No wise words escape my lips,
No sigh heaves from my foolish heart,
The inner sanctum sanctorum lies hollow and numb.
Is it because I’m made to think we’re apart?
Loneliness and togetherness,
Because antonyms were meant to be isolated in company,
Such a useless thought forms in my head.
As I remember the moments of my childhood, the moments of togetherness.
Isolated I feel, from the innocent days of my life.
What of loneliness?
My friend, my constant companion after losing you,
Even though we seldom met over the years,
The child you knew as Tina lives even now in 77, Hazra Road,
And still sleeps right next to you,
Listening to the stories you tell in the musky afternoons, as you diligently chew your paan.
Sunlight streams through the kharkhari.
Your breath smells of jorda and elach,
The keys you tie to you anchol jingles melodiously,
The kot-kot of the janti as you neatly dice the supuri,
The delectable mihidana from Deshbondhu you serve during kumari pujo,
Yes, they’re all happening, right now and this beautiful play will continue so….
Does not the Sun rise in the sky today?
Does not the Monsoon winds whiplash my soul?
Does not the full moon shine through my window?
Everything just goes on, that’s what they say!
Yet, there is a slight difference,
Today you are no more present to witness the Sun, the stars and the Moon.
Today you are one with them, as it’s supposed to be in the truest sense.
Today you shine through the Sun.
When I look at it, it’s your smile I see,
Today you are the song in the wind,
I can hear you, “Modhur amar mayer hashi, chander mukher jhore, make mone pore amar, makey mone pore,
As you swing, your hair flying back and forth.
Today you are the glimmer in the full moon, the light that silences my turbulent mind.
The ray of hope that this is just a beginning and not an ending!
No you are not gone, you never can go, don’t you see,
You will exist forever in my memories and there you shall be,
How can I shed a tear, when you are my tears?
How can I cry muffled in my sleep?
I will always feel you, know you’re there,
Like the friend you were,
Speaking to me and collaborating in this saga of existence.
Foolish is the pain in my heart, that stabs to think I can never hold you,
For hold you I always shall, at the very bottom of my heart,
Those days will forever echo in the fabric of space and time,
When you were here and you were mine!
Think not for a second that you can forget me in your Devachanic bliss,
For I will be there in those moments, never can I miss
That affectionate touch,
That care in your voice,
The laughter in your eyes,
They will always remind me, inspire me,
To tread on the spiritual path,
Discriminate the truth from the lies.
Oh kriya yogi!
There were excruciating moments,
Which you had to face,
Nay, they were blessings in disguise,
The rapture in the agony,
The ananda in the pain is what your gurudeva made you feel.
For suffer, we all must in the mire of samsara,
The pain did not last long, nor did the mockery of old age,
When the physical body begins to decay and fail,
But are you the physical body, I mean were you?
Were you not so much more?
Can you ever disappear from my life?
In this incarnation, you were my grandmother,
But who knows what of the previous millions that we have shared together?
And the millions (infinite more likely) that are yet to come?
How many roles have you played in my life for me to hold you so very dear?
How many masks and costumes have you donned to guide me through this mire?
I shall not keen today, nor shall I waste a tear,
For I know you are with me, right here,
You are safe and sound, in the very bosom of Sanyal Mahasaya,
Who happens to be dear to me too and I shall never forget his eyes,
The lotus feet of his that you always mentioned,
Will remain embedded in my psyche till Mahapralaya,
A celebration of life it will be today,
The love you have given will be what we remember and cherish always.
A life of virtue, a life of dedication, to one and all,
I prostrate at your feet for all the love, blessings and depth of emotion I have felt at your presence.
Never will you be forgotten, I promise,
Not even when I am dead and gone,
For your stories of compassion, service and wisdom,
Will be narrated by my daughter, granddaughter and their progeny!
Yes you will be the eternal spark of flame in my atman,
Farewell shokhi, (dear friend) today you are whole,
Self existent in Brahman,
You are sadchidananda incarnate, the soul of souls.