You Silenced My Demons

The moment I thought I looked into your eyes,

EVERYTHING was SILENCED.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The pain was forgotten. The smiles were lost and Time stood still.

You Silenced my Demons without ever having met me.

Now that is divine love.

I remember those days and nights I prayed.

I prayed that you find me in this world of seven billion people.

But there was no sign of you.

Not for so many years that I gave up.

I gave up looking for you.

But something persisted.

I knew I needed you because the demons inside were tormenting me daily.

The demons knew of nothing but inflicting pain.

They wanted silence as much as I did.

As much as I do.

But no one and nothing could SILENCE them.

My demons were waiting for you as eagerly as me.

For it is the love in your eyes.

That silenced them.

Even though I know not you or that love.

You are a mystery to me.

Lost in the translation of centuries of separation.

For a brief moment I search you in the skies above.

The sky full of stars tell me that you are waiting as anxiously as me.

The Moon shapeshifts.

I see you smiling.

That smile absolutely melts me.

Your stare evokes such deep feelings of sexual desire and longing,

So deep within my being,

That it leaves me breathless.

Everything is silenced in sweet surrender.

We never met, but I saw it in your eyes.

No I see it in your eyes, even now.

The love you feel, your deep desire for me.

Your desire which is as deep as the waters of the seas.

I wait for the day we will meet.

For that look in your eyes which silenced my demons.

I gave you my truth in so many words.

But you spoke nothing.

You remained silent because the look in your eyes said everything.

I know how much you pray to hold me.

Even though you do not know me.

Even though you have never met me.

But you have felt me deeper and stronger than anybody.

Your desire burns loud and stark.

I do not want to lead you on,

But there is not much left for us here.

There are pangs of sadness and grief.

At our separation.

The demons though have never spoken again.

Since I stared at you in the eyes.

Through the simulation of space and time.

The demons wait too.

They wait eagerly for your arrival.

For one day you will really be in front of me.

And I will wait to hear your speak.

What will you sound like?

What will you speak of?

Our path is difficult, it is raw, it is painful.

I know you will not run away with this pain.

Even if we have never met, you know it is your job to silence my demons.

 

Pisces season is almost here and we are all about to soak into some dreamy love vibes. Pisces is my 7th house of relationships and my Moon is here on the 11th degree, so here is an offering for you. I have been looking for you forever my Beloved…come to me now…

 

Book your session~~

Donate~~

tina@tinaheals.com

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Themes of Domination and submission~~

BDSM is not about SEX. In its higher vibrations, it has to do with SPIRITUALITY and SOUL EVOLUTION. Do you think this to be blasphemous? Follow my chain of thought and explore more.

Do you know that fear is a potent aphrodisiac?

This is a post that has been pending in the pipeline for quite a while and there is no better time to do this than right now. There is this MOON QUINCUNX MARS aspect that is happening in the skies today and with this particular energy, there is a repressed vibe of S&M if you ask me. It could also lead to AUTOSADISM, a term coined to reflect the pain and humiliation inflicted on oneself.

Yes there are all kinds of people and all different kinds of things rock their respective boats. But why the necessity to speak about BDSM, the generally accepted term for “sexual sadism within the context of mutual consent”…

I have explored the aspect of domination and submission both, although I am a natural Dominant. And women DOMINANTS do not usually speak out, unless they are pro-dommes, but, I think it is now time to openly discuss FLR or FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIPS and FEMDOM, which means FEMALE DOMINATION.

BDSM is a collaborative, spiritual and creative exchange between the TOP and the bottom. It is sublime!

And, and, and, there is not much resource for women who want to explore DOMINATION…But now, things are going to change…

Yet, I do agree, there is a sweet sense of surrender when you expose your vulnerable self to someone to do whatever they want with. It is a dangerous proposition, but if a SACRED SPACE can be created for the couple’s mutual adventurous sides to come out and play, then there is a possibility of great catharsis during a BDSM encounter.

I will stand by my thesis that BDSM, which is consensual, may actually lead to ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS. It can be as potent as Acid or MDMA.

One study, published in May 2013, actually found that practitioners of BDSM were better off than the general population in some ways, including having secure relationships and lower anxiety. You know why? Because the relationship between a DOMINANT and a sub is open and honest, even if the sub has contacted her for a pro session.

The two words incorporated into this compound, “sadism” and “masochism”, were originally derived from the names of two authors. The term “Sadism” has its origin in the name of the Marquis de Sade (1740–1814), who not only practiced sexual sadism, but also wrote novels about these practices, of which the best known is Justine. “Masochism” is named after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who wrote novels expressing his masochistic fantasies. ~~WIKI

PAIN and PLEASURE are two binaries and often times this infliction of pain is brought about by the emotional needs of the masochist. The Dominant likes to play along and mentor, because through the possibility of the threat of violence, the submissive can and may succeed in expressing psychological purging. And the DOMINANT feels the intensity too. It is a dance of ADRENALINE for the TOP.

The pain that comes with sadomasochistic sex may cause the brain to shunt blood flow away from this region, causing a subjectively altered state of consciousness — and the appeal of SM, Ambler said. “Part of the reason these SM activities may be so extreme, at some level, is that they’re particularly effective at causing the brain to change its distribution of blood flow,” he said. ~~huffingtonpost

In fact after a session of SHIBARI, you will begin to feel light, stress free and in control. There is something about lying suspended, all tied up. SHIBARI is a very powerful spiritual tool and there is so much to be had if you land up as a SHIBARI CANVAS in the hands of a true artist!

In Japanese, “Shibari” simply means “to tie”. The contemporary meaning of Shibari describes an ancient Japanese artistic form of rope bondage. In the late 1800′s and early 1900′s a new form of erotic Hojo-justu evolved, called Kinbaku, the art of erotic bondage. Today, particularly in the west, the art of erotic bondage is typically called Shibari, which is an art of erotic spirituality, not a martial art. ~~artofcontemporaryshibari

VANILLA SEX does not appeal to a huge segment of society and I can stand testimony to that. There are numerous men and women who have explored or will explore BDSM in some form or the other if the chance comes along.

VIOLENCE and the thought of it also creates a sort of attachment, not the Stockholm Syndrome types, but a more psychological dependence on the DOMINANT for knowing when to take the whip out and when to make the sub lick her shoes. All these acts are at the core psychological cues asking the submissive to surrender.

The sub wants nothing more than being able to surrender, because at the sound of the crack of the whip, all his troubles vanish away. The DOMINANT is as heavily attached to the play as the sub if not more so. Because a DOMINANT knows no surrender and is always in control which can be quite demanding. Because sometimes we all like to go with the flow.

There are subtle emotional cues the DOMINANT must always look for, because it is the DOMINANT here who is the MEDICINE or the WITCH DOCTOR. I have worked with many women who have wanted to explore their dominant side. I have worked with many men who have felt so ashamed at their submissive side that they have come to me broken, sexually and psychologically. It takes time to build such people from ground zero, so it is my suggestion that we understand and explore it. If we have a partner who is into BDSM play, then we should be open enough to explore any extremity that might be needed.

I am not saying that if you are a submissive, then you have to become a dominant just to please your man. All I am saying is, that men love it when women TAKE CONTROL in bed. You can guide him, ride him, delay him or gratify him. It is in your hands.

And no, if a person is a dominant, then it does not mean they are a sexual deviant or a sexual predator or even sexually aggressive. Remember a rape is not S&M, because RAPE is never about sexual gratification. RAPE IS ABOUT POWER. P-O-W-E-R!!!

A Dominant is in fact like your MENTOR, if you are a sub and the responsibility of a mentor is quite heavy if you ask me. Much heavier than just letting things happen to you. Some Dominant use a safe word, some don’t. But at the end of the day, BDSM is never about physical harm. Keeping sub/slave tendencies repressed will only create havoc with your life and finances. So why not explore this path with your partner or find a mentor.

There is nothing wrong if a man wants to be submissive in bed. In fact, some of the most POWERFUL MEN in history have been subs in bed. They are so sick and tired of making all the decisions, that now they want to surrender their whole being to the Dominant.

Many people have asked me to discuss BDSM’S ASTROLOGY. What makes a DOMINANT? What makes a submissive? And it is time to understand that practitioners of BDSM are not sociopaths or psychopaths and are not clinically unwell.

Even though FREUD seemed to suggest otherwise.

In 1905, Sigmund Freud described sadism and masochism in his Drei Abhandlungen zur Sexualtheorie (“Three papers on Sexual Theory”) as stemming from aberrant psychological development from early childhood.~~WIKI

BDSM activists have been toiling tirelessly to remove this misconception.

Have you seen the film Quills? Starring Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet, and Michael Caine? That depicts the life of the man whose name coined the word SADISM.

How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In those delectable moments, the whole world is ours; not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world, we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold. —Marquis de Sade, Les prospérités du vice

In a patriarchal world, we are used to men taking the leadership role and we see women generally as subservient to the men around. The idea of women being sadists were not accepted by FREUD and his colleagues. Men were the DOMINANT, they thought. And how wrong are they? Femdom is a slap in the face of FRUED.

Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality. Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men. Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination. ~~WIKI

Since SADO-MASOCHISM is such a difficult topic to tackle, let me explain some astrological aspects that might illuminate it further.

Look for challenging aspects between PLUTO and MARS. The NN does also play into it. In fact the FIXED SIGNS, the CROSS of LEO, TAURUS, AQUARIUS and SCORPIO are into hegemony and powerplay in some sorts during sex.

SATURN in the fifth may cause one to be a cold sadist and PLUTO in there might mean that dirty politics is operative in the dynamics. If there is a CONJUNCTION of these planets, then there could be a very strong DOMINANT there.

AQUARIUS ASCENDANT and MOONS are heavily into BDSM, they are mostly switches as they like to experience the full spectrum. A URANUS strong chart would also indicate sexual experimentation.

SATURN placements would mean a father figure fixation. It might make you attracted to older men. I have my SATURN in LEO in the 12th and older men with wisdom definitely interest me. It is the SATURNIAN WISDOM that turns me on. SATURN could also be a CRONE and you might find yourself pulled to older, wiser women who will dominate you.

MOON OPPOSITE PLUTO could also point to sexual power dynamics, like CHARLES MANSON, the cult leader. This can make you FANATICAL and INTOLERANT, energies a DOMINANT can use well in bed.

MARS in ARIES, 8th house brings the DOMINA into full functionality and then the cherry on top is an OPPOSITION to the NN and PLUTO which are conjunct. Yay baby!

What makes the DOMINANT tick? What excites me about a man who can surrender to me? Yes, sometimes I like being cruel to my lover, but why?

I feel powerful? I am in charge? My way or the high way? All of this actually. Because even though a woman is the receptive energy, she is also the CREATRIX, the SHAKTI that creates everything.

Look for Lilith placements in your chart. I have some hardcore Lilith and Mars conversations happening in my natal chart.

Think of ERIS…Eris is the goddess of discord and rivalry.

Greek myth tells that, upon exclusion from a wedding, Eris threw into the midst of its revellers an apple marked ‘for the fairest’. An argument ensued between the goddesses Athena, Hera and Aphrodite as to its intended recipient, the settling of which eventually led to the Trojan War

Pitting the goddesses Athena, Hera and Aphrodite against each other in competition for the title of ‘fairest’, she exposed the diminished feminine, divorced from its sovereignty and subordinated to the power of the masculine gaze. Now she returns power to us all, inviting us to embrace the light and dark feminine and all shades in-between: the Venusian delights of sensuality, the cyclical intuition of our lunar nature and the viscerality of Eridian challenge of all that perpetuates patriarchal mores of gendered worth. ~~foreverunlimited

Women are not objects created for the male gaze.

Femdom kinda reverses that fulcrum. BE LIKE ERIS. Who cares who is fairer? Who cares about what men think and how we need to alter ourselves to fit into the norm of what is attractive. Life is not just a heteronormative exposition.

TANTRICS are all subs and slaves to the women. Because in tantra, it is only a woman who is superior to men as she is a direct symbol of the Goddess.

The sub suffers and a Dominant enjoys that SUFFERING.

Understand one thing, that both the DOMME and the sub are exploring their UNCONSCIOUS MIND as they embark on the play. The SADIST may draw inspiration from their UNCONSCIOUS to punish the sub. It could be jealousy, possessiveness or sexual marking. It could even piss the DOMINANT off if the sub sexually turns her on. After all, he does what she says.

The sub is an object. SUBHUMAN and a Dominant need not handle any bullshit from him. It is her choice to do as she pleases. Sex loses its meaning in the traditional way, but here a new sexual narrative takes shape. A new foray into sexual mores and desires. The world is ready for it.

The DOMINANT wants trophies, not lovers. In most cases, DOMINANTS feel scared to posit deep meaning in their sexual acts. But meaning already always exists, doesn’t it. The play time develops a new relationship dynamics. This scapegoating more times than not, alleviates the trauma of women who have undergone sexual abuse. In fact, it is a deep healing process to take back that control in your sexual life. But again, it must be BALANCED, not just rampant physical harm.

The submissives usually have hard NEPTUNE aspects with their MOONS and ASCENDANTS. MARS and NEPTUNE can create a nebulous haze around needs and desires. I have seen subs lost in rape fantasies because of Neptune and MARS, sometimes Pluto. Pisces as 8th house too.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
― Anaïs Nin

I will discuss Anaïs Nin’s astrology in more detail when I do the submissive women part. This is what a lot of women want, but some women want the male to be submissive and it is quite common. Women are exceptionally good Dominants, like Geisha’s so many of them helping their clients explore in the sanctity of the sacred space they create.

ALGOL is another FIXED STAR to look at as it focuses on PLUTONIC ALL-CONSUMING OBSESSION. Anger and rage can devour you, although the DOMINANT is never really angry. It is like an actor playing a role.

In astrology, ERIS and LILITH are both Dominas. In tantric myths, it is KALI, the one true feminist who never thought twice of standing on the chest of her man to make a point.

I am not some feminazi spouting hatred and causing more divisions and fractures in the collective psyche. I am just asking you to be like KALI. Take charge of your life, take charge of your pleasure and show your man what to do and what you like. Make him submit and he will love you for it. I know my lovers have loved it when I have taken charge. Try it and it is different every time.

There is much more coming up in themes of Domination and submission, many more nuances to discuss to bring to light the holistic aspect of this BDSM playtime. I have seen the efficacy and now I am here to unveil the potential of truly dominating a man or truly submitting and surrendering to him. What do you like? What does he like? Understand your sexual needs and desires.

JUPITER in SCORPIO is blessing ya…

Email me if you want to learn to awaken your DOMINANT side~~

I do workshops with women from all over the world.

I do lecture about the subject,, so email me if you want me to speak on it.

tina@tinaheals.com

IMAGE COPYRIGHT ~~Australian mixed media artist Garth Knight reveals overtly what we already know: bondage is beautiful. His project, The Enchanted Forest, elevates rope bondage to a new level —CHECK HIS WORK OUT~~

The Vibe now: On Misogyny, Name-calling and my Future Quest across seven seas~~

“From the idea that the self is not given to us, I think there is only one practical consequence: we have to create ourselves as a work of art.” ~~MICHEL FOUCAULT

Mercury conjunct Jupiter, in Scorpio- look what it has made us do? Share pain and grief collectively. PURGE!!! Look at the death and rape culture around you. It is a cult of war and violence, a civilisation brought up on deception, dishonesty, violence, misogyny and apathy. Look at the almost Pavlovian mind control the ruling elites have rooted in our society. Look how conditioned we have become. So desensitised. Our behaviours so self-destructive. Where is all this leading?

The NM in Libra was…mmm…well, not like your conventional Libra energy. It felt dark, deep and a lingering anxiety remains. After the Mercury conjunct the Moon in Scorpio, the next day, I began to finally get a grip over the energy.

The #metoo campaign with its sordid narratives rocked my world. Scenes and shots came back from my past. Fragmented, disjointed memories of pain, hurt and suffocation.

Those hands on me, those disgusting crawling hands all over my body…the memories drove me nuts. Sounds and smells came rushing in while I read stories of rape and abuse from women all over the world. It reminded me of all the times that men have violated my boundaries and it is a large number. Be it in asking me to smile or calling me bossy or calling me a slut because I will not sleep with them, men have used and abused their positions numerous times. But we women are always expected to take everything with a pinch of salt.

I come from a country where there is a particular brand of cinema called Bollywood that has a specialised synchronised dance track which is called ITEM NUMBER, as a beautiful woman in scanty clothes, her dance troop of a bevy of girls(half naked too) behind her perform a sensual dance moving seductively to a male audience that is hooting and cat calling. She is the item. So we sorta know how to take misogyny to levels most people cannot even envisage.

 

You know, I have been called so many  names including Manhater, Feminazi, Female Supremacist, witch, bitch, whore, slut…blah, blah…but nothing matters. I work from my heart and I do not hate. Yes I speak up against injustice, yes, I seek a revolution or an evolution…but not with hatred. Men I do not hate you. Men…I love you!

But maybe it is time to DECONSTRUCT YOUR METACOGNITION/COGNITION and POST COGNITIVE PROCESSES. Maybe it is time to think about how you think. This might actually make you a more effective thinker. But at the same time, it is also time to FEEL. Think about how you feel and why you feel so. Do you even allow yourself the luxury of feeling? Because I know how society ridicules you every-time you show emotions. Be a man and what not. But feeling my love are not a luxury, let me tell you, they are a necessity for healthy functionality in life.

I know some of you hate me. Think long and hard. Why do you hate me? Why? Because I speak the truth? Because I can see the toxic patterns of patriarchy? Because I think and feel and actually speak up, unlike so many of my sisters? It hurts the most when women misunderstand. Because it is high time we women stop enabling patriarchy.

And men…what when tomorrow you have a girl? What then? Sleep peacefully, you have WILD CRUSADERS out there and the tide will turn. Let us be that change.

You cannot label me. Every single time you start to think that you have me all figured out, I promise to surprise you. You know why you cannot label me? Because humans cannot be labelled. No matter how appropriate the label might be, the labelling by itself is redundant. I will dress the way I want to, because I do not dress for your gaze. Yes, I want you to look at me and appreciate me, but my reality does not revolve around how much you fancy me. I want you to want me, but with respect and dignity. I want you to see me for what I am…a multidimensional being of light who is having a human experience. She is a woman who is free, wild and adventurous and I like looking at life through her lens.

But I am not her…this is not some WOKE BS. This is in fact the very truth of the fabric of this reality. I am not ME, not this body, not this pussy and not this orgasm. Hahahaha! I am in constant flux, forever shifting and I already exist in the many versions in the many multiverses. But I am also here, typing this so you can read.

Absolutely overwhelming? Do not let fear engulf you. You are an astronaut of the mind, aren’t you? Or else why are you reading this?

Just because a woman wears make up and skimpy clothes does not make her a slut. Her mini skirt is not an invite for your lust. My red lipstick does not mean I am saying yes to you. Understand that. And that is what I am here to show you. Women cannot be put away in tiny little labels. So stop calling me a whore, slut, manhater or whatever the fuck your toxic mind can think of. Jupiter has deployed his archetypal lens and activated my third house of communication which happens to be Scorpio. So the intensity and the truths will come out. Look how the brave women are speaking up and toppling the status quo.

Today, the Scorpionic Moon trines Neptune and the dreamscape opens up for me and oh, I am bleeding since the NM in Libra. You know how my psychic energy swells every time I menstruate and it is usually during this time I have my most profound visions and epiphanies or aha moments. Menstrual blood is very potent for magick and can be used in multiple ways. In fact sex during this time can most certainly be magickal, for both involved. It takes on a primal oeuvre.

Back to the splintered visions. There are fragmented, chaotic dreams…dreams of the snowy Himalayas, dreams of cymbals clashing, dreams of the pale red dot of a Sun…I can smell the incense, I can hear the chanting, I can feel the vibe, it is electric with spiritual energy.

Scorpio season is all about digging up the metaphorical/metaphysical dirt and really getting down and dirty to investigate, so I will share with you an experience I had a few months ago. Let me know what you think of them.

So this monk from Tibet, Lhasa writes to me. He tells me that he has known me for many lives and in the last incarnation we worked and studies together in Tibet, in Gyanganj.

In fact, I had told him in that reality to come and find me in the 3D world through some Youtube videos I have made in 2011 or so. He told me that I have asked him to remind me of the mark in my chest. Look I have no mark on my chest, but I wanted to get a wolf tattoo done there. But for now, there is nothing.

He told me to meditate on this and get back to him. I regret not taking this whole thing seriously and in fact I did try to sit in meditation, but my baby was all over me and the cats had to be fed, so I could not really tap into any vision.

I did not respect the monk or even pay attention. I called him brother and he told me that monks are no one’s brothers. They are just monks and that I am a Nun from the snowy slopes of Tibet.

I am aware of my connection to Tibet and the signs and synchronicity that I am experiencing have increased significantly over the last few years. I know Tibet has been my home during numerous incarnations and I have meditated and studied there. The Himalayas are my home and I know this.

And then there are memories of the kalachakra initiation. Let me tell you one thing, my greatest desire in life right now is receiving the Kalachakra transmissions from the Dalai Lama. This particular Dalai Lama has been my teacher in many incarnations and it is time we meet.

There is so much spiritual telepathy between us that I am actually shocked that we have not met yet. I dream of the Dalai Lama with a strange persistence. I have never dreamt of one person so much. He is always there, in my dreams. Everything becomes silent when he smiles at me and calls me to his arms. Everything becomes silent and just the way it is meant to be.

I hope to travel across seven seas soon and go to one place which has been calling me for very many years. I can feel myself there too and I think a wild adventure awaits me. Actually this Libra NM journaling was much about that. It felt good to finally decide that I want to go there. Now let’s see if the Universe responds.

 

An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

The Art of Touch~

Do you know the inner resonance of your frequency? Do you feel the vibe of your core truth? Have you decided to explore it ever?

Working with spices as I bleed is so profound that no words can describe it. It is like the spices come alive to share the wisdom of my womb which is connected to the cosmic womb. Your womb is also connected to this very womb of the Great Mother.

The last two days there has been a geomagnetic storm and the solar winds, mingled with the eclipse energy, retrograde energy and the Pisces FM energy is making me retreat somewhere deep within to connect to my womb. It is from this sacred space that I come to you with love.

I am not here to heal you. No one can do that. I am here to love you and love you I shall. That love will create a scared space in which you will heal yourself My Beloved.

The geomagnetic storms affect my whole being and it is radical. I cannot explain the whole process because I do not understand it myself. It is also changing you and your physical body. Be mindful to the subtle energy shifts and you will begin to feel them happen.

Today I feel compelled to talk to you about touch. An essential component of human healing is touch and believe me being a Venus in Virgo, I have always been a huge touch-me-not. Even before the sexual abuse that took place in my life.

And after that, touch became a scary thing. Sex became hollow because I was faced with so much guilt and shame that somewhere intimacy was lost. I avoided kissing or looking into the eyes of my lovers.

Richard was the first guy I did not feel averse to kissing on the first day while we made love, which is why I am still with him. He made me feel comfortable and I opened up to his touch and kisses like with no one else. Of course it took me a lot of time and work to be able to touch myself and truly make love to him. And the fear not only isolated me from myself, but it scared me shitless to touch other people, but all that is the past and now I feel no fear at touching because it is coupled with love and healing intention.

Although I confess I find it easier to touch women than men, but that fear of being touched and touching is gone. You know why? Because now the love component is back in the equation. Without love for oneself and the partner in question sex can become cold and scary; just a chore.

Intimacy and sex are two sides of the same coin. You cannot truly immerse yourself in sexual proclivities if you fear intimacy. Even if you are with a stranger. Sex requires surrender. It requires you to be engaged in the moment. It requires you to give your egoself up, at least temporarily.

Healing can happen with touch therapy. But most people equate touch with “happy endings”. Tantric massages are raking in the big bucks, but is that touch truly healing? There is nothing tantric in those massage parlours.

When a healer touches you, they absorb all the negative, positive energies in your auric field and that is extremely challenging especially for empaths or emotional sponges like me. When I embrace you, I absorb your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts and that can leave me feeling out-of-sorts. Yes I am a psychic energy worker, but trust me, nothing in this realm is fool-proof and even the most experienced healers have been known to be overwhelmed at times.

As I come in contact with your physical body, our magnetic bodies mingle and we can literally download information from each other. That is why the body behaves in a certain way when we are open and receptive to another person.

Notice the next time you feel attracted to someone or just feel really close. Watch how your body reacts. This is how holographic information gets exchanged in the simulation. And all human beings behave the exact same way, which is why we all have the same micro-expressions to emotions and situations.

Touching and hugging not only makes your brain release seratonin, it also releases oxytocin, which is the antithesis of adrenaline. Oxytocin makes you stress free.

I work with touch therapy because I believe that touch is a way to say things that words cannot. And when I touch you, your response to my touch often times guides me to work with your energy.

Inner child work cannot be truly accomplished without loving touch. Scientists have discovered that at whichever age, the child stops receiving love and affection, that is the age in which the individual remains stuck in. If till seven you were loved and suddenly that love went missing or was replaced with discipline and work, then it is likely you will remain a seven year old in your mind.

Touch therapy is very effective for individuals looking to heal from mother centric issues. Sometimes touching these people like a mother can open their closed hearts. It is beautiful and I have seen it happen so many times.

Our physical bodies are feeling great pressure as we adjust to the shifting frequencies of the 5D Earth grid. This can become excruciatingly chaotic to handle and if this energy is not dealt with, then it can manifest as disease.

Touch therapy is the best methodology to help the physical body go through this change. Touch amplifies feelings of peace, bliss and tranquillity. It is the answer to loneliness.

You can help raise someone’s resonance by touching them with INTENTION to heal. Try this. Hug someone who really needs it and while hugging, think of them being healed by the Goddess or Cosmic Intelligence. Whatever works for you.

Touch can numb painful external stimuli as well. Try it, especially in crisis situations.

That is why, you must never leave your baby to cry and soothe herself. You must always hug and hold your baby. I suggest baby-wearing. That is what I did the whole time with my baby. And I wore her in a saree, using it like a cloth.

In fact “touch” therapy even works if it is at a distance. But there has to be openness between the two involved. You can consciously “touch” someone who may not even be in the same country. How does this happen? Through the quantum morphological field.

The floods across Gaia have been due to the intense eclipse energy and it also has to do with Saturn retro in 21 degrees Sag until September 13 when it moves onto 22 degrees. Then the sign of The Woman Giving Birth appears in the heavens on September 23. The Houston hurricane is symbolic of the water breaking before the woman gives birth.

We are giving birth to a new era collectively and let us not underestimate the importance of touch.

 

 

 

 

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.