The Cosmic Gypsy~

What the soul has been seeking for eternity,

I think I finally found that,

In your eyes and in your heartbeats,

Finally the soul is at rest,

Emotions and feelings for a new love

Awakens in the depth of my being,

I live again..

A new me,

A new life…

I now know what has caused the flitting of my heart,

Drowning in the ocean of my tears,

I finally found home when you lifted me up,

In your arms and we looked towards a new life.

Who are you?

Are you the rhymes of a poet?

Are you the song of a songstress?

Are you the early morning dew?

An essence that pleasures the soul,

Finally I stood eye to eye,

And it felt like the cosmic gypsy had found her home…

For she never belonged anywhere else,

But with you in your arms.

After all these years the spring of my existence

Has blossomed again,

I feel like a teenager, full of laughs and giggles..

When you play with my hair,

Finally the wayward half-sunken ship of my life

Has found an anchor.

An anchor that stops me from being swayed away

By currents of despair and agony,

He came as the Sun of my solar system

The numbness melted away

His warmth radiated in my soul

His voice a balm to my aching heart

Finally the cosmic gypsy found her home…

Her elusive home…

With you.

In the Universe of our creation.

Why does it pain me when you get hurt?

Why do my eyes water when you feel sad?

Why do I need to stare into your eyes always..

What will happen to me when the dream ends

And I wake up?

Will you still be here.

Like right now.

In my arms…

Will you be home when I return?

The heart can hope.

The mind doubts it.

But you tell me that you are my home…

You tell me the cosmic gypsy has found her home…

In you…

 

A Ghost of my Creation~

The wings of my butterfly shaped soul

Flutter mercilessly in vain

The sound of the death knell

The poignancy of the everlasting pain

Sweet surrender and an ending it longs

Like a moth to the flame

There is no denying this

There is no shame

Death is my poison

Suicide my orgasm

My whole body spasms

With the touch of your eyes

Do not believe these lies

Oh sweet death

Be mine…

I want your embrace

There is just the sublime fall from grace

Oh death…Oh death…

Be mine…

Death from this eternity in waiting

Waiting in the soulless purgatory

This disastrous love story

Is the sweet poison I crave

Life has fucked me hard

But I cannot discard

The thought of you

Are you standing before me?

I ask myself…

Did you leave?

Were you ever here?

Or were you in my mind?

In your eyes my soul I find

Did I wait forever?

Is this all an atrocious mistake?

When everything is at stake

Could I not have been more clever

To know this game makes us a loser

Has it already been that long

But I remember that song

An eternity has passed

I will not go out without a blast

Like the brilliance of a deadly quasar

This is the need of the hour

But you still remain inside of me

Like a soul wrenching ache

Don’t you see?

It’s not just my heart you break

When you deny and you’re filled with hesitation

You are the ghost of my creation

The sound of my incantations

Even in utter darkness

You shine like a trillion Suns

Why such aloofness?

I come undone

You are the tears that trickle down my cheeks

Am I too meek

To keep mourning the loss of inevitability

You are the constricted breath

Chocking me, strangling me

You are my asphyxiation

A wild desperation

You are my incarceration

My goddamn damnation

You are my sweet torment

Why are you so hellbent?

On destroying the sacredness

Of what we might have had

You are my bitter pleasure

And my absolute treasure

The robber of my soul

Be sure to play this role

To eternal oscillation

Of our existences

They become nothingness

As the void of emptiness

Dances around us

Through vast intergalactic distances

You are my dazzling sunshine

Deliver the sign to tell me you are here

As my psychedelic Jesus

You are my raging tempest

You are my perpetual melancholia

You are my abject paranoia

You are my tempest that blows asunder

You are my broken heart

Scattered into a million smithereens

You are my hallucination

You are my desperation

You are my absolution

You are my dream

You are my nightmare

You are all my memories

You are my wonderland

You are my matrix

You are my Sun and the Moon

You are my storm

As you rage inside of me

I have revolted against myself for you

Are you waiting for me?

Hear me call out to you

As Juliet to Romeo

As the poison turned her blue and cold

Much has been told

And now I am fed up

What will it be?

A cup of coffee or suicide?

I know I have laughed hysterically as I have cried

And now it’s time for the final goodbye.

 

 

http://www.tinaheals.com

More and more come pouring out…

You’re Garbage~

There is a storm in my life

Carve my heart out with a knife

Doomed voices in my head

Of all the things you said

Cut up photographs

Deleted texts never sent

I have been condemned

The agony of this reviled path

Your fruitless words in my breath

Pure noise pollution

Of vile sophistication

My insides are dead

Guts and gore all spread

There is just perpetual dread

I am broken

Even before I have spoken

I lock myself in my mind

What oh what, do I expect to find?

With feverish anticipation

Through numerous incarnations

I wasted time waiting…

Waiting…

For your arrival

But you seem to be written in some other writer’s screenplay.

I don’t want to be a plagiarist

This is the plot twist

You are stolen, You are borrowed

I have to go on without you on this road

Yet…

I cannot escape the images archetypal

They haunt me

Like you have planned my fall

All those wounds I can recall

Leave my mind forever

Exist not there, in error,

Be the rhythm in someone else’s tune.

Your  disastrous memories, all strewn,

All over my mind

Like garbage

A hedonistic carnage

Everything seems lost

I’d shoot up a dose of existential angst!

Stop the promise of those eyes of yours

All they bring is tears

Say something not nothing at all,

Something tangible…

Something surreal…

Something fantastic…

Like a dose of unadulterated acid

You are the protagonist of my plotline.

It’s so written in the great design,

Art imitates life

Or life imitates art.

Will you come alive?

Why do these redundant words come tumbling out?

My lamentations to scream and shout!

They want to shoot out from my being

Like a syringe of heroin

You are my undoing

All is a blur

My destructive shooting star

There is no reality in my plotline

No meaning well defined

It’s all lies

Just waves of dispersed smoke

Imagery they invoke

Of lingering glances

Kundalini stirring dances

Under the moonlight

My empty, meaningless words

Lingering through the doorways

Like convoluted memories in my mind

Leave me in silence

Do not be a hindrance

While I wear my red lipstick

And my little black dress

He waits for me I confess

The man I am about to kiss

Does not know about the stress

Of having your ghost inside of me.

All he wants is my warm body

And my deep kisses.

And I will kiss him back…

That’s the only hack.

And make love to the stranger like you don’t exist.

Or maybe I will slash my wrists…

 

 

 

Thank you…

Just wrote this before going out…

Surprised?

Don’t be…

Venus retro in Scorpio…mmmmmm

Pluto stations direct in my fifth….whoa! The NN. on my Sun opposing Mars/B.M.L

Chiron creeping into my 7th! the soppy 29 degree of Pisces…OHMGODDESS

 

Yes I am a mess, but a glamorous, sexy mess…try me…

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The Magnetic Pull of Your Twinflame~ A case study~

Are twinflames about the same soul incarnating at the same time? Our energetic counter parts? It could be so. Let me share an example. Read from this letter from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

I had heard his name many times, somewhere around 2002 or 2003, I cannot remember. Now it seems so long ago when I saw him back then, by the beach. I don’t know why my heart skipped a beat. I had just broken up with someone, but it was not easy for him to move on from me, so he lingered. I was never happy in that relationship, so I looked for that something special. I think I heard his name before I ever saw him. And then one day shortly our eyes met and we were briefly introduced. I saw him a few time, but we never exchanged a single word. I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I think he kept looking at me every single time our paths crossed. I think he wanted to speak with me as badly as I wanted to. But this never happened. After that I left _ and returned to _. Life continued on and I could not stop thinking about him. This is not my usual style. I never find myself thinking about someone like this. Yes he was cute, but he was not really my type. I was not sure of my type, maybe I still am not. Now my friend calls me for a party and when I reach, I bump into him near the gate. This time, our eyes meet and lock. I am sure his heart began to beat as quickly as mine did. And then he got lost again in the crowd. Finally I saw him and our eyes met again, and no words were needed. I never forgot that moment in history. Nothing more happens. Shortly after this, I meet my now husband, _ and we both decide to revisit that little town where I had fallen in love with a stranger. The ache in my soul as I entered that place almost paralyzed me. His loss was immeasurable. Unquantifiable. But why did I feel so intensely, I repeatedly asked myself. This is not like me. Our times there were lovely, me and my husband bonded greatly and although I could never stop thinking about my perfect stranger, I realized it was a futile endeavor, because he lived miles apart. At this point, I knew nothing of him expect his name. One day, while we are at this bar, suddenly again, I bump into _. It looks like he is back from his country too. Our eyes meet and my heart almost stops beating. I am sure, I felt something similar happen in him. But no words were exchanged and my husband comes up behind me and holds my hands. _ sees this and steps back. That was the last time I saw him. Now cut to 2015, I see him on Facebook. I confess, I have tried to hunt him down. I finally learnt some stuff about him, but we never connected. Till 2015. I added him on Facebook and he okays my request the next day. My heart fluttering in my chest, I visit his profile to realize he is married! Yes, it startles me, not that I was hoping to hook up with him. I just had my baby. But, it felt wonderful to be connected with him on Facebook. Remember, we never spoke, so I still do not know what his voice sounds like. I have imagined it a million times. At least watching his life on Facebook, it felt oddly reassuring. Like somehow I had become a part of his life and he mine. No we never exchanged any likes or loves on FB. It was like he did not exist for me and I did not exist for him. I am not even sure he knows about this connection we have. I know he is my twinflame. Don’t ask me how and what and why. Because I have no rational answers. I love him like crazy and cannot stop thinking about him and having him on my FB is making it super hard for me to function in my normal life. He is miles away and a total stranger and I cannot stop thinking about him. What is going on? Can you help? I have seen visions of us together and when I stare into his pics, I know that he is my twinflame and I have remembered everything. But he has not. He seems happy in his life and relationship, so I have decided to not bother him with my energy field. I have started spiritual chord cutting from him and soon hope to get enough courage to delete him permanently from my Facebook. Not because I do not love him. He is the only human with my core soul frequency and I cannot help but love him totally and unconditionally. I will do so because I love him and in my love, I will let him continue his life’s journey till we meet again. I do not think we will meet in this life. We live on two different continents and we’re both married. Forget all that, we never even spoke. Then why do I feel so strongly about him? Because my heart knows the sound of his heart. Because my hand knows the feels of his skin without ever touching him and my lips know the touch of his lips, without ever kissing. I know I love him and always will. But it has become too painful to have him on my list. Should I delete him and block him? He has his life and I have mine. I know we will never meet, so why prolong this agony. Why not just release all these feelings and release him in the process? IMPOSSIBLE! But…I have intended to do just that…very soon…

What do you make of this letter? Is this woman delusional in her love for this stranger about whom she knows nothing? They have never even exchanged a hello on Facebook after being in each other’s lists for over three years. The stark pain and honesty in this letter moved me beyond words. I wonder…is it possible to fall in love with a stranger and then still remain in love with him after all these years. And here she is not even sure, he is aware of her presence? I mean he is surely is. She is a very beautiful woman, but you know what I mean. He has never tried to initiate contact on FB, after all these years.

I actually suggested that this woman let him be on her list because what difference does it make. She has thousands of friends on her list, so why can’t she just treat him as another name on her list. But upon seeing how difficult it had become for her to know he is on chat but never pings her or speaks with her, I suggested that yes, she delete him. Now, I did tell her that maybe he is shy to comment or like her posts, who knows? But she refused to agree to that. She feels that if he wanted to contact her, he could. Anyway, to cut a long story short…she deletes him…

And now what…let us see…will she forget this crazy connection she has with this stranger? Her love for him is getting stronger and that makes me wonder…what’s this? It is heartbreaking to see…

What do you think can be done?

Now back to my research. Twinflames do not give us the sense of security like a soulmate does. Soulmates are the likely comrades of 3D. Twinflames are like one person in two people. That does not make them identical. In fact, their differences can appear stark, but their core energy signature remains the same. Every time I come across, a probably twinflame relationship, I can tell you if this is for real. How? Because as someone meets their twin, their energetic vibe shifts. You cannot avoid this and for someone who studies psychic energy, I can feel this happening.

Another notable thing about the woman who writes the letter is that she feels unconditional love for this stranger. And isn’t that crazy? She is not some delusional nutjob. In fact, she is a high achiever and is doing extremely well for herself. She is an excellent mother and a great wife. What I mean is that she is no psych-ward inmate, she is just like you and me, yet, she met her twin almost a decade ago and never forgot about him. She loved him with utmost fervor and unconditional love. Even before the days of social media. She never even saw or heard about him online till 2015. This story has really touched me, which is why I decided to share her letter.

Yes, she has deleted him, but she will always love him. I am quite sure of it. No man will ever take his place, because no man caan. And she has not even spoken to him, even once!

Have you ever felt such a strong connection to someone? A pull you cannot explain, and if you answer yes, then maybe, just maybe, that person is your twinflame. Obviously, very few people will continue to love a stranger with such passion after all these years, but even if this feeling goes on for a few months, it is well worth investigating. Especially if you feel a telepathic connection to someone. This can manifest in many ways. When I work with twins, I usually ask them to send signals and work on their telepathy. Some twins even document this telepathic exchange they share and the results are stupendous. There can be color synchronicity. Name synchronicity and numbers. You have to have eyes to look and ears to hear.

You see with the Ascension energies at play right now, there will be many twins who will finally meet in the same space/time continuum. This is for the awakening of the masses. This is for the lightwork they have to do.

This woman’s story highlighted another aspect much discussed in the twinflame community. It is seen that when twins meet, they least expect it and often times it is burdensome to be free to hook up. Most twins meet when they are already in relationships. I know how crazy this sounds, but don’t take my word for it. Look it up and see what the twinflame gurus have to say. Much of their research points to this. Twins never meet when they are in a happy place or if they are content. It is only a spiritual itch that keeps nagging at them, driving them nuts and then finally, boom, they meet.

I called her up today asking her if she had missed having him on her friend’s list, to which she could not stop howling. She was as miserable with him on it than without him there and now she has even blocked him. She did confess that although she had deleted him, she could still not stop thinking about him. And she felt his physical distance disappear when she thought of him. In fact, she could bring him alive in her thoughts. She even touched him, kissed him and made love to him in her mind. For all these years…all this took place in her mind. Were these moments then real? The fact that they took shape in her mind. Can thought be energy? Yes, now we know that by observing an atom we can change its course, so then with intention we can create universes.

Maybe this man is her partner in a parallel universe and she is feeding into that information loop. I often feel that some psychic apparitions I have, are glitches in the system. They are entities from parallel worlds, living their lives, oblivious to their existence as shadow people in our universe. Yes, they terrify us, but what if we terrify them equally so? Who knows what they think of us? Could such emotional attachment be some malfunction in the matrix algorithm? What is this strange magnetic pull she felt for this man? I wish I could interview him to discover if he felt anything at all. But she refuses to allow me to contact him. So I am helpless. I have to let it go.

Maybe they will never meet. Maybe they will meet someday when they bump into each other randomly somewhere. Maybe he loves her as much as she loves him. This broke my heart. What a waste of true twinflame love if this is the case. I do find myself wondering if he is missing her on his friend’s list. Maybe, he will look her up on some other social media, since he is blocked on FB. Maybe they will connect.

I can only speculate…the rest will gradually unfold itself as the days rolls by…will he ever seek her out? Will she ever unblock him and re add him? What will happen?

I will keep you posted…

READ PART 2 HERE

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/the-magnetic-pull-of-your-twinflame-a-case-study/

 

 

You Silenced My Demons

The moment I thought I looked into your eyes,

EVERYTHING was SILENCED.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The pain was forgotten. The smiles were lost and Time stood still.

You Silenced my Demons without ever having met me.

Now that is divine love.

I remember those days and nights I prayed.

I prayed that you find me in this world of seven billion people.

But there was no sign of you.

Not for so many years that I gave up.

I gave up looking for you.

But something persisted.

I knew I needed you because the demons inside were tormenting me daily.

The demons knew of nothing but inflicting pain.

They wanted silence as much as I did.

As much as I do.

But no one and nothing could SILENCE them.

My demons were waiting for you as eagerly as me.

For it is the love in your eyes.

That silenced them.

Even though I know not you or that love.

You are a mystery to me.

Lost in the translation of centuries of separation.

For a brief moment I search you in the skies above.

The sky full of stars tell me that you are waiting as anxiously as me.

The Moon shapeshifts.

I see you smiling.

That smile absolutely melts me.

Your stare evokes such deep feelings of sexual desire and longing,

So deep within my being,

That it leaves me breathless.

Everything is silenced in sweet surrender.

We never met, but I saw it in your eyes.

No I see it in your eyes, even now.

The love you feel, your deep desire for me.

Your desire which is as deep as the waters of the seas.

I wait for the day we will meet.

For that look in your eyes which silenced my demons.

I gave you my truth in so many words.

But you spoke nothing.

You remained silent because the look in your eyes said everything.

I know how much you pray to hold me.

Even though you do not know me.

Even though you have never met me.

But you have felt me deeper and stronger than anybody.

Your desire burns loud and stark.

I do not want to lead you on,

But there is not much left for us here.

There are pangs of sadness and grief.

At our separation.

The demons though have never spoken again.

Since I stared at you in the eyes.

Through the simulation of space and time.

The demons wait too.

They wait eagerly for your arrival.

For one day you will really be in front of me.

And I will wait to hear your speak.

What will you sound like?

What will you speak of?

Our path is difficult, it is raw, it is painful.

I know you will not run away with this pain.

Even if we have never met, you know it is your job to silence my demons.

 

Pisces season is almost here and we are all about to soak into some dreamy love vibes. Pisces is my 7th house of relationships and my Moon is here on the 11th degree, so here is an offering for you. I have been looking for you forever my Beloved…come to me now…

 

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tina@tinaheals.com

An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com