been looking for you.

And you for me.

Do you remember?

How we were separated in the Tower of Babylon?

When we began to speak different languages?

Did you understand the language of my eyes?

For words mean nothing.

My beloved, I look for you in the stars above.

In the myths, legends and fairytales of mankind.

In the eternal love stories of humanity.

That first initiation.

On the banks of the Ganges.

The Buddha initiated us.

We were both together my beloved.

As we embraced the eternal Dharma.

That sunrise in Bodhgaya.

That mantra still rings in my ears.

Have you forgotten it?

Us, side by side, holding hands.

Surrendering to the Universe.

Your shaven head.

Your teary eyes.

I know those eyes.

Do all these memories not reside in you?

I remember it all, my beloved.

Our revolution and love.

You and me.

Through space and time.

Wash away the debris from your heart.

Feel our deep connection.

That nothing can erase.

I remind you my love,

You will keep coming back and so will I.

Till we do not join in sacred union.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twinflames and Serendipity~~

There are only patterns, patterns on top of patterns, patterns that affect other patterns. Patterns hidden by patterns. Patterns within patterns. If you watch close, history does nothing but repeat itself. What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher. What we can’t understand we call nonsense.” – Chuck Palahniuk

I know, I know that it has been a while since I have written from my little black book of Twinflame secrets. Hehe 😉 And although I have not been able to respond to all the messages, I am reading them as and when I find time.

My life is changing every second, I can feel it. The MAGDALENE WOUNDS I have been living with are disappearing and once and for all I will let them go this New Moon in Cancer. As I immerse myself more and more in meditation, I am sensing how everything that ever happened makes absolute sense now.

Everything. Everything. Everything.

Even the first time, when my then boyfriend forced himself on me while I was inebriated. Even the first time my uncle touched me inappropriately. Even the numerous times I have been slut shamed because I rejected the advances of those rumour mongers in question. Believe me I have suffered for a long time and suffered quietly. Detaching myself from people. Hating people. Becoming numb, becoming cold.

Everything changed with Goa and I began to come into my power. For the first time I began to see through new lenses and I discovered the technology to destroy the ego based destructive feedback loop. The subatomic particles in flux made sense. Atoms repel one another to hold form, made sense. In freaking whatever way I can grasp it. Very subjective this journey. But I am compelled to share this with you.

The Observer’s Paradox made sense. Waves become particles in space and time as they get observed. They are in positions of infinite probabilities before observation occurs. As if the Universe is letting the Observer or US decide what we want to EXPERIENCE. All that you see in the world is OUR COLLECTIVE VIBRATION! Welcome to hell! Just kidding, it is not all bad! After all we have LOVE!

The Multiverse Theory! What then of your Twinflame? Do you have the same Twinflame in all the bloody Multiverses? Well my friends, I think that in all the Universes, multiple versions exist of yourself and maybe in this Universe, X is your Twinflame, but in a daughter Universe, X may be your brother. But you may still feel CONNECTED to him- passionately.

It is too wild to speculate on multiple Universes, so let us just look at this one for now. And here, right now, there is THE ONE you need to UNITE with. And that is not going to be easy!

Being extremely psychic, I always knew there was more to reality that what we perceived. I sensed the infiniteness of the Universe each time I looked up at the sky full of stars. But my psychic experiences were not all sugar and spice and everything nice! The sights and sounds were frightening before I began to make sense out of them and that was after a very traumatic experience in my life at five when I was confronted by a death in my family. It was a case of suicide.

I became the freak, the outsider, the stranger because I was the girl who saw ghosts(energies), heard things, felt stuff no one else did. It was stressful, for them and for me!

I stopped speaking about my experiences, visions and awareness of the supernatural/ paranormal. I began to abhor all that I was seeing, all that I was feeling. I was sick of being known as the girl who cries at everything. Being an empath, watching a film can be a messy bag of tissues affair. The problem is that I FEEL TOO DEEPLY. I hurt too deeply and I love too deeply too.

Talking about loving deeply…

Love is a passion, an intense meditation/worship and that is what got me into this whole Twinflame thing and the fact that I have felt my Twinflame since I can remember. Even before my sexual awakening. It’s not so strange if you think of the PRINCIPLE OF NON LOCALITY as posited in QUANTUM MECHANICS.

It states that an object can be influenced at a great distance via stimuli given to a non-locally-connected object. Imagine how much you can influence your Twinflame? How much energy you can exchange? Only if you are aware that this can be done! It can be done. I do it everyday. And this principle is what also connects you to your core 144.

This quest of gathering information about lovers and love became an OBSESSION and is what made me become a Twinflame Coach and each day it convinced me that Twinflames are NOT ABOUT ROMANCE as we understand it now. The brand of romance that Hollywood and Mills and Boons sold my generation is not what you will discover in the Twinflame journey.

Because all of those love stories have been written by patriarchy. Women are objects you see. They are to be adored and protected. They are not people, they are possessions. They are not even known by their own names, but have to take on the husband’s! This drove me nuts and I have rejected all this toxic status quo.

This was a bastard if anything, not love! This is all EGO BASED! Where is the love? Not only the insatiable sexual longing! But love…Everything is possible in the vibration of love.

So many times I wanted to give up. Because life served me only disappointments in my romantic and sexual journey. I surely know how to pick em. Ha! So many times I wanted to give up. I convinced myself. No! Tina, you are a dumb bitch and love does not exist. Your Twinflame does not exist. I now see where I went wrong of course. Every break up is a two way thing and I really could not have had anything sustainable with any of my exes.

The journey seemed arduous! But I tirelessly kept at it. It only made sense to work with and explore this energy as no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, my visions and meditations pointed it out to me and I kept channelling, making notes, speaking to people, looking for my Twinflame.

I knew THE ONE exists. Sounds like the matrix, I know. Today I feel that this ONE is not a person in a physical body. This ONE is an ENERGY. That energy may have dissipated and incarnated into two people! Is that possible? The thing is, we do not know.

However, Lhamas in Tibet have been known to incarnate in more than one person. Sometimes a monk may even incarnate in three people! That throws the whole Twinflame hypothesis into a toss, doesn’t it? No I say. As I have already stated, in 5D awareness this ONE is an energy. In 3D we hold  onto physical forms real tight. For that is tangible. That is something we can see, hold, touch, taste, fuck…

In 5D, you are a LIGHT BEING who has no need for any of these messy human 3D shit. What fun then in life, you ask? Maybe you need to take a moment to consider that your insatiable craving for life is what keeps you tied to this reality and you are born over and over again, in this world of pain and pleasure, to experience all that life has to offer.

So back to what makes me so interested in Twinflames and Sacred Sexuality. My peeps I am a Tantrika of many lifetimes and Pluto in the second house with Uranus in the eighth house aesthetics play out in me donning this Muse of Love role, you see. It makes me a Healer of DEEP Psycho-sexual issues. Loads of Virgo energy and Moon in Pisces. I am a High Priestess from many lifetimes.

I am going to answer three questions here from my readers who wish to remain anonymous. I will answer them and that should shed a lot of light on the Twinflame Phenomenon.

  1. Hi there, I am writing to you in frustration. My Twin just got married to some woman he just met. I know he is my twin, but he seems to be lost. Am I deluding myself? Is he a false twin?

Hello…I’m so happy to hear from you and can completely understand your frustration at your Twinflame being with someone else. In fact this Solstice has given me such an energy boost that I found the time to contemplate much on Twinflames. I connected with mine as well. In fact, never before have I managed to connect to his morphological field as I just did these last couple of days. I know now that he is close, very close. But for instance, I finally discover who he is and get to know he is already married. What then? Maybe he has a child. What then? Presuming that he does not know who I am, but I do. Then will it be wise for me to tell him? I don’t think it is always wise to open up too quickly. It often takes months to know this energy. But for some it is instantaneous, I have seen that too.

If you have been keeping up with your spiritual practices, then you will be resonating at such a frequency that “false twins” cannot remain in your energy field for too long. They are forced to drop off. Only your true Twinflame can remain in that vibration as your yin/yang polarity. If you have not evolved your spiritual instincts, then I suggest, get right to it. The truth shall appear. Use this watery Cancer New Moon to journal on your Twinflame and pay special attention to your dreams.

2) Are Twinflames incarnating more now than ever?

Well that is a very valid question. As a matter of fact, they are. In my channelling I have been told that since the hippy movement(the rise of the PSYCHEDELICS), give or take 10 years, many Twinflames have undertaken this difficult task of incarnating on 3D Earth. Their mission is ASCENSION and reconnecting humanity with SACRED PSYCHO-SOMATIC TECHNOLOGIES like LSD, Ayahuasca.

They are here to teach about INFINITE LOVE, art, music and dance. That is their quest. They incarnate to show us the power of love and INTERCONNECTEDNESS. They make us believe in fairy tales, because, believe you me, in every anecdote, in every drop of tear fall, in every ray of sunshine, all we humans crave for is this total CONNECTION aka the Twinflame love.

When we hear of an Indian man cycling all the way to Sweden to meet the love of his life, we feel a sense of wonder. We all feel loved. We all are a little bit more ready to trust in the process of love. It does not happen much, but when it does, it is magic.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/04/pk-mahanandia-cycle-india-sweden-love-untouchable/

Soon I will be releasing Twinflame meditation AUDIO MODULES you can listen to and tune into the frequency of your Twinflame.

3) How will love be in 5D?

OMFG! Love that! 5D or Christ/Krishna Consciousness is all about INFINITE TIMELINES merging together. Your Twinflame and you become a UNIFIED FIELD OF CONSCIOUSNESS. There is no separation as you understand it. In fact your SOUL TRIBE is now with you. Your core 144.

Let me share an occult axiom. The Sun you see is just an emanation of the TRUE SUN, the SPIRITUAL SUN that is the real powerhouse behind all this phenomenon. This dance of the subatomic particles is orchestrated here. The SPIRITUAL SUN sends forth a figure of 12 facets into every atom of the SOLAR SYSTEM. The SUN downloads his light(information) from this SOURCE CODE. Let us consider this to be the HEART CHAKRA of our solar system, the beloved MILKY WAY which is feminine in her vibration!

This 12 multiplied by 12 or the 144 are the original LIPIKAS or BUILDERS as HPB calls them. From these beings, the whole cosmos emerges. 12 is divided multiple times and further subdivided and the plethora of creation can be seen.

The Sun has a heartbeat, so does the Moon and so does the Earth and every single heavenly body. The Sun’s heartbeats create the SUNSPOTS or SOLAR EJECTIONS which give us life as we know it.

All life on Earth receives this LIGHT from the flares and it affects our central nervous system and brain functions. Scientists have been studying this phenomenon. Go through these articles below to grasp this.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/31/solar-flare-sun-touches-our-psyche/

http://www.theeventchronicle.com/metaphysics/metascience/solar-flares-directly-affect-human-consciousness/#

Love in 5D will be full of infinite possibilities. You can alter what you like. But maybe, you might not want to. After all it is your journey that made you who you are. Every single scar- wear it like a badge of honour that you give yourself. Every wound, every insult, every hurtful manipulation, use them as fire to fuel your creativity. For in 5D you will NOT FEEL ANY PAIN as you understand pain. You will not grow old or die.

Madame Blavatsky notes that just as every external human action is preceded by internal thought, emotion, and will, “the universe is worked and guided from within outwards.” (SD I: 274). 144 created through MALE/FEMALE polarities. A Shiva/Shakti. Therefore in all the forms there is a SHIVA/SHAKTI aspect. Externally if you are a male, there is your female polarity. Might be same sex, but imbibes the feminine archetype. Therefore in this reality we all have our Twinflames who are our opposite energy.

However back to this 3D world.

Remember that when you unite with your Twinflame, you might need to take on SPIRITUAL or some sort of CREATIVE LEADERSHIP ROLE. It happens so many times. You might even collaborate on a work of art that inspires generations to come. Kind of like Lennon and Yoko Yono. Finally she is being credited for the lyrics of IMAGINE and isn’t Lennon happy today! She is his Twinflame after all. Together they have inspired millions…to love, to be different, to be fearless.

That is the lesson of the Twinflame. Tell me, are you ready to learn this? It might break your heart into smithereens. Will you risk it? Will you risk losing everything? To gain EVERYTHING? Think about it. And start to MEDITATE on your Twinflame and send THE ONE energy.

This, then, is the ultimate paradox of thought: to want to discover something that thought itself cannot think.” – Søren Kierkegaard

I hold Workshops and Meditation Sessions to connect to your Twinflame. Email me for details- tina@tinaheals.com

Enjoy the track but ignore the misogynistic lyrics,one line mainly…but it pertains to the society it seeks to depict, so we may ignore it.

Twinflames and Starstuff~~

You may say that all love is descended from the stars. Because, in a way, parts of us have “descended” from the stars. According to astronomers, our atoms and the atoms of our universe were created from stars that exploded. The remaining matter from the stars created our world–leaving us to be made of the same matter as the stars…Neil deGrasse Tyson

Yes people, we are star stuff, contemplating star stuff, says Carl Sagan. You, me, your lovers, my lovers, we are all made up of the same things. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW!

The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” ~~Carl Sagan

Is that not magical! I remember that no matter what happened to me and no matter how upset I was, whenever I looked up at the sky full of stars, I experienced a sense of magick! Mundane life lost its meaning and the incessant chatter and jargon of this 3D world ceased. I could sense the 5D world breathing, like a ginormous hologram!

The stars twinkled above and in my heart while I wrote under the dark skies, while I sang uninhibited and danced naked! Yes that is what they do to me, they make me lose sanity. That is not a problem.

For sanity is just adhering to societal rules and conventions. I never did that. Too much of an iconoclast! But the stars spoke of love. A love so intense that it feels like the slow dance of two black holes, consuming each other! Yes blackholes do consume each other!

I am someone who is looking for love. Real Love. Ridiculous… inconvenient… consuming.. “can’t live without each other” love. — Carrie Bradshaw -SATC

How many of you think of love like this? How many of you want to feel the rapture and ecstasy, the pain and pleasure of love? I know a lot of you want to, but is it so easy? We all know that it is not. The dating scene is beyond fucked up and each of us are left hollow as we try to find love and deep connection in our lives.

Which is why I want to begin my one of a kind dating portal. It will be inclusive to couples of all orientation. It will even have a Fetish community. There will be a special Twinflame page where people who are serious about finding their Twinflame, can open profiles.

We know that EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. Thought and intention can bring waves to fixed points so they form matter. You can literally “download” your Twinflame. Come on now my sweets, activate that mind(GEMINI).

The Age of Aquarius is bringing forth revolutionary new innovative thoughts and ideas on how we can change ourselves and the whole paradigm. It is happening now. Some of us are becoming more aware of the 3D Matrix and we are consciously working to demolish it and lift the veil.

The veil of Isis is a metaphor and allegorical artistic motif in which nature is personified as the goddess Isis covered by a veil, representing the inaccessibility of nature’s secrets.  ~~WIKI

The feminine form clad by the VEIL. What does it remind you of? The hijab?

Yes dear friends, even in India, women covered their faces. As if echoing this great esoteric tenet. The greatest cosmic secrets are within the feminine form and her face, especially her eyes. Yes all women are the very embodiment of this Shakti energy.

That is why Kali is naked. For she is the GREAT COSMIC FORCE OF CREATION and there is no veil to shield her. She does not need to keep the feminine powers contained, for she is  the ULTIMATE TRUTH, the SOURCE CODE, the blackness, the GREAT COSMIC DEEP!

The “Parting of the Veil”, “Piercing of the Veil”, “Rending of the Veil” or “Lifting of the Veil” refers, in the Western mystery tradition and contemporary witchcraft, to opening the “veil” of matter, thus gaining entry to a state of spiritual awareness in which the mysteries of nature are revealed. ~~WIKI

Stay with me….so on the premise that everything is energy….think of this…

You can conjure up energy with your MIND and this can bring to you the energies you want to manifest. For example if you want a Twinflame and join up this site, INTENDING to find that particular frequency, then yes, there is a VERY GOOD chance you might.

If you want to just answer booty calls, then do so by all means. It is your choice and you are manifesting what you wished for. Always be mindful of what you wish for, yes, it can come true!

All I am trying to say is that the world needs a LOVE REVOLUTION! Say what? People need to CONNECT! Do you agree that we are light beings composed of sacred kisses, intimate touches, sweet whispers and a heart full of love. Love is a frequency!

All I am trying to expound on over here that you know the resonance of your Twinflame! Even if you haven’t met them. Some Energy-Workers like myself have been born with an obsession to uncovering the deeper truths behind LOVE, SEX, DEATH and REBIRTH!

And I am obsessed with these themes and have been since I can remember. I have a love for the macabre and a very keep interest in serial killers and the like. I think it is Pluto in the second making an aspect to Uranus in the 8th in my natal chart.

This Pluto in the second is also the reason I decided to take up healing as one of my primary focuses in life. And then Uranus in Scorpio in the 8th will make one obsess over the occult and sexual motifs. You see I like to explore the very depths of our existence as a Philosopher and Mystic!

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves…” Shakespeare

The stars above guide us as we are miniature versions of them. Yes we are.

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”  Hermes Trismegistus

The first kiss between Twinflames is a topic a lot of you want to know about and again this info I give is the result of speaking to hundreds of couples in relationships, divorced, dating and even from singles all over the World. That is just the research part of it, the other ways I have gathered Twinflame info is through meditation, NLP exercises, discussing with my Guru and other mystics.

Another extremely potent way of dissolving your EGO and connecting to your Twinflame is through shamanic plant wisdom and other psychedelics. Yes a huge psychedelic revival is on its way and the big boys of the Silicon Valley are heading this movement by micro dosing and using other psychotropics to be one-up on the AI. Psychedelics is one way to evolve and integrate AI within our paradigm of understanding. In fact articles are saying that they give humans an edge over the robots. Yay to that! Psychonaughts have been screaming this from the roof tops for many years.

Under the guidance of a healer and meditation expert, you can try to dissolve this EGO self and try to enter a meditative state to sense the resonance of your Twinflame. Look if you are already committed, then please do so with your own discretion. Do not hurt your partner with the Twinflame obsession. It might be useful to enter into self questioning as to why you are looking for your Twinflame?

Okay I will tell you something. All the Twinflame couples I have worked with, have known, all their lives that they were looking for someone. Even while being with other people, they did not stop feeling this way. Now this feeling is not the usual shallow boredom that attacks so many relationships. Yes boredom is the main culprit! And if you are looking for your Twinflame because you are BORED, then please forget it. You are NOT READY!

Only if you have given your heart over and over in love and been hurt, and you still want to find that person because you are convinced that they EXIST, then you might be coming closer. Maybe you are already physically close! This is unlikely though, unless your pineal gland is completely calcified.

Usually if you are in the physical vicinity of your Twinflame, your energy will be in TOTAL FLUX. Heart beating like crazy, head reeling, weird feeling in our bellies…yes you will feel all of it. Unless you are spiritually empowered. Because then with meditation you have strengthened your individual morphic resonance which will better connect you to your Twinflame frequency!

If you are single, then the world is your oyster and tune right into the right frequency. DO NOT GIVE UP! No, perseverance is the key to such endeavours. Never forget that!

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu

That is the kind of vibe you get with your Twinflame. This does not stop your relationship from being TEMPESTUOUS! A lot of such relationships are intense and very sexually charged.

Back to that first Twinflame kiss ~~ If you experience it, you will never forget it.

http://positivemed.com/2015/10/14/7-types-of-kisses-from-around-the-world-you-and-your-partner-should-try/

Let me give you a few pointers…and I have created a meditation where you can “kiss” your Twinflame’s etheric body. Contact me for more on that.

  • Sense of FULL EXPOSURE. Nothing remains hidden. Every story, every teardrop is exposed as your lips touch.
  • Sense of coming home
  • sense of kissing a part of yourself
  • sense of a long, long connection
  • sense of many past lives

You get it. But please do not confuse every inebriated kiss for a Twinflame type. Meditate and activate your psychic energy. Everyone can do.

While Venus moves into Taurus, her own sign, our love lives are going to become very earthy and sensual. Kinda like this…