Who is Ganesha?


The whole idea of writing this piece came to me yesterday after someone from the US consulted with me. She had never heard of Ganesha, but when she heard ELEPHANT GOD, she kinda knew who I was referring to. I was explaining to her the INITIATION/START-UP ENERGY of this deity.

It caught me off guard because it is rare to find someone who has no clue of who Ganesha is, especially with the New Age movement. But apparently not…

So there I was explaining an impossible story to someone who had just seen him in a souvenir shop and knew nothing of the fact that GANESHA is a name given to the COSMIC RULE that governs all of existence from the tiniest quark to the largest galaxy cluster!

And my majestic Ganesha is no modern God, he is ancient…and does look weird maybe to people not used to him. But remember if you find him grotesque, then be aware that his stark grotesqueness is to remind you symbolically that NOTHING IS REAL. Appearances are ILLUSORY and TRUTH is never what you think it is.

He has a mouse as a companion which means that he has mastery of fear, indecision, anxiety and uncertainty and also control over beings of the subterranean worlds. His protruding belly does not signify his laziness…lol, no. No amount of plank will do it because IT SHOWS CONTENTMENT.

Historians believe that a prototype of Ganesha was worshipped in prehistoric times outside the Indian subcontinent in such faraway places as Afghanistan, Tibet, Mongolia, China, Java, Iran, Cambodia, Borneo, Japan and Mexico. Images of Ganesha were found in Afghanistan and also in Iran. The image of Ganesha found at Luristan in Iran dates back to 1200 BC to 1000 BC. Many Ganesha type idols were also found in Mexico from excavations and ancient temple ruins.

The story of the birth of Ganesha goes like this..

Shiva and Parvati were totally engrossed in making love for aeons. Then Shiva goes off to meditate. Parvati realise that she is all yucky and filthy. She scrapes the dirt from the skin of her body and creates a little baby boy!!! She leaves the boy guarding the door while she bathes. Now Shiva returns and this baby boy refuses to let him in! Shiva is so pissed off that he slices his head off!! OMG right?

Now Parvati comes out to see what just transpired and tells her man that this is their son. Shiva now has to save him as he sees Parvati breakdown for the boy. So he asks his chelas(helpers) to find him a head. But the head must be from someone who is sleeping with their head to the north. This is why in India it is inauspicious to sleep with your head to the North! You bet! Now these dudes scampered off and returned with the head of an ELEPHANT! WTF, right?

So Shiva then stuck this elephant head on the headless torso and voila Ganesha is born. As I was relating this story, I realised how freaking RIDICULOUS it sounded. I could see the woman’s face! She literally fell off her chair!

Myths my Beloved is never to be taken literally, they are for ELUCIDATION and EXPOSITION…BTW the PURANAS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE PRINTED, they are ALLEGORICAL TALES, MEMORY CODE SYSTEMS which are revealed to the initiate only if she is ready…so here I am to explain what this means…

The symbol of DEAD SKIN of the Goddess~~what do you think that signifies?

A RESIDUE, a REMNANT, a REMAINDER of some sort of ATTACHMENT. The Goddess/shakti or the FEMININE PRINCIPLE can sometimes cling onto subtle energies she mothers. In Ganesha, the Goddess found someone to mother. SHIVA is the GREATEST YOGI and he might have sensed this excessive NEED TO MOTHER or an unhealthy attachment to the boy she created. Shakti is volatile and Shiva is SILENCE which is signified by him being under her. She is the ACTIVE PRINCIPLE and he, the PASSIVE.

SHIVA was called here to destroy this whole unhealthy attachment, but a true yogi will not destroy the VIKARA or the residue. That still is energy and SHIVA or the male potency decided to transform this residual energy. Look he could have incinerated Ganesha, right? But he decides to SEVER THE HEAD. The head is the symbol of the EGO, my peeps. As KRISHNA says…The HEAD is the ROOT…And, and, and…he uses a TRIDENT OR TRISHULA! The TRINITY! Sattva, Rajas, Tamas- the three gunas or the THREE NADIS- ida, pingala, sushumna.

Guṇa depending on the context means ‘string, thread or strand’, or ‘virtue, merit, excellence’, or ‘quality, peculiarity, attribute, property’. These three gunas are called: sattva (goodness, constructive, harmonious), rajas (passion, active, confused), and tamas (darkness, destructive, chaotic)..~wiki

If you take this ALLEGORY as a purely INTERNAL STORY, as in what is going on inside, then you will see how the DESIRES that convoluted our minds and form unhealthy attachments can only be severed by the TRIDENT or the admixture of the THREE GUNAS. We have to understand each QUALITY to transcend it.

The internal feminine/masculine polarities CANNOT be whirlpool of chaos, they have to be in harmony, which is why the internal SHIVA will HAVE TO RESURRECT GANESHA. Ganesha without the ANIMALISTIC ID or ego.

The internal SHIVA is logical and the internal PARVATI is emotional, just like a mommie. But to be an individual who vibrates in a high frequency, we have to be in touch with Shiva as much as Parvati. They must be in SACRED UNION, in yabyum!

This dirt with which she created him is MAYA, in its most superficial level and here the EGO or ID is all powerful. I have said that Ganesha is the muladhara chakra and he refuses Shiva the yogi a meeting with Parvati who is PURE KUNDALINI SHAKTI. If you do not master the MULADHARA you will never reach SAHASRARA. The TRIDENT here also signifies the IDA, PINGALA and SUSHUMNA, the three nadis of LAYA YOGA and in Vedantic parlance, the three gunas.

Shiva destroys the ego(SEVERS THE HEAD) and replaces it wisdom, allowing the union of Shakti/Shiva to take place. And presto, you have yourself enlightenment!

And now you ask me? WTF is up with the whole ELEPHANT thing?

My peeps, in ancient scriptures of Sanatan Dharma we associate the elephant with AWARENESS, MINDFULNESS, MEMORY, PATIENCE which Science has corroborated. elephants actually are super intelligent.

This easily explains why Ganesha must be invoked before praying to any deity. This SUPREME INTELLIGENCE that Ganesha has will be the GUIDING FORCE for any spiritual activity.

I read about this Scientist from Lebanon who used sonic mapping that caught the vibrational frequencies of the brain and what he found blew the world away! After these images were assimilated and studies, he discovered that the MEDULLA which is the doorway to the brain looks like GANESHA!! Are you freaking out?

He presented the enlarged image to the world which showed two big ears, a trunk and tusks. Now you see the symbolism and how correct the ancients were. Ganesha is the doorkeeper and if you invoke this youthful, playful masculine energy, then he will let SPIRITUAL WISDOM seep into your consciousness.

Ganesha my Beloved is the GRID KEEPER of your consciousness and is called VIGNA VINAYAK, remover of obstacles. But remember, these obstacles are in your mind.

Reminds me of the EIGHT OF SWORDS in Tarot.

Shivaites believe that Ganesha sits in the MULADHARA CHAKRA located at the base of the spinal cord and is responsible for spiralling our consciousness into higher dimensions. Seated in the muladhara chakra he acts as the gateway to the higher chakras and higher planes of consciousness.

According to Sakti Tantra, there are as many Ganeshas in the creation as there the letters of the alphabet. This suggests that this Ganesha energy exists in various planes, worlds and dimensions as the headboy of the ganas or groups of entities(gridworkers, energyworkers, lightworkers, all celestial beings) to guide them and lead them towards Siva/Shakti, the primordial ARDHANARISHWARA.

Ganesha is usually worshipped alone in the Vedic way, but we tantrics pray to him with his Shakti and call him Vallabha. The female aspect of Ganesha is also called Vinayaki, Surpakarni and Lambamekhala.

Today is a great day to INITIATE yourself with GANPATI INVOCATION into SPIRITUAL PRACTICES.




Aghoribaba, Tarapith and Nilasaraswati~~


“OM hriim taarayai vidmahe mahomaayai dhiimahi tanno devi prachodayaath…”

“You know you have to recite the Tara Gayatri in the morning …” said my Dadu and I am not a morning person. Grrrrr!

TARA agrees. There she stands smiling.

This mantra takes me back to my childhood. I have been saying this mantra since I could speak every morning. I had no idea how important it was to do SHAKTI/TARA puja. I had no idea.

Talking to an Avadhuta in one of my first Mahakumbhamela gatherings, I learnt that according to the Tarasara in the Rudradhyaya, one should meditate on the yoni/pussy covered with svayambhu flowers and the lingam and recite this. Around hundred crore repetitions have to be done to activate this. And no sadhika can get siddhi in this GUPTA VIDYA or hidden knowledge if this is not recited first thing in the morning.

DADU made me do it even before I stepped off the bed. You have to read my novel to know who DADU really is or was. He is not with me in 3D anymore, but he never left.

And Tara smiles. You know that IMMENSE feeling if you are a true SHAKTA or GODDESS WORSHIPPER. The Goddess appears in everything- in every woman, in every sunshine, in every teardrop.

Shaktas conceive the Goddess as the supreme, ultimate, eternal reality of all existence, or same as the Brahman concept of Hinduism. She is considered to be simultaneously the source of all creation, its embodiment and the energy that animates and governs it, and that into which everything will ultimately dissolve. ~~wiki

Sometimes she appears as NILA SARASWATI in my visions. Let me tell you about that time I visited Tarapith with a Nath Aghora Yogi I met in the Mahakumbha mela. He had practised much of his vidya in the cremation grounds of Tarapith and he agreed to take me.

If you don’t know what that is, let me give you a brief story.

It is the seat of TARA VIDYA where the MAHARISHI from the Vedic pantheon VEDAVYASA achieved TARA siddhi. The story goes something like this…

Vedavyasa tried repetitively to gain siddhi in Tara worship, but no matter how hard he tried, he kept failing. At a point he was guided by Tara herself to seek out Shakyamuni Buddha who was known to be in Mahachina which in ancient Indian texts is Tibet.

So Vyasa ultimately found Shakyamuni who initiated him in the GUPTA VIDYA of Tara sadhana and yes, he finally understood the WISDOM OF SHAKTI or SOPHIYA as the kabbalists would call her.

Anyway that is the power of this Tara Gayatri, so start by reciting this every morning.

Now back to Tara. Tara is also known as KAMAKHYA, the VULVA which represents SHAKTI in Guwahati, Assam. Kamakhya is a special place of interest for me.

The shrine stands atop the NILGIRI or the BLUE MOUNTAINS and is shrouded in mystery and lore. The recent temple was built in the 16th century but Tara tells me it is much older. Almost as old as the land itself! And the TANTRIC FERTILITY RITUAL is performed during the Ambubachi Mela which is the celebration of the yearly menstruation course of goddess Kamakhya. There is no idol of the presiding deity but she is worshipped in the form of a yoni-like stone instead over which a natural spring flows.

During this time you will see sadhus, saints and siddhas who do not appear anywhere else at any time. They live isolated but come for their rituals during this festival. I have been there many times and it is wild! Too many people come now, but if you manage to speak to the right siddhas and they are willing to talk, then the proverbial goldmine opens up in front of you.

Kamakhya is a emanation of SATI.

Sati and Dakshayagya. If you don’t know much about this, then know this that Sati was the wife of Shiva. Now there is a clash depicted here between her father who ruled the heavens and Shiva who lived in the cremation grounds. Same old Romeo Juliet stuff.

Daddy does not approve, Sati marries Shiva anyways and moves away. But she misses her family. Then she hears of her father performing a special YAGYA which will bring peace to heaven and Earth. Everyone in the whole Universe was invited except Shiva and her. She decides to go although Shiva warns her and the rest is History…

She gets insulted and immolates herself. Shiv arrives and brings the end of creation with his famous TANDAV. The dance that brings PRALAYA or the destruction of the multiverses!

BRAHMA/VISHNU/SHIVA- THE TRINITY RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATION/PRESERVATION AND DESTRUCTION, so to PRESERVE the multiverses VISHNU releases his ultimate weapon- the SUDARSHANA CHAKRA which slices SATI’S dead body into FIFTY TWO parts which fall on Earth and became the SHAKTIPEETHS. These are the most powerful vortixes of energy.

Now getting back to KAMAKHYA, let me tell you that place is of special importance in my sadhana. I have been visiting it since I was seven and every time it feels like I am entering a parallel world, so steeped it is in magick, folklore and mysticism.

Tara or Kamakhya is so potent here, her energy REVERBERATES through the winds that blow, the stars that shine and the rain that falls. Her smile is present in the hibiscus flowers. Sometimes I see her tongue in the fires that burn the dead bodies. The dancing flames dance in my eyes.

Here TARA is KAMARUPA, the form of desire and she is worshipped as the yoni (“vulva,” “womb,” or “source”). KAMAKHYA my peeps is true PUSSY POWER and if you have any connection to tantra or Shakti, then you will concur.

You know what SHIVA did? He became BHAIRAV and established himself right next to the yoni. What is he without her? Nothing? He won’t even be Shiva to create and destroy Universes if he does not have his Shakti.

You know what my plans are…I want to raise enough funds to go and live in Kamkhya for a year or so, to shoot, write and create unique content on the more misunderstood, esoteric aspects of Yoni Puja. Tara is smiling and that dubious smile tells me nothing.

Maam meem muum or maim maum maah- that is the mantra to invoke the divine yoni/pussy. If you are a woman, all you need is YONI NYASA to do the ritual. However if you are a man, then you need a living Goddess. If you are not sure, message me.

Dr. Ramnath Aghori came to me in my dreams. He took me to Nepal. It is fascinating when we talk. I have never heard him talk, but he conveys his ideas to me through telepathy. I discover that RAMNATH BABA had sanctified and locked away a tiny room near a hill. It was a temple and no one was allowed to open it. But the QUEEN OF Nepal did so and the repercussions were severe. Her son shot the whole family. You know about the bloody Nepali shootout killing the royals. This room was not any ordinary room.

I think that room is an energy vortex. You know there are dimensional warps yes? And lots of Shakti peeths are built on them or near them. And SHIVA LINGAMS are on the ley lines.

Ramnath Baba is a reincarnation of Garakhnath. I have always known this. Ramnath baba lived and did tapas in the BHOOTNATH cremation grounds for many years. In fact that is one place he still visits most frequently. I am dying to visit this spot. It has many answers I know.

Oh a thing worth mentioning. If you read about Ramnath baba online there are some American disciples who have written about him. Now they mention BYOMSHANKAR AGHORI and claim he was seven feet, blond and blue eyed. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Baba BYMSHANKAR AGHORI is from Bengal, from a tiny hamlet called BAKRESHWAR. There are some writings on him in Bengali and yes, he was the last lineage holder of Swayambhunatha or Guru Padmasambhava. No one has seen him since a few decades, but the people in the village thik that he still comes

We Bengalis have intertwined much with Tibetan spirituality as tantra travelled from the golden banks of Bengal to Tibet, to China, to Mongolia and to Japan and of course then spread all over the world.

The MUSLIM TURKISH ARMY destroyed one of the greatest libraries of the ancient past- NALANDA. They say it burnt for many many months after it was set on fire. Imagine the priceless tantric and yogic texts that were destroyed.

You know that Aghoribaba was the royal guru right? But let me tell you why?

The King of Nepal saw SHIVA/SHAKTI in baba’s palms. Now what does this mean? This means that Aghoribaba was a COMPLETE BALANCE OF YIN/YANG. Actually such siddhas become gender-less.

Now Aghori baba had also warned that the king’s head will roll and his son will be responsible. This is due to an OLD CURSE on the Nepalese royalty by none other than baba GORAKHNATH.

GORAKHNATH is the PROTECTOR OF GORKHA, a place from where the king’s ancestors came. Prithvi Narayan Shah, the founder of the kingdom of Nepal who began to conquer different kingdoms and brought them under one rule. One day this king offered a saint some curd. The saint was AGHORESHWAR GORAKSHANATH. He sipped it and then puked it out. Then he offered it back to the king! :O

Of course the king did not drink it. He chucked it on the floor and therefore got cursed that his dynasty would be ERASED because of his pride after 10 generations!!!

Now, now, now…Baba Ramnath’s disciple was the NINTH GENERATION and he was slain by his own son who never ruled even though he was crowned king. So you see, the royal family could not avoid Gorakhnath’s curse.

Now Ramnath baba is himself Gorakhnath. See how he executed his lila by returning for the finale! That is how Tara works.

You do remember the crematorium story don’t you? Yes I was there, all alone in the night. In the smashan in Tarapith. My spiritual brother by my side. We began the rituals and the yagya.

I cannot go much into detail here as some of it is too personal..but I can tell you the cremation grounds frightened the FUCK OUT OF ME. I heard laughter, shouting, screams, whispers, wolves or maybe dogs howling and then the scarist sound. When the body burns, the log crackles and the fire hisses. I do not think I can describe that sound. It is the sound of death and the sound of life.

And in trance the night was over. Of course Gorakhnath was there, in the form of Ramnath baba and then finally I saw her. Her as NILASARASWATI. She was short and scary. Her belly was extended. In fact it was the BLUE on her skin that made me realise who she is. She stared right at me and I passed out as I looked at the THREE EYES.

The Avadhuta who took me there told me that I sat in padmasana the whole night till the first rays of the Sun illuminated the cremation ground. He dropped me back and we never spoke a single word. He did not ask me a thing and I had no words. Only the BAUL SONG played in the background… 

“Khachar bhitor ochin pakhi kemne ashe jay”  which loosely translates to …
the unknown bird in the cage, how does it fly in and out? 
The link below is a BAUL/FOLK SHAKTA SONG from the heart of Bengal depicted in critically acclaimed internation film Moner Manush..



In Tibetian tradition, Neela Saraswati is known as Yang Cheng Mo. Yangchengmo is the Goddess for performing arts, especially music. In her musical moment and demeanour, Neela Sarasvati is called Piwa Karpo. Her Chinese Buddhist name is Miao-yin-mu. Sarasvati’s mythology is about PURIFYING THE CONSCIOUSNESS. In this she shares her characteristics with White Tara and also with her Japanese equivalent, Benten or Benzeiten.

The AGHORI SECT is very Plutonic and it is believed that ALEISTER CROWLEY devoted much time in discovering their gupta sdhanas. He is even known to have spend time with Ramnath Baba.

I wish Ramnath baba would tell me about Crowley, but he does not. In fact, he comes and goes as he wishes and I can never stop him. And Tara…she disappears…and reappears…like a hologram! Wait this 3D world is just another simulation right??

I am Manifest Divinity, Unmanifest Divinity, and Transcendent Divinity. I am Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, as well as Saraswati, Lakshmi and Parvati. I am the Sun and I am the Stars, and I am also the Moon. I am all animals and birds, and I am the outcast as well, and the thief. I am the low person of dreadful deeds, and the great person of excellent deeds. I am Female, I am Male in the form of Shiva. ~~ Devi-Bhagavata Purana


Ittadakimasu! Veganism!

The Japanese clap their hand three times and repeat ITADAKIMASU to bless their food. It is an ancient practise and an essential phrase in your Japanese vocabulary. It’s often translated as “I humbly receive,” but in a mealtime setting, it’s compared to “Let’s eat,” “Bon appétit,” or “Thanks for the food.” … And though its roots are ancient, saying the phrase before meals is a fairly recent Japanese custom.


Receive what? Receive sustenance! Receive energy to survive and maintain the physical body. The food is giving us what kind of energies we need to receive from the Universe. And what does that mean?

You are deciding, by the food you eat to receive those similar vibratory energies that are being fuelled by your diet. You are what you eat. Quite literally huns! Your entire body is made up of the food you eat…


This phrase has come to us via quite a tortuous route. Anthelme Brillat-Savarin wrote, in Physiologie du Gout, ou Meditations de Gastronomie Transcendante, 1826:

“Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es.” [Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are].

In an essay titled Concerning Spiritualism and Materialism, 1863/4, Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach wrote:

“Der Mensch ist, was er ißt.”

That translates into English as ‘man is what he eats’.

What happens when you decide to feed yourself violence and pain? Trust me we are already on a stable diet of psychological and spiritual violence from media and the political arenas and other socio-economic platforms.

But this is direct violence. Killing sentient life for food. When you really don’t need to!

You know that you are actually healing and rebuilding your body every second of your life! You are not even aware of it. But some of us are not letting that healing take place! Because we are feeding our systems with animal food laden with grief and suffering.

You don’t need to go very far to find documentaries that will highlight the Vegan ideology for you. Just google best vegan documentaries- FORKS OVER KNIVES, EARTHLINGS, COWSPIRACY, VEGUCATED…I could go on and on. Just look this up. They will provide you with the whole gamut of information you need to embark on this lifestyle.

What I want to address here is that how can you eat meat after you know the amount of pain and suffering that that being has gone through? How can you justify this to your own self? For hunger you can sacrifice your life? Would you be okay of some stronger species ate humanity? Famed us and ate us, like we do?

And the dairy industry? What of that? It is a sickening saga of exploitation of females and babies. Please how can you support this if you are a feminist? You cannot! The taste of that burger will mean nothing to your soul. The soul will be afflicted of the pain after devouring that animal. The soul in theta will know and experience that pain. Look around us- DIS-EASE!!! DISEASE EVERYWHERE…cancer, diabetes, BP issues…the list goes on…

I have felt this you know when I have worked with non vegetarian people. Even vegetarian people. Especially in India where we believe that a child must be brought up heavily on dairy. And how wrong are they? They have no respect for the GOUMATA or the cow if they are consuming dairy. You should see the rings they put on the baby calves so they cannot suckle. It hurts the mother every time they suckle so she keeps all her milk.

The baby is then killed or sold into sexual slavery if she is a female. Is this in any way touching your soul? Does this bother you even a little bit? Does it????

I will tell you from experience ok. No hearsay shit. Listen huns, I suffered from migraines pretty much from the time I became aware. Yes and bad, bad migraines. I was raised non vegetarian in a Bengali family where it was normal to eat mutton every night. Believe me, that was my diet and the headaches kept getting worse.

I was doing yoga already. In fact these headaches had made me take up yoga at a very young age. That was the best thing that came out of this. But then listen…I moved away from home and by the time I was twenty, I turned completely vegetarian.

Just like that and I have never ever craved for or even looked back at non veg food. How did I do it? It was the most organic thing that happened to me. I have pretty much tried to force most of the shit that took place in my life. But for once…there was no need to push. It was perfect. I turned VEGETARIAN.

I sensed my aura change immediately. I lost weight and felt so very fit. My yoga abhyas or practise just got better and better…and all because of vegetarianism and then I finally went full on vegan around six years ago.

I have never looked back. In fact I was more worried about this move….but nope. It was again organic and natural. I did not need to regret or force myself….it just happened. VEGANISM JUST HAPPENED…NATURALLY…

I urge you to look into this and try veganism for a while. I could be your vegan buddy and guide if you so choose. All I am saying is, take the first baby step…try it…even if for a day.

I managed to drop so much weight every time I adhered to a raw vegan diet. And the body also takes form so much easier during yogasanas. It is sublime. Meditating on a stomach full of greens and fruits, you will see how much more activated your inner energy feels. It is instant. In a few days you will fell this change as your dress size will drop.

Your skin, hair and all parts of your body will flourish. You can finally receive from FOOD as you are not harming it. Yes plants also feel pain, but my friend, they don’t have a central nervous system and blood which is red like ours. They scream, they cry…they die…is this worth it?

The pain? The suffering? The tragedy?

Can we bring peace if we continue violence on the weak. In that equation, someone is always the weaker. Right?

Please….for the sake of animals and for the sake of mother Earth…consider veganism! Consider LIFE!images

Dattatreya and the sacred Sahyadris

The powerful and intense vibrations of the Western Ghats has always mesmerised me, since I took my first trip from Bombay to Pune a few years ago. Nestled in the lap of the Sahyadri mountain range, lies the twin cities of Khandala and Lonavla. Like the usual routine of a tourist I did my bit of buying Chiki and fudge from Lonavala, little did I know that this would be my home in a few years and herein you get the best chocolate fudge in the whole wide world. Now looking back at that day, it seems to me that there was a premonition, a little thought flying through my brain, a little sigh escaped my lips to see the sheer beauty of this landscape surrounded by the majestic Sahyadri.

I am crazy for mountains. As a child my father would ask me, “What do you prefer, the sea or the mountains?” I never faltered, no matter how much the caress of the waves lured me, the silent solitude of the mountain inescapably sounded a chord in my heart and in my being which I could not ignore.

No the mountains it had to be. My father smiled, I think the mountains may also be his favourite, he seems that type of a man.

So after the crazy lifestyle of Bombay, I escape to Khandala! I love Bombay, make no mistake about that. I found Myself in that city. I stared at the abyss, the abyss stared back, as promised! I returned to civilization a changed person.

I found the man I love in Bombay, I found my interests in that city. Being rocked to death in the buses or being squeezed like a lemon in the locals, all in all it was a tremendous time of learning and developing. I did my best to adapt as I moved around, whether as an Instructor of Drama for children for Rael Padamsee, or to work as Concept Developer in Miditech in Sakinaka(at that time I was living in Colaba)!

Walking on Marine Drive, seeing the tempestuous sea, I felt strangely at home. I have seen the sea in many places, but never have I seen such bipolar behaviour as the sea face in Bombay.

One day the sea will be all bright, the skies all blue, the Sun is up, that very afternoon, thunder, lighting and rain clouds will gather- the sky will be a slate grey or pitch black, the rain thunders down, but only for a brief moment. You run helter skelter to guard against it(especially people like me who do not carry umbrellas), but then as suddenly as it came, the rain stops. The sky is clear again, I step out into the wet road, the only proof that it did in fact rain and I did not imagine it and I look up. No clouds, none at all! Just clear blue skies!

The Bombay sea and the Bombay skies are bipolar!

Aghori Vimalananda, the Guru of Author Robert Svoboda, had said that Bombay is cursed, the very islands are CURSED, its water is CURSED, the food is cursed! I read all three books hoping some proof will be provided in support of this statement, but found no more elaboration. But something rings true to my ears- Bombay has a curse, what it is, I do not know! I seek to discover more on this, so if I do, I will keep you posted, as of now, nothing else can be said.

I may in fact have managed to escape this curse. I have been allowed to leave Bombay. I live about a couple of hours away, in this once-quaint hill-station, now destroyed by construction sites, but still it is nothing like the vast abyss of Bombay. It is still small, still quiet and the villages still drink country liquor and pass out by 9.30. Everything is quiet from about 7 in the evening. For us nightbirds from Bombay, it is perfect!

We can go out investigating, we can identify interesting spots, watch the stars above and breathe the clean, oxygenated air. Yes for once the skies are clean, not over cloudy like Bombay. You can actually see the familiar celestial objects.

We climb to the top of hillocks and listen to the sounds of the night. It’s a meditation- I see the sounds come to life, yes, the sounds of the night become entities that take on an anthropomorphized Persona. My imagination begins to run rampant.

Did I tell you that I always got in trouble at school because of my imagination! My parents had to hear the same thing- She has a very vivid imagination and it was implied to be pejorative. Little did my teachers know that this imagination will come in handy when you gaze at the stars in the sky and visualize the sounds of the Night coming to life lying in the bosom of the wild Sahyadri mountain range.

The air emanates different smells which take me back to different stored memories in the hard-disk of my mind! Sometimes when I walk on the dew at dawn, I am transported to my childhood standing in front of my grandfather, two dogs- one black and one white with reddish patches were running near me and I was smiling. My grandfather, holding his ears does situps as punishment from me, for not being able to answer some silly question of mine, which I presume, he purposely did not answer to as he knew how important it made me feel to punish him. It was just a shift of power I enjoyed. Yes human is indeed motivated by will to power unless they have ascertained the Higher Truths. Don’t judge me as a sadist, let’s move on!

So yes Khandala bathed in mist is a little magical kingdom. It is my home and place of rest. It resonates with very sacred vibrations- of Bhagawan Dattatreya, Sant Tukaram and Maharaj Swami Samarth.

I share my home with many cats and a dog, so I do not fail to pay obeisance to Lord Dattatreya whose home is the Sahyadri, just like mine. Growing up in Bengal I did not know Lord Datta. His presence is stronger this side of the country. I love him and I love the mountains that surround me.

When I return from Bombay, the sight of the silent, dependable Sahyadri fills my being with peace, bliss and tranquillity. I just want to run into the darkness and lose myself, my ego, my personality, the masks I wear, my entire being! I want to rediscover my true identity and the Sahyadri helps me, a little every day.


This is an interesting day- the last repetitive date we will ever see. The next such repetitive date will only occur on January 1, 2101, when the date will be 01/01/01. That’s a good 88 years away!!

So I am pretty sure I will not be around for that day. An astrologer told me that I will live a healthy and interesting life which will last only four more decades, give or take.

My husband was deeply upset and like an eccentric Billionaire he told, “We’ve got to figure out how to keep you around.” He firmly believes he will die in his 90’s. With enhanced technological advancements I am sure human life can be lengthened.

But honestly, I have no problem. Four decades of writing, making films, going for long walks to the Sahyadri, watching exotic, rare birds, working in conservation, loving my husband and my furry babies is good enough for me. It will be a life well lived if I can manage to just exist and pursue my interests which bring me happiness.

I have understood one thing- flow like water. In fact now I expect nothing, not good, not bad. I am not an avid follower of Murphy’s Law, neither am I expecting great rewards and accolades. I just want to BE.

I do not wish to consciously observe my life anymore, like the wave. It floats around and is present in all places, in all time. I desire not to be like the particle and have a fixed point. You may argue that I am a fixed point, but then am I?

Sometimes I muse to myself- who am I? What is the proof that I exist?

The ego spurts out so many premises to logically argue of my ontological state. I hear it, the ego. It conveys to me an image of what I think I look like, what I behave like, what my values are. That, it tells me, constitutes my character, my identity- ME.

But sometimes I feel my flesh, it begins to feel viscous- solid becomes non-solid. It’s the state of being a wave, of flowing, of not assigning a fixed point of existence. I have been told that I think of bizarre things, but then again I could never stop cogitating.

I think of gaseous thoughts, which disappear as soon as they bear form. They are not dependable. Thoughts are like waves, crashing down the shore of my mind.

I always wished for thoughts to be more concrete. With my dense state of perception, concretization has its own charm and abstraction alarmingly raises the hair on my neck. How do you perceive the abstract. Charm or no charm, concrete must work. But nothing takes the permanency of concretization! Nothing is ever concrete!

Abstraction makes itself my friend, my foe, a challenge! ABSTRACT! I have found that my life is random and abstract, ABSTRACT!

I stopped running from the unfamiliar world of abstractions. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at it right in the eye. If I was a realized individual I may have seen much more than what my limited consciousness experienced.

Brahman, Sunyata, Ain-Soph- all are abstractions. Can our finite minds grasp infinity? I feel something deep when I watch Youtube videos of deep space that Hubble has taken. It thrills me. Space the mother of all abstractions. Space is Kali, my Ishtadevi. I have given that deep abstraction a form, a name, I have gone ahead and anthropomorphized the abstract. I have made her particle. I am the observer, she is the observed.

Yes she is all over the place, yet confined in my heart. How do you bring yourself to grasp that an atom is 99.999999999999% empty?

What happened there? Sunyata- emptiness, the VOID from where ALL springs.

So our bodies and everything around us, it’s all DARKNESS, EMPTINESS, VOIDNESS. Yet, we are petrified of the dark.

Darkness and silence is our first nature, our most primordial form of being; which is why Kali is black.

So as 12/12/12 is already here, we must understand Voidness, stillness and silence. Being and Nothingness!

Some say the world will end, but the Christian world runs on such an eschatological understanding- it’s all about the Armageddon, but what about Karmageddon?

The world will not end, but a new era will begin, of deeper resonance with spiritual energy.

I see every day in social networking sites that a huge number of people are trying to explore Compassion and ONE IS ALL concept. They may think they are a part of a Galactic Federation, some may be from Sirius, some Pleidians, Theosophists, Freemasons, Advaitis, Tantrics it does not matter.

You may be a rainbow warrior, an indigo kid, an E.T, it does not matter. You may be an average human like me, still 12/12/12 is not just a date, it’s a switch, once its flicked open you may experience a journey to your third eye. So awaken to this possibility.

Let’s dance with the Sun-rays, swim with the wind and hug the Earth- its time to rejoice 12/12/12 is here.


544905_910501692303094_1464329496598474093_nNon-ego, void and darkness,

Each one perfect and each self existent.

Yet non-ego must awaken from its deep slumber,

To question Who am I?

This is the birth of ego,

Not necessarily of tragedy.

From this questioning of one’s identity,

Is born likings and aversions,

And a sense of I-ness.

I am this body,

This is my family,

And my possessions,

Funnily it is through this very question,


That our very true identity is revealed.

It’s all a necessity really.

The void is perfect,

Yet, there is Matter,

Luminous, celestial objects

Of such magnitude and grandeur

That it adorns the void.

Can the void be perceived?

No it needs the effulgence to be known.

How else will the void communicate with us?

How else will it be translatable for our feeble minds?

We can never grasp this cloak of voidness,

As nothing in its purest essence can exist

In our mind’s eye tainted.

Yet, there is a craving, a yearning in our depths,

For something pure- beauty, truth.

Do we have any place in this cosmic pantomime?

In the improvisation of the real reality?

Maybe we’re here to witness the glory unfold before us?

The essence of darkness is absolute light.

It’s the state of absolute rest.

Dark is the womb,

Dark is the state of anything in creation,

Tranquillity, nothingness, Sunyata, emptiness, the dark beings.

Dark is a soothing potion for our minds,

But light must appear in it,

Just like a flower which must die to become a fruit.

Darkness must obliterate itself to be born as light.

Abstract space is dark and aye, is not its beauty inexplicable?

My Kali is black, the very epitome of the dark.




29512_390018132935_7876311_nI am a reflection,

A 3D projection,

In a hologram.

I am here and there,

I’m everywhere.

From the quark to the mightiest space-time clusters,

I am the causeless cause.

Also the veil of matter.

Isn’t life fantastic?

I am a fractal,

Immortal and eternal.

Infinity in infinity.

I perish not,

Reabsorbed I am,

Into me.

As I dream this dream,

This world it would seem is just my thoughts,

My visions and my dreams.