Twinflame Yearning in the RX season~

I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. I’d like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.’ ~~Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

There is a sense of deep, deep, penetrative soul searching love as Mars has gone retro in Aquarius which is my house of relationships from my Leo Sun! And the ruler of my 7th from my Ascendant has gone retro.

There is a deep ache in my pussy that is reverberating from down there all the way to my heart chakra. The Priestess uses her pussy as a radar. The pussy detects twinflame yearning, only if you listen. No amount of making love or no amount of self pleasure can satisfy this craving!

This hunger is Neptune dreaming up impossible dreams of everlasting love and pangs of separation. I guess Neptune retro in my 7th house on my Moon, is a time when my heart craves the most for my twin soul. And so does my pussy and my body!

And this body is entangled with another…far, far away, in another multiverse…

I am searching for that body who carries a part of my soul in his. I told you how twinflames are the same soul. Yes, they are an expression of the sacred union of Shiva/Shakti. The great tantric maithuna!

The CAP FM coming up is in my 5th house of romance from my ascendant as as FMS bring things to light, I want to see what pops up for me as I will be away from my family.

Staring at the full moon from a place of wonder and magick! A place closest to my heart. Tearful longings fill my heart. And I cry…I cry aloud, I cry in silence, I cry alone and I cry with friends…the tears don’t go away. It’s been the blackest day…

And I am forced to think of a love I never had. No matter how much I try to shut him out, the hologram keeps laughing at me. I am helpless. I am powerless and impotent as my body responds to him, so does my mind and what of the soul. He is my soul!

There is someone I want to meet. There is someone I want to hold. There is someone I want to love and it is you! This should be an easy piece to write. The words should flow smoothly, because of my depth of love for you. But maybe, words here cannot do justice!

Every single moment I avoid thinking of you, all I can do is think of you. I don’t know what your name is, but I know when I hear it, it will bring me peace. Blissful, unadulterated peace. A name that will bring a smile to my lips. A name so familiar that it will ring in the very core of my being. A name which resonated within through infinities and eternities!

Memories, memories, memories…they appear in the torturous stormy seas of my mind, but they disappear. All that remains is your smile, like the lighthouse across ravenous destructive waves. Your gleaming light saves me from drowning in the fogs of the abyss.

I know you are as aware of me as I am and maybe while you sit staring at your screen, in your Universe, maybe due to quantum information bleeding into parallel worlds, you see my words appear before you.

You do not know where these words come from, for you have no idea what they mean, but you read on. Why? Because there is something so familiar in these words that makes every pain and every sadness go away.

You are eternally bonded to me, why do you deny it? Are you even aware of this connection? Do you thirst for me?

I think you feel all of this, as much as I do…I feel you crave for my body and soul as much as I do yours and what of my mind? It is as beautiful as yours…

You have looked for me as I have for you, but we have not met, because there is no inter dimensional travel for me yet. Do you want to come to my Universe instead?

Maybe  you’re already trying to figure out how to get to my Universe. Maybe you are devising a time warp machine that will make you cross the dimensional distance and you will come into this multiverse. What unrealistic expectations, I tell you!

Or maybe you don’t exist…more likely the latter…my pussy knows you exist.

So back one more time, due to public demand to speak about Twinflmes. Tada! Now listen to me, I am travelling all the way to a magickal twinflame place called Goa in the next two days.

As La Luna becomes pregnant in Capricorn, the polarity of Cancer, I have been called to be close to the seas. One more time, I will be about to stare at the Goa skies and think of this crazy twinflame connection that I felt once, many, many years ago…

No I am not going for fun and will be going alone. No baby. No husband. Just my work and my solitude and the energy of my twinflame which is all pervasive in Goa. Nothing can stop me from feeling crazy dejavus in that place. It is like he is right there, but I know he is not. Lol!

It’s not possible for my twinflame story to be so easy. What if I see him walking towards me in Vagator? Will he smile? Will he remember me? Will he run to embrace me?

Sometimes I think of what it would be like to meet him. What would I say? Would I feel centered or absolutely ruffled? Would I be articulate? No man has ever made me lose my tongue. No man ever. Maybe he is the only man who can get me tongue tied. And it is not easy to get me tongue tied.

The Hummingbird in Vagator! Part 2, all alone.

Read about Part-1

https://mywritestuffblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/22/the-hummingbird-in-small-vagator/

Walking down the shore, drawing patterns on the beach, smelling the salty seas, thinking of what it would be…if he was here…yes, I wish you were here…you from another frickin’ multiverse.

Couldn’t you just be from this dimension! Talk about complicating stuff!

Maybe, maybe…you are already trying to communicate with me. Maybe through art. The way I like it.

Sometimes I think of you as a painter. Drawing in the canvas of my soul.

Sometimes I see you as a sculptor, capturing my infinite essence in your artwork.

Sometimes, I think of you speaking to me in a tune, crafting the sounds to describe the pain and love in your soul.

I promise to look for them. I know you communicate with me, through psychic energy and sacred sound.

I know you are not in my mind, or are you?

Sometimes, I feel scared that we will never meet in our physical form on earth, but then maybe in death, we shall be united in some way.

Although I hope to meet you in this life. Even if I am seventy and I see you coming, I will know you have come. And I will rest in peace to know I saw your face, even if for a brief moment!

I cannot even write that I knew you were the one since I laid my eyes on you, because till now, I have waited to see your face. Till now I have waited to look into your eyes. I have waited to see if you love me with the same intensity that I do.

I wish we could grow old together, but we won’t. I wish we could read each other’s minds, which we do, but we will never talk about it. We will never see our children, because time and space have conspired to keep us apart.

The best part about this craving I have for you, is that I have no clue what about you I am craving. Is it my soul, now fragmented just wants to seek unification of some sort? And is my body reacting to this connection? My pussy is…there is  stargate in there, waiting to be activated…by you!

Every time the rain drops come crashing down like silver sheets, inundating my consciousness, there is a tune I hear. Or is it a chant? Whatever it is, it reminds me of you. Rain and sunshine, both! How perverse is that!

No man has ever touched my body the way you would, because having the same soul, this body too, is yours. No one can kiss these lips like you do, for they are your own lips and when you look into my eyes, you will feel like you are looking into your own being!

I am your mirror…look at us!

That is the connection I feel to this unnamed energy that I call my twinflame. There is no tangible physical form, but there is energy. Energy which flows from his heart to mine and I think the energy being churned out by the skies above is heightening this connection, this yearning, this impossible fulfillment.

My body aches to be with you, the void in my pussy, impossible to satiate with anything, but you. Every atom of my body is eager to express my love for you in an impossible dance of sacred union. Our bodies enmeshed in an eternal embrace, you pulsating within me, setting every fiber of my being on fire.

No hands can ever worship this body like yours and no one can pleasure me like you.

There is no you. There is no me. There is only the sacred fire of our communion. There is only our love burning bright through the abysmal darkness of creation and destruction.

My all consuming passion drives my creativity, it drives my lust for life, it drives my sense of purpose. It is the anchor of my life, my North Star, the ever present fixture in the mirth of my consciousness.

I know you communicate with me through symbols and archetypes, through birth and death, but now it is time to show yourself…appear and manifest in this Universe…

To someone in some multiverse…

DONATE~

http://www.tinaheals.com

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Notes on #PussyTalks: Sluts and Whores~~

Wow thank you all for the letters and the notes, the memes and the pictures; they made my day just that much brighter. I had retreated into a very deep place, something to do with my natal Pluto, Mars and Venus aspects from where I might never fully return. Astrological work will be coming up shortly as well as more on Sacred sexuality.

Jupiter in Scorpio brought about a wonderful surprise, remember it is on the third house from Ascendant. The house of communication and the energy is Scorpionic with Jupiter amplifying all those attributes. I spoke to a group of empowered Escorts and sex workers who know and love their work. They also love their clients(well most of them).

You might not know, but I have been interacting with escorts, Johns, Dominas, Tops, Bottoms, Crossdressers and many others from the sex industry for very many years. Collecting data and looking through a Uranian filter on such SCORPIONIC ISSUES.

Something about the way women’s sexuality presented itself in society did not do much for my identity as a sexual being. In fact, I told that virginity was something to be saved for your husband. Fuck yes, I remember it. Fuck, everything to do with sex was such a stigma. All the time.

Obviously bad girls like me do not listen and we do what we need to do to experience life in all its awesomeness. How can you leave out sexuality which is at the very crux of human civilisation?

It made no sense that it was so hush-hush. It made no sense why my BFS got so jealous if other men(including their brothers and their best friends) looked at me or spoke to me with excitement. They behaved like I was their possession and it pissed my rebellious spirit off to no end.

In fact, it happened to me recently. I lost an old friend because her husband could not contain his excitement at meeting me! And this is one woman who should have known that I will never be into her man. Even if he was my type. It hurt me tremendously and is a wound I have been carrying for a few months. There I spoke of it…

Such is the place from which Pussy Talks was conceived. I had to discover for myself that I was not alone. I was not the only woman who CRAVED TO CONNECT. I was not the only woman who wanted it uninhibited, raw, deep and fiery.

I knew there were others.

That is when I learnt of the Virgin/Whore archetypes. That is what society has reduced us to. Either we are good little virgins(wives, mothers, sisters) or we are whores(free minded bitches). I may be a wife, but my husband knows very well and loves the fact that he does not own me. I am as free as he is.

I saw girls gossiping amongst themselves every-time someone lost her virginity. There were always the most psychotic, obsessive, desperate-to-accomplish types who held on to their hymens.

It was strange the way they held on to their virginity as a commodity with which they could in some way leverage a better deal.

Not for me. Hahahahahaha! Some even went for hymen transplantation. Such is the saga of human sexuality today.

Working through the sacred slut archetype yesterday with the ladies MADE ME SO EXCITED that I made up my mind to write this post. Every woman has the right to feel this orgasmic bliss that rocks her whole being. It is as much your birthright as it is mine.

Most times, men will not give it to you, so you must learn to give it to yourself till you find the ONE you can merge in sacred union with. Trust me there is someone who will make love to you and stick all the broken parts back together. Dreamy shit…hahahaha!

Anyway girls, your virginity is not a commodity and the first time you make love, keep in mind that even if the person is not your Mr. Right, even then, be PRESENT in the moment. In the NOW. Be there. Smell him, feel him, feel the whole scenario and just experience it. Do not feel upset if it is not what you had in mind. Embrace the reality while knowing that the fantasy might happen, someday.

There is nothing as disturbing as losing your virginity while drunk or drugged. In fact, if you decide to lose your virginity, make sure, you and your beau abstain from alcohol, especially if you are doing YONI PUJA or tantra meditation sex. Remember, this is not Neo-Tantra, so my ideas may differ from what is being sold in the West as Tantra.

I know that to activate your sexual energy, you have to connect with your pussy. It has to be done. My work with women focuses on activating the GODDESS FORM INSIDE EACH OF THEM and the YONI or the PUSSY becomes a direct symbol of the GODDESS.

The ladies I spoke with were working with sexual energy and if they work with the GODDESS FORM, they might find more magick in the work they do. The men will also respond to this energy flux. This might result in lots of kundalini activity.

Although they were pretty adjusted on the surface, yet, some of them failed to really tap into their INNER SACRED SLUT/WHORE and sex work can become healing work if you just understand how to work with the energy and it all begins with INTENT.

Most girl were telling me that they find no time to meditate or do anything spiritual at which I told them and showed them how putting on your daily make up can become a meditation.

They were thrilled I can tell you that.

As Jupiter moves through Scorpio, society will be confronted with FEMALE SEXUALITY like never before.

Believe me, wild sister, man wanted monogamy. You did not. He decided to control you while you were pregnant and had to depend on him. And look now, what has changed. Women’s reproductive rights are a joke.

Women are way more sexual than men and the Courtesans and Sacred Whore of yore knew this. They were SLUTS because unlike the wives they did not belong to any man, but chose to mate with whomever she liked.

No man controlled her, not with money, not with sex and not with children.

She was free to explore her sexuality and in most cases made it a spiritual practice. Women have this inherent wisdom and trust me, talking to sex workers from all over, I can tell you that they are some of the wisest and experienced women, especially if she has successfully drawn on the COURTESAN archetype.

For the Courtesan was a truly accomplished Artist and MUSE, sometimes of really powerful men. She was a Philosopher, a musician, a singer, a confidant, a seductress and even a top in bed and she played all these roles to perfection.

Why are wives sacred of the Courtesan? Like some women are scared of sexually empowered women? These women are your witches, your bitches and your bossy bosses. Don’t you just hate them? Hahahahahaha!

The wife fears the courtesan because the courtesan does not need any man. But the wife does. Remember she is a wife and her whole identity is wrapped around that little concept.

The Courtesan is free from this. She is sexually free, in most cases(if she is smart, lol) then she decides and chooses her lovers and they in turn provide for her. Yes the Courtesan is seen as a FREE and available woman and in most cases vilified, but it was not so in ancient times and it is also imperative to end the stigma behind sex work and prostitutes. They are girls, like you and me.

Escorts and sex workers have to understand SACRED SEXUALITY, because they work with kundalini energy at the very base level and if they manage to rise up in vibration as a collective, then imagine what could happen. Our society could change.

Being in love with somebody and cohabiting with someday- two totally disparate concepts. How can you love someone if you know them intimately? The courtesan provides the allure, the mysterious. Whereas the wife is an open book that the husband mostly ignores because he has read every page. So instead of going through the painful process of reinventing yourself over and over again(spending tons and tons on the way you look and getting stressed AF), wouldn’t it be better if we redefined feminine sexuality.

It is so very important for women as a collective to come together and scream out that- WE RECLAIM OUR SEXUALITY, our reproductive rights…We will decide as well how sex and sexual imagery will be portrayed in media and in society.

Look at the images in front of you…hacked and quartered limbs of women selling you products. The breast will sell you everything, but when it pops out to feed an infant- ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. While breastfeeding my toddler the other day at the airport, I was stunned at how many men stared at my breast, forgetting the fact that they were once babes suckling on their moms.

Look sexual imagery is created for the MALE GAZE. There are no spaces for women to express their sexual preferences, desires, fantasies and the rest. Fuck that, there is really no avenue for women to be sexually empowered. Look around you, wherever you go…the violence on women is apparent and evident.

You cannot hide from it now.

Working through SACRED SEXUALITY and all the archetypes in our consciousness must be a top priority, not just for sex workers, but for all women and men out there.

Men are being fed a garbage diet of misogynistic porn and soon to come, robot sex. Think hard. How will a man handle the idiosyncrasies of a real woman. So men, tune into your sacral chakra. It has a lot of wisdom.

Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus, although they are the cosmic archetypes of masculine and feminine. Both men and women are from Earth and it is time to join together.

A woman is way more sexual than a man. Believe me and please note that the walls of the vagina do not get stretched or loose with sex. In fact the pussy is full of elasticity, the muscles and tissues can expand and contract easily and return to how it used to be.

I have heard so many women bring this up as a lack of interest in the men that I feel like shouting it out from the roofs tops. Google it bitches…check it out. You can start the Kegels later on now.

There is so much bullshit propaganda around female sexuality thatt it has perverted human sexual expression and its freedom. Society never makes women’s sexuality a priority. It is a filter through which a male can masturbate and enjoy. Watch the lesbian porns out there and you will know of what I speak. You already do.

The clothes we are meant to wear. They are so freaking uncomfortable, some of them, yet they serve the purpose of the male gaze. Look at the bikini, it is an elaborate subterfuge to get women exposed so men can stare at them while sitting with their wives. Making the wife insecure and getting her hating on the younger girl. See how it is a vicious cycle. The wife hates the sexually free woman, even though they both stand oppressed in the hands of patriarchy.

Little girls are falling under the trap of hyper sexualisation and that is creating a more perverted scenario where they find it hard to fit in and adhere to set norms of beauty because they are unrealistic.

If women became sexual beings and decided to take matters in their own hands, then things could change. Women can bring about a change in the way society perceives and separates us.

Maybe there can be BALANCE if men and women contribute to the sexual repertoire. It will benefit us as a culture.

Ladies reading this, you need to reclaim the INNER WHORE and trust on your vagina. You have to begin a relationship with it and start to love it. Like your womb.

You can only bring pleasure to your husband if you learn to pleasure yourself and take sex as an artform. If you tap into the COURTESAN archetype, you will see how it shifts your whole energy signature and sexually awakened tigresses are beacons of hope for the rest of the females because we have been so repressed and controlled in that department that we have lost our voices to speak of sexual pleasure. Or wait, people might call you a SLUT/WHORE.

So what?

 

DONATE TO ME AND SUPPORT THIS WORK

I intend to work with escorts, sex workers and others from the sex industry and am available for Talks, Seminars and Discussions. Feel free to book me for such events.

tina@tinaheals.com

An abject Poet’s Love Song

This is from a series of more than a hundred love poems and songs I have composed. It is dedicated to SOMEONE IN SOME MULTIVERSE. So if you are reading…you know what to do…

 

Can you step out of the image I hold of you in my heart?

Stand and face me.

Separate from me.

If you do not, how will I know you exist?

How will I know I exist?

How will I know that your existence is separate from me.

Not a myth of my mind.

If you remain frozen as an image,

How will I hold you in flesh and bones?

How will I feel the taste of your lips?

 

Can you step put of the sonnet I compose in vain?

Show me you exist without my words.

You do not just appear in my words, as a figment of my imagination, do you?

If you remain hidden in the words I write,

Then how will I know this love, this insanity is real?

How will I be sure that my heart writes not in vain?

How will I know that my words do not define you?

And you breathe and sleep, just like any mortal.

If you remain as ideas,

How will I ever concretise your actuality?

 

Can you separate from the tune that plays in my soul?

Without you, the whole tune falls apart.

For you are that one note that glues my composition together.

Without you the tune will make no sense,

But I will know of your existence.

I will know you are the rhythm of the soil my heart,

The frequency that transcends space and time.

Your separation will convince me how important you are in this equation of spiritual truths.

Your disconnection will kill the music of the spheres of my soul.

The harmonic resonance destroyed.

 

But in all calamity,

I will know you exist.

There will be no colour in my canvas.

No words in my vocabulary to pen my love for you,

And no tunes to pulsate the depths of my being.

But I will know that in separation you exist.

 

Do not listen to the ravings of a lunatic poet,

Listen not to the words I sing,

Ignore the pain in my words.

For what do you care about an abject poet’s love song?

 

 

 

 

The story of Hensman Anthony Firingi and Soudamini~~

Anthony Firingi
At a kavigaan

There are love stories and then there are LOVE STORIES. You have heard of Romeo and Juliet right? Two young lovers, star-crossed, die because of unwarranted hate between their families.

But today, I will tell you about a love story that is way more spiritual and revolutionary than Romeo and Juliet. In fact, it is one that has touched such a raw nerve in my heart that I strongly believe I have experienced this first-hand in some way.

The love story that I describe is not of two adolescents, but of two extremely spiritually developed people. They were twinflames here to raise the frequency of the people. But again, their love was destroyed by pure xenophobia, bigotry, racism and hate. This is a love story seldom told and it is now time for people from all over to see the beauty of this union where even the devastating tragedy that followed could not dim or lesson the love involved in any way.

He was born in Portugal in 1786 and came to Bengal with his father who was a merchant. Now before I delve into the story of this young Portuguese musician(he must have been into music because you do not start composing such tunes and sonnets if you were not into it  in some way), let me expose the story of my beloved country circa 1800.

India was the most coveted country that the European powers craved to dominate. The Spanish, the English, the French, the Dutch, the Danes and the Portuguese were all vying for power in respective states. We know how the English managed to drive every one away and pillage, plunder and rape India for over 200 years. That is another story…

Let me set the scene for you. Hensman Anthony, a young lad, came with his father, a Portuguese merchant to trade in the port city of Chandannagar which was called Farashdanga. The Portuguese were on their last legs as they were getting hardcore competition from the Dutch and the French. Eventually the Dutch lost the plot to the French by 1825. The French managed to hold onto India till about the very end, but the British were definitely the undisputed rulers of the subcontinent.

So this young Portuguese lad is anyway on hostile territory where his people and country are on their last legs. He is no powerful English Officer, he is just the son of some Portuguese trader. There is competition and aggression from the other Europeans and from such a turbulent historical period came one of the greatest Shakta tantrics who wrote and sang some of the most moving hymns to the Goddess Kali/Durga.

How is this possible? How did a Portuguese lad learn Bengali? Not in the rudimentary level, but good enough to compose complex and intense poems which he performed in kavigans. Kavigans were literally poetry face off. Two poets would go head-to-head and spout their philosophy and tunes. The crowd would decide who was the more woke guy and they felicitated him.

This tradition of bard-face-offs have been discovered in most societies. It is not a product of Comedy Central. lol. Firstly, Anthony’s father was just a merchant, well to do, maybe…but then again, just a merchant and he must have wanted the young man to follow in his footsteps, not become some freaky bard who sang in Bengali. Like seriously???

But Anthony was more interested to escape into the heart of pastoral Bengal where he would play his lute and listen to the local poets sing passionately to invoke the Goddess.

Something snaps in his brain as he pulls a chillum. He hears the lingering words of the poet Ramprasad’s Shyamasangeet and it tugged at his heart in ways he could not understand. He would spend much of his time with the poets and other yogis he discovered on his travels. He begins to meditate and do sadhana.

Anthony also begins to learn Bengali, a language he falls in love with. Now let me mention here, that Anthony’s Bengali had to be really as good as any literate Bengali poet’s, otherwise he would never be allowed or able to compete, let alone win a kavigan.

Here was a man who learnt a foreign language to the expertise of the local intellectuals. Not only that, he began to compete with them, finally wining his bout most of the times, even with the most famous poet Bholamoira.

Bengali’s are extremely picky about their language and they are never happy with a foreigner being better at it than most of them. Kinda like the French. No one can speak French better than a Frenchman. But when the kundalini awakens, all knowledge becomes available.

Anthony had lived countless lifetimes in the heart of pastoral Bengal and he knew everything about it. The Bengali Brahmins ridiculed him for dressing like them, made fun of his devotion to Kali, teased him about Jesus Christ and the Church, to which he responded by saying, There is no difference in Christ and Kali my brothers…

Hello! Wtf do you say to a man like that? How does a European get here? This is not easy let me remind you. I for one know a woman from London who has lived in Bombay for over thirty years and she can barely say five words of Hindi.

And this is not like learning the language in a University and taking exams, then returning to your country and publishing books from there. Ah what a great Orientalist! Nope. This is no internet certification that now you are a certified Bengali poet.

This was raw, this was life, this was reality. He not only stayed and worked in Bengal, but he excelled at what he did in a foreign country he chose to call home. He lived in Bengal, amidst the Bengali’s and composed some of the most touching Shakta poetry they had ever heard!

And Bengali Brahmins were a closed, snobbish, gated society who considered Europeans mlecchas or untouchables. They would not even let Anthony drink water in their houses. My peeps, this is the situation in which this young man not only awakened his kundalini, but also gave us one of the greatest spiritual love stories to treasure.

I learnt of Firingi Kalibari when I was a child. My grandmother told me and I remember how enchanted I was to listen about a Portuguese man compose these sonnets and poems in Bnegali to the Goddess Kali. It always moved me to tears.

It was much later that I discovered the true greatness of this man. Now back to a history lesson and it is pretty macabre.

In Bengal, we practised some deadly misogynistic rituals….let Wikipedia dose you up.

Sati or suttee is an obsolete funeral custom where a widow immolates herself on her husband’s pyre or commits suicide in another fashion shortly after her husband’s death..~WIKI

My peeps, in less than 1 percent cases, did the woman actually want to commit suicide, but she was forced. By societal constructs, by tradition, by women like her mothers and sisters, enablers of patriarchy themselves. It was coercion. Nothing else.

Sati was ultimately abolished because of Brahmin reformers like RAJA RAMMOHAN ROY, bless his soul as it is his birthday today. Do you see how society has been burning women in different cultures, under different pretences since time immemorial!

Why did Sati even exist you ask? Because these Brahmin women could not find husbands. They were only allowed to marry a Kulin Brahmin of Bengali origin. So me love, because of my surname Mukerji, 300 years ago, I might have been burnt on my dead husband’s pyre. Yes, I am born in a Brahmin family and this is what they have been doing to my mothers, sisters, aunts and grandmothers.

Most of these women were forced to marry a single Brahmin patriarch, because there were no Brahmin men available. Bengali Brahmin aristocratic women were not allowed to even gaze upon a Brahmin, say from UP or Bihar. Forget a European.

My grandmother tells me how some English officers would come to meet her father. The women were never allowed to even glance at a European man. They lived in a different segment of the house anyway called ANDARMAHAL. She told me that there was an Englishman called Robert who really liked her. I think he sent her a letter through her maidservant and of course, all hell broke loose.

Not that my grandmother would have even reciprocated. You see, for them European men were strange creatures whom they did not consider as mates. It was literally that simple.

I am harping on the time-frame so you get a good understanding of how dangerous it was for Anthony to fall in love with a Bengali widow during such turbulent times. This is way more dangerous than the Romeo Juliet saga.

Anthony saves Soudamini from self immolation and takes her to his place. Now after laying the groundwork, I do not need to stress how dangerous an action this is.

Most of the intellectuals are pissed as he is doing so well in his kavigan face-offs. How dare an upstart European sing hymns to the Goddess? How can he have any knowledge of the Goddess? He is a Christians. And then he goes and rescues a Brahmin Bengali woman.

There have been cases of rape and molestation when European men and Indian women have been concerned. But I think this was the first time, in recorded history, a Brahmin woman consensually began to live with a European man openly, not giving a fuck as to what the villagers have to say.

They were twinflames who dedicated their life to awakening the kundalini, practiced tanta and even worked on developing the kali temple together. Their sadhana deeped and gathered a small following. This was no interracial love story of today where any person can get married to anyone as long as it is legal and sanctified by a court.

But here, there was no court, no law to allow a Brahmin widow to remain at the side of her European lover/partner. Their lives were plagued by attacks from the conservatives.

In the kabiyan competitions, Anthony’s rival poets often brought up Soudamini’s name to taunt and ridicule him. It upset him tremendously, but he learnt to take in in his stride.

This was 1830’s or so, it is now 2017 and not much has changed. Even today, in India, you can get attacked if you are in love with a man from a different faith or caste or whatever. I shared a video recently of a Hindu girl attacked by a woman politician for falling in love with a Muslim. So as you see my love, nothing has really changed.

At least they don’t burn us any more openly and call it sati. They would if they could. After all we need to be chaste and if we are truly chaste and not little whores then the fire would not burn us, would it? What Sita had to go through centuries ago, is very much an active wound in our unconscious.

Anthony and Soudamini were blooming in their creative, spiritual love nest they had created. Anthony had composed the AGAMANI SONGS, for which he became noted and this is like synchronicity on steroids because these hymns were written to Goddess Durga as she comes to visit Earth from her heavenly abode.

Guess what my love. That time is now. Goddess Durga or the KUNDALINI has just stirred and she is making her ascent at this time as I type. The Bengali’s celebrate Durga Puja now and it is the most important festival for them.

The Agamani Songs are to be hymned now and I think the spirit of Hensman Anthony is urging me to tell you his story. He wants you too know how much he loved the woman they took from him.

The world is truly cruel.

His wife Saudamini was burnt to death, for being a widow and re-marrying Anthony, who was a foreigner. ~~Wiki

There, that’s what the Brahmin puritanical conservatives did. They burnt her and their ashram while he was away. He may have returned home from one of his biggest wins to see his whole reality and the love of his life burnt to crisp.

Ominous, isn’t it? Soudamini was pregnant.

This is what bigotry does. This is the scope of fanaticism. As we head into the new Era, let us consider this as a cautionary tale. Maybe they took this karma upon themselves to show us what hatred can do. But in this there is a message…

Even after three hundred years, a random blogger/lifecoach finds this story to tell you at this very precise point in time?!? It means that hate did not win. Ultimately it is their love that won. It is their spiritual mission that is still standing as the Firingi Kalibari where millions of Shakta’s go to invoke the kundalini.

Love wins all my Beloved…

Find a man who will love you like Anthony loved Soudamini. Love a man who will go against all establishment to join with you in sacred union. Or else stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I let go…

Today I let go…

I let go of your eyes..

Today I let go…

I let go of your smile.

For those eyes never twinkled for me.

For that smile never flashed for me.

Today I let go…

I let go of the unrealistic expectations I have carried for so long.

Today I let go…

I let go of ever hearing your voice call my name.

Today I let go…

I let go of the futility of my emotions…

Today I let go…

I let go of the craving in my heart for you…

Today I let go…

I let go of the impossible connection I thought we had.

 

We never spoke.

But I know we exchanged a million looks.

We never touched.

But I know exactly how your skin would feel.

We never even met.

But I know from the moment I saw you that you are the ONE for me.

 

This is ridiculous.

This feeling of such abstract love.

A love that never was and never will be.

I thought we had a chance.

But we don’t.

Is it because I held onto the notion of you for so long?

 

Which is why…

Today I let go…

I let go of everything…

 

Tell me…

Is it possible to love someone without ever meeting them?

Is it possible to feel so deeply for a stranger?

For someone with whom you have not even exchanged a greeting?

Is it possible to have such strong love for someone you might have seen in the crowd?

 

I remember the way you looked at me,

That one time in my dreamworld,

When you and me drowned in colours of red.

Embraced each other.

It was just a dream.

It was a moment of retrocausality.

I know you are my future which is why I held onto the past so vehemently.

 

I know that we are one,

Never separated.

Which is why today I let go…

I let go of wanting to be with you,

Because you are and will be, forever with me.

 

tina@tinaheals.com

For someone in some Multiverse

I know somewhere deep within the heart of the cosmos, you and me are in each other’s arms, maybe watching the Helix nebula. I know you are looking at me, like no one ever has and no one ever will, because only your eyes can perceive the depth of my soul. Only  you can understand my beauty the way you do.

I can see the love in your eyes. I can feel the memories of eternities coalesce into time and space, kaleidoscopes of memories flashing, the cacophony of your voices in diverse timelines calling my name, the sound of your laughter. It is all there, in my mind Beloved.

All those memories. All those eternities, they are compressed somewhere in my unconscious. I know we have grown old in each other’s arms a million, billion times. I know we have raised and cared for so many children. I know it. All those memories are buried in this 3D world. My conscious mind barely remembers you.

But somewhere, something has stirred and snippets of memory flood my mind. They refuse to go away. They torture me, they plague me, until I meditate or write or do photography. I have to channel this intensity in art. That is why I have lost myself in art this lifetime beloved.

I know you are there somewhere, in the Universe today. Not by my side and you will not grow old with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I don’t know why. Why is there so much pain for a life never lived? For memories never shared? How is every inch of you so very precious to me? When I have not even touched your body?

I know you irritate me too, and anger me and provoke me. But then I know that you are here to show me parts of my soul. For you are my soul. Is that even possible?

Why do I feel so linked to you? I know I have never met you. At least not consciously. Maybe somehow, somewhere our paths have crossed in this 3D and we probably did not recognise each other. I know I was not spiritually mature enough to identify you. Maybe you managed to identify me?

Maybe we met…maybe we looked at each other across the room. Maybe we passed each other on the beach? In some party?

I have fallen in love, but not the intensity I know I can experience with you. Yes I can love without you, but I don’t want to. I know you will come.

In fact even if you are in another dimension, I know you will find a way to time travel through the warps of time and space. You will come to meet me.

I want to tell you that you have been my muse and I am so thankful for all the creative energy you have sent my way. I can feel your energy, you know, at times. Especially when you think of me. And I know when you are thinking of me, because every fibre of my being can feel that longing from your end. I can feel how badly you want me. I want you as badly, if not more.

You know I am reminded of Keats when he says, My love has made me selfish…not because your love has in any way made me selfish, but because it has done the very opposite. Your love has opened me up to greater love that exists in creation. The love I feel for you is now expressed as love for all.

You are my home. Even if you are stacked away in some other multiverse. Maybe we will meet when our Universes collide and information bleeds into both of them. That is when you and me may come face to face.

Will our timelines collide? Will the hologram direct you to me?

I know I have been waiting…for a very long time for you to come. But you never came and I am not angry with you about that. I understand you are yet not ready to come which is why you have not come. I am not ready obviously as well.

I want to tell you one thing…I am a survivor. I have survived molestation, I have survived the cruel world, I have survived terrible relationships and I am still here.

In fact nothing could break me. I knew of the spiritual world and of you. I knew this 3D world is illusion. Everything here is an illusion, even the rape. This reality is JUST ANOTHER SIMULATION.

Which is why you are probably so far away, in another multiverse, in another timeline. Tell me, are you aware of me? Do you know I exist? Does your soul call out to mine? Does your body crave to be entwined with mine?

I know you know of me, whether consciously or unconsciously is the question. Have you reached that spiritual level of identifying me? I haven’t obviously.

ARE YOU CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF ME?

The thing is, I know of you because when everything turned cold and dead, you existed, as a flame in my heart. I am wild, my Beloved. I am untamed as I roam the earth looking for you.

I have looked for you in many dimensions, through the Bardos, through the Nine Gates of Hell and I am not even sure if I managed to find you there. For I don’t remember when we last met in the physical world.

I just have sudden flashes. Of your eyes. Your smile. Your hair.

Sometimes I am sure I have heard you call my name. I don’t know what name you called me by, but I know you were calling me. Time and again, I have woken up in my sleep, my heart beating ferociously.

I know the time will surely come one day. Do you feel that? Do you feel the urge to meet me? I was not expecting you to show up in this life, but now I so badly hope for that.

You know as I began to type this letter, I knew the futility of this exercise. How will I express myself? How will I explain my love for you? How will I reveal to you what your heart feels for me? For I know when we meet, we will melt away…in each other’s arms.

I am typing this…hoping that our timelines collide and somehow through digital interference you get to read this in your own multiverse. I think if you read it(presuming you are not reading it already), then you might figure out the whole goddamn connection. Maybe in your Universe, there is time travel available. Maybe you can hop into some hi-tech piece of computation and visit me here. Yes here, on my humble Earth.

My Earth may be slightly polluted, but she is very beautiful. When you come, maybe I can take you to Goa. Maybe you have a Goa in your Universe. Wow!

Let me share a quote with you…You are all about me – I seem to breathe you – hear you – feel you in me and of me…Katherine Mansfield wrote that to her lover. In case you don’t know who she is, well…she is probably one of the best short story writers in the world and a feminist icon. She is my favourite and has been my muse for a screenplay I wrote based on her love life. She had a tempestuous love life BTW.

The quote sort of echoes what I feel about you.  How succinctly she puts it…feel you in me and of me…SUBLIME! We are of each other- star dust, my Beloved.

Have you felt like that about someone? Is that someone me? Just ask your heart.

I have visualised us making love. So many, so many times that it drives me nuts to even think about it. This obsession with you has now become all consuming and I cannot stop thinking about you. Sleepless have I become in this 3D illusion, my Beloved.

In a way your love woke me up. From the dense vibrations of this manifestation. It brought with it a subtlety of feeling and emotion and of course creative fire. I have become a poet for you, for your love.

I have become a dancer for the music you play. Tell me Beloved, are you CONSCIOUSLY PLAYING THAT MUSIC? Or are you just as unaware as I am.

You are my nightmare as much as my dream.

You are my smile as much as my scream.

 

Let me end here before I go crazy.

 

 

 

Energy Update~Channelled writing

I have been feeling extremely charged with cosmic energy the last few weeks. The Lionsgate Activation, the NM on my birthday in Leo on the 23rd of July, then the FM on my partner’s sign and now the eclipse on my natal Saturn.

Now forget the astro…

BE MENTALLY ACTIVE AT ALL TIMES NOW.

The Solar flares have been insane and other celestial entities are also vroooming the Earth with massive loads of energy. The spirits, fairies, angels or whatever you call them are out and about.

The retrograde planets are adding to the drama and in two days Merc stations retro and is now in shadow! Fuck! Merc in the shadow period is DEADLY and most mistakes happen now.

Listen my Beloved, the energies will only intensify, so please stay connected to whatever or whoever raises your frequency. This is not the time to be fixated on something or someone that brings down your resonance. This is not the time…

Find your MUSE! This is a creativity overflow- so tap into it. Make love to someone beautiful. Your UNCONSCIOUS is rife with material…use it, help us all. Working with ANIMAL and PLANT SOULS can be sooooo healing right now.

The Activation of this portal made me think of my Lion, my Twinflame and what can I say….such profound memories and vibes penetrated deep in me that I know he feels me too. He knows me and is thinking of me as much as I of him. But probably in another dimension. In another parallel world?

The other day, someone from Russia(another psychic) told me that she thinks my twinflame is reading my writing and that got me thinking…

Maybe I should write an open letter to him. He might read it in another DAUGHTER UNIVERSE. Ha!

Okay now listen…

I was listening to all these NASA audios of the planets and while invoking Saturn, I was listening to the sounds he makes and then suddenly, I lost consciousness. I was in another dimension and I do not remember anything.

But listen…what I discovered is that there is a HUGE AMOUNT OF ENERGY coming from the GALACTIC CENTRE WHERE SATURN IS RETROGRADE.

Of course our SPIRITUAL SUN is illumining the collective consciousness with all these bombardments. My Beloved…

There is no place to hide now…

There is also a BLACK HOLE at the centre of the MILKY WAY and there is so much happening put there that we humans who are like ants to these heavenly giants are also feeling it strongly.

Do you know Andromeda is cannibalising the milky way?

https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/hubble/science/milky-way-collide.html

My SPIRITUAL GUIDES tell me that there is imbalance right now in our neck of the woods(eh cosmos?)

Listen, all energy workers are going crazy, because some of us are really not ready to deal with this type of work. It can drive you crazy.

But this is no time to hide.

Listen…

These intense waves of energy is literally made me feel so tuned in and charged that it is hard to explain in words. I feel so orgasmic, so many times without any sexual stimulation. I know the energy is working all the time. Sexual energy is the very crux of creative power.

Now how can I explain the feeling I have been having since my birthday?

There is a humming I hear at times, sounds a bit like a deep OM. Then there are sudden pressure waves that attack my frontal lobe. Headaches, no I do not think they can be called that….whatever these feelings are, whatever is going on in my brain is stupendous.

Sometimes the process is becoming painful and there is strife. It is easy to provoke me now. I am in a state of nostalgia. I don’t know for what or who.

My THROAT CHAKRA and my SOLAR PLEXUS are supremely active.

And on top of that I began to bleed a day before the Aquarius FM. I always bleed with the cycles of the Moon. And my psychic visions are much more powerful when I bleed.

If the pressure gets too much ground yourself.

Hug a tree.

If nothing else works and you need a friend, pm me.

The frequency is rising and the time is coming…

For twinflames to meet…

Oh and do not get upset by your body…

No matter what happens, love your body. This message is not just for my sisters, it applies to my brothers out there too. Thank your body. Talk to it and show it love. Touch yourself sensually as you would a lover. Learn what makes your body tick, so when you join with your twinflame you know WHAT FEELS RIGHT.

Triggers, triggers, triggers…everywhere…CONFRONT YOUR FEARS. Think of what matters.

Don’t cave in. Don’t succumb. Don’t lose yourself.

There was such a profound sadness I felt during the eclipse. That night I dreamt of the cremation grounds. That night I saw myself sitting alone, in front of the flames and breathing.

Yes there was fear in me, but there was also a calm. Slowly watching the fire dance, I realised that fear and calm had become ONE. The flames were flickering and distorted sounds were coming to my ears. Chants, mantras, voices from my past…

Then I saw Ramnath Aghori baba, who is known to be one of the supremely realised yogis from the NATH AGHORA tradition. He has been guiding my journey since the Maha Kumbh mela of 2010.

Ramnath baba was sitting opposite and in his hands, there was the DUMRU. Yes the dumru of Shiva. I heard the primordial NADA or sound of the dumroo and still now I as I write my body is full of goose bumps.

I saw Baba Ramnath take so many shapes- Gorakhnath, Matsyedranath, Shiva, my father, someone who molested me…his face took on so many identities.

Almost like the FACELESS MEN from GOT! But I just sat and watched him.

I seriously have no recollection of what I felt, but I think the message was clear- ALL IS ONE. This vision made my resolve even stronger. I want to write more about tantra. Explore it for people who might not be scholars or yogis. I have always wanted to get those stories out there.

Now cut back to the story… Staring at Ramnath baba and the flames flickering, the sounds drowning my thoughts…that is when a DARKNESS began to envelope my consciousness…that darkness is KALI.

There is nothing here my Beloved..there is only LOVE.

What else do you seek in this illusion?

The Universe wants to know what love is. But how is consciousness going to know what feeling, touching, kissing, making love feels like?

Consciousness has to create holograms like you and me. Real thinking and feeling holograms….to know love, death, pain, anger, sadness, melancholia, orgasmic bliss and all shades of emotions.

I know this eclipse season something within me has been UNLEASHED. I feel this presence strongly. Sometimes it feels foreign, sometimes it feels like me.

This presence of love, of bliss, of orgasmic ecstasy.

Where have the eclipse energies taken you? What frequency are you vibrating at?

The energy is OFF THE CHARTS and it is available to you My Beloved.

Remember I love you, I believe in you and will always do.

Beloved, I am yours for you are mine. I am in you and you in me. We are ONE!

Like the stars above. They are in us and we in them!

The Schumann Resonance Is Spiking – Mother Earth Is Awakening

A great Awakening has been unfolding on Planet Earth and many people have been able to sense it. In recent years the heart beat of the planet has begun to speed up and the consciousness of humanity is expanding and making way for more awareness.~~Higherdensityblog

Collectively we are raising Gaia’s vibrations as we lay the foundations of a new age- of love…love…love…

Let us CO-CREATE our SAGA OF LOVE.