Mars conjunct Venus in Virgo, August 24th, 2019: A call for Twin Souls to connect…

When I die I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me one more time
to feel the smoothness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want for your ears to go on hearing the wind,
for you to smell the sea that we loved together
and for you to go on walking the sand where we walked.

I want for what I love to go on living
and as for you I loved you and sang you above everything,
for that, go on flowering, flowery one,

so that you reach all that my love orders for you,
so that my shadow passes through your hair,
so that they know by this the reason for my song….Pablo Neruda

It seems fated that we talk about love and romance as the cosmic lovers Mars and Venus French kiss in the skies. It is that time of yearning and craving for that special soul connection. Nothing shallow will work, it is a primal feeling. Something deep within. Something we cannot quite put a finger to.

Of course it is time to discuss twinflames and rightfully so, because when Mars/Venus conjunct, it is a call to unite with our lovers; mind, body and soul. Virgo is earthy, so this has a sensual and sexual feel to it. We want to explore topics like twinflames and many of us want to believe that we are twins. There will be enhanced telepathy between twin souls. There will be enhanced twinflame mirroring  and if we are lucky enough to be with our twin, we will see how everything feels magical. Their touch, the kiss, the lovemaking…everything will feel like magick!

For some of you being with your twin will feel like being home, even if you are a thousand miles away from home. When we look into the eyes of our twin, we immediately trust them. Some of you, who are in twinflame relationships know that from the first moment your eyes met, you have trusted them. You have been open with them and strangely comfortable.

I have discussed many twinflame stories with you. The one that went viral and has had thousands of hits is about a twinflame connection that has not yet happened in 3D. One of them has awakened and she has recognized her twin across seven seas without ever physically meeting him.

She tells me that she can feel his feelings and his intense yearning for her, but somehow, something is stopping him from making contact. But then I told ya’ll that it is not about meeting. It is not about romance. It is not about sex. It is so, so much more.

She tells me that sometimes she wakes up from her sleep as his heartbeat gets so loud in her head. She distinctly has heard his heartbeat and has separated it from her own by repeated observation.

His heart is calling out to her she days, but can we truly accept this as the truth? How can two people living huge distances apart, never having met be connected to each other. Is it just a fallacy? Is it just a desperate cling to some romantic notion without any base or truth? What is it?

I think that their hearts are connected through space and time through the magnetic torsion fields generated by their hearts. Now wtf is that? Listen every heart, even the furry pet on your lap has a magnetic field around their body which is emitted from the electromagnetic organ called the heart.

These two people, separated in 3D are actually energetically connected through their heart’s torsion fields. And their energetic connection is so strong that they didn’t even meet in physical reality to energize this connection. It remained active even though their physical bodies never met.

Relationships fade away after years of marriage and this torsion field connection is lost, then how can these two people maintain such a strange connection with each other. It remained connected, their hearts. And for real twins this connection always exists, even if they’re unconscious of each other’s existence. Yes you heard that right, your twin and your hearts’ magnetic fields are forever connected.

Twinflames will feel so much more connected and awakened with the Mars/Venus kiss and of course there is a trine to Uranus, which can very well be about an internet text. It could also be a friend’s request. It could also be a comment that starts the whole fated relationship. So be on the look out.

For those lucky enough to discover this connection tomorrow or in the coming weeks, what can I say…blessed be your journey. But remember all love connects are not twinflames, so it is necessary to be absolutely sure. Do not settle for anything less than the real thing. Hopefully some of you will light up the ether with the energy of your magnetic torsion fields. Your hearts will literally glow and your body will be warm. Like samadhi. When your hearts touch one another while you’re embracing, distance galaxies will light up. Don’t believe me…well you better. Reality is stranger than fiction.

If you’re an awakened twin, but you’re not with your mirror soul this conjunction, fret not. Meditate to sync with his/her heart’s torsion field. It is not the time yet, for you are preparing yourself for that magical union. When that happens, your hearts will generate and release a super powerful surge of energy which will propel you both and others observing into higher levels of consciousness. Your awareness will spiral up and your power of manifestation is strong NOW.

This meeting will happen for only some in this reality, not all. Because no matter how hard we try to connect, most of us create codependent relationships that become toxic with time. Very few people who have cleared their psychic debris and integrated their shadow self will be able to fully experience a twinflame connection. But there are many more twins connecting now than ever before. Kudos to the internet. Nothing is fixed to a locality anymore.

Before you crave for your twinflame, remember that your twin carries a part of your heart inside him and you carry his heart. So both if you will be revealing intimate and deep parts of yourself to each other. Sometimes the evil within is reflected back and that is when twinflame mirroring takes on a sinister turn. Your own dark side reflected back can be scary and the first impulse if to RUN…

Great sex and love is not enough in a twinflame story. You will go through all of that with your soulmates. Many of us meet a few of our soulmates in this life and we marry them, have children with them and die in their arms. Tons of such relationships are convenience based, codependent or toxic, because we live in a consumerist society that commodifies everything, including romance.

We are sold all our romantic ideas through the media and we adhere to certain notions and constructs. We expect the impossible from materialistic relationships and land up hating each other or cheating on each other. When our soul is done with these soulmate relationships, we crave for something deeper. Something metaphysical. Something spiritual. But before that we must develop ourselves and become the love we expect from our twinflames. Believe me when I say this, your twinflame will appear the minute you are READY for REAL love. What do I mean by real love? It is not possessiveness. It is not obsession. It has nothing to do with looks or talent. It just exists. As does the great quantum void. Real love will appear the minute you are ready…not a second before.

As Venus and Mars conjunct, you want to know…how on earth, in the midst of seven billion people will I ever meet my twinflame? Where is the right person? Where is the ONE? Let me tell you a secret…you meet the right person by becoming the right person. Simple. One, two, three…

Go back into your mind and trace your love stories of the past. Delve right into the trauma, the rejection, the ridicule some of you felt while you were exploring romance. Did you learn those lessons you were meant to? Did you walk the karmic path with grace and dignity? Because whether we accept it or not, love is a huge part of human existence. Romantic love at that. If your soulmate relationships have hardened you and you have moved away from love and trust, then how can your twinflame appear?

You are energetically closed. If you have learned from your tears and sorrow and dejection and if you’ve not allowed bitterness to invade your soul, you have now grown to become a beacon of love as you embody love. Now you’re ready to attract love because you are now love. You become what you seek and real love will find you.

With most of the twinflame cases I have studied, I have observed some commonalities. Twinflames are often opposite personalities, but they also have crazy similarities. Like they may be born on the same day. They may have had a similar childhood and in most cases, twins face very difficult childhoods. Even if they had a loving home and parents, they may have had a difficult time in school or with peers.

Most twins display absolutely incompatible character traits and while looking at some of them I have found myself thinking, “Wow, that is indeed a strange pairing…” Most awakened twins will display an energetic torsion fields if you have the eyes to look. But some twins are yet to connect so powerfully. Even if they have already met and have a relationship. They still have tons of work to do before they can truly ascend to higher levels of awareness. There is much spiritual work to be done…very few are ready. Most are scared and terrified.

Another thing I have seen in these relationships is that twins will have similar experiences in the theme of life. They may have been married at the same time. Or divorced at the same time from their past. They may have children who are same age. May have lost a parent at the same time. May have visited the same place. Most twins have an appreciation for the same topography.

If he likes mountains, his twin will probably be into mountains more than the beach. If she likes beaches, her twin will also have the same connection to the sea. So on and so forth. I knew a twinflame couple and it freaked me out to know that the day she got thrown out of her inlaws house wrongfully, her twin who was in England cut his arm off in a freak accident.

They had not even met and this happened on the same day, year and month. Also his parent’s wedding anniversary and hers with her ex was the same day/date. And to top off this synchronicity, his mother’s engagement ring looked just like the one her ex’s mother had got for her. She was shocked breathless when she saw it on her new lover’s mother’s finger. It was the same ring she had taken off her finger before she left his house a few months ago.

Such synchronicity is rife with twinflames. Names, dates, situations form an echo in their lives and finally when they meet and talk about it, they discover that so much has been common in their lives. Some cases that I have worked with also have similar medical ailments and of course their moon signs must be in sync.

The phenomenal energy that a pair of twinflames will emit is amazing and is palpable and visible to my psychic eyes. Even if your eyes are untrained, their love will uplift or inspire you in some ways. It is very inspiring when twinflames get together.

Now let us return to our case study #727

Part 1

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

Part 2

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2019/04/01/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study-part-2/

Why does this woman connect so strongly to this stranger she saw on social media after all those years? Why does his name pop up all the time? Why can she not stop thinking about him? Why do snippets of a parallel reality flood in her mind? Why does she feel his heart’s torsion field so strongly? We don’t even know if he does, but she believes he does. Either he does not have the balls to speak his mind or he is quiet because he is afraid of rejection?

Are we going to believe that these two souls are like two particles fused into one and although separated, they still behave as one particle? Whether he is aware or not. For us it matters that she has awakened and she has made us observe something so mystical and supernatural.

People do not connect even after sex, so how can their hearts have connected without ever really meeting in 3D?

I have a feeling that on a quantum level, they are actually the one and the same energy form. They share the same energetic DNA. Twinflames are conjunct at the heart. Like Mars and Venus will be in the sky in a few hours. Twinflames once awakened will feel the absence of the other in their space and then comes the quest of trying to find your twinflame. You may curse the separation, but this separation is absolutely necessary before twins can connect to do the higher work they are here to do.

If your twinflame has incarnated at this very moment with you, then you will share emotions through the ether, whether you are aware of each other or not. If your twin is in 3D, then your torsion fields are active and connected through great distances. Which is why life’s ups and downs can hit you both at the same time. And you can never “fade away” from your twin. Even if you separate due to negative mirroring, you will always love and trust them. And once you have experienced the twinflame union, nothing else will cut it. And I mean nothing…

This woman’s story captivated me and I started to look into the reality of quantum entanglement. Let us posit that a ray of light or even space material created together, tend to separate and live separate lives. This does not sever their connection. No matter where the two rays travel to, they will always be aware of each other. So aware that no space exists between them…

You heard that right. When two particles are entangled, they react the same way and are aware of when one twin is being watched or measured. Even if the twins are on different multiverses, they react the same way, no matter the distance. So distance is null and void. Space is traversed in zero time, no matter how far away they are.

Distance is not real, in some intangible,inexplicable way and there is no separation between twins. How can souls connect through such abstract space. Is space alive? Yes it is and it is always transmitting messages from your twinflame to you.

Quantum Scientists posit that there is no separation between the celestial bodies and the observer. So when you look to the skies above, you know that the macrocosm is within you. Mars and Venus are kissing within you. Will this result in the alchemical marriage? Maybe, maybe not.

The space, the dark void is part of a continuum of conscious awareness and nothing exists apart from the observer. This blew my mind. This woman not only felt the large distance melt away when it came to her twin for she was the observer and it was her observation. No bedrock reality. No solid distance. He has her heart and she his…what more can be said..her reams or hallucinations, whatever you call them are as real as the life she leads here with her family. But her twinflame and her life with him is as real and as valid as this one, in this universe.

BTW, this Venus/Mars conjunction is the most intensely romantic aspect in astrology and the vibe is archetypal. It is the love seduction of celluloid, the quintessential male/female pairing. And in shadow, it can mean total annihilation and self loathing.

Vincent Van Gogh has Mars/Venus conjunct in his natal chart…what else do I need to day?

 

DONATE PAYPAL tina@tinaheals.com

http://www.tinaheals.com

PLEASE VISIT MY WEBSITE AND BOOK YOUR READINGS.

BLESSED BE THIS CONJUNCTION

IMAGE COPYRIGHT Veronese Venus And Mars

The Magnetic Pull of Your Twinflame~ A case study~ PART 2

e0b609e2a42ead46e4835a0a4ff749b3“You can only meet someone as deeply as you have met yourself”

This is the very truth. No matter how much you crave your twinflame/soulmate you will meet them(if you do in 3d) with the same depth that you have met your very own soul. The twinflame journey starts with touching base with your soul.

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

I told you a strange story of a twinflame experience in my viral article(click link above) and now I want to give you an update…below you can read parts of the letter the woman experiencing this twinflame connection writes…

Dear Tina,

It has been almost a year since I deleted and blocked him on social media. And till date, not a word from him…I had decided that he is a coward and will never speak up, so I did my best to immerse myself in life and continue to exist without thinking of him. Which was inevitably impossible. His face and name kept swimming up in my consciousness. Why? Why the fuck am I so into this one person? Someone I have never met? Someone’s voice I have not heard? And I mean, he is not like some Adonis. But then why? Why him? Why can I not forget his existence? It irked me endlessly, until I had the PLR and hypnosis session with you.

That session took me back to timelines…places and situations I cannot even imagine. Through the great wars of antiquity, through the fertile plains of Sumeria/Mesopotamia and Egypt. I saw us together through numerous timelines. It was not easy to express. You know exactly how long I wept after I came back…

But then lucid dreams started to come rapidly. They arrived randomly and I woke up with him in bed. Our children were playing outside. I even know their names. I spend time with him in our home and all we did was make love and I heard him tell me that I was everything for him. He said he missed me, tremendously when I was out, travelling for work.

I couldn’t stop wondering if I had arrived here, then who was at home with my husband and child? What happened to my body staring at the computer, in lucid dreams?

I dared not reveal anything to spoil that day and what can I say, he took me all over his city and we had the best day ever. I went to sleep with him and I was worried that I might never see him again. But I did not wake up back in my reality, I still remained in his world. In some alternate universe.

There he was making breakfast and my kids walked in. I cannot forget their faces. They looked so familiar. But I knew I had never seen them before. Then as left to take them to playschool, I passed out watching a program on TV in his language. And strangely, I knew the language. Then I blacked out and I found myself in front of my computer. My body soaked in sweat, my computer had crashed. Someone was ringing my doorbell frantically. I ran to open the door, my legs could barely carry me and saw my husband had come home. He just returned from tennis practice with my baby. I was so shocked and it probably showed on my face. My husband stared at me, long and hard, while I could not find a single word to say. It’s like I had forgotten English. His language and his voice kept intruding my thoughts and I was sure as hell that I was going crazy. He came towards me and checked my temperature which was soaring. He took me straight to bed and forbade any movement while he called the doctor.

The next seven days were a haze. I know I had high temperature and my body was not keeping food down. I was sick, I felt sick. Like I was dying. But then suddenly, I woke up in the alternate Universe. And this time, I was in front of him and he was sick. I sat by his bedside, weeping gently. That night I met his mother. His father was dead. I knew all this information about him and I did not know why and how. His mother was such a wonderful woman and we really bonded. Surprisingly, she noticed a difference and she told me that her son was really lucky to have me. Because no one can love him like me. I think I started howling. We spend sometime cradled in each other’s arms.

He was ill, high temperature and the doctors thought it was some kind of infection. But they did not know for sure. He lay in bed, in front of me. Murmuring in his sleep and I remembered my own sick body back home, in my own universe. Suddenly he opens his eyes and looks at me and tells me that no matter what, I must find him. I was shocked, he’d say that. I asked him what he meant and he said that if he dies, I have to find him. He did not mention other timelines or alternate universes.

It was time to tell him…Listen _, I am not from your Universe. I have no clue how I turned up here. He didn’t look as surprised as I thought he would. He coughed and motioned for me to continue. I told him that in my universe, we have never met. I mean we did, only once or twice. Very briefly and we never spoke. But I could not forget his energy. His soul energy, all these years. I told him how I found him on socialmedia and how I added him and then deleted him. I told him that I’m not even sure, he knows me in this reality. But then maybe he was not sensitive.

But this man in front of me, he was so very sensitive. He was exactly the man I thought he would be. He looked disturbed at the idea of us never knowing each other in my universe and he said he must have been a real idiot to let me go. In my reality that is. In his reality, he met me in the exact same place. The situation was pretty much identical. Except one detail. We had bumped into each other at the bar and in his reality, he started a conversation with me and within the next six months we were together. In his country. And then we were married soon after. In fact, in his world, it had been over twenty years we were together.

Listening to him talk, it was clear why I could not forget his face. Why I kept remembering him in my reality, although I did not know him. But obviously, this him, in his reality is indeed my soulmate or maybe my twinflame. And we have made a life together. But he did say, that from a few years, he was having marital problems with his version of me. It looks like they are drifting apart. This surprised me as that is exactly when I had found him on social media in my universe.

Spending time with him that night, watching him sick and feeling his sickness, like an empath, I shifted between hope and despair. This emotional chaos is raising only more questions and there are never any answers…I am glad I told him about my confusion, about how I coped all those years without him and how I felt lost and helpless every time I saw him on social media. There is so much to tell him, but no words…

When I held him and kissed him, I understood what you told me. That the twinflame experience is not always about being together and creating a life. It is about so much more. It is a subtle connection, like quantum entanglement that cannot be explained by punitive human language. This is true psychic connection and it saddens me that only I feel it. Not him.

Watching us both together, as the observer this time, I felt the most indescribable and amazing feeling. A feeling of unconditional love and deep fulfillment. And we did not even have any sexual experience. We just slept together, in each other’s arms. He knew it could be the last night we have together and it was painfully making itself aware in my psyche. This is it, this is why I crave to be with him in my reality, without even knowing him. It is because of this life we have and have had through time. But, but….that life is falling apart in his universe and in mine, we have never met. I spend time going through the pictures of our life together and they remain embedded in my mind forever.

Returning back to my universe was ugly. My body felt like I was about to die. I could not take the fever burning my soul…and there was emptiness and pain, physical, mental and spiritual. It felt like my heart has been ripped off. Death is better than this pain. I felt so ashamed at the love my husband had for me. I was his great love story and here I am, chasing after a ghost. Guilt, shame and hopelessness were my companions till I gradually got my health back. And my sanity or so I think.

I made a conscious effort to erase him from my soul. It was difficult, but not really because I never had any connection with him. In 3d. We never touched or kissed or anything. Forget about his universe. I still remember the names of our children and hope that he made peace with his wife. Me, in his reality. But sometimes, his words ring out…So what if I have forgotten…you find me…drop me a message.

I scoffed at him then…like are you serious? You are fucking married and you don’t even know me. He scoffed back and told me that its not possible, he does not know me. After I added him and then deleted him. He said that he knew himself and he surely would be excited to see my posts. I told him that I knew nothing about anything about him and he held my hand, touched it to his heart and told me…everything is here, all my love for you…right here. This heart beats for you…

I remember laughing at him. But I made it clear that I am not ever getting in touch. Like never. But my friend, the one who was there with me when I met him in Goa, suddenly added him. Yes she knows about these PLR sessions and she is convinced that he was interested in me back then. In that bar and in the party afterwards, he was looking at me. I was initially mad at her for adding him. Like wtf. Why? But she wouldn’t listen. And she says she will talk to him one day about me. I told her if that happens, I am blocking her. But her wicked smile tells me she might tell him. She also says that from the time I deleted him, he’s hardly posted. Like nothing about anything. Like he has gone silent. I told her to stay away from his profile. And she told, try to stop me bitch…

I have no intention of telling him…I know this can only be felt and if he felt anything, he would get in touch. The other day, randomly, a facebook friend of mine tells me that she saw me marrying a white guy. And she has no idea about this man or anything. So that shocks me. These twinflame energies are being picked up by so many close to me.

Well, in his universe, he is definitely not a coward, so his silence in this one can only mean one thing…he is not sensitive to the energy flow. I do hope to share this post Tina after you publish it, maybe he is secretly following me through a different account. Maybe reading this will jog his memory. That is all I can expect.

That is all Tina…thank you studying my case…

 

Dear     ,

Your story excites me like none other, because here we have a story of twinflames who have never met. One looks to be awakened and the other asleep. Or maybe not. During my meditations, I have felt that man’s feelings for you and even the tarot told you what you needed to know. This is a connection of numerous past lives. One you cannot ignore.

My work with twinflames is so important…why?

It’s because the earth needs these powerful bursts of twinflame love at this time. As more twinflames awaken and recognize their work in 3d, the better they will be able to contribute to the coming of the next race. Race is not about color or anything. This is the next level of humanity. Humanity 6.0. Yes you heard that right.

_ I believe every single word you say, you know why? Because twinflame energies are not to be understood logically. You cannot look at it with the analytical thought processes. It goes beyond…one needs to experience this kind of pull. This magnetic pull towards one person that defies logic and practical wisdom. This energy is tthat of Shiva/Shakti, it is of Padma Sambhava and Yeshe Tsogyal, it is of Yesua and Mary Magdalene. It is eternal. It is the interplay between the divine feminine and masculine polarities. It is all a play. It is all a simulation. And not…it is nothing and everything.

We need to accept this fact that the mind level cannot grasp this soul connection. Basically this experience is like nothing you have ever felt before or will again. If you do feel this again, then you have to reevaluate what you felt the first time. If it keeps happening to someone, then they have surely not met their twinflame.

Your story is believable, because after all these years you have felt this for a man you have never met. This case is rather exceptional in my opinion and you have managed to collapse timelines and you have made contact with your twin. And hope you do so again.

So what do you think? Is this possible? Were her visits just hallucinations? Or some coping mechanism? Do you have such a story…tell me…

DONATE~

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Twinflame Yearning in the RX season~

I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. I’d like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.’ ~~Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

There is a sense of deep, deep, penetrative soul searching love as Mars has gone retro in Aquarius which is my house of relationships from my Leo Sun! And the ruler of my 7th from my Ascendant has gone retro.

There is a deep ache in my pussy that is reverberating from down there all the way to my heart chakra. The Priestess uses her pussy as a radar. The pussy detects twinflame yearning, only if you listen. No amount of making love or no amount of self pleasure can satisfy this craving!

This hunger is Neptune dreaming up impossible dreams of everlasting love and pangs of separation. I guess Neptune retro in my 7th house on my Moon, is a time when my heart craves the most for my twin soul. And so does my pussy and my body!

And this body is entangled with another…far, far away, in another multiverse…

I am searching for that body who carries a part of my soul in his. I told you how twinflames are the same soul. Yes, they are an expression of the sacred union of Shiva/Shakti. The great tantric maithuna!

The CAP FM coming up is in my 5th house of romance from my ascendant as as FMS bring things to light, I want to see what pops up for me as I will be away from my family.

Staring at the full moon from a place of wonder and magick! A place closest to my heart. Tearful longings fill my heart. And I cry…I cry aloud, I cry in silence, I cry alone and I cry with friends…the tears don’t go away. It’s been the blackest day…

And I am forced to think of a love I never had. No matter how much I try to shut him out, the hologram keeps laughing at me. I am helpless. I am powerless and impotent as my body responds to him, so does my mind and what of the soul. He is my soul!

There is someone I want to meet. There is someone I want to hold. There is someone I want to love and it is you! This should be an easy piece to write. The words should flow smoothly, because of my depth of love for you. But maybe, words here cannot do justice!

Every single moment I avoid thinking of you, all I can do is think of you. I don’t know what your name is, but I know when I hear it, it will bring me peace. Blissful, unadulterated peace. A name that will bring a smile to my lips. A name so familiar that it will ring in the very core of my being. A name which resonated within through infinities and eternities!

Memories, memories, memories…they appear in the torturous stormy seas of my mind, but they disappear. All that remains is your smile, like the lighthouse across ravenous destructive waves. Your gleaming light saves me from drowning in the fogs of the abyss.

I know you are as aware of me as I am and maybe while you sit staring at your screen, in your Universe, maybe due to quantum information bleeding into parallel worlds, you see my words appear before you.

You do not know where these words come from, for you have no idea what they mean, but you read on. Why? Because there is something so familiar in these words that makes every pain and every sadness go away.

You are eternally bonded to me, why do you deny it? Are you even aware of this connection? Do you thirst for me?

I think you feel all of this, as much as I do…I feel you crave for my body and soul as much as I do yours and what of my mind? It is as beautiful as yours…

You have looked for me as I have for you, but we have not met, because there is no inter dimensional travel for me yet. Do you want to come to my Universe instead?

Maybe  you’re already trying to figure out how to get to my Universe. Maybe you are devising a time warp machine that will make you cross the dimensional distance and you will come into this multiverse. What unrealistic expectations, I tell you!

Or maybe you don’t exist…more likely the latter…my pussy knows you exist.

So back one more time, due to public demand to speak about Twinflmes. Tada! Now listen to me, I am travelling all the way to a magickal twinflame place called Goa in the next two days.

As La Luna becomes pregnant in Capricorn, the polarity of Cancer, I have been called to be close to the seas. One more time, I will be about to stare at the Goa skies and think of this crazy twinflame connection that I felt once, many, many years ago…

No I am not going for fun and will be going alone. No baby. No husband. Just my work and my solitude and the energy of my twinflame which is all pervasive in Goa. Nothing can stop me from feeling crazy dejavus in that place. It is like he is right there, but I know he is not. Lol!

It’s not possible for my twinflame story to be so easy. What if I see him walking towards me in Vagator? Will he smile? Will he remember me? Will he run to embrace me?

Sometimes I think of what it would be like to meet him. What would I say? Would I feel centered or absolutely ruffled? Would I be articulate? No man has ever made me lose my tongue. No man ever. Maybe he is the only man who can get me tongue tied. And it is not easy to get me tongue tied.

The Hummingbird in Vagator! Part 2, all alone.

Read about Part-1

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/22/the-hummingbird-in-small-vagator/

Walking down the shore, drawing patterns on the beach, smelling the salty seas, thinking of what it would be…if he was here…yes, I wish you were here…you from another frickin’ multiverse.

Couldn’t you just be from this dimension! Talk about complicating stuff!

Maybe, maybe…you are already trying to communicate with me. Maybe through art. The way I like it.

Sometimes I think of you as a painter. Drawing in the canvas of my soul.

Sometimes I see you as a sculptor, capturing my infinite essence in your artwork.

Sometimes, I think of you speaking to me in a tune, crafting the sounds to describe the pain and love in your soul.

I promise to look for them. I know you communicate with me, through psychic energy and sacred sound.

I know you are not in my mind, or are you?

Sometimes, I feel scared that we will never meet in our physical form on earth, but then maybe in death, we shall be united in some way.

Although I hope to meet you in this life. Even if I am seventy and I see you coming, I will know you have come. And I will rest in peace to know I saw your face, even if for a brief moment!

I cannot even write that I knew you were the one since I laid my eyes on you, because till now, I have waited to see your face. Till now I have waited to look into your eyes. I have waited to see if you love me with the same intensity that I do.

I wish we could grow old together, but we won’t. I wish we could read each other’s minds, which we do, but we will never talk about it. We will never see our children, because time and space have conspired to keep us apart.

The best part about this craving I have for you, is that I have no clue what about you I am craving. Is it my soul, now fragmented just wants to seek unification of some sort? And is my body reacting to this connection? My pussy is…there is  stargate in there, waiting to be activated…by you!

Every time the rain drops come crashing down like silver sheets, inundating my consciousness, there is a tune I hear. Or is it a chant? Whatever it is, it reminds me of you. Rain and sunshine, both! How perverse is that!

No man has ever touched my body the way you would, because having the same soul, this body too, is yours. No one can kiss these lips like you do, for they are your own lips and when you look into my eyes, you will feel like you are looking into your own being!

I am your mirror…look at us!

That is the connection I feel to this unnamed energy that I call my twinflame. There is no tangible physical form, but there is energy. Energy which flows from his heart to mine and I think the energy being churned out by the skies above is heightening this connection, this yearning, this impossible fulfillment.

My body aches to be with you, the void in my pussy, impossible to satiate with anything, but you. Every atom of my body is eager to express my love for you in an impossible dance of sacred union. Our bodies enmeshed in an eternal embrace, you pulsating within me, setting every fiber of my being on fire.

No hands can ever worship this body like yours and no one can pleasure me like you.

There is no you. There is no me. There is only the sacred fire of our communion. There is only our love burning bright through the abysmal darkness of creation and destruction.

My all consuming passion drives my creativity, it drives my lust for life, it drives my sense of purpose. It is the anchor of my life, my North Star, the ever present fixture in the mirth of my consciousness.

I know you communicate with me through symbols and archetypes, through birth and death, but now it is time to show yourself…appear and manifest in this Universe…

To someone in some multiverse…

DONATE~

http://www.tinaheals.com

The Test of Twinflames~~

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~~Stephen Chbosky

So are you stuck because this is what you think you deserve? Or dare you dream on? Is there a micro narrative in your mind, about a secret passion. A mysterious obsession. Do you find yourself thinking about that someone you cannot forget?

Many people tend to have that special ex or that special crush the cannot forget and this might have to do with their Venus and Moon signs. for a man. Often times, the moon sign shows what type of woman he will marry, but his Venus sign will show you what kind of a woman will attract him and no, most f the times, they are diverse. What a man is attracted to and whom he marries differs, and this is why it does. Astro baby!

As promised I am back to discuss Twinflames with you guys. But today we will take a different approach. There are two stories I wish to share here.

One is a continuation and an update from the previous text where I spoke of this woman who had secretly loved a foreigner she had met seventeen odd years ago.

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

She loved him all these years and finally found him on Facebook recently. Few years ago. But about two months ago, she decides to delete him. Why? Maybe to see if he would react? Let us read her update.

Dear Tina,

I know you have been waiting for an update for a while now. I know you want to share it with your readers. I know you want to know how this saga culminated.

Tina, I wish I could tell you that yes, yes, yes, this is a twinflame story and indeed he initiated contact with me. But I’m afraid, this is not the case. It has been over two months that I deleted him, in hopes that he will contact me. Maybe he will add me back. But nothing. I am sorry that I led you to believe that this was  twinflame connection. I know how this material is so important to you and how your research can potentially help many. But I cannot. There has been only silence from his end. In fact I am not sure he even knows I am not on his list. Or maybe he is thankful. Who knows? So I think this whole thing has just been a delusion of some displaced fantasy that I have been harboring. I don’t think he even felt a fraction of what I felt, because if he did, then he could not and would not stay away. He would make it a point to come to me. Only if he felt a minute bit of what’s in my heart. But he has not even acknowledged my absence from his virtual space, so I can only presume that he is not aware of any connection between us. I am sorry for calling you up all these years and wasting your time to convince you how he was my Twinflame. Thank you for being patient, but let there be no talk of him anymore. Two months is not a timeframe to keep silent about something like this. Obviously noting goes to waste in the Universe, you keep telling me that. Energy transforms. So I don’t want to end by just harping on how shitty this whole illusion has been, instead I will end by saying that, everything seems unmoved. It’s like no one even noticed that our invisible virtual connection has been severed except me and no one cares. Not even the only other person who should. In a nutshell this is the update. I wish it was fancier. I wish you could use it, but I guess this whole thing has been worthless for you. Just the imaginings of a delusional woman!

This is a part of the message, edited to hide personal details, but this is what she wanted to express. There has been no news from this man she thought was he twinflame and she is by now totally heartbroken.

You know what I think of it? I don’t think she felt all those feelings for him all those years without any reason. I am not saying he is her twinflame, but there is a possibility. How is she so sure that he is not aware? Even I intuitively feel he is aware. By just looking at him eyes. And honestly, I think he is as miserable as her. Look, I could be wrong, but this is what I got from my meditation. It is not easy to tune out of a case and people I work with easily. I think she has deleted or will delete her Facebook account soon, so he will never be able to see her again. Oh wait, I don’t think he can, he is already blocked. But of course there are other platforms. So for now, we will keep hoping that he does get over his issues, whatever they may be and manages to send her a message on some other social media site. And what if he knows everything and feels everything, but is just not ready to accept this love. Or maybe he does not know what to do with all these feelings? Twinflame remembrance is never easy.

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..” ~~ Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Now let us get to this next story. This is a woman I met in Goa, from Bangalore and she had such a poignant story to share. Listen to this…

Dear Tina,

I know you ask people for their stories to research up on twinflames, so after much hesitation, I decide to write to you. No one knows of this story except my sister and she has passed. As of now, there is no one who knows, except me and him.

I was in Goa with my then boyfriend and his best friend. My sister joined us and the whole trip turned out to be parties, drinking, beach visits and generally hanging around. Now my BF and his bestfriend did not like to hang around during sunset at this open air rave place, so I used to go alone. My sister grumbling, because of the long walk, would mostly follow behind. During the beach visits, I noticed a young  group of Israeli guys. I was eighteen at that time and they looked about my age. They were very polite and smiled at me. After that first encounter, I would see them all over the place. There were five guys, but there was only one I was into. He had a strange blond brown longish hair and steely grey/green eyes. I never looked at his eyes long enough to notice their colors, but they were intense and I caught him staring at me many times. Every time I met them, my heart would skip a beat. All of them usually spoke to me, except him. He did smile and nod his head, but he never spoke to me. I used to see him everywhere and mostly I was with my bf. Anyway, this went on for about a month and then one day suddenly when I met the guys, I noticed he was gone. I did not want to ask so openly and waited for them to divulge his whereabouts. But when they did not bring up anything, I had to probe. “So where is Y? “Oh, he has gone to Humpii and to Om beach in the South. He may return to Israel from there itself.” his friend replied. Upon hearing this, all color must have left my face, which I did well to hide by murmuring incoherently and looking away. TearS were beginning to sting, but I looked away and put on my shades, hoping that they had not seen my emotions. Shortly, I made an excuse and ran back to my hotel room and cried in the arms of my sister the whole night. Thankfully my bf was out with his bestie and was not aware of what had happened. Anyway, life continued on and one fine day, my bf gets a call from his college mates that he has to return to Pune to sign a form for their exams and this is his last chance or else he would have to sit out his exams. I convinced him to leave with his bestie, telling him that my sis and I would be safe. We would chill at home mostly for the couple of days he would not be here. His departure was actually quite a welcome change to me. I was happy to be alone in Goa. My sister and I listened to music till evening and then I stepped into the shower. My sister was sitting outside and suddenly I heard a male voice talking with her. My heart was frozen in fear and began to thump loudly at the same time, when I realized that the Israeli guys, the one I liked for all these months is sitting there. Talking to my sister, with a cup of tea in his hand. Joking and laughing with her as if he’d known her all his life. Seeing me standing there, my jaws touching the floor, he stands up and smiling in such a way that made me feel  both dead and alive, he walks to me and hugs me. He whispers in my ears…”I came back for you…I thought I could avoid this pull…but I cannot. I leave for Israel tomorrow, but I had to return to Goa to see you. If at least for one last time. This crushed me, but I was so thankful for that night. We spend the whole evening together. Eating felafels in Vagator, swimming in the evening seas, kissing and making out under the stars. He never made love to me, because I did not want. But we kissed and held each other. That evening was truly magic! We stayed together till 5 in the morning and he left. He promised me that he will write to me, but he has never done that. In fact, I have tried so many times to search for him and have never found him online. About four years ago, I met one of his friends online. I had to ask what happened to him and the answer I received, I do not accept. He told me that my love had died in a bombing attack. He had to go back to the army, he told me that and he also told me how much he hated war. If I accept that he is dead, it might make the pain easier. It might help justify his abandonment of me. Yes, he did promise to write to me and come and meet me next year for the Goa season. But obviously that never happened and all these years I had thought of him with a wife and children. But his friend told me he is dead. I keep searching for his name and I have also told many friends in Israel to look for him, but their search has been unproductive. The Israeli guy who told me about his dead also seems to have gone offline. I do not know what happened. It as been a long time since this happened and I can tell you one thing…that day when he walked out of that hotel door at five in the morning, waving goodbye to me, that was the most soul wrenching, heart crushing moment for me in my life. I did marry eventually, but nothing will take away my love for that Israeli soldier that I met in Goa. Nothing. And till today I do not know the color of his eyes.

These are the two cases I present before you…Twinflames or not…you decide.

As for as me, I strongly believe in this kinda connection. You know what, according to retrocausality, time may indeed be travelling backwards. The future decides the present and the past.

I have felt a strong longing for a man I have never known, for a love I never had, for a home I never lived in. I know I have felt him so, so many times and I still do. It’s his face, his eyes, his smile I try to see, but all I sense is his love and I cry so much for him…

I know that there is someone, in some multiverse who is thinking of me, just the way I think of him. Maybe this appeals to me because I am an Artist and the poignancy of a love story that can never be must release some serious seratonin and dopamine in my brain. Oxytocin? It is the bonding chemical. There’s definitely oxytocin involved in love. But how can I be bonded to someone I have never met? Someone who possibly exists only in my imagination. 7th house Pisces Moon may have something to do with this obsession. Lol! But his thoughts will not go away…HALP!

His memories stream from some  parallel world, where we are together. Where we wake up together and go to sleep together. I know those memories exist, for I have felt them. I have felt him call out my name. I have heard myself call his name. Although I have no idea of what that might be. Psychic energy is not always linear and easily interpretative. He is connected to me through quantum entanglement, there is much “spooky action at a distance” for me to ignore.

What is this SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE?

It involves a pair of particles linked by the strange quantum property of entanglement.

Entanglement? Huh????

Entanglement occurs when two particles are so deeply linked that they share the same existence.

Twinflames are the same soul, so they share the same existence!

In the language of quantum mechanics, they are described by the same mathematical relation known as a wavefunction.

Wavefunctions are possibilities. Twinflames are all about possibilities. Will they meet and if they do, will they be able to create their lives’ mission? Can they manifest?

Entanglement arises naturally when two particles are created at the same point and instant in space…TWINFLAMES ARE THE SAME SOUL!!!

Entangled particles can become widely separated in space. But even so, the mathematics implies that a measurement on one immediately influences the other, regardless of the distance between them.

In the words of Science, this entanglement remains constant, irrespective of distance and even death!! For what is death? The soul is quantum information, returning to the sseas of quantum time and space. Even beyond that.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Donate to me~support the Twinflame cause~~

http://www.tinaheals.com

The Magnetic Pull of Your Twinflame~ A case study~

Are twinflames about the same soul incarnating at the same time? Our energetic counter parts? It could be so. Let me share an example. Read from this letter from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

I had heard his name many times, somewhere around 2002 or 2003, I cannot remember. Now it seems so long ago when I saw him back then, by the beach. I don’t know why my heart skipped a beat. I had just broken up with someone, but it was not easy for him to move on from me, so he lingered. I was never happy in that relationship, so I looked for that something special. I think I heard his name before I ever saw him. And then one day shortly our eyes met and we were briefly introduced. I saw him a few time, but we never exchanged a single word. I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I think he kept looking at me every single time our paths crossed. I think he wanted to speak with me as badly as I wanted to. But this never happened. After that I left _ and returned to _. Life continued on and I could not stop thinking about him. This is not my usual style. I never find myself thinking about someone like this. Yes he was cute, but he was not really my type. I was not sure of my type, maybe I still am not. Now my friend calls me for a party and when I reach, I bump into him near the gate. This time, our eyes meet and lock. I am sure his heart began to beat as quickly as mine did. And then he got lost again in the crowd. Finally I saw him and our eyes met again, and no words were needed. I never forgot that moment in history. Nothing more happens. Shortly after this, I meet my now husband, _ and we both decide to revisit that little town where I had fallen in love with a stranger. The ache in my soul as I entered that place almost paralyzed me. His loss was immeasurable. Unquantifiable. But why did I feel so intensely, I repeatedly asked myself. This is not like me. Our times there were lovely, me and my husband bonded greatly and although I could never stop thinking about my perfect stranger, I realized it was a futile endeavor, because he lived miles apart. At this point, I knew nothing of him expect his name. One day, while we are at this bar, suddenly again, I bump into _. It looks like he is back from his country too. Our eyes meet and my heart almost stops beating. I am sure, I felt something similar happen in him. But no words were exchanged and my husband comes up behind me and holds my hands. _ sees this and steps back. That was the last time I saw him. Now cut to 2015, I see him on Facebook. I confess, I have tried to hunt him down. I finally learnt some stuff about him, but we never connected. Till 2015. I added him on Facebook and he okays my request the next day. My heart fluttering in my chest, I visit his profile to realize he is married! Yes, it startles me, not that I was hoping to hook up with him. I just had my baby. But, it felt wonderful to be connected with him on Facebook. Remember, we never spoke, so I still do not know what his voice sounds like. I have imagined it a million times. At least watching his life on Facebook, it felt oddly reassuring. Like somehow I had become a part of his life and he mine. No we never exchanged any likes or loves on FB. It was like he did not exist for me and I did not exist for him. I am not even sure he knows about this connection we have. I know he is my twinflame. Don’t ask me how and what and why. Because I have no rational answers. I love him like crazy and cannot stop thinking about him and having him on my FB is making it super hard for me to function in my normal life. He is miles away and a total stranger and I cannot stop thinking about him. What is going on? Can you help? I have seen visions of us together and when I stare into his pics, I know that he is my twinflame and I have remembered everything. But he has not. He seems happy in his life and relationship, so I have decided to not bother him with my energy field. I have started spiritual chord cutting from him and soon hope to get enough courage to delete him permanently from my Facebook. Not because I do not love him. He is the only human with my core soul frequency and I cannot help but love him totally and unconditionally. I will do so because I love him and in my love, I will let him continue his life’s journey till we meet again. I do not think we will meet in this life. We live on two different continents and we’re both married. Forget all that, we never even spoke. Then why do I feel so strongly about him? Because my heart knows the sound of his heart. Because my hand knows the feels of his skin without ever touching him and my lips know the touch of his lips, without ever kissing. I know I love him and always will. But it has become too painful to have him on my list. Should I delete him and block him? He has his life and I have mine. I know we will never meet, so why prolong this agony. Why not just release all these feelings and release him in the process? IMPOSSIBLE! But…I have intended to do just that…very soon…

What do you make of this letter? Is this woman delusional in her love for this stranger about whom she knows nothing? They have never even exchanged a hello on Facebook after being in each other’s lists for over three years. The stark pain and honesty in this letter moved me beyond words. I wonder…is it possible to fall in love with a stranger and then still remain in love with him after all these years. And here she is not even sure, he is aware of her presence? I mean he is surely is. She is a very beautiful woman, but you know what I mean. He has never tried to initiate contact on FB, after all these years.

I actually suggested that this woman let him be on her list because what difference does it make. She has thousands of friends on her list, so why can’t she just treat him as another name on her list. But upon seeing how difficult it had become for her to know he is on chat but never pings her or speaks with her, I suggested that yes, she delete him. Now, I did tell her that maybe he is shy to comment or like her posts, who knows? But she refused to agree to that. She feels that if he wanted to contact her, he could. Anyway, to cut a long story short…she deletes him…

And now what…let us see…will she forget this crazy connection she has with this stranger? Her love for him is getting stronger and that makes me wonder…what’s this? It is heartbreaking to see…

What do you think can be done?

Now back to my research. Twinflames do not give us the sense of security like a soulmate does. Soulmates are the likely comrades of 3D. Twinflames are like one person in two people. That does not make them identical. In fact, their differences can appear stark, but their core energy signature remains the same. Every time I come across, a probably twinflame relationship, I can tell you if this is for real. How? Because as someone meets their twin, their energetic vibe shifts. You cannot avoid this and for someone who studies psychic energy, I can feel this happening.

Another notable thing about the woman who writes the letter is that she feels unconditional love for this stranger. And isn’t that crazy? She is not some delusional nutjob. In fact, she is a high achiever and is doing extremely well for herself. She is an excellent mother and a great wife. What I mean is that she is no psych-ward inmate, she is just like you and me, yet, she met her twin almost a decade ago and never forgot about him. She loved him with utmost fervor and unconditional love. Even before the days of social media. She never even saw or heard about him online till 2015. This story has really touched me, which is why I decided to share her letter.

Yes, she has deleted him, but she will always love him. I am quite sure of it. No man will ever take his place, because no man caan. And she has not even spoken to him, even once!

Have you ever felt such a strong connection to someone? A pull you cannot explain, and if you answer yes, then maybe, just maybe, that person is your twinflame. Obviously, very few people will continue to love a stranger with such passion after all these years, but even if this feeling goes on for a few months, it is well worth investigating. Especially if you feel a telepathic connection to someone. This can manifest in many ways. When I work with twins, I usually ask them to send signals and work on their telepathy. Some twins even document this telepathic exchange they share and the results are stupendous. There can be color synchronicity. Name synchronicity and numbers. You have to have eyes to look and ears to hear.

You see with the Ascension energies at play right now, there will be many twins who will finally meet in the same space/time continuum. This is for the awakening of the masses. This is for the lightwork they have to do.

This woman’s story highlighted another aspect much discussed in the twinflame community. It is seen that when twins meet, they least expect it and often times it is burdensome to be free to hook up. Most twins meet when they are already in relationships. I know how crazy this sounds, but don’t take my word for it. Look it up and see what the twinflame gurus have to say. Much of their research points to this. Twins never meet when they are in a happy place or if they are content. It is only a spiritual itch that keeps nagging at them, driving them nuts and then finally, boom, they meet.

I called her up today asking her if she had missed having him on her friend’s list, to which she could not stop howling. She was as miserable with him on it than without him there and now she has even blocked him. She did confess that although she had deleted him, she could still not stop thinking about him. And she felt his physical distance disappear when she thought of him. In fact, she could bring him alive in her thoughts. She even touched him, kissed him and made love to him in her mind. For all these years…all this took place in her mind. Were these moments then real? The fact that they took shape in her mind. Can thought be energy? Yes, now we know that by observing an atom we can change its course, so then with intention we can create universes.

Maybe this man is her partner in a parallel universe and she is feeding into that information loop. I often feel that some psychic apparitions I have, are glitches in the system. They are entities from parallel worlds, living their lives, oblivious to their existence as shadow people in our universe. Yes, they terrify us, but what if we terrify them equally so? Who knows what they think of us? Could such emotional attachment be some malfunction in the matrix algorithm? What is this strange magnetic pull she felt for this man? I wish I could interview him to discover if he felt anything at all. But she refuses to allow me to contact him. So I am helpless. I have to let it go.

Maybe they will never meet. Maybe they will meet someday when they bump into each other randomly somewhere. Maybe he loves her as much as she loves him. This broke my heart. What a waste of true twinflame love if this is the case. I do find myself wondering if he is missing her on his friend’s list. Maybe, he will look her up on some other social media, since he is blocked on FB. Maybe they will connect.

I can only speculate…the rest will gradually unfold itself as the days rolls by…will he ever seek her out? Will she ever unblock him and re add him? What will happen?

I will keep you posted…

READ PART 2 HERE

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

 

 

The story of Hensman Anthony Firingi and Soudamini~~

Anthony Firingi
At a kavigaan

There are love stories and then there are LOVE STORIES. You have heard of Romeo and Juliet right? Two young lovers, star-crossed, die because of unwarranted hate between their families.

But today, I will tell you about a love story that is way more spiritual and revolutionary than Romeo and Juliet. In fact, it is one that has touched such a raw nerve in my heart that I strongly believe I have experienced this first-hand in some way.

The love story that I describe is not of two adolescents, but of two extremely spiritually developed people. They were twinflames here to raise the frequency of the people. But again, their love was destroyed by pure xenophobia, bigotry, racism and hate. This is a love story seldom told and it is now time for people from all over to see the beauty of this union where even the devastating tragedy that followed could not dim or lesson the love involved in any way.

He was born in Portugal in 1786 and came to Bengal with his father who was a merchant. Now before I delve into the story of this young Portuguese musician(he must have been into music because you do not start composing such tunes and sonnets if you were not into it  in some way), let me expose the story of my beloved country circa 1800.

India was the most coveted country that the European powers craved to dominate. The Spanish, the English, the French, the Dutch, the Danes and the Portuguese were all vying for power in respective states. We know how the English managed to drive every one away and pillage, plunder and rape India for over 200 years. That is another story…

Let me set the scene for you. Hensman Anthony, a young lad, came with his father, a Portuguese merchant to trade in the port city of Chandannagar which was called Farashdanga. The Portuguese were on their last legs as they were getting hardcore competition from the Dutch and the French. Eventually the Dutch lost the plot to the French by 1825. The French managed to hold onto India till about the very end, but the British were definitely the undisputed rulers of the subcontinent.

So this young Portuguese lad is anyway on hostile territory where his people and country are on their last legs. He is no powerful English Officer, he is just the son of some Portuguese trader. There is competition and aggression from the other Europeans and from such a turbulent historical period came one of the greatest Shakta tantrics who wrote and sang some of the most moving hymns to the Goddess Kali/Durga.

How is this possible? How did a Portuguese lad learn Bengali? Not in the rudimentary level, but good enough to compose complex and intense poems which he performed in kavigans. Kavigans were literally poetry face off. Two poets would go head-to-head and spout their philosophy and tunes. The crowd would decide who was the more woke guy and they felicitated him.

This tradition of bard-face-offs have been discovered in most societies. It is not a product of Comedy Central. lol. Firstly, Anthony’s father was just a merchant, well to do, maybe…but then again, just a merchant and he must have wanted the young man to follow in his footsteps, not become some freaky bard who sang in Bengali. Like seriously???

But Anthony was more interested to escape into the heart of pastoral Bengal where he would play his lute and listen to the local poets sing passionately to invoke the Goddess.

Something snaps in his brain as he pulls a chillum. He hears the lingering words of the poet Ramprasad’s Shyamasangeet and it tugged at his heart in ways he could not understand. He would spend much of his time with the poets and other yogis he discovered on his travels. He begins to meditate and do sadhana.

Anthony also begins to learn Bengali, a language he falls in love with. Now let me mention here, that Anthony’s Bengali had to be really as good as any literate Bengali poet’s, otherwise he would never be allowed or able to compete, let alone win a kavigan.

Here was a man who learnt a foreign language to the expertise of the local intellectuals. Not only that, he began to compete with them, finally wining his bout most of the times, even with the most famous poet Bholamoira.

Bengali’s are extremely picky about their language and they are never happy with a foreigner being better at it than most of them. Kinda like the French. No one can speak French better than a Frenchman. But when the kundalini awakens, all knowledge becomes available.

Anthony had lived countless lifetimes in the heart of pastoral Bengal and he knew everything about it. The Bengali Brahmins ridiculed him for dressing like them, made fun of his devotion to Kali, teased him about Jesus Christ and the Church, to which he responded by saying, There is no difference in Christ and Kali my brothers…

Hello! Wtf do you say to a man like that? How does a European get here? This is not easy let me remind you. I for one know a woman from London who has lived in Bombay for over thirty years and she can barely say five words of Hindi.

And this is not like learning the language in a University and taking exams, then returning to your country and publishing books from there. Ah what a great Orientalist! Nope. This is no internet certification that now you are a certified Bengali poet.

This was raw, this was life, this was reality. He not only stayed and worked in Bengal, but he excelled at what he did in a foreign country he chose to call home. He lived in Bengal, amidst the Bengali’s and composed some of the most touching Shakta poetry they had ever heard!

And Bengali Brahmins were a closed, snobbish, gated society who considered Europeans mlecchas or untouchables. They would not even let Anthony drink water in their houses. My peeps, this is the situation in which this young man not only awakened his kundalini, but also gave us one of the greatest spiritual love stories to treasure.

I learnt of Firingi Kalibari when I was a child. My grandmother told me and I remember how enchanted I was to listen about a Portuguese man compose these sonnets and poems in Bnegali to the Goddess Kali. It always moved me to tears.

It was much later that I discovered the true greatness of this man. Now back to a history lesson and it is pretty macabre.

In Bengal, we practised some deadly misogynistic rituals….let Wikipedia dose you up.

Sati or suttee is an obsolete funeral custom where a widow immolates herself on her husband’s pyre or commits suicide in another fashion shortly after her husband’s death..~WIKI

My peeps, in less than 1 percent cases, did the woman actually want to commit suicide, but she was forced. By societal constructs, by tradition, by women like her mothers and sisters, enablers of patriarchy themselves. It was coercion. Nothing else.

Sati was ultimately abolished because of Brahmin reformers like RAJA RAMMOHAN ROY, bless his soul as it is his birthday today. Do you see how society has been burning women in different cultures, under different pretences since time immemorial!

Why did Sati even exist you ask? Because these Brahmin women could not find husbands. They were only allowed to marry a Kulin Brahmin of Bengali origin. So me love, because of my surname Mukerji, 300 years ago, I might have been burnt on my dead husband’s pyre. Yes, I am born in a Brahmin family and this is what they have been doing to my mothers, sisters, aunts and grandmothers.

Most of these women were forced to marry a single Brahmin patriarch, because there were no Brahmin men available. Bengali Brahmin aristocratic women were not allowed to even gaze upon a Brahmin, say from UP or Bihar. Forget a European.

My grandmother tells me how some English officers would come to meet her father. The women were never allowed to even glance at a European man. They lived in a different segment of the house anyway called ANDARMAHAL. She told me that there was an Englishman called Robert who really liked her. I think he sent her a letter through her maidservant and of course, all hell broke loose.

Not that my grandmother would have even reciprocated. You see, for them European men were strange creatures whom they did not consider as mates. It was literally that simple.

I am harping on the time-frame so you get a good understanding of how dangerous it was for Anthony to fall in love with a Bengali widow during such turbulent times. This is way more dangerous than the Romeo Juliet saga.

Anthony saves Soudamini from self immolation and takes her to his place. Now after laying the groundwork, I do not need to stress how dangerous an action this is.

Most of the intellectuals are pissed as he is doing so well in his kavigan face-offs. How dare an upstart European sing hymns to the Goddess? How can he have any knowledge of the Goddess? He is a Christians. And then he goes and rescues a Brahmin Bengali woman.

There have been cases of rape and molestation when European men and Indian women have been concerned. But I think this was the first time, in recorded history, a Brahmin woman consensually began to live with a European man openly, not giving a fuck as to what the villagers have to say.

They were twinflames who dedicated their life to awakening the kundalini, practiced tanta and even worked on developing the kali temple together. Their sadhana deeped and gathered a small following. This was no interracial love story of today where any person can get married to anyone as long as it is legal and sanctified by a court.

But here, there was no court, no law to allow a Brahmin widow to remain at the side of her European lover/partner. Their lives were plagued by attacks from the conservatives.

In the kabiyan competitions, Anthony’s rival poets often brought up Soudamini’s name to taunt and ridicule him. It upset him tremendously, but he learnt to take in in his stride.

This was 1830’s or so, it is now 2017 and not much has changed. Even today, in India, you can get attacked if you are in love with a man from a different faith or caste or whatever. I shared a video recently of a Hindu girl attacked by a woman politician for falling in love with a Muslim. So as you see my love, nothing has really changed.

At least they don’t burn us any more openly and call it sati. They would if they could. After all we need to be chaste and if we are truly chaste and not little whores then the fire would not burn us, would it? What Sita had to go through centuries ago, is very much an active wound in our unconscious.

Anthony and Soudamini were blooming in their creative, spiritual love nest they had created. Anthony had composed the AGAMANI SONGS, for which he became noted and this is like synchronicity on steroids because these hymns were written to Goddess Durga as she comes to visit Earth from her heavenly abode.

Guess what my love. That time is now. Goddess Durga or the KUNDALINI has just stirred and she is making her ascent at this time as I type. The Bengali’s celebrate Durga Puja now and it is the most important festival for them.

The Agamani Songs are to be hymned now and I think the spirit of Hensman Anthony is urging me to tell you his story. He wants you too know how much he loved the woman they took from him.

The world is truly cruel.

His wife Saudamini was burnt to death, for being a widow and re-marrying Anthony, who was a foreigner. ~~Wiki

There, that’s what the Brahmin puritanical conservatives did. They burnt her and their ashram while he was away. He may have returned home from one of his biggest wins to see his whole reality and the love of his life burnt to crisp.

Ominous, isn’t it? Soudamini was pregnant.

This is what bigotry does. This is the scope of fanaticism. As we head into the new Era, let us consider this as a cautionary tale. Maybe they took this karma upon themselves to show us what hatred can do. But in this there is a message…

Even after three hundred years, a random blogger/lifecoach finds this story to tell you at this very precise point in time?!? It means that hate did not win. Ultimately it is their love that won. It is their spiritual mission that is still standing as the Firingi Kalibari where millions of Shakta’s go to invoke the kundalini.

Love wins all my Beloved…

Find a man who will love you like Anthony loved Soudamini. Love a man who will go against all establishment to join with you in sacred union. Or else stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.