The Dark Lover

There is a face in my mind.

It is yours.

There is no clear definition to it,

Just a hazy outline.

It surfaces in my Consciousness.

Forget it? I cannot.

In sleep, dreams and waking.

Are you even aware?

I do not care.

The melody of a sweet flute.

Playing in pastoral Bengal.

The golden Sun rays caressing the wheat husks.

Comprehension of the experience is not for me.

Labels fall short.

Emotions, ill equipped to handle the subtlety of feelings.

Expression of what I absorb is minimal in such a case.

How can there be expression of such intensity?

Happy I am, my Beloved.

As I sit and watch the brooks flow by.

Telling tales to the tiny pebbles.

Tales of far away places.

The pebble listens with awe and wonder.

Does it want to be swept away by the brook?

Does it want to journey into the unknown?

I do not ask for anything.

Just don’t disappear from my consciousness.

Look back at existence.

Look back at creation.

The wonder never ceases.

No matter how much we hurt.

No matter how much we bleed.

For each soul must experience all the shades of life.

Laughing and crying, singing and dancing.

In that dance of life you are my partner.

Yet you are everyone’s as well.

Yes I see it…

I see how everyone has this image of you.

Maybe its not even an image for some.

But an abstraction.

For me, you are of course MY BELOVED!

Forever, I have wanted you.

My eyes will tell you the depth of my love.

I seek not to bind you.

To possess you…

Love is not possession.

Love is knowing.

Knowing each day, and each moment,

Your face surfaces in my consciousness.

How can you have human features?

For human you are not.

But how can a human like me begin to even comprehend your true form?

Your touch I feel when I write to you about my love.

Your song I hear when I sit in silence with my self.

To hear you. To see you. To feel you.

You, my Beloved!

What a glorious night!

What a glorious moon!

A crescent of hope!

I am bathed in your scent,

Made luminous by the moonlight.

I offer myself to you.

I offer my whole being to you my Beloved!

Make love to my cosmic self!

There you come…

Wait, what is this I see?

You have peacock feathers in your hair.

You are dark as night.

The symphony of the stars and your flute,

Sets fire to the wind.

Ecstatic and receptive, I fall into your arms.

If love is meant to teach me heartbreak,

Then why do I love?

Enervated, exhausted, I ask…

Why must love hurt so?

Why must it drive daggers through my heart?

Being in your embrace, I see.

No human love can feel so.

Laced in jealousy and ego battles,

Perversion of love and its concepts.

Human love seeks to possess and conquer.

Your love sets me free.

It sets us all free.

For in the windows of our minds,

You sit. Sometimes as Art.

Sometimes as God.

Sometimes as Krishna.

Sometimes as Nothingness.

Sunyata. As Pragyaparamita!

The desert of our barrenness.

Regurgitated ideas. Bloodshed. Bigotry. Violence.

Those are the concepts we humans tend to grasp.

Not only grasp, but cling on.

Like a parasite.

There is no want in any heart.

There is no pain in any soul.

The six petalled lotus, blossoms in every heart.

The eternal Anahata nad, that sings of my love.

That sings of my love for you.

My deep, dark Space.

My deep, dark lover.

The love, the lover and the loved.

The trinity! No separateness.

It is null and void. It is the VOID.

All senses, all individualities have merged.

The lover, loved and the idea of love,

Cease to exist.

What kind of a deep love is this?

Can you even call it love?

Is there even a word, an idea, a concept?

To define this merging of everything into one.

Dark matter. Dark energy. Dark lover.

Dark Krishna. Dark Kali and the dark SPACE.

I can see it. It has devoured me.

I have become one with this.

Yet the fog remains.

My lamentations do not cease.

I cry for you because being separate from you hurts.

You are the home I crave for.

The eternal rest. The eternal bliss.

To be reunited with my lover.

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ORBS!!! Interdimensional Beings!!!

Okay people! I am finally writing about ORBS as I had promised some of you, besides one visited me yesterday.

What are ORBS?

Pale, colourful, spherical, for some of us who have been visited by these INTERDIMENSIONAL BEINGS, we know what they are(at least we have felt some pretty intense moments with them). They appear out of nowhere with high speeds and may hover around before they zip off and disappear.

I have had some electrifying experiences with ORBS and I love them, but what are they? Who are they? Are they sentient? Are they a figment of our imagination?

Yes they are sentient and be called upon to bring healing and bliss. And no they are not a figment of our imaginations. No for if you can imagine it, it does exist. As scary as it sounds!

Worry not if you have seen them and people have labelled you off as a raving lunatic! Fuck them. ORBS appeared in my timeline many times and hopefully they will keep doing so and each time they have visited me, I have felt so many symptoms of ASCENSION!

Yes folks…now listen. Do you know we bring these ORBS into manifestation. How on Earth do we do that, you ask? My friends, the answer is simple…your DNA. Activated DNA can create tiny WORM HOLES. Let that sink in.

These super small WORM HOLES come into being and are maintained for the tiniest of fractions of a second. If certain conditions are presented, they organise into a stabilised unit can can then form distinctive vacuum domains which transforms one phenomenon into another. Like GRAVITY can be TRANSFORMED into ELECTRICITY!

Isn’t this stuff just hair-raisingly mind-boggling? These VACUUM DOMAINS that were creating are the ORBS, which are ionised gas with considerable ENERGY! Compact balls of vibrant energy! They kind of have that lightning feel. Not so powerful of course.

People and places all over the world have seen and experienced ORBS. In my life, I have seen them quite a few times and shockingly mostly during the SOLAR ECLIPSES. Yes I realised that I had encountered my first ORB 19 years ago, during the last Pisces/Virgo axis Solar Eclipse in 1998 and I saw one YESTERDAY. Exhilarating experience!

These balls appear so frequently in Russia that they have finally managed to put together enough data to conclude that these VACUUM DOMAINS are the ORBS. And there is a WILD PHENOMENON associated with them.

Okay, when I had seen a group of ORBS in Goa in small Vagator, I had thought to myself, that ALIENS if that is you, send me a sign. Instantly I felt something so intense that when I looked up, the ORBS had formed some sort of SACRED GEOMETRY PATTERN. Like a spiral formation!

I can never forget that moment. The pattern dissolved to a bunch of clouds forming the most perfect STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. What an archetypal trope was invoked in me that night. It was full of surprises and wonderful experiences that night in Monkey Valley as I danced the whole night and let the energy of the ORBS engulf me and my being. I felt their warmth, their energy. It was so POWERFUL and PROFOUND! I am vibrating just writing about it!

The ORBS have often put on quite the performance when I have caught them up in the sky on rare occasions. How quickly they dart as if going from one Universe to another, carrying back all that information. Enriching us.

DNA can be activated for a multiple of reasons and you may begin to fell MAGIC overpower your life. I have started my DNA ACTIVATION COURSE and I am already feeling so MOTIVATED. The ORB yesterday was so perfect and timely, like a gesture form the Universe. “Hey what’s up! Good that you’re finally looking into DNA,” says the Universe. Lol!

I was in a NLP lecture(I am a getting into the space of Coaching and Mentoring) and as I stepped out of the cab, the ORB, one single BEING appeared. Neon green colour with fiery golden iridescence. It looked like it had holographic tentacles.

As I focused my attention into that glorious INTERDIMENSIONAL BEING it slowly faded away till a tiny drop remained. As I inhaled, that drop came floating by and entered through my nostril! I was not actively visualising this! It was a process and it was happening to me and I was just experiencing it.

I felt so charged all night that I could sit in meditation for over three hours and did not even feel it. By the time I crawled into bed, it was 3.30 and I went to sleep. I had intended to write, but no human words were coming from my mouth. There is a SILENCE in my inner being today, unlike anything I have experienced in a while and all I feel is GRATITUDE TO THAT BEING WHO IS IN ME. In a tiny drop, in the ocean of my consciousness.

I had heard that interacting with ORBS physically can blow the human body up. That thought came to me right now actually. It did not even pop up in my conscious mind, so I am not going to elaborate on it. Rest assured my body is intact.

My father told me that PARAMHAMSA VISHUDDHANANDA could create tiny balls of light. Actually many MAHATMAS have been known to do that. In fact when MAHAVATAR BABAJI appears, a number of ORBS appear before him.

All of us who have been doing ENERGY WORK will know how balls of light are visualised for so many modalities. Reiki, Distant Healing, Prayer….so these balls of light we create with our minds are also ORBS. They are our PERSONAL ENERGY ORBS. They heal and often have a deeply profound effect on us and the one we are healing.

Medicine Buddha also appeared in a LIGHT RAY of deep blue to heal and help. How did this Bodhissatva appear? Due to HYPER COMMUNICATION of our DNA to the COSMIC CODE! This evolved consciousness we call SANGYE MENLA answered to the hyper communication we send out to the DIVINE DNA of the Creator.

When our DNA sends out HEALING thoughts while we send healing, we can tap into many species of INTERDIMENSIONAL BEINGS who appear from our of our SPACE/TIME structure. Angels, light workers and other such beings appear from this energy arising out of hyper communication.

Listen if you see things no one understands, it is okay. Always remember humans see less than 1% of the ELECTROMAGNETIC SPECTRUM and hear less than 1% of the ACOUSTIC SPECTRUM! Can you imagine that kind of stuff we are missing.

Know this, there are other people like you…

Do a tiny little ORB MEDITATION today during the SOLAR ECLIPSE. Remember that ball of light I inhaled. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude, that I created this meditation to send back all the love I got from the ORBS manifold towards you guys. You can do it too and increase the flow of energy to bring the collective towards healing.

If you have a clear Quartz crystal ball, then sage it and set it aside. Collect incense, books, candles and oils, find a quiet spot. Keep your spine straight, head relaxed and begin breathing. Observe your breath.

Slowly visualise a ball of light in your HEART CENTRE. Understand the feeling it is generating. What colour is it? Is it changing colours? Does it feel warm?

This ball of light is activating your HEART CHAKRA. You are sitting in peace and bliss. Slowly begin to purge the negative emotions and thoughts. Delete them one by one. Take your time, do it slowly.

Once all what you can purge has been purged, sit watching your breath. Now what does the ball feel like? What are its colours? The warmth…has it increased?

Feel your heart swelling with love and feel the ball of light vibrate. Then in your mind, reach inside your heart, draw out that ball and stare at it. That ball is a manifestation of LOVE and PEACE. You sit with it as long as you need to, then slowly…blow it away….to the Universe as a gift of your LOVE!!!

Peace and bliss my friends…

Contact me if you want to discuss anything…58-7fc291235a634b1bbed60788e018f6f8

 

 

Notes on Channelling Ishtar

I am writing to you the experience of channelling Ishtar. I had gone through so much of channelled writing and am in the habit of writing without thought. Just lines and words that come to me. Floating by. Visualising Ishtar/Innana.

Track  comes to mind- Isis, Ishtar, Diana, Hecate.

Lunar Goddesses. Moon. Fecundity. Womanhood. Menstruation.

Ishtar’s energy is in those words…how did Ishtar learn? Pain, sufferring, stripping away of possessions. Things being taken away. Red. Red. Red. The colour is very prominent as I think of the Goddess. Blood….I see blood everywhere in my mind’s eye.

Is it because she was the Goddess of war? She was the goddess of love too. Thinking of her at war on her lion. Parallel- Durga. Mahishashura? Ishtar defied patriarchy.

Love and sex. I concentrate on the cosmic yoni. My yoni as a symbol of that divine energy. Warmth. A connection. When I enter meditation now, the third eye is vibrating. I will get off the comp for a bit. BRB.

The meditative state lasted for about seven minutes. However, my consciousness was somewhat suspended. In fact I have no memory of how time went. I am now staring at the keyboard and thinking of how to get the messages across. Sometimes in states of meditation I have entered realms.

Armed with a diary, I have traversed many psychic realms and seen entities. Spoken to them through thought meditation. I have met my grandparents and some other ancestors as well. More than ever those abilities returned to me with childbirth.

Never having made sense of my visions, voices, colours and sounds, I kept them hidden away as I went about trying to get life going. They often became disfigured ghosts of my consciousness. I repressed them further till they became a tsunami and crashed my consciousness. Restart.

They returned with childbirth and I have embraced them. I have finally claimed them as my demons and I am making friends with them. Since I got pregnant, I’ve been keeping journals. Handwritten notes. Doodles. Anything that comes to me from the higher realms.

I’ve been practising channelling Kwan Yin as well.

So as I try to type unconsciously, no words are coming to me except a kinda white fuzzy field where I can drift off in meditation. I will not give up. I know her energy is accessible in that fuzzy ball in my mind. Ishtar/Innana I invoke you…awaken through me…

Chaos and fertility- I can sense these two central polarities heavily.

War and love. But is war only chaos? Is life not chaos? Is the quantum reality not chaos?

Look at the DOUBLE SLIT EXPERIMENT. The wave particle duality….THE OBSERVER! Everything is energy right? My thought forms too. Tulpas they are called. ALEXANDRA DAVID NEEL did a whole lot of experimentation with the TULPAS.

A tulpa, according to traditional Tibetan doctrines, is an entity created by an act of imagination, rather like the fictional characters of a novelist, except that tulpas are not written down. David-Neel became so interested in the concept that she decided to try to create one. Her experiment went AWOL as her tulpa began to manifest without her summoning him. OMG!!! Yes all those horror stories your mind can conjure, they all can come true.

Like all those INTERNET MONSTERS. Like the SLENDER MAN are all TULPAS created by writers. I can tell you this is true because I have lived day and night with the characters I have created for my novels, screenplays, plays, short stories. They have all come alive.

So now I, the observer creates ISHTAR, the tulpa. All fine and dandy. But I cannot create a tulpa in a day, so I have to intuitively sense her energies and keep typing. THINK WITHOUT THINKING…Yes that’s my new mojo.

Somehow I feel that her journey to the netherworld is where I have to look to find my answers. I have to seek out what lies in the murky depths of my UNCONSCIOUS. Could that be the reason I am looking at ISHTAR so deeply?4585746524_328x443

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION ON CHANNELLING ISHTAR

Bigger than the mountains am I,

The Empress of the gods am I

The Queen of heaven am I

The earth’s mistress am I.

(translation of an old Babylonian text)

This is a special channelling session for I am summoning Ishtar as I do my Ishta Devi. I am integrating Ishtar’s energy into the Dasamahavidya. Kali, Tara, Shodoshi, Bhubaneshwari, Bhairavi, Chinnamasta, Dhumavati, Balaga, Matangi, Kamala, the ten energies of the Mulaprakriti.

The solitary ray dropping into the mother deep may be taken as meaning Divine Thought or Intelligence, impregnating chaos. This, however, occurs on the plane of metaphysical abstraction, or rather the plane whereon that which we call a metaphysical abstraction is a reality. The Virgin-egg being in one sense abstract Egg-ness, or the power of becoming developed through fecundation, is eternal and for ever the same. And just as the fecundation of an egg takes place before it is dropped; so the non-eternal periodical germ which becomes later in symbolism the mundane egg, contains in itself, when it emerges from the said symbol, “the promise and potency” of all the Universe. Though the idea per se is, of course, an abstraction, a symbolical mode of expression, it is a symbol truly, as it suggests the idea of infinity as an endless circle. It brings before the mind’s eye the picture of Kosmos emerging from and in boundless space, a Universe as shoreless in magnitude if not as endless in its objective manifestation…HPB

The Cosmic Yoni is the concretisation of these Mahavidyas. My tantric diksha took place a few years ago as I was given my mantras by my tantric guru. Great man who helped shape my spiritual journey along with a few other SPIRITUAL GUIDES I have like MAHAVATAR BABAJI and the sages of GYANGANJ.

I am calling upon Ishtar, today through the Kali yantra. I have solar motifs. Crystals, incense and the works.

Let me begin by telling you about my attraction to Ishtar. The books of Zachariah Sitchin popped into my hands before I hit my teens. Those theories fascinated me and got me looking into most of the truther stuff of the later years. Ishtar was introduced to me.

My tireless, never-ending research began…and as I delved more into her, I felt like I was being pulled into whirlpool of energy. Something familiar. Something known and loved. Her affiliation to the animal kingdom and her being who she is and what she stands for makes me want to know her. The wisdom in her COSMIC YONI!! And I totally believed Ishtar/Innana to be one of the aliens who created and ruled over humanity.

Okay I was troubled about the fact that we humans needed to be ruled over and that they created hybrids who would be the masters of the human populace, the veil was lifted and I smelled colonialism and its toxicity all over again. But that did not keep me from Ishtar. In fact my interest in her got deeper.

By the time I was completing my college, I had written a play on Ishtar with mixed media. I was thinking AR/VR prototypes then! Funny how the cosmic MIND imprints you with ideas, thoughts, suggestions…

This play was called THE JOURNEY OF ISHTAR and it charted her descent into the Netherworld. Her journey through the netherworld became an allegory for my life. I began to see patterns unfold. Of the same pain and shame Ishtar went through. Her nakedness became a metaphor for the ABSTRACT DARK SPACE or ULTIMATE REALITY I was calling out to Ishtar, the light bringer. The fact that her reign was not characterised by that of a consort attracted me. DUMUZI, her man literally lost his life and penis after she fixed with death’s gaze…hahahaha! What’s with men and their cocks?4585746524_328x443

All through HIS-STORY we see women little more than objects or trophies. But it is her and her kin like Hatshepsut, Cleopatra that we have seen the Queen portrayed as something more than just a mannequin.

Yet while I watch the show CROWN on Netflix, I cannot help by see how Elizabeth has always been a puppet. Yes they do try to show her coming up against the system as a feminine role model, yet, I do not see her as such a role model. In fact, she appears as an ENABLER OF PATRIARCHY. So not much to talk about there.

My Lady abandoned heaven and earth to descend to the underworld.
Inanna abandoned heaven and earth to descend to the underworld.
She abandoned her office of holy priestess to descend to the underworld….

This is what her slave writes about Ishtar and this descent to the UNDERWORLD has been a sort of lingering trope in my life. Saturn in the Eighth house. Yes a macabre obsession with DEATH  and REBIRTH. Complete bad-ass Pluto energy which makes me go to the proverbial UNDERWORLD repeatedly to seek myself.

This obsessive fantasy about facing death head on and surviving is a very Plutonian energy that I challenge and of course Saturn beaming my EIGHTH.

Anyway, Ishtar/Innana took me through this psychological journey of archetypes many times. Through the play, through channelled poetry, through meditation…I have invoked Innana.

Today I call upon Ishtar through the Kali Yantra. Is that possible?

I know of her animal shamanism. She channelled animal spirits. Protected the animal world. She also shows us the power they have. Yes this stuff is dangerous, but hey what is not “dangerous”? We have to investigate to get at the crux of the matter.

I know Ishtar’s energies are active in me. My love of animals, facing death and devastation during my tenure as an animal activist with AWA. I still work with street animals. Regularly visit shelters and sanctuaries. And of course I have my own family of rescues.

The Lion! I am a Leo Sun and Ascendant. Vedic Kundli says my Lagna is Simha or LION! And I have four planets in Leo! Including my Mercury. So there all that fifth house related stuff gets a full energetic makeover. Ishtar is associated with SHAMASH, the SOLAR GOD. The Sun is the ruler of LEO!

I am not much of a ritualist. I perform a lot of rituals mentally, like my Shiva Puja and a few homas. Yes I do mental homas. Manas puja. You can try it too. Watch a homa on Youtube. For me its very easy as my Guru in Calcutta does Dasamahavidya homas, Mahamrityunjaya homas, kala sarpa dasa homas in our ashram.

Being blessed, I have performed several important homas there like Chinnamasta, Dhumavati and Kalabhairav and Bagala homa. So I have them in my mind, the whole scene, the mantras, the collective chanting it, the warmth from the flames coming alive by my Guru pouring sacred ghee in it, the smell of incense, the bhakti of the hundreds gathered. It is mystical. The faith. The belief. All of it. And then on all that my Guru’s voice reciting the mantra….I have all of it, in my mind. It’s there stored away in my MIND PALACE.

Ready to be accessed and used anytime. So you find your ideal homa and you can do it too. Manas puja is very sacred. In fact our progenitors created MANAS PUTRAS or the MIND BORN.

In the Mandukya (Mundaka) Upanishad it is written, “As a spider throws out and retracts its web, as herbs spring up in the ground . . . so is the Universe derived from the undecaying one” (I. 1. 7). Brahma, as “the germ of unknown Darkness,” is the material from which all evolves and develops “as the web from the spider, as foam from the water,” etc. This is only graphic and true, if Brahma the “Creator” is, as a term, derived from the root brih, to increase or expand. Brahma “expands” and becomes the Universe woven out of his own substance. The Pitris are lunar deities and our ancestors, because they created the physical man…HPB

So literally Brahma made himself from himself, or his mind, because everything is spiritual and has no dense body. Thoughts create you. So never underestimate the power of your MIND- conscious and more so, the UNCONSCIOUS for therein lies the greatest mysteries.

For Ishtar, I have kept her image, you know the full length shot doing the rounds on the internet. I have kept the Kali yantra in front and am concentrating on it. After meditating on Ishtar and her life, I shall start writing…just channelling her energy. No editing. Oh of course there is LAPIZ LAZULI that I have placed inside the yantra. It is Ishtar’s favourite.

Then, after three days and three nights, Inanna had not returned,
Ninshubur set up a lament for her by the ruins.
She beat the drum for her in the assembly places.

Neither Enlil nor Inanna’s father Nannar, the Moon God of Ur, will help her because she has craved the below, and because those who choose the underworld do not return. Ninshubur succeeds in getting Enki to secure her release:

The story of Ushtar was inscribed on clay tablets at around 1750 BCE and what do we see?

Nothing changes. Patriarchy was as disinterested as it is today. As oppressive and  couldn’t-give-a-fuck as today. Lovely! Nothing changes.

But Ishtar still decides to go there…wonder what her chart looked like? Also the whole stripping away of her clothing and jewellery are signs that she is having to give up power and control. Allegorically it could mean she is shedding veils of ignorance and getting closer to wisdom. Nakedness signifies DEEP WISDOM and is used very much with regards to the feminine. Even the Dakinis, the naked sky dancers exhibit the feminine WISDOM. Like Kali who symbolises just that. Stripping away of all ignorance and falsities.

I love doing rituals for Kali, such intensity in her depths. Ishtar/Innana is ready to shed all her power. For what? I feel like her in so many ways. Ishtar’s journey is all about exploration and acceptance. She stares at the skeletons in her cupboard. She harmonises them and is triumphant! What a woman! I meant she is a woman like us all right? And we?? A goddess too…WE ARE ALL GODDESSES and that is a lesson.

There is very important documentation referring to the description of the constellation VIRGO, which has its origin in the ancient Assyrian-Babylonian culture. This constellation has always been female and has been especially associated with the tension between fertility and beauty. The BABYLONIANS associated this constellation with the goddess Ishtar, also well-known under the name of Ashtoreth or Astarte…This bit is just magic to my ears. MY VENUS IS IN VIRGO. So your Venus placement is important to check out. Sublime!

Ishtar is the Goddess of sex too. Now having Saturn in the Eight is quite an intense lesson. To be learnt in the arena of sex, death, rebirth, shared resources. Can sex and Saturn be even spoken of in the same sentence? Well, ask us…the SATURN IN THE 8TH people. We are a special breed.

Through us a lot of sexual information will be passed to the collective. The eighth house is one of such hardcore lessons- how do you share resources? Who are you in the deepest dark? What are your fears, anxieties, worries? Lastly how do you deal with them. Saturn teaches you…he is a strict task master. In India we say SHAM SHANISHCHARAYA NAMAHA to appease Saturn. You can try it too. And wear black, eat black rice. You can get in touch for more details as it is imperative to know where Shani is positioned in your chart.

Back to the scary EIGHTH HOUSE stuff- this is not some wishy-washy, light and frivolous house. These energies are intense. Now let Saturn decide to be there when you were born, then stuff gets really heavy and deep- murky, briny…but Saturn wants you to know how to swim out of that quagmire of your psyche full of fears, repression and anxiety. Somehow Saturn in the eight usually means that ideas that sex is dirty can be passed down from elders. This is your battle AND YOUR metamorphosis. You have to prove to yourself that SEX IS NOT UNHEALTHY.

We take INTIMACY seriously, like ISHTAR did and I see nothing wrong with that. I am on the quest of TRANSFORMING(SCORPIO) my FEARS(SATURN- LOW VIBRATION). This house is the gateway to my deepest psychological secrets and like Ishtar I am on a journey to understand the archetypes, tropes and imagery of the deep UNCONSCIOUS.

In fact this is why Tarot, Astrology and other divination modalities are so helping to me. They help me explore the PSYCHE. I love it. And having an occult leaning, I see how as above so below and nothing is real. A HOLOGRAM. That’s what this is…a 3D Hologram.

Where are we? We are a part of that UNIVERSAL BRAIN…all of us, including ISHTAR.

Did you know that all sexual activities ceased when Innana entered the NETHERWORLD. ALL SEX STOPPED!!! There is so much importance given to describing her body that it obviously points to her enjoying her femininity and sexuality.

She put the whole gender thing into flux. See she was supposed to attract Tammuz/DUMUZI like any other Goddess, via sexy clothing, jewellery, makeup, flirtation and a whole lot of other shit. But what does she do? Returning from the underworld, accompanied by demons who must have a mortal in compensation, she fixes the eye of death on her absent-minded partner who is engrossed in affairs of state, and he is chased by the demons of hell, losing his possessions, his genitals and his life. There you have it!

This losing his genitalia is symbolic of his manhood. Did Ishtar take away his manhood by being a full blown woman? Is it true that when a WOMAN/SACRED FEMININE finds her true power, no man can subdue her. In the world of patriarchy that means a man has lost his manhood. There is no BALANCE you see. IN PATRIARCHY THERE IS NO EQUALITY!

Innana challenged that concept and I think that is super cool. And of course, she is the GODDESS OF HEALING….So she is an archetypal energy I seek to invoke. She never minced her words. Surely not a diplomat. We see this when she speaks to the Gatekeeper of the Netherworld. She is deciding to go where no one is permitted, yet, she speaks with so much authority. I mean that could be misconstrued as a bad thing, but it may not be so.

Patriarchy has oppressed us women for so long, that some of us have become inherently REBELLIOUS. Turning Camus on his head- if patriarchy is ABSURD, then how do we react to it? With rebellion of course. Now more than even we need to collect all the broken female hearts and make them into ART.

Which of your lovers have you loved forever? Which of your Little Shepherds has continued to please you? Come, let me name your lovers for you! … (col. 2:) … for TAMMUZ, the lover of your youth. Year after year you set up a wailing for him. You loved the mauve-colored `shepherd bird’: but you seized him and broke his wing …. So you would love me in my turn, and, as with them, set my fate….” This is from the epic of Gilgamesh. Here we see how Gilgamesh is actually afraid of Ishtar’s advances for he FEARS THE INTENSITY OF HER LOVE. He is worried that ISHTAR will emasculate him and erase his name from History.

This trope is also common in the patriarchal discourse…a woman’s love! DANGEROUS. FICKLE. “Young men’s love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.”  This quote by Shakespeare elucidates the MALE GAZE perfectly well. Has it changed? Men will love with their eyes. So girls look good. It’s not in their hearts. Men are of course heartless jerks(sarcasm, I know the EVOLVED MAN archetype very well).

Maya Angelou rings true to my mind…A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim. Will be bringing to you channelled writings…later on in the day if possible…

 

THE PLAN

I am publishing a bit of my novel here…If you want to support the project, contact me to offer patronage. tina@tinaheals.com

But let’s go back to 1965, Rajani who had also lost a child, was trying to cope in his own way. He was invited by a colleague to visit a small village called Palashpur where a saint was coming. Rajani did not believe in such holy sadhus; to him, they were just a greedy, money-grabbing bunch, charlatans! No, no, said Akhileshwar Dutta, his friend. Do not speak like that. He is Shrimat Bhupendranath Sanyal of Nadia, initiated by none other than the avatar Lahiri Mahasaya.

Arre baba, haven’t you read Paramhamsa Yogananda’s famous book?

Yes he had and he knew these names, but he was actually “hearing” them for the first time, which was to become a permanent part of his psyche and which already always existed in him.
Climbing up a rickety set of stairs, Rajani was bathed in sweat, or so he thought, his heart was beating funnily as he followed Akhileshwar closely, to the room where Sanyal Mahasaya was meeting with devotees. He slipped into the room quietly as the master was busy talking to some troubled soul; they’re always the troubled ones who hog the seat before a sadhubaba, always asking for something or the other.

Rajani just stood there and watched the holy man and nothing that words can describe was raging through his heart. It was as if his whole being had waited to see this very face, for eternity. He kept looking at the master, his heart singing with rapturous love. Sanyal Mahasaya was talking about Shri Rabindra Nath Tagore, his very close friend, with whom he had worked tirelessly in creating Shantiniketan; the seven years he had spent there.
Abruptly shaken out of his reverie by a confused Akhileshwar, Rajani realized that the whole room was staring at him, waiting for him to respond to the Master’s question. Sanyal Mahasaya had singled out Rajani in the crowd and had asked him his name. “Arre, tomar namta bolo, your name…” an irate voice told him. It was Akhileshwar who was a bit miffed at not being singled out like that.
“Angey, Rajonikanto,” replied his anxious voice which sounded fake and hollow to his own ears, in a second his life flashed before his eyes. Was that really his name??? Who am I?? He seriously began to ponder delving deep into the fabric of his subconscious which began to dance around like tiny strings of a harp playing an intricate symphony.
The holy man was smiling and beckoning to him to come forward. “esho, esho…” the crowd parted like the seas had for Moses as he took the chosen people to safety and Rajani, with an eager Akhileshwar following close behind walked in absolute silent reverence. That day seemed like yesterday. It was the happiest day of his life and it was also the saddest (more on this later). Ah! The bitter-sweetness of life!!

Rajani was initiated after two days into the age-old system of Kriya yoga brought to mankind by Mahavatar Babaji. Babaji is a superman to people like you, he can bend me, twist me, even eradicate me! Mahavatar Babaji!

Life continued as a bitter sweet symphony! It was his kriya that enabled him to continue swimming in the treacherous seas of samsara keeping him afloat, like a flimsy tiny paper boat that children make on the pond in a rainy day.

Finally things got so bad that Sita just couldn’t handle it anymore. Their finances were drained, Rajani had made some bad financial decisions which sieved away a lot of money, their daughter was suffering from cancer in front of their eyes and was getting steadily worse, which caused irreversible damage in Sita’s psyche and finally one night came the phone call, the straw that broke the camel’s back. Mita and her husband were dead during the chardham yatra and by some divine blessing their twin girls were not with them.

Mita and her husband’s bodies were never identified, so they waited with bated breath for some time, eventually days turned to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. Rajani realized that they were not coming back, but Sita refused to accept it.

Sita hardly ate slept or spoke after that, not even to her bereft granddaughters. Stone faced, gave up everything- eating, drinking and dosed up on her meds; not even the hint of a smile escaped from her lips. Nor did the sunrise interest her, nor was her heart healed by mellow full moon.

Rajani knew that one day life would come to a screeching halt, the way things were going, but what could he do? Nothing was ever in his hands.

He tried to speak to his wife, whom he had married when she was barely fifteen, but she was damaged beyond repair and did not desire to be healed; her eyes were glazed and she remained mute. He had promised to protect and cherish her, but look what he’d done.

Rajani had gone to Khulna, for a gathering in one of his guru bhai’s house, Sanyal Mahasaya was reading from the Bhagavadgita and explaining its meaning.

“Na jayate mriyate va kadacin
nayam bhutva bhavita va na bhuyah
ajo nityah sasvato ’yam purano
na hanyate hanyamane sarire” 

“Sri Krishna said: The soul is never born nor dies at any time. Soul has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. Soul is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. Soul is not slain when the body is slain.”

Sanyal Mahasaya looked straight at Rajani; he knew what was troubling him. He got a reassuring look from the master and knew in his heart that all is well, no matter what happens.

After the discussion, his Guru asked him about Sita; Rajani could not speak, but the silence communicated more than a thousand words; he looked down as tears came to his eyes and fervently hoped that the end would be gentle on her. He silently prayed that she receives Sanyal Mahasaya’s lotus feet after death; she had suffered too much for one lifetime.

Sanyal Mahasaya embraced him, and that embrace took all the pain away, it cleared all the doubts and he saw his wife smile!

Rajani went home to find Sita hanging from the ceiling with a rope round her neck. He did not cry, knowing that this was obviously inevitable; he stoically brought her down from that height, cleaned her up, dressed her like a bride and took her to the crematorium. In his mind’s eye, he saw a picture of her smiling, he smiled back. It was her time and she was gone, he knew Sanyal Mahasaya would guide her to the next destination. What is life but a series of stops and journeys, there is no permanent destination, just levels to clear. Like a computer game?

Rajani did not judge her, she had taken her life and to some that was abhorrent, but to him it was just the way it was- karmic; it had happened with Sanyal Mahasaya’s blessing and he knew Sita would be guided to continue her karma.

Thethe_twins-1382139739m granddaughters Nina and Zeenia were told that their beloved Didu had died in her sleep due to a massive heart attack. All except Nina, elder by five seconds, knew the truth; she had seen her grandmother’s hanging dead-body.

#redshame

 I have always suffered like crazy during my periods. I mean CRAZY. Batshit crazy. The pain, the ache, the nausea, the migraine. I cannot explain to you how much I suffered. I grew up eating meat, fish and eggs. All the pain and messiness associated with my monthlies made me dread the. Sometimes they were erratic. Sometimes they were on time and all of the times my chums knocked me the fuck out.

After I turned eighteen and I was seriously practising  yoga, I began to seek explanations for my continued menstrual problems. It automatically happened. Me giving up meat, fish, eggs. I still took dairy. Now all my life I was getting afflicted with headaches. If you ask me, that is the only thing that troubles me. My migraine. 

So giving up all the shit and sticking to a vegetarian diet was the first step towards healing some of that period pain. But still it did not go away. Homeopathic no. Ayurveda no. Nothing worked. After much research and studying, after understanding how sexuality has been so perverted and femininity has been so badly suppressed and exploited that I realised that my period pains were nothing but physical manifestation of my spiritual issues. Like not being in touch and connected to my sacred feminine self.

I abhorred periods and everything to do with it. I shunned it and cursed it. How could there not be pain? Pain is an external manifestation of the psycho-spiritual issues. So the journey began with trying to make that connection.

I began to speak to my uterus as soon as the ache began. I began to invite the blood to gush out. I requested my internal mechanism to flush out the unnecessary. It took years, patience and dedication and a sacred intent to pay homage to my blood and my uterus for making me a woman, a mother. Since I believe in doing my healing through journaling and then meditation, I began to write about the experience of being a woman.

I began to see patterns, thought waves, attitudes, misogyny, patronising condescension..I saw it all. How society has made a mockery of womanhood. How we have become reduced to only shadows of our former selves. We are mothers and women yes, but essentially we are humans. The world sees us through the lens of lust and possession. How then can we have an authentic connection to our femininity?

It is that very thing that will make us slaves…to the structure. How do we embrace it? I know the complexities are numerous and each step I took, I thought I’d never be able to break away from this oppressive patriarchy. Judging, condemning, stifling…there is no way out.

I think mind explorations with psylocybin made me see myself as more than a woman. I saw myself as a part of the great SPIRIT. Yes the lifebreath of us all. Using meditation and mental techniques, psychedelics and Mandala making, I think I could break away from the feeling of being a woman. Because boy, it is stressful! I try to look at people as humans too, not men or women. I give them equal opportunity and space to discover them. No gender bias. It took years and years of self work. On myself and my projection of energy.

Connecting to my sacred feminine blood was such an inspiring journey. It changed my life. There have been ancient secret rites and rituals with menstrual blood. In Sumer, in Egypt, in Babylon. In India too. Yoni tantra. It speaks of the sacred power of the  yoni. It is a symbol of the GREAT MOTHER and if invoked correctly, she is a storehouse of LIFE and POWER.

I don’t talk to you from the POV of Tantra. As a tantric. I speak to you as a fellow human who has done some research on this taboo topic from which we all could benefit. So since menstrual blood, sex and all the connected things are so frowned upon, but its something that society is obsessed with to the point of sickness. Sex is such an important part of our lives yet it is so suppressed. But I knew that this pain had to do with an unhealthy relationship to the vagina and the uterus. So what does that mean?

I had an unhealthy relationship to my being female. Years and years of social conditioning and being with people who enable patriarchy, knowingly or unknowingly, I have begun to feel shame and pain because I am a woman. And that has translated to this intense pain and suffering.

I know how many of you are suffering. This is a mental exercise you can do. Try it. Before you start menstruating, write a welcome note to it. Invite the periods to flow. Preparation.

When you get it, touch your vagina softly, knead it and then take some blood in your hands and say I love you and thank you…you are the very life blood of society. You are sacred. You are life itself. I invite the cosmic creative spirit to endow me with fertility and creativity. Be open to receive psychic messages. Your yoni will be energised.

Basically make up something that works for you. Send love vibes to your uterus. It works. There are numbers that I also worked with and switchwords. I also use energy circles. But the maximum healing took place when I embraced my pain. I know that sounds crazy. I embrace the pain every time and let it teach me what I need to learn. I do not take any meds. Use aromatherapy too. Keep a lapis lazuli near you or wear a pendant as you start menstruating. Essential oils also work wonders. Get your partner to give you a full body massage with a carrier oil mixed with some lavender. This could be amazing and what follows could open you up to so much…surreal shit! 

In fact the root cause of not being able to have a baby is spiritual and can be healed by creating an authentic relationship with your vagina. The menstrual blood is used in many tantric practises as a symbol of creation. If everything is energy, then your intent to befriend your vagina will create ripples in the hologram. THE PAIN IS A GHOST OF OUR HATES AND ISSUES. You can repeatedly touch your vagina and express thanks. Just watch where you are at…lol!

 This will give you the power and determination and cosmic shove to become a better version of yourself. This reconnect with the vag is tremendously healing to the psyche.

 Men too can connect to their phallus. We are all humans and we work on the same principle. Both the vagina and the penis have been vilified. They represent abusive words. That’s where our sacred sexuality has been degraded to. Cunt is not an abuse. Dick is not an abuse. Let’s shift anger and loathing away from our body parts. They are parts of us, sacred and divine.

 

I began to feel this way. I began to truly imbibe these ideas in my real life. Not think of my vagina as something repulsive, but as a powerhouse of creativity. AND MY PAIN WENT AWAY…I mean I still feel slightly sick and if I’m out and working, I feel very drained. It takes me a few hours to recover. I do feel sleepy. But I keep on the work through yogasanas, essays, a little self acceptance ritual I do. I also use a no shame dance…that helps me shed all my inhibitions and truly connect to the divine feminine within. That is how I channel her.

 My libido was scarily absent after I gave birth and had a no show going for two years. My child is breastfed and I had no periods for twenty seven months. Yes the dance of horniness was erased from my memory. It took self love, self pleasure, meditation and a whole lot of chilling the fuck out and I began to feel the flow. I know how hard it is for some mothers to get back a hundred percent in the sack, so I suggest you try some of the methods I mentioned. Always feel free to contact me as your life coach if you feel the need.

 This ritual in its totality is ever evolving, so I can show you the basics only. You will have to use your creativity and intuition to keep adapting it to suit your needs. You can use journaling, flashcards, write poetry or essays, meditate, use crystals, in fact use multiple tools and modalities available to do this.

 Use Jade and Moonstone to clear problems associated with it. For example if you have some other issue and menstruation is only a part of it. Use Lapis Lazuli for pain relief. Rose quartz also works. But I use Lapis Lazuli as I channel and meditate on MEDICINE BUDDHA, SANGYE MENLA. WORKS WONDERS!!! Oh, oh of course watch your diet. I am unable to do this sometimes. The craving gets too intense due to hormonal fluctuations…

Of course you can work with herbs. They are magical I tell you. Medical Marijuana is the miracle cure for cramps. Yay to that. Whoopee Goldberg has made tampons with cannabis. I have never used them, but they must be amazing. They deal with the pain without any offensive side effects. Of course Ginger caked in some Himalayan pink salt is very effective. Raspberry and chamomile tea always work for me. And then of course the fennel water. Cinnamon always works for me with everything, so….

The way I have managed to RELEASE so much pain is through more self awareness of myself as a sexual being who is feminine. I am a woman. I have a uterus. So I will bleed. Why should I hate it? I know its messy, but its a part of ME.

 It’s your creative force building and then purging…so sublime!!! Humanity and its systems are seriously mysterious and mesmerising. Periods are a biological process, but why are we humans if we reduce it to just that. It is our job to make connections, to see patterns, to cut and mould and we keep at it.

yoni-relationshipSo do you agree that we need to embrace sacred sexuality and develop a healthy relation to our menstrual cycle?

 

THE PLAN

I am publishing parts of my novel to get my style and content across to a wide diaspora. If you wish to be my patron, email me on tina@tinaheals.com to support my work.the_twins-1382139739m

She was thinking of reality being an illusion. She read some article about it recently. But then Dadu’s voice echoed in her mind and she thought of him saying something very similar.
Uff shotti shotti! Dadu was always talking about things that made most people uncomfortable- karma, tapas, dhyana and such ideas. “As a man soweth, so shall he also reap…”, now the words took shape in her consciousness and made themselves visible, like actors illuminated by spot-lights on a dark stage. They looked a bit fearful as they bowed to her, but she welcomed them with a grimace.
Dadu also spoke about past lives and the future.

People thought he was a bit strange. The lady next door, Tarun’s keokarpin makha grandmother called it vairagya and thought of him as some sort of sadhubaba, some people thought of Dadu as a vestige from the past, a useless piece of rusty machinery in this technological world of twenty peta-flops, for what good is a man of conscience? What is his need, his relevance?

Do what thou wilt and that is the whole law, this is the mantra of the new world. Who cares about others, the environment, the Earth? Oh, you must be some stinky hippy to live in that ideology, those days are gone, right? Now it’s all about hoarding, all about where technology is leading us, to Venus, yes? Let the computer decide, humans and their corrupted laziness!! Growth, industrial and technological is the alienation where human touch or compassion, community-based life are flawed old school ways to be flushed down the toilet; where the ego of a select few has become the size of the Solar System is the way mankind seems to be moving.

Dadu had lost interest in everything that the world around him had to offer. He was no Don Juan Demarko, but was he ever interested in anything at all? He would spend hours locked up in a tiny hole in the attic. Everybody thought he was painting or carving into pieces of wood he sourced on his trips to his village or in Khandala or in some forest or the other. An averagely successful Chartered Accountant by day and painter, sculptor by night, he lived his life in silent spiritual contemplation, reading, going for long walks and practising kriya yoga.

His gurudeva was his whole life, always has been and always will be, even in death. His param guru was Lahiri Mahasaya and his gurudeva was Mahavatar Babaji, holy sadhus from the ancient tradition which is much older than I am.

Nights were devoted to painting and meditation, his paintings developed into energy vortices, spiritual radiance emanating from them. He carved out such intense faces into the pieces of wood that there were no words that could describe them. They were not human as you’d understand them; they were of different worlds, faces and forms glimpsed by Dali and the Surrealists.

Dadu always said that the pieces of wood spoke to him and suggested what to carve into them, as if they knew what they were meant to become. He just followed the shape that the wood showed him and thus these faces were born, gargoylish, demonic, angelic, chrubic. There were a few Earthly faces too; Dadu did a great carving of Rabindranath Tagore. It looked as if the Kobiguru had manifested into that wood, so real it seemed.

While he sculpted that face, one of his favourite songs always played in the background, “Aguner porosh moni choyayo prane, aye jibon purno koro, aye jibon, purno koro, aye jibon purno koro…” and although not much of a singer, he sang along softly, his fingers moving deftly to create new ideas and bring shape to new beings.

Rajanikanta, just by merit of being Rajanikanto, not equipped with the arsenal of sneaky cut-throatism, ego the size of Arcturus, unable to belch behenchod, chutiya when required, was just useless in the world of successful men; he did not manage to generate any finances through his creative endeavours, most of them rotting away to early graves in his studio.
Let me elaborate on what I mean by this.. He lost his wife to a heart-crippling incident. She hanged herself, in his deepest spiritual recesses he knew that she had to leave. He never blamed her, not even for a moment, only loved her more and more in his solitude. The rest of the world said it drove Sita insane to lose her nine months old toddler son in a terribly unfortunate accident, her daughter Supriya to cancer and finally Mita and Shubho to the floods that killed over five thousand people during the chardham Yatra.

After Sita’s death and after losing his two daughters, he left the practise of lies, deceit and black money dealings, of course all his fortune to his son, retreated into a private world with his granddaughters. His son lapped it up, like a hungry mongrel; the girls leaving with Rajani couldn’t have been more perfect. Good riddance to bad rubbish, he thought. After all what good is a man like that? Banaprasthya is the way to go. Not once did he think of the two twins, his sister’s daughters.
It’s 1965; the scene takes place in the afternoon in some tiny village called Arambagh in some remote corner of Bengal. Rajani and Sita had four healthy lovely children. The youngest was barely nine months. After a heavy and sumptuous meal of macher matha diye dal, Shorshe illish and gobindobhog chal, force-fed repeatedly by Sita’s mother, they retired gorged in the shanty hut by the lake.
Gogo, the toddler was asleep in his mother’s arms. It was an idyllic setting. The panoramic rural Bengal of those days, untainted by industrialization, so green, so very pastoral; it makes of man a poet, a philosopher, “Banglar mukh ami dekhechi, tai ami prithibir rup khunjite jai na arr…”
My mother’s smile-

Pastoral Bengal.

A pain, a pleasure.

This haiku had aroused conflicting emotions in our poetess.

 

I must say I stood still- Time stood still. Little Gogo was waking up, stirring slowly. Sita was still asleep. He sat up and extricating himself from his mother’s light embrace, he toddled off. I watched. He went near the river. The breeze was soft, the afternoon mellow, as if the picture of arcadian bliss. Gogo smiled to see his reflection, he stooped down to touch it.
A bolt of electricity passed through Sita’s subconscious, she cried out as she awoke. Her heart jumped into her mouth to see her arms empty. Where was Gogo? Where was her son? She shook Rajani. He was lost in dreams and awoke with a start. Childhood visions of some jatra he had seen with his father were swimming in his dreams that afternoon. The echo of Ravana’s laughter rang out in his ears creating an ominous premonition. They ran out together as if a thousand swords compelled them to.

TO BE CONTINUED